Ch24
I am feeling very uncomfortable and stuffy. I see the familiar ceiling. I am lying down in my living room on the couch. I hear birds singing. It feels like morning. I hardly sit up. I cannot see well, and habitually find my glasses and put them on. Glasses? My eye sight was bad again. I touch my face and see my hands, and they are an old man’s face and hands. I see Boldo sitting next to me.
“What happened?” I became old again, or maybe I was never young. Was everything I experienced just a dream? I feel relieved and sadness at the same time. I am glad that Sara did not have to see me turning into an old man, but at the same time everything I did with Sara was not true? This is like a cheesy old movie. Boldo did something to me to teach a valuable lesson about life and gave me the opportunity to experience it. However, even if it was just a dream, it was very sweet, and a great experience. I can still feel what it is like to be with Sara. I look at Boldo, and he is also looking at me. He has dark hair and a beard, just like when I met him the first time.
“Why are you not saying anything?” I ask him.
“…I want you to understand the situation.”
“My situation? Everything was just a dream? Well. I guess it was worth it,” I automatically think about Sara and my family.
“I am sorry, Robert. I didn’t care much at first, but later, I really wanted to help you,” Boldo said in a sad voice.
“You don’t have to be sorry. It was very helpful.” I already missed Sara. If I had known that was going to be the last time I would see her, I would have told her how much I loved her once again. Wait, have I told her that before? Right, I did at the Beaver Restaurant. Oh, I can’t believe it was just an illusion.
“Robert.” Boldo calls me. “I met John, he did not hate you. He never did. He was disappointed, and was angry at you, but not like you. He didn’t hate his father. I wanted you to know that.”
“What? When did you meet him?” What he just told me confused me. “I don’t understand. Explain everything to me.”
“Thanks for everything. You were a good friend.” Boldo smiled lightly.
-R-
Robert opened his eyes. He realized that he had an oxygen mask and had an IV on his right hand. He felt pain on his body and his head. He found himself lying down in the hospital. I am alive. He turned his head and he could see other empty beds in the room. He remembered what happened. He was running away, and rolled down the stairs. He touched his head and there was a bandage on the back of his head. He found he had become and old man again. He pulled up his shirt. There were three petals of tattoos.
What happened? Why was Boldo in my dream? Robert was worried about Sara. Did she see me? She must be looking for Joe. I need to run before she sees me. He did not want to be seen by Sara. He tried to move but every time he tried to move, he felt pain in his body; his muscles screamed. He took off the oxygen mask and hardly stood up. Where are my clothes?’ When he tried to take a step forward, his right leg did not have enough strength; he fell down with a loud noise. He could not breath because of the pain for a second. He realized he forgot to take out the IV. He groaned and took it out. Blood was rushing from his hand. He clinched his teeth to get up. At that moment, someone came into the room. Robert was surprised to see a nurse coming to help.
“Are you ok, sir?” She ran to Robert and tried to help him. Robert pushed her away and said, “W-where are my clothes? I need to leave now.” Robert was gasping.
“You need to rest.” Robert was frustrated.
“I need to go. Now! Clothes, hurry.”
“Ok, but I need to talk to your guardian first.”
“What guardian?”
“She called 911. Brown hair and green eyes. Isn’t she your daughter?”
No, it’s Sara. She is out there. No! Robert was feeling urgent.
“I will pay everything, now, so please let me leave right away.” Robert told her with shaky voice.
“I am sorry sir, but we have our policy, so calm down first…”
Robert was getting angry. When he was about yelling at the nurse, another person walked into the room. In spite of his blurry vision, Robert easily could tell it was Sara. He did not know what to do, and covered his face. He did not want her to see him.
“Mr. Mitchell, are you ok?” Robert heard Sara’s kind voice, but now her voice terrified him. He did not know what to say, and he felt ashamed.
“…I, I am sorry. I am so sorry.” That was the only thing Robert could say to Sara.
