Storm Clouds Rolling In & On To Richmond (Books 1 & 2 in the Bregdan Chronicles) by Ginny Dye - HTML preview

Chapter Twenty-Four

“The house looks real nice, Miss Carrie.”

Carrie smiled as she looked up into Sam’s strong face.

“Yes, I suppose it does,” she responded, even though she didn’t really think so. She knew the house servants had done the best they could in preparation for the big times of Christmas, but it lacked the sparkle of former years.

“Not that it matters so much,” she sighed.

“Feelin’ sorry for yourself?” Sam asked quietly.

Carrie stared at him in astonishment, with just a touch of anger. Then she shrugged her shoulders and admitted, “Yes, I suppose I am.”

“You done got a lot to be proud of, Miss Carrie. I don’t reckon I know any other woman who could do the things you done. Why, you be runnin’ this here plantation all on your own.”

Carrie shook her head. “No, I’m not. And you know it.

I couldn’t begin to run it without all of you helping me. I don’t know what I would do if the rest of the Cromwell people were to leave.”

“I don’t think you got to worry ‘bout any more folks leavin’. They figure on stayin’ right here.”

“Why?” Carrie asked. “Why don’t they go free while they have the chance? Why do they choose to stay in slavery?” She trusted Sam to be honest with her.

Sam looked at her for a moment. “Some people got too many fears inside to try to do somethin’ new. They talk

‘bout what they want, but they don’t put no action behind it.” He paused. “I figure they’s some of them hopin’ things will be different ‘round here after the war.”

“Why? Who do they want to win?”

Sam shrugged again. “Depends on who you be talkin’

to. Somes wants the North to win. They figure they goin’

to come down here and set them all free. Then they won’t have to face a scary escape. It will be done for them.”

“And some want the South to win?”

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Sam nodded. “They’s not sure ‘bout them people up North. They don’t know what it will be like. They figure if they work hard here and the South done wins this war, that they will be treated better and given more rights as a kind of reward.”

Carrie couldn’t miss the contempt in his voice, even though she knew he was trying to hide it. “What about you, Sam? Why do you stay?” It was a question she had been wondering about for a while. She had thought he would leave when Rose and Moses were gone.

Sam was silent for a long while. “I got me a job to do here, Miss Carrie. I won’t be goin’ nowhere till that job be done.”

“What kind of job is that?” Carrie was surprised at her own directness. She usually allowed the slaves their privacy, but she and Sam had grown close. With Rose and Moses gone, she depended more on his solid, kind strength.

Again Sam hesitated, opening his mouth as if he wanted to speak, and then shutting it again.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I don’t mean to pry.”

Sam shook his head. “It be okay, Miss Carrie.” He looked at her with warmth in his eyes. “My job be to take care of you.”

Carrie stared at him. “What?”

Sam nodded. “I know all about Rose and your granddaddy. Been knowin’ bout it ever since Rose girl was born.” Carrie listened while he told his story. “Rose told me she was leavin’. She knew my old heart would break if she just disappeared without tellin’ me. But she was worried about you, Miss Carrie. I told her I would watch out for you.”

“You’re staying here just for me?” she whispered, her eyes flooded with tears as she battled her emotions. She was grateful Rose had asked Sam to look out for her. She didn’t know how she would have made it through the last two months without Sam. There was also sorrow that her faithful friend could be free if he didn’t feel responsible for her.

Sam smiled. “I wouldn’t been takin’ that job if I hadn’t wanted it, Carrie girl.”

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Carrie smiled in return as he slipped away from the more formal “Miss Carrie.” She shook her head. “I know I should tell you to go on and find your freedom, but somehow I can’t bring myself to say it. I depend on you so much. You have become so special to me, and I don’t want you to leave.” She frowned. “I’m afraid I’m being terribly selfish.”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t reckon you’re being selfish, Carrie girl. Ever’body need someone to draw strength from. Wouldn’t do you no good to tell me to leave anyways. I don’t reckon I’ll be movin’ on ‘less I know you’re all right.” His tone left no room for argument.

Carrie gazed at him, tears once more swimming in her eyes. “Thank you,” she said. She should say more, but the words wouldn’t come.

Sam nodded and then changed the subject. “When you gonna want the big tree cut?”

Sam’s question brought Carrie back to the present.

“I’m not going to have a tree this year, Sam.” She reached in her pocket and pulled out a letter. “This came from Father yesterday. He would like me to come to Richmond.

I’m going to go.”

“When you leavin’?”

“Today is the fifteenth. I’m going to leave in three days.

I would appreciate it if you would drive me.”

“Yessum,” Sam replied. Then he turned and disappeared into the house.

Carrie lingered on the porch and stared out over the brown pastures. The lush green of summer had been swallowed by the harshness of winter. The barren trees formed a stark border to the picture, and yet, still she loved it. No matter how much she wanted to leave someday to fulfill her dream, her heart would always be here at Cromwell Plantation. It grew more special to her every day.

