Ch25
I don’t care about my death tomorrow anymore. The only thing that bothers me is Sara. Oh, why did John go to my house and kill Boldo? If I took Boldo’s offer to become old again, none of this would have happened. Everything became chaos. Has Sara read my letter by now? I pull out my cell phone, but I cannot turn it on. I am so afraid to know how Sara reacted. I am a liar. She never liked a liar. I exhale. Soon the airplane will land, and I can finish my life here. Boldo told me that there would be no pain when I die. I hope that is true. I look outside of the window from the airplane. It is white. All I can see is white clouds. After I die, and if I see the white world, it would be heaven. If I see burning fire, it would be hell, or maybe there would be some other places for people who are in between.
People will find my body soon. I wonder how other people will react to my death. Would anybody be sad for my death? Will there be a funeral and if there is, would Sara come? I used to wish that she could remember me, but now I hope she forgets about everything. Anything about me would be just a nightmare to her.
-R-
Robert checked in to a small hotel. The day was still bright around 5 pm. After Robert got in his room, he saw the beach outside of the window. He imagined this moment many times. The end of his life. He sat down on the bed. Silence filled the room. He checked the tattoos and they were only two left and one was starting to disappear. He exhaled.
So I am here. How should I do this? Just sleep here and die while I am sleeping or should I go somewhere nobody ever comes? Thinking about dying alone in an empty room brought his depression back. He felt deep sorrow. He took off his glasses and wiped away his tears. Robert started crying loudly. He cried for a while and finally fell asleep. When he woke up, it was 10 am. He realized he had slept for a whole afternoon and night. He scoffed because he could not believe that he spent the whole day sleeping.
This is dumb. Now I only got a day left. He slowly stood up and walked to the balcony. There were many people outside enjoying the beautiful weather.
Robert went down to eat breakfast. There were not many people in the restaurant. He ordered his breakfast and orange juice. He put out his cell phone while he was waiting for the food. He wondered if anybody would call him. Robert was afraid of listening to Sara criticizing him.
But I had to check it before I die anyway… The waitress brought his breakfast. He took a sip of orange juice, and turned his cell phone on nervously, and there was nothing. No one ever texted or left a message for Robert. Robert was a little bit bummed out.
Nobody looked for me. What about Sara? Had she read the letter? She must not believe it. He turned on his old phone, and there was nothing either. He felt very disappointed.
But what was I expecting? Robert left the restaurant and walked along the beach. There were many people everywhere and it was nothing like he expected. He wanted a quiet place. He felt tired after a long time of walking and sat down on the sand. He was still bummed out how no one looked for him. He thought about walking into the ocean, but he thought there would be a better way to finish his last day. He checked his cell phone, and pulled out the battery and put it back in. He wanted to believe that he did not get anything from Sara because the phone was not working properly. However, there was nothing. He closed his eyes and imagined that Sara remembered what he told her about the beach and came here to see him. She might say, Oh, Joe, I knew you would be here. I forgive you. I will stay next to you. Then he could die next to her knowing that she was not mad at him. How happy that would be! Robert sighed. He stared at the phone screen.
“Maybe she never loved me…” Robert said to himself. Robert lied down. This is boring. He turned on his Facebook app. He was wondering if there was anything on Facebook. As soon as he saw his newsfeed, he saw what Michelle wrote on Sara’s page.
-Sara got in a car accident; she just got out of surgery. Please pray for her.
At the moment Robert read that post, his soul trembled.
“No, no, no, no, no!” He cried out. Robert started panicking.
No, it can’t be. This is not true. Oh, no, Sara. No, no! It’s all my fault. I ruined her life. He started running back to his hotel. He did not know what to do, but he had to go to the hospital where Sara was. He ran out of breath and fell down on the ground and slammed his face in the sand. Some people laughed at him, but Robert could not hear anything.
Freaking body, move! Move! He kept running to his hotel. Oh, please help Sara. Please, if there’s a god, please, help her. I will give you my soul or I will do anything. Just help her, please. Robert prayed over and over again in his heart. He grabbed his bags and went straight to the airport and bought the fastest ticket to Seattle. He could not even remember how he got to the airport. He was so nervous and worried. Each and every minute was torture for him. He went to the restroom and threw up a couple of times. His body was not enduring well with this high stress.
“Are you ok, sir?” One of the stewardesses asked him in the airplane. Robert nodded instead of answering. Robert was gasping and sweating. He was filled with agony and guilt.
Everything is my fault. If I hadn’t made that decision to become young, Sara would be fine, and Boldo did not have to be killed. Maybe it’s also my fault that Hannah got sick, and I ruined Nancy and John’s life, too. If it weren’t for me, maybe Neal would still be alive. I am the worst. I should not have been born. Robert hated himself more than any other time in his life.
He remembered when Neal was in his accident and how he saw his younger brother’s last breath.
