Ch20
I lost a lot of things in my life. I used to blame myself, but now I think I should be sorry rather than being hard on myself. If I drank less, if I had listened to Dr. Albert, or if I did what Neal had asked me to do, maybe things would be different. However, if my life had been better, I would never have met Sara.
I’ve never been this happy, and never was this earnest. I feel blessed every moment I share with her, but it is so painful to watch my time with her go away. It is like watching an hour glass. Oh, if I can only stop the time…
-R-
“Ok. It’s settled. We are going to Wendy Park tomorrow. Let’s meet at 9 at Jennifer’s, Ok?” Michelle said to her friends at dinner.
“Yeah, I haven’t been there for a while. It should be really fun,” Jennifer said. Michelle was very happy about her work transfer to a different department. Robert heard her complaining about her work place before and Robert thought this was good for her.
“Michelle. I know you are excited, and you think orthopedic is so easy, but we are hard core. There are many nutty docs, too.” Jake said.
“Well, how hard it could it be? You do it,” Michelle replied and everyone “Oohed.”
“You are so dead. Get ready for Jake’s prank time. When you come to work…” When Jake was talking back to Michelle, Sara came back to the restaurant. Robert noticed that she looked different after she had taken the phone call. She was not smiling, and seemed concerned about something. Robert wanted to ask, but he did not want to intrude.
“Sara, we are meeting at Jennifer’s at 9 tomorrow,” Bailey told Sara. Sara smiled lightly and said yes. Robert held her hand. She did not look at him. Robert wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to help her, but he decided to wait for her to tell him. He waited until late at night and finally went to bed.
-Are you up? Do you want some breakfast?
Robert checked his cell phone with sleepy eyes. It was 6:45am.
-I’ll be there as soon as possible.
Robert got ready and went to her house. “Good morning.” When Sara opened the door, Robert thought Sara looked tired.
“How are you?”
“Good.” Her kitchen smelled like pancakes, and there were a huge stack on a plate.
“Are you alright?” Robert carefully asked her.
“I am good. Actually, this is nothing but…” Robert saw Sara hesitating.
“Sara.” Sara looked at Robert. “You can tell me anything. I always want to be there to listen to you. Whatever it is.”
When Sara heard that, she seemed very happy. She slowly talked about what happened yesterday. It was about Keith; her very old, almost like family, ex-boyfriend.
“I’ve known him for a long time. When he said he was having a real hard time, I knew he was telling me the truth, so I could not just ignore it.” Robert nodded as he listened to her.
“I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t know how to see his face later when I go home.”
“You don’t have to worry about things that haven’t happened. It will be much better after time passes.” Sara still looked like she was feeling insecure and tapped her fingers on the table. Robert held her hand.
“I think telling him the truth would be actually helping him.”
“I know…” Sara cared about Keith very much, and Robert was jealous of Keith, but at the same time, it was understandable; losing Sara must be very painful.
“I am sorry for acting so weird yesterday, but I am fine now.” Sara looked relieved after she talked.
“You seem tired. Go take a nap. I will do the cleaning.”
“Thanks.”
Sara went to the living room and laid on the couch. Morning sunshine came into the house. Robert did the dishes quietly. When Robert came to the living room after he finished the dishes, Sara was sleeping.
I wish I could stay next to her longer. I can’t believe that I have to leave her… Robert sat next to Sara until she woke up.
There were not many people at Wendy Park. It was much nicer than Robert remembered. They must have remodeled some areas of the park. They watched animals, and rode a lot of rides. .All of them were having a lot of fun. Especially, Jake and Michelle did not stop laughing the whole time. When Robert was passing by an elephant, he remembered the last time he was there. When he saw the elephant, he became emotional. You are still there, but I am free now. I don’t have any regrets. The elephant was looking at Robert, too. Robert felt heavy, because he did have regrets. He remembered his children, but they will be fine. Robert held Sara’s hand every time he got the chance. Sara gave a big smile. Happy ol’ Sara was back. Robert did not like any particular things, so he just followed everyone else.
When the day was almost over, Robert experienced a special moment. When he was walking to his group, he saw Sara waving at him. Robert felt like it was the first time somebody truly welcomed him, and somebody truly wanted him. He felt warm in his heart and his warmness grew bigger and bigger as he walked toward her.
Robert was in love with Sara. Six days before he died, in the late afternoon sunset, that day, and that moment, he fell in love with Sara once again.