She was glad her father had written for her to come to Richmond. There were too many memories from Christmases past to taunt her. Christmas had always been such a wonderful time for her. She was like a child when it came to decorating, entertaining and giving gifts.

Too much had changed, though. Last Christmas, her

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father, Robert and Matthew had all been here to share in the joy. Now her father was too busy in Richmond, Robert was on the front somewhere, and Matthew was still in prison.

Her mind turned, as it did every day, to Rose and Moses. Had they made it to Philadelphia? Would she ever hear from them? Would she ever see them again? Carrie tried to shove down the ache in her heart, but it was harder today than other days. The one year anniversary of her friends’ wedding had come and gone. Every time she made a trip to the quarters, she had to look at the cabins that were once home to Sarah, and Rose and Moses. Their emptiness echoed the emptiness in her own heart.

Carrie faced what was eating at her. She was lonely.

Being alone on the plantation had not bothered her before when she had Rose and Moses to talk with, laugh with, learn with. Now, it seemed as if every day stretched out before her endlessly. She found ways to keep busy, but the relative inactivity of the winter months weighed heavily. Every day had become a chore. Carrie frowned, not liking where her life was taking her.

“Miss Carrie, the children are ready to go on the hunt.”

Carrie turned quickly. “Thank you, Sam. I’m afraid I almost forgot.”

Sam frowned. “Your heart be too heavy for Christmastime. It prob’ly do you good to get out in the woods with the children.”

Carrie sighed. “I’m sure you’re right. It will be good to be with them.”

She had been with them only a few minutes before she could feel her spirits rising. Their excitement and enthusiasm was contagious. At first she had regretted saying she would take over Sarah’s job of leading the hunt, but now, with the quarters’ children swarming around her, she was glad. She smiled down at them and cried out, “It’s time!” She turned and led the giggling bunch down the path.

Carrie kept a sharp eye on the woods as they walked.

She pointed up at a bunch of glistening yellow persimmons. It was too late in the year to find many of them, but the few they took back would be like golden

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treasures. As the children gathered around her, she knelt down on one knee and repeated the words she had heard Sarah say for so many years.

“Chilun, we be finding gifts for Jesus like the wise men did. They brung the baby Jesus three gifts—gold, sweet smelling spices, and bitter herbs. Some of the very herbs and fruits we be findin’ now.”

The children giggled as she imitated Old Sarah. Carrie picked Jubal to climb for the golden treasure. His eyes shone bright with excitement and pleasure when she pointed at him. Quick as a wink, he shimmied up the tree and stretched out on the limb holding the fruit. All the children held their breath as they watched wide-eyed.

The limb bent under his weight as he reached for the late fruit. Instinctively, Carrie moved to stand under the limb.

At least she could break his fall if the limb broke. With one final reach, Jubal nabbed the fruit and retreated back toward the tree trunk, a wide grin on his face.

“He got it, Miss Carrie. My brother done got the

‘simmons!”

Carrie leaned down to give the excited little girl a hug.

“You’re right, Hannah. Jubal got it. He’s a very brave tree climber, isn’t he?”

Hannah returned her hug with an even tighter one of her own and then danced away to meet her brother as he slid back down the tree.

Carrie felt her loneliness lift from her like a cloud on a rainy day when the sun finally breaks through. Out here in Sarah’s world, where her old friend had taught her so much, she could hear her voice clearly. “The only cure for loneliness be givin’. When you be givin’ you ain’t got time to think ‘bout what you don’t got. But you got to give with your heart. You got to give from your heart. That’s the only sure way to beat back that old demon o’ loneliness.”

“Thank you, Sarah,” Carrie murmured as the children sprinted ahead of her. She walked along slowly, watching for the treasures they had come to seek, but letting the woods work their magic on her. The peace she had been missing for so long began to creep back into her heart.

Yes, her life was changing, but life was always like that.

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“Girl, the only thing you can depend on is change.

Things always gonna be changin’. But changing ain’t neither good nor bad. It’s what you do with it. You can fight it and let it get the best of you. You can feel sorry for yourself ‘cause thin’s ain’t stayin’ just like they was. Or you can look for the good in what’s new. You can search for ways to make thin’s better. It’s all how you look at it, and what you figur’ to do with it.”

Once again, Sarah’s words rang in her head. Solemnly, Carrie made a vow to spend more time in the woods. It was so easy to lose perspective when she was engulfed by the daily operations of the plantation. It was so easy to become overwhelmed. She knew she needed time alone to make sense of all that was happening in her life.

“Miss Carrie! Miss Carrie! We done found some of them berries Old Sarah said were magic.”