What if she dies? No, oh please. Help her. He felt exhausted and fell asleep without noticing. He woke up when the plane was landing. He could not believe that he fell asleep. As soon as he woke up, he checked the time first. It was 4:20 pm. He tried to leave as soon as possible. Some of the people did not like him pushing past them, but Robert did not care. He carefully texted Michelle and asked where Sara was. She texted him back right away. He thought he would never come back to his home city, but he came back the day after he left. He got out of the airport and got in a taxi. Robert told the destination as soon as he got in.
"St. Peter Memorial Hospital, orthopedic building, please. I need to get there as soon as possible."
While he was going there, he thought what to do when he saw her. He wished she was not in critical condition. Robert tried to not think negative thoughts. At last, the taxi arrived at the hospital and Robert ran into the building. While he was walking up to the Intensive Care Unit floor, his heart was beating like crazy.
"302...302." He found the room that Michelle told him and anxiously opened the door with shaking hands. He saw a person lying down on the bed. That person was covered with bandages, and there was no one else in the room.
"Oh, no...Sara..." Robert exhaled slowly and walked toward Sara. He wanted to know her status. He tried to calm down, but he was almost crying already. His vision was blurred with his tears.
"That's not me." Robert heard the familiar voice. He looked back, and he could see the person standing next to the door.
"How come you don't even recognize me?"
"Sara..?" The person walked to Robert. He could see the person's face. It was Sara.
"You, you are fine." Sara stared at Robert without saying anything. "Oh, thank goodness." Robert was so relieved and filled with happiness. He lost all his strength at the moment and fell down on the floor. Sara ran to him and helped him to get up. Tears fell from Robert’s face.
“Thanks goodness. Oh my…”
“Are you ok? You are crying again,” Sara said. He smelled her scent and heard the voice. He realized how much he missed her just for the last two days. He wanted to see her more than anything in the world, and she was right next to him.
"Yes. I am fine," Robert said.
"Let's get out of here." They left the room and sat in the waiting room. There were a few people, and they all looked worried. Robert could sympathize with their pain. Him and Sara sat there without a word for a while, but Sara slowly spoke finally.
“… I read the letter you wrote. Michelle brought it to the hospital. Is that really true?”
“…Yes.”
"... What should I call you?"
"Uh. Robert, or Joe. You can call me whatever you want." Sara sighed quietly. "I still can't believe it."
"I know. It is really hard to believe. I still feel like it was all a dream."
"Well. It's not a dream," Sara said. Silence filled the air for a while.
"Why are you wearing a patient gown?" Robert asked.
"I got in an accident, that part was true. The day you fell down at the restaurant. I didn't see the traffic light and another car crashed into me. I'm fine though."
"That's good."
"After I read the letter, I didn't know how to find you. Your phone was off, and Michelle told me about this idea. This was the last try, and it worked."
"It did."
"Thanks for coming."
"Of course, I will always come for you."
Sara looked at Robert and Robert could not look at her. He looked at the floor.
"You really are Joe." Robert nodded.
"So the Boldo guy was a real wizard?"
"Kind of. He was gypsy or shaman. I don't exactly remember."
"And he is dead in your house."
"Yes. I guess that's why the spell broke."
"You lied to me. You said you would leave the country."
"I am leaving the country, and I don't have much time left."
"Why? Where are you going?"
"..."
"You are not going to tell me anything?"
"That's..." Robert slowly told her about the curse. Sara still seemed a little bit confused, but she listened. Robert remembered his dream about telling the story to Sara. She was just the same as his dream.
"I can't believe I made out with an old man," Sara said playfully, but Robert felt embarrassed.
"I'm sorry."
"What I can't believe is... you are dying tomorrow."
"Yes. That was the deal."
"What if the curse broke? Maybe the shaman took it with him."
Robert shook his head and said,
"No. I still have it." Sara exhaled.
"I don't know what to say. Should I thank you for liking me enough to risk your life?"
Robert smiled lightly.
"I already wrote everything I wanted to say to you. My life was worth it because I met you."
"I can be discharged tomorrow. I will stay with you."
"Are you sure?” Robert was surprised when Sara said it.
"Of course I'm sure. I would never leave you alone."
"I mean... you don't have to..." Robert did not expect it from Sara, but his mind wanted to stay with her.
"I was mad at first. You left me. I even told you that I would go with you."
"I’m sorry, that was because..."
"I know." Sara laid back on the chair. There was nobody in the waiting room. Sometimes nurses walked by, but everybody left after 3 am. Sara was checking her cell phone.
"Michelle asked me what happened, but I don't know how to explain, because I still feel like everything was... you know. Kind of hard to believe," Sara said.
"Yeah. I understand."
"I know how to check if it was all real."
"What?" Sara looked at Robert and smiled.
"Dance with me. If you were really Joe, you would remember everything."
"Now...?"
"Yes, why not?" Sara played music with her cell phone and put her hand out to Robert.
"Lead." Robert smiled and took her hand. They danced in the hospital waiting room at night. It was quiet and only the sound of music was filling the space. It was Robert's last dance with Sara and he tried his best to remember all the moves.
