Rachel blinked in disbelief. "A delay?"
"Yes. I was hoping to finish today, but I couldn't quite wind things up. I booked a flight for tomorrow evening. I should get in about ten. Could you stay one more night?"
"Johathon, we had a deal. I've got things to do tomorrow."
Jonathon felt trapped. He hated causing her inconvenience. Yet, to run out now would put any chance of promotion as well as his job in serious jeopardy.
She heard him sigh. "I know. I'm sorry. This is an important client."
"What about my work? It's important too."
"Ricky goes to school at eight and you don't have to pick him up from day care until six. It's just one evening. I'll be home tomorrow. I promise."
She looked down at Ricky's upturned face. He was frowning. She knew from her tone, he guessed something was amiss. For his sake she wouldn't push the point, at least, not now.
"One night."
"That's all I need. Thanks. May I talk to Ricky?"
She handed Ricky the phone, hardly listening as he prattled on about their day. Her heart ached with disappointment. All of her plans for the evening had fallen in a heap. Resentment filled her heart. What was Jonathon thinking to use her so? She would have to be careful Ricky didn’t see how she felt.
Yet, when Ricky hung up, she saw he was watching her. "Are you mad my dad isn't coming home tonight?"
His dark eyes were serious.
"I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to having him come home. You were, too, weren't you?"
He nodded.
"I tell you what. I'll pick you up tomorrow from day care and we'll get some pizza. Then you can come to the office until I finish work. You can pack some toys tonight to bring. Then after work, we'll come here and wait for your dad. Okay?"
"Okay." He still sounded uncertain.
"Want to help me finish cooking?"
"What are we having?"
"Meatloaf, potatoes, and green beans."
"Could we have pizza, instead?"
"Not tonight, pal. I already have the meatloaf cooking."
He helped mix the potatoes, but ate little supper. She suspected meatloaf was not his favorite meal. Finding her appetite dampened by the disappointment of Jonathon's absence, she cleared the table, wrapped the food and stored it in the refrigerator. At least Jonathon would have a home cooked meal waiting when he returned.
After Ricky bathed and brushed his teeth, she came to tuck him in. "I have a prayer tonight," he said.
She smiled. "Would you like me to listen?"
"Okay." He turned earnestly heavenward. "Please bless Miss Ashworth for taking care of me and please make Daddy come home. Forgive me for being bad and telling lies. Amen."
He looked at Rachel. "Grandma told me to tell lies about how I got hurt. Is God mad at me for lying?"
"No, Ricky. God isn't mad. He understands how scared you were." She kissed him lightly on the head. "You go to sleep, okay."
He snuggled into his covers while she plodded downstairs to make lesson plans. In the morning, she would drop him off at school, and then go by her place for a shower and fresh clothes. After her afternoon appointments, she would pick him up for a quick supper before the evening appointments began.
She dropped onto the couch and stared into space. Tomorrow promised to be a hectic day. She hoped there were no calls from Nina to disrupt the evening.
She was relieved when the night passed uneventfully and they began their morning routine with sunshine streaming through the cracks in the blinds.
After dropping Ricky at school, she became so involved in her day she forgot about the trio of Jonathon, Ricky and Nina until she picked Ricky up for supper.
After the promised pizza, he did his homework, and then played in the back room of the learning center until time to close. At last, they gathered his work and toys and headed home.
At bedtime, she read him a story and listened to his prayers. "If you're still awake, you can see your dad when he gets home."
She checked on him a half-hour later and found him sound asleep. Restless, she browsed through the upstairs library. The law books did not interest her. She settled on a Western, the only choice of fiction.
She settled downstairs to read, but found it hard to concentrate. She should to be at home. A stack of laundry needed ironing and another stack needed to be washed. She hadn't collected her mail since Friday and she had several bills that were coming due.
In frustration, she glanced at her watch. It was nine-o'clock. He should be home soon. A noise at the top of the stairs drew her attention. She was startled to see Ricky staring down like a sleepy-eyed ghost. "Grandma's calling me."