Carrie smiled down at Hannah’s glowing face as the little girl skipped up to her. She took her hand and began to run down the trail to where she could hear the other children. Her voice rang out in the clear air. “Let’s go get them, Hannah.”

Carrie gazed around her as Sam drove the carriage along Broad Street. She could already sense the difference in the city. Gone was the dour gloom that had prevailed after the Battle of Bull Run. Gone was the stunned reality of the consequences of war. The dead had been mourned. The wounded had been nursed and sent back to the front. The reality of victory had replaced the reality of death. And it was Christmas!

People thronged Broad Street. The population had exploded even more since she was last there. Men in gray were everywhere. The buildup of the army continued.

With no battle front, they joined the crowds already causing Richmond to bulge at the seams. Faces were happy and laughing.

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Carrie watched as one handsome young man in uniform approached a tightly knit group of ladies on the corner. They watched him come, glancing coquettishly over their fans. Their brightly colored dresses, peeking from beneath their heavy coats, were a vivid splash against the dullness of the road.

“Good afternoon, ladies,” the young soldier said, his deep voice carrying to where Carrie sat in the carriage.

“Well hello, soldier boy.” Carrie frowned at the sound of the woman’s voice. Its tone went beyond politeness. As she watched, the young lady standing closest to her took the soldier’s arm and smiled up at him. “Going my way, honey?” Then they began to walk down the street together, talking quietly.

Carrie shook her head. Things certainly were changing.

Sam watched her with a grin on his face. “I take it you’ve never seen one of the new Richmond ladies before.”

Carrie was confused. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but she was a little brazen, I think.”

Sam nodded. “That’s how they make their money.”

Carrie stared at him. “How they make their money?”

Suddenly, she understood. “That young lady was a prostitute?” she gasped.

Sam nodded, turning his attention back to the road.

“But what are they doing on Broad Street? Oh, I’m not so naive to not know they exist, but they’ve always stayed away from the nicer parts of town. Men who wanted that kind of entertainment had to go to it.”

“Looks like it be comin’ to them, now,” Sam said with a grin. “You put this many people in one place, and things ain’t gonna be the same no more.”

Carrie gazed around her. “I guess you’re right,” she murmured.

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Carrie kissed her father on the cheek and ran out to the carriage waiting for her. “Good morning, Spencer. It’s good to see you again.”

“Thank you, Miss Cromwell. It be good to see you too.”

Spencer picked up the reins and clucked lightly to the team of horses. “You be back in Richmond for a while?”

“Just until after Christmas, then I will return to the plantation. My father wanted me here for the holidays.”

“Christmas is made for families,” Spencer agreed. “Mr.

Cromwell told me you wanted to go to one of the prisons?”

“That’s right. The officers’ prison in the old Harwood Factory.”

Spencer merely nodded his head.

Carrie looked around her as the carriage rolled along.

Not too far from her father’s house, people were hard at work transforming military barracks into the Chimborazo Hospital. From all Carrie had heard, it was going to be quite an impressive operation.

Maybe...

She pushed down the longing in her heart. Her place was still on the plantation.

The day was bitterly cold, with gray, overcast skies and a stiff northern breeze. Her father had told her this morning he wouldn’t be surprised if they got snow. Carrie stared hopefully at the sky. Now that she was back in Richmond, the Christmas season had regained some of its excitement for her. She had worked hard the last four days to transform her father’s house into a festive home.

He had been thrilled to see the tree she had decided at the last minute to have Sam cut and bring along with them. They were going to decorate it together tonight. It was nowhere as big and impressive as the ones they usually had, but it would bring the spirit of Christmas into his home.

Now she was on her way to visit Matthew. His present was carefully wrapped and sitting beside her.

“We be here, Miss Cromwell.”

Carrie started and looked up. She had been so immersed in her thoughts, she hadn’t even been aware of where they were. The prison district looked even more depressing on a day like today. As the cold wind whipped

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around the buildings, she glanced up at the open windows and shuddered. Those men must be freezing.

She looked at Spencer as she stepped from the carriage. “I expect I will be at least forty-five minutes. It is much too cold for you to wait here for me.” She paused and almost smiled at Spencer’s look of surprise. “You may go find somewhere warm if you would like. I will meet you back here at eleven-thirty.”

“Thank you, Miss Cromwell,” Spencer said, his eyes speaking his gratitude.

The guard who answered the door in response to Carrie’s knock was a new one. She wondered if she would have the same trouble as the first time but need not have worried. He carefully read the letter she handed him and stepped aside to let her enter. “I will notify Lieutenant Todd.”

Carrie waited in the hallway, shivering from the damp chill of the building. She gripped her gift to Matthew tighter.

“Hello again, Miss Cromwell.”