“It’s ok. Don’t be sorry, Sara said. “I…just need to know where Joe is now. Do you know? If you know please tell me.”
Tears came down Robert’s cheeks. I am him. You won’t believe me, but I am Joe. I didn’t mean to cheat you. I just want to be close to you. He felt pain in his heart and it hurt much worse than his body.
“…I’m sorry,” Robert said again, and Sara slowly said,
“It’s ok. I don’t know what happened, but it’s ok. I just need to…”
“I think he needs to be alone,” the nurse said and Sara walked outside. After she left, Robert was relieved. He still had a terrible fever. The nurse helped Robert get on the bed. As soon as he laid on the bed, he lost his consciousness again.
Several hours later, Robert woke up. He remembered everything that had happened. He was worried about Sara. Robert sighed. He missed her, but he could not talk to her again. He expected his last day would be peaceful, but he was wrong. Now I am like a condemned criminal. I only harm other people. He tried to move and his body felt much better; there wasn’t as much pain and he could move.
I need to find Boldo first. What is he doing now? Robert stood up and walked outside of the room. The hospital was very quiet. It must be night. He slowly walked in the hallway. He saw the desk and nurses were working there. One of them was working on a computer, and the other one was watching television on the wall. One of them saw Robert and asked,
“How can I help you, sir? Do you feel pain?”
“No, I am good. What time is it?”
“It’s 11pm.”
“I need to be discharged.”
“Sir, I think it is best if you wait until the morning.”
“I don’t want to argue…”
“Excuse me,” the nurse said.
Robert’s voice was so small and the nurse tried to turn down the television. When she was lowering the volume Robert saw a familiar neighborhood on the news. It was his house. Robert walked close to it. Soon the screen showed Boldo’s picture.
“Can you increase the volume?” The nurse increased the volume. The news was talking about how the famous psychic murder suspect was killed by a local police.
“What? Boldo died?” Soon there was an interview of John.
“I was looking for my father, but he was not in his house. Instead of my father I saw Boldo. I tried to arrest him, but he fought back roughly. It was an accident that my gun fired. I don’t know why…”
John killed Boldo. John!? Why! Dang it! Oh my, Boldo, I am so sorry. Robert understood what had happened. He felt terribly sorry for Boldo.
Everything is ruined. I thought my life couldn’t be worse, but it just got worse. Boldo died, and his magic vanished, but the curse he left was still there. Robert walked back to his room. He remembered Boldo saying that he would go to hell after he died. Robert sat down thinking what to do. He did not have much time left.
I am not sure if this is a good idea or not, but she needs to know what happened. Robert borrowed pen and paper, and started writing a letter to Sara. It sounded like a crazy man talking about magic, but he did his best to explain. He also wrote letters to his family. He wrote for hours and hours. When he finished his letters, he saw the light from the windows. It was already 6 o’clock. He felt tired and laid down on the bed.
“…Please forgive me, I am dying soon.” He mumbled to the air.
Robert got his clothes back and discharged himself. He checked his phone, and there were so many phone calls and messages from Sara. Robert turned off the phone again. He went back to the café and got his car and carefully came back to his house. He saw the yellow tape around his house. ‘Keep Out: Crime Scene.’ That reminded Robert of Boldo’s death. Robert carefully got into his house through the back door. Everything looked the same, but when he walked into the living room, he could smell blood and white marks indicated where the body was. Robert sighed.
“I am sorry Boldo, but I can’t stay here.” He walked into his room, and found his own glasses. He sat down and read the letters he wrote and rewrote some of them. He packed and took a bag of money that he was going to give to Boldo. He looked around his house for the last time before he left. He could not believe that he would not come back to his place. He saw Sara’s house from his kitchen window. It seemed like there was no one there. Robert wore one of Boldo’s caps to hide his face. His head was still hurting. He carefully slipped his letter under the door of Sara’s house.
He called Nancy with his old cell phone and told her to meet him alone. Nancy asked many questions, but he did not answer. Nancy showed up a little bit early. Robert realized that he did not have any negative feelings toward her anymore. Rather, he thought it was nice to see her again for the last time.