"What?" She started toward the child.
"I could hear Grandma. She's calling me."
"You must have been dreaming, honey. Your Grandma isn't here."
She put her arm around him to walk him back to his room.
"I wasn't dreaming. I woke up 'cause she was calling me. I saw her in the window."
A chill tingled up Rachel's spine. She paused at the doorway to his room. "Wait here."
She forced herself into the dark room, heart pounding as she neared the window. She peered out cautiously, half-expecting to see Nina's face. She found no one there. Had Ricky been dreaming? She moved closer, looking down to the ground, and caught her breath when she saw a ladder extended to the window.
She turned to Ricky who was waiting in the doorway. "Do you keep a ladder at your window?"
"Dad keeps one on the ground behind the bushes in case there's a fire and he needs to get to me."
She peered into the night. She was convinced now that Nina had been there. Perhaps she was still lurking in the night, waiting for another chance.
After checking the window lock, she turned to Ricky. "She's gone. You did the right thing to come and tell me. You go back to bed. I'm going to make a quick call and then I'll stay in your room until your Dad gets home."
She put in a call to the police. Their promise to send a car eased her taut nerves. If Nina were still skulking about, they would find her.
Jogging back upstairs she checked on Ricky. He had gone back to sleep. She did not see Nina at the window or in the yard below.
When the officers arrived, she told them what had happened. Afterwards, they reported no sign of Nina. "She must have left when the little boy came downstairs."
Rachel thanked them for coming and then padded upstairs to assure herself Ricky was safe. She paced his room, remembering the threatening phone call. What was Nina planning to do if Ricky had unlocked his window?
The front door opened and she heard Jonathon call out softly, "Hey, honey, I'm home."
She rushed to the stairs. Without acknowledging his greeting, she said, "Do you realize the police were here a little while ago?"
His smile faded. "Why?"
"Nina used a ladder to climb to Ricky's window. She called to him to open it. When he came to get me, she left."
"And you called the police?"
She clenched her jaw as fear and anger mingled with fatigue. "Of course I called the police. She's dangerous. She called the first night you were gone, too. She thought I was here with you and threatened to get even with us. You need to take this seriously. She's a very disturbed woman."
He rubbed his chin as he set down his briefcase. His expression of eager greeting had changed to weariness. "I think you're making too much of this. She probably just wanted to see Ricky. I'll put the ladder in the garage so she can't do it again.
"You weren't here. You were too busy being gone to hear the way she sounded on the phone."
"Is that really it? Are you angry I was gone an extra day? I told you I was sorry. I couldn't help it."
He rubbed his forehead. He was tired, much too tired to deal with hysterics.
"You could help it. You could tell them there's been a change in your personal situation and you need a position where you don't travel all the time. But you won't do that. You'd rather use me so you can still be Mr. Important. Well, you're not going to do it again."
Between Terri's plans to leave and Jonathon using her as a babysitter, she might not have a job at all soon. Who would care? Neither of them.
"Did it hurt you so much, Rachel? Did it ruin your business to keep Ricky one extra afternoon? I don't think so. It just didn't fit neatly into your plans. You haven't changed. Your schedule is still more important to you than anything else.”
"How dare you accuse me of that? You're the one who doesn't have time for him. Everything that has happened to him is your fault. If you'd been around him more, you would have known what was happening. You don't have time for anyone but yourself. Don't expect me to bail you out again."
His jaw clenched, tightening the lines along his cheekbones. He reminded himself of all the years he had worked to become someone she could admire. Now it seemed he could do nothing to please her. In anger he lashed out, "I wasn't trying to use you. Plans were made that I couldn't change. I thought you wouldn't mind helping me out. I'm sorry if you did. "
"Are you really? You weren't sorry enough to come back on time. You treated me like hired help when you told me I'd need to keep Ricky another day. You didn't care how that affected my job because you think your job is much more important."