"Thanks, Joe." Sara told him after the dance.
"Aren't you tired?" Robert asked Sara.
"I'm fine."
"You should sleep."
"What about you?"
"I'm fine. I am just so glad you are ok."
"...Are you scared to die?"
"No, I prepared for this moment for a very long time." It was true and since Robert knew that Sara was alright, he did not have anything left to his life.
"I never thought that I would die soon, but I think it could be terrifying," Sara said.
"It's better than you think. If you know when you are going to die, you can organize your thoughts and prepare to finish your life. In that sense, it's better than die suddenly. At least, I could do everything I wanted to do."
"Michelle told me the same story once."
"I am really fine. I was going to die at the beach alone."
"That is too sad. I am glad you came back." Sara linked her arm to Robert and leaned on him.
"I think I’m going to sleep."
"Yes, go ahead."
While Sara was sleeping, Robert thought about his day. When he woke up that day, he was thinking how to die in an empty hotel room. Later he heard about Sara's accident, and flew back to Seattle. Sara was fine and she was not mad at him. Now she was next to him. She said she would be next to him tomorrow. It was better than any of his ideas of finishing his life. Robert closed his eyes, and said a prayer of gratitude. He woke up from the sound of people walking. It was already 8 a.m. Robert saw Sara still sleeping next to him.
While Sara was discharged from the hospital, Robert went to a bank near town, and withdrew all the cash from his accounts. He did not count, but it seemed like it was a little more than a billion and a half. He put the money in a bag and went to the post office.
-This is for the hospital bill and for your car. Please take it.
He wrote a short message with the money in a box and sent it to Sara's house. He headed back to the hospital.
"I thought you ran away again. Where did you go?" Sara told Robert when she saw him.
"Sorry, I had to take care of something."
"Let's go. I am hungry."
"Okay."
"I am buying breakfast. You know what? I didn't pay money at the restaurant that day. I forgot because I went to the hospital with you," Sara laughed, "I never stole from anyone, but that one day I ran away without paying."
They went to the restaurant near the hospital. They ordered their food. Robert went to the restroom and checked the tattoo. There was no miracle. The last of his tattoo was almost disappearing.
"How are you feeling?" Sara asked.
"I'm good."
He swallowed his pancake. It was sweet.
"I really liked your brownies," Robert said.
"Thanks."
"Are you really ok to go home?" Robert was still worried about Sara.
"Yes, I am fine. I have to come back for a check- up, but I am pretty sure I am good."
"I am sorry," Robert said.
"About what?"
"The accident. It was because of me."
"No, it's not. It was my fault. Don't worry about it," Sara smiled. Robert was glad that he could give her some money.
"Do you want to do anything? I mean, after this?"
"I just wanted to see you, and you are alright. That's enough." Sara stared at him and stood up. She bent across the table and kissed Robert's forehead. People looked at them, but she did not care.
"Thanks for coming," Sara said.
"Oh, you're welcome."
"You blushed," Sara said.
When they got out of the restaurant, Robert felt something was different in his body. He was light headed and stumbled a little bit.
"Are you ok?" Sara helped him to stand. Robert slowly nodded. Robert could feel energy in his body slowly disappearing. It was like his soul was drying out like a raisin.
"Sara."
"Yes?" Robert looked at Sara.
"I think my time is up."
"Are you sure?"
"...Yes."
"Ah, I mean..." Sara did not know what to say.
"Let's just go back to the hospital. I saw benches there," Robert told Sara.
Robert was losing his strength every second. They found the small place with benches in the hospital. Robert looked at the people around.
Oh, I am not alone this time. Finally. He smiled lightly.
"I can call someone to help. It might help." Robert held Sara's arm.
"No, it won't. I mean. I'm fine."
"No, you are not. Joe, I pretended I was fine, but I am so scared. I don't want you to die."
Robert saw Sara's eyes. Those eyes that made him fall in love with her. Tears came out of Sara's eyes. Soon, Robert lost almost all his strength and could not hold his body anymore. His body fell to Sara.
"Joe, are you ok?" Sara put him down and laid him down on her lap. Robert could see the sky. The blue sky started fading its color to white.
"It was not the beach. It was not about the place. It was all about whom you were with. Now, I know..." Robert smiled and said.
"What? What are you saying?" Sara's tears fell down on Robert's face.
"Don't cry, Sara. I am very happy now. " Robert started losing the sense of his legs and arms. He wished he could wipe Sara's tears.
"Joe, can you hear me?"
"Yes..."
"I won't forget anything you did for me..." Her voice was fading.
"Sara…"
“Yes?” Sara said.
“I…” Many words passed through Robert’s mind, but he did not know what to tell her.
…What would be appropriate as my last word..? His eyes were closed and he could not finish his sentence. Sara noticed Robert had stopped breathing.
"I was so happy when I was with you," Sara whispered in a small voice. Sara was sitting there for a while as if Robert was sleeping. It was a beautiful day, and many people walked by Sara and Robert.