“What happened to you? John submitted the missing persons report.”
“Nancy. I am fine.”
“You look sick. Are you hurt?”
“I am really alright.”
“I know you don’t like me, but I need to know what is going on.”
“I don’t hate you, Nancy.” Nancy looked at Robert.
“Hey… Nancy.” Robert slowly said the words that he wanted to say. “Sorry about…everything I’ve done to you.” Nancy seemed surprised.
“What? What are you saying?”
“I said I am sorry. I really am.”
“Robert, I don’t understand. Why are you doing this?”
“Because that’s how I feel. It was all my fault.”
“I mean…I am just…” Nancy did not know what to say. Robert looked at the table, and slowly looked at Nancy and spoke in tremulous voice.
“Will you…. Will you forgive me?”
“What is going on with you? I am so scared, Robert.”
“I’m fine. Just, forgive me, please. I wanted to say this to you.”
“Of course, I am the one who owed you an apology. I’m sorry. I really am. I couldn’t say it all these years, but, I am sorry.” Robert nodded without words. He put out the letters he wrote.
“Could you give this to John and Hannah later? And this is yours. Open it in a week.” He indicated his will.
“Why don’t you give these to them by yourself?”
“Because. I am leaving, and I am really fine.”
“That doesn’t explain anything. Where are you going?”
“Tell John that I am not missing or not involved in any crimes, so close the missing report.”
“What about that shaman guy?”
“I… worked with him. He was my friend.”
“What?”
“Sorry, I have to go now.”
“Where are you going?”
“Just. California.” Robert smiled lightly.
“When are you coming back?”
“Soon.” Robert exhaled. “I have to go.” Robert stood up.
“Are you leaving now?”
“Yes.” Robert hesitated and asked. “Uh… what hospital is Hannah in?”
Robert was not sure how Hannah would react. He was a little bit worried because he did not want to make her condition worse, but Nancy said Hannah was doing a lot better.
This is the last time I will see her… Right. Everything is a last for me. Robert slowly knocked on Hannah’s hospital door.
“Who is it?” He heard a child’s voice. It was Irene. He smiled at his granddaughter’s voice. Slowly the door was opening and Irene was standing at the door.
“Who are you?” Irene asked. She was smiling with big eyes.
“I am Robert.”
“Mom!” Robert could see the inside of the room. Hannah was on the phone. Irene ran to her.
“Who is it?” Hannah asked Irene.
“Robert.”
“Who’s Robert?” She looked at the door. At first, Hannah did not recognize Robert, but soon she realized that it was her father.
“Wait, sorry, but I have to call you back. Yeah, I got a visitor.” Hannah looked at Robert and slowly walked to him.
“How did you know that I was here?” She asked without any facial expression.
“I asked your mother.” Robert saw Irene standing next to her mom. He wondered if Hannah would get mad if he gave his granddaughter a hug.
“I mean, why are you here?” Those words were sharp and cut Robert’s heart.
“I heard you are sick.”
“Oh, I am fine. Thanks though.”
“That’s good. Uh. May I come in?”
“Sorry. I have to call back my friend,” She shook her head and said.
“…Ok.”
“And… sorry to say this but please don’t come back here. I don’t want Irene to see you. I will let you know when I am ready to talk to you.”
“Ok. I am sorry.”
Robert felt hurt, like somebody hit his head with a bat and the pain was worse than when he fell down the stairs. Robert turned back and walked away.
“Mom who was that?” He heard Irene, and heard Hannah closing the door so he could not hear what Hannah told Irene. He did not expect warm greetings from Hannah, but it was worse than he expected. Well. At least she was doing well…
He went to the airport and bought the fastest ticket to the John Wayne Airport in California. He saw his cell phone. He was afraid to turn it back on. He was afraid that Sara despised him. Even after he apologized to everybody, he still felt guilt. He thought it was miserable how his last words on earth were only about how he was sorry to people.