She used her words as a dagger, enjoying the momentary shock in his eyes. Her angry thoughts were whirled like a cyclone. Somewhere deep in her mind, she knew she was spinning out of control. She didn't care. It served him right. He deserved to pay for all the pain he had caused- from the time he had abandoned her so long ago, to the hurtful words he had just spoken. He deserved to hurt, just as he had hurt her.
She grabbed her purse from the coffee table. "I'm leaving."
He scowled, feeling totally betrayed. "Don't worry. I won't ask any more favors of you." His tone added ice to the frost between them. Without a backward glance, she let herself out and jogged to her car.
He was an ungrateful boor, thinking he could treat her any way he chose. He'd find out differently. She'd gotten along without him for the last ten years. She could do it again.
She could, but she soon found it wouldn't be easy. Despite her determination not to suffer twice over this man, she could not hold back the tears when she reached her apartment. They flowed freely as she stood in the shower. Though her body was soon clean, she could not so easily wash away the pain in her heart.
As the dark hours of night crept by, she slept restlessly, relieved to finally rise at dawn to complete some neglected chores. Later, as she put fresh sheets on the bed, she jumped at the sound of the phone. It was surely Jonathon. Perhaps his night had been as miserable as her own. If he were to apologize for what he had said, and promise things would be different, what would she say?
Her heart sank. It was Terri. "What time are you coming in? I want to talk to you before we get busy."
"I planned to be there about ten. Is something wrong?"
"No. Yes. Well...it's hard to say. I just need to talk to you. Have you had breakfast?"
"No."
"How about if I come by in a half-hour with some bagels and cream cheese?"
"Okay. But can't you tell me a little of what this is about?"
"I think it would be better if we wait until I get there."
Reluctantly agreeing, she hung up and waited for Terri to appear with a bag of bagels and pack of cream cheese. Rachel supplied coffee and they sat down to talk.
"Remember how I told you it might be too far for me to keep driving to work once Eric and I were married?"
Rachel nodded.
"Well, it looks like it will be a little farther than I thought. I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. Yet Eric's been looking for a new job. He applied for a position at an aerospace company in Seattle and got it. He'll make twenty-five percent more than he's making here. Can you believe it?" Her eyes were shining.
Rachel tried to comprehend what this would mean. The marriage was in early June, only two months away. "Are you moving before the wedding?"
"No. He has three weeks of vacation he wants to take before he starts the new job. So, he's taking two before the wedding and one after. We're going to fly out next weekend and look for an apartment. We're getting rid of most of our stuff and having the rest shipped. We're going straight to Seattle after the honeymoon."
Rachel stared at the bagel, her appetite gone. She was torn between a sincere desire for Terri's happiness and her knowledge that dissolving the partnership would draw out too much cash to stay afloat. With no personal fortune to fall back on, she would be forced to close the center.
They were silent a moment until Terri said, "I know we're partners and I really treasure your friendship, but I can't stand the thought of holding Eric back by asking him to stay here. What can I do?" Her eyes pled for understanding.
Rachel smiled. "You go. I have to admit I'm concerned about being able to buy your share without liquidating. We're barely making ends meet as it is."
The knot that had formed in her stomach grew. All the years she'd been teaching, she had dreamed of opening this center. She and Terri had saved money from their modest salaries until they could make it a reality. They had begun together, renting the office, buying resources, and building clients. How bitter it would be to give it all up.
As though reading her thoughts, Terri hurried to explain, "I don't want my marriage to force you to close the center. I know how much it means to you. I won't need the money right away. We'll have his salary and I'll probably start teaching again. You can pay me back when you find another partner."
"That may be awhile."
"That's okay. I can wait. Now eat that bagel you've been holding. Everything will work out. You'll see."
Rachel tried to force herself into a cheerful mood as they discussed Terri's wedding plans. Terri, carried on a tide of euphoria, did most of the talking.
When Terri headed to the center, Rachel sat alone in her quiet apartment wondering what she would do. She couldn't ruin Terri's joy by sharing the reality of the situation. Unless she found another teacher to replace Terri soon, the client load would be cut in half. With only half the income coming in, she couldn't hope to make ends meet.
Despondent, she set the mugs to soak and finished her chores. On the way to the learning center, she reminded herself to take one day at a time. "Give us this day our daily bread," she quoted. She had bread for today. She would have to trust for tomorrow. She forced herself to be cheerful as she tutored her young students.
By Wednesday, she was in a gloomy mood and her nerves were raw. Would Jonathon bother to bring his son to be tutored? She had her answer when four o'clock arrived with no sign of Ricky. Fuming that Jonathon had not even called to cancel, she decided to do something with the vacant time.
She phoned Paula Jeffries at the school. "Ricky missed his session. Was he at school today?"
"Yes, he was. Is everything okay? I've noticed he's been going to day care and we've been told not to release him to his grandmother."
She brought Paula up to date on the horrors of the last few days. Now that they knew each other, she found she could talk to her quite easily.
"That poor child," Paula exclaimed. "It's such a shame what some children go through."
"Is he doing okay getting along with the other kids?"
"He's doing fine, now. He had a lot of trouble at first, being new and having such a problem with his behavior. You've done wonders for him, you know. If you hadn't caught his attention deficit, he would have had a tough time this year."
"You would have caught it in time."
"I don't know. I never believed much in attention deficits until you showed me how much Ricky could be helped. I've been talking to our principal about having a presentation about the disorder at our district in-service two weeks from today. Would you be willing to do it? You would have about an hour in the morning. There is a small honorarium, forty dollars, I believe."
She considered the opportunity. The thought of standing in front of a room full of teachers filled her with anxiety. Yet, who would do it if she did not? Someone had to make sure children like Ricky didn't fall through the cracks. Taking a deep breath, she heard herself agree.
"I'd be glad to."
"Great. We'll schedule you in. I'll get back to you with the details."
They hung up and she tried to organize for her next appointment. Yet her mind was on the in-service. Two weeks wasn't long to prepare. She would have to gather facts and anonymous case histories. She could begin in the morning.
The next few days, she tried to concentrate on matters at work. As the weekend drew near, she found it impossible to ignore the pain of Jonathon's absence. Worst of all was the knowledge that it had happened because she had objected to being used for his purpose. Was that what this was all about? Was that all she had meant?
She prepared the Palm Sunday lesson with a heavy heart.
On the way to church, she prayed for a lifting of the burdens that oppressed her. Where would her answer come to find another partner for the learning center? And how would she heal the hole in her heart left by Jonathon's absence?
She parked in the lot and ambled into the building, smiling as she exchanged greetings with familiar faces. The contradiction between her outward cheerfulness and inward misery made her feel like a hypocrite.
As they sang the opening hymn, Jonathon slipped into the room. She swallowed hard as their eyes met. His cool regard caused her hands to shake as she took the podium. Trying to ignore his presence, she concentrated on the wrinkled faces on the front row.
When class ended, she collected her notes and prepared to leave. Before she could hurry out the door, he stepped into her path. "I hope you don't mind that I came today. I wanted to hear the rest of the lesson."
She looked up. "Of course I don't mind. I'm glad you're getting so much out of it."
He forced a smile but there was disappointment in his eyes. "I better get Ricky. It was good to see you."
She nodded. "Tell him "hi". I missed him last Wednesday."
"I'm sorry. Without Nina, I don't have any way to get him to the center." Jonathon's heart felt heavy, caught between work demands and Rachel's expectations.
She closed her lips tightly, biting back the words she wanted to say. Nonetheless, they raced into her mind, causing her to face to flush with irritation. Was it too much for him to take off early one afternoon to bring Ricky? Was it asking too much to call if he were not going to come?
She looked him squarely in the eye. "It's okay. He's doing much better. He probably doesn't need me anymore. I'll fill his spot with someone else."
She brushed past, hearing him murmur, "I'm sure you will."
She took refuge in the restroom to collect her composure. Taking her time, she smoothed her hair and straightened her skirt. She emerged, at last, and sat on the opposite side of the sanctuary, pretending not to see Ricky's puzzled glances. She would leave it to Jonathon to explain why they no longer sat together.
On Monday, she was working on notes for the in-service when Terri popped in. "How's it going?"
"Fine. At least I have an idea now of what I want to say." She hadn't bothered to tell Terri about her problems with Jonathon, and Terri was too full of pre-wedding excitement to notice anything amiss.
Terri sank into a small chair beside her. "You think we could reschedule our appointments for Friday night? Some of Eric's friends from work are giving us a good-by party. No gifts. We don't want anything else to pack. Just memories. Since we're having such a small, family wedding, we want to be with our friends one last time. I'd really like you to come."
She bit her lip, fighting back her initial response. Terri could party all she liked. She would be leaving town soon and leaving the burden of keeping the business financially afloat. Rescheduling appointments was always a chore and some clients would skip a week rather than pick a new time. The center would lose money, money they needed badly.
Yet she knew the price of venting her frustrations would be high. To express her annoyance would not change events. It would only poison their friendship.
"I'll see what I can do about rescheduling."
She handed Rachel a map. "Good. Here are the directions to the house where they're having the party."
"Thanks. It won't be easy to tell you bye."
Terri's eyes welled with tears. "It won't be easy to go. We've had some good times here. I'll miss helping you build up this center. But I know you'll keep it going. You're smart and persistent and you'll make it a success."
Terri left to tackle her own avalanche of work and Rachel was glad for the impulse which had sealed her lips. Harsh words would not have changed the future. They would only have hurt a good friend.
On Friday, Terri went home early to dress for the party, leaving Rachel to close up the center. Terri had been in high spirits all day. Rachel wished it had been catching. She struggled against a deep loneliness which seemed to surround her. She felt adrift, abandoned by the people to whom she was close. She reminded herself she was not to put her trust in human relationships, but rather in God. That gave her comfort as she locked the door.
She pulled from the parking spot only to have her old car give a spasmodic lunge and die. It had been running rough for several days while she ignored it, hoping it was nothing serious. She tried to start it and found that ignoring the problem was not going to get her home tonight.
She called a towing service to take her car to a local garage. The mechanic had gone home and wouldn't be able to get to the car until Saturday afternoon. Taking pity on her situation, one of the station attendants gave her a ride to her apartment.
She hurried inside and took stock of her predicament. Terri would have left for the party by now. She would worry if Rachel didn't show up. There was only one thing to do. She called a cab for a ride to the stately brick home.
Cars were parked along the street and up the circular drive. The party was in full swing. Her head was pounding and she was in no mood to make small talk with strangers. She was greeted by the host and swept toward a table laden with refreshments. There, her eyes met a familiar face.
A hot flush crept across her cheeks at the unexpected meeting. She perused the table, trying to ignore Jonathon, poised at the other end. He was dressed in casual clothes, shirt open at the throat. When he circled around beside her, she asked, “What are you doing here?”
"Terri referred my company to Eric's, remember? I've gotten to know quite a few of the guys, including Eric."
He studied her. "You look frazzled. Let's sit over here." He nodded to a free spot on a couch.
When they were seated, he asked, "You doing okay?"
She nodded. "How's Ricky?"
"Fine. He misses you."
"Who's with him tonight?"
"My secretary's sister. She's a college student. She can use extra money. Her classes work out so she can sit evenings and weekends when I'm out of town."
"Sounds perfect."
He gave her a quick look, wondering if she really thought anything was perfect without her. "It's not perfect, but it works."
She nibbled a sandwich and wished the evening were over. It was hard to make small talk with a man whom she'd given her heart, especially when they were reduced to casual acquaintances at a party.
His voice grew low. "I've wanted to call you all week. I didn't know if you wanted me to call."
She met his eyes. They were searching. She longed to tell him how much she had wanted that call, how her heart had leapt every time the phone rang.
"I would have talked to you, if that's what you mean."
His lips parted in a slight smile. "That's a start anyway."
Before she could reply, Terri waltzed up with Eric on her arm. "Now here's a handsome couple." She nodded in their direction, smiling brightly. "I've been looking for you. Where have you been?"
Rachel grimaced. "Car trouble. I guess I've been ignoring the rattles too long. I had to get it towed to the shop."
Terri's eyebrows rose. "I wish I'd known before I left. How did you get here?"
"I called a cab."
"Do you have a ride back?" Terri’s eyes roved between Jonathon and Rachel.
"I can drop you off," Jonathon said. "When will your car be done?"
"I don't know. The mechanic can’t start on it until Saturday."
"I'll give you a ride to work tomorrow," Terri offered.
"Thanks. It looks like I'm all taken care of."
Her smile felt strained.
Eric and Terri settled on the floor beside the couch and talked about their plans. They were excited about the move to Seattle. Eric was relieved it was official and he could talk about it freely in front of his colleagues. As well-wishers joined the group, the conversation grew lively.
It was nearly eleven o'clock when the party began to break up. Feeling the fatigue of the day, Rachel said, "I'm going to have to head home."
As Jonathon rose, she said, "I really can call a cab."
"I don't want you to call a cab." He grasped her elbow lightly as they departed.
Neither spoke as they walked into the humid night. When they were seated in the car, Jonathon hesitated a moment before he turned the key. "I came tonight because I was sure you would be here. I wanted to see you again, to talk to you. I didn’t think you would ignore me in front of a crowd."
She straightened her skirt. "It seems you were right."
"I've been thinking about our fight. I was tired that night and I know you were, too. I never should have asked you to keep Ricky. I just didn't know who else to turn to. I've got it worked out so I won't have to ask you again. Could we forget that night and start over? I've really missed you."
She looked into his eyes and read the longing that dwelt in his heart. It was comforting to realize he had been as miserable as she had been.
Feeling the dam of misery break, she stammered, "It's not that I minded helping you, it's just that I can't work and watch Ricky. On top of all that, I was scared when Nina called, and then, she showed up..." she hesitated and admitted the truth. "I want you to love me for me, not just need me to take care of Ricky."
"I have someone to take care of Ricky. Yet, here I am at a party just so I can talk to you." His voice was soft, reassuring like balm on an open wound.
Feeling joy flow into her veins, she said, "I'd like to start over. I've missed you and I've missed Ricky."
"Then let's do it. Can we pick you up for church on Sunday?"
"I'd appreciate that. I probably won't have my car. I didn't need it to break down right now."
He drove to the apartment and shut off the engine. "Terri said you might be in financial trouble unless you find a new partner. I'd like to be that partner."
She smiled, touched by his desire to help her. "I don't think you have much qualification as a teacher."
"I wasn't planning on teaching. I'll lend you the money for month to month expenses until you find a partner. You can pay me back from the profits when business picks up. In the meantime, I could use a tax write off."
"I appreciate it, but I can't let you do that. Terri and I built this business. We built it from our savings and our own hard work. We don't owe anybody anything and I want to keep it that way."
He struggled against the thought that she might disdain the money he offered from a job of which she so often disapproved. It was hard earned money and her dismissal stung him.
She saw a flicker of hurt in his dark eyes as he said, "It's good to be independent. Yet it appears you've built a wall around yourself. You won't let anyone get close enough to help you. And that's all I want to do. I want to make sure you don't lose your business. I know how important it is to you."
She felt stung by the criticism. "Then you'll have to understand there are some things I have to do by myself. I can't let you come in and solve my business problems."
He nodded. "Just think about it some more. We could draw it up legally. It could sound as impersonal as you like."
She bit her lip. She could think of no better way to explain her feelings to him. She did not want to be beholding to Jonathon Parker. If they were going to have a chance for a relationship, it would be as equals, not with her feeling she owed him something.
"I better go in," she said softly. "Thanks for the ride."
She retreated into her apartment, leaving his offer behind. She wouldn't think about it, couldn't think about it. Leaning on him was too dangerous. If she allowed herself to become indebted, she would feel obligated to accept without complaint whatever he chose to dish out. And that was something she wouldn't do.