“Good morning, Lieutenant Todd,” Carrie replied pleasantly. The man standing before her looked as if his months in charge of the prisoners had done nothing to improve his state of mind. While he had kept his voice light, his eyes spoke his disdain. He didn’t attempt to hide it with his next statement.

“I understand you are here to mollycoddle one of our prisoners again.”

“Those are not the words I would choose to use, Lieutenant,” Carrie replied evenly.

Todd smirked, but nodded as if he had no stomach for a parley today. “I will have Justin called for you. Good day,” he said abruptly, turning to reenter his office.

The guard led Carrie to the same room she had visited Matthew in before. She had no idea of what to expect.

When the door opened again, she quickly rose to her feet.

She almost cried aloud when she saw Matthew, but she managed to force a smile to her lips instead.

He saw right through her. Moving forward to take both of her hands, he smiled down at her. “I know I look bad.

You don’t have to pretend.”

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Carrie shook her head and squeezed his hands warmly. “You still have a sparkle in your eyes. I’m glad to see that at least.”

Matthew had lost a lot of weight since she had last seen him. He had had none to spare then. His skin was pale and dull from his long months of confinement. His hair had grown long and scraggly but was pulled back from his face, accentuating the sharp contrast of the sunken cheeks that now sported a thick red beard. The clothes he was wearing were inadequate to protect him from the harsh weather. Yet, still his bearing was erect, and his eyes and voice were strong. Prison life may have been hard on his body, but his spirit had not been conquered.

“Merry Christmas,” she said with a smile. “I brought you a present.”

Matthew reached for it, his eyes clouding for a moment. “It seems like a different life than the one last year. I can hardly believe it was just one year ago that I was sharing Christmas with you, your father and Robert on your plantation.” He paused and looked at the package. “Thank you.”

“Open it,” Carrie urged. She wanted him to have what was inside.

Matthew tore into it. Seconds later he gave a whoop of delight. “A coat!”

“Put it on, Matthew.” She was glad he liked her gift.

She had thought long and hard before selecting it.

Finally, she had remembered the open-air windows and hunted down the warmest coat she could find.

Matthew put it on quickly. Then he stared at Carrie.

She returned his stare and dissolved into laughter at the same time he did. The coat looked like it had swallowed him.

“I bought it for you the way I remembered you,” Carrie choked out between laughs. Thank God they were able to laugh about it. It would be so easy to cry.

“It’s wonderful, Carrie,” Matthew said, controlling his laughter and speaking warmly. “You don’t know the number of times I have longed for something to keep me warm. Thank you.”

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“Tell me how you are doing,” Carrie asked, eager to turn the attention away from herself.

Matthew shrugged. “The days are long. The nights tend to be longer. It has become harder in the cold to keep my spirits up. The officers I reside with are wonderful, though. We keep each other from feeling sorry for ourselves. We spend long hours dreaming of what our release will be like. We regale each other with stories of home. I could probably tell you every man’s life story up there.”

“Ever the journalist,” Carrie observed.

“No,” Matthew said thoughtfully. “It’s more a preservation of sanity. We have to remind each other that there really is another world out there.”

Carrie nodded but realized she had no way of truly understanding what he was going through.

Matthew shook his head. “I really have very little to complain about. I live in paradise compared to the enlisted men. However bad the food may be, they at least give us provisions for three meals a day. The enlisted men only get two. I have a straw mattress to lay on, while the enlisted men sleep on the floor. And we do find ways to pass the time. I find I am becoming quite good at chess,”

he said cheerfully.

“You have a chess set?” Carrie asked.

“Of a sort. It is quite a popular game here at Harwood’s. The playing pieces are a bit crude. They are carved from meat bones, but they serve their purpose.”

He laughed. “One of the officers has become quite fanatical about the game. Last week when he was playing, he became so excited about checkmating his opponent that he fainted dead away. We told him he needed to play a little less and eat a little more.”

“Have you heard anything about the possibility of your being released?”

“I’m afraid not, but I have not given up hope.”

“Hope becomes our light during our darkest times,”

Carrie murmured.

“What?”

Carrie repeated what she had said. “Old Sarah used to tell me that. I find it to be very true.”

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“Sarah was right. My hope is what gets me up every morning.” He smiled. “There are things happening to give hope. Our famous Congressman Ely was released yesterday. Seems he was exchanged for Charles James Faulkner.”

“The Virginian politician who was arrested in the North for disloyal conduct?”

“That’s the one. Anyway, the Federal government released him. The Confederates reciprocated and released Ely since he was also an important politician.”

“How happy he must be!”

“Yes, and we were happy for him. Not only is he free, we know he will spread the news in the North about what is happening in the prisons. We all pray he will have influence to force some exchange of prisoners.”

Carrie nodded. “I hope so,” she said.

“So, Carrie Cromwell, how are you doing? Still running the plantation by yourself?”

“I’m afraid so. Even more by myself than I was before.”

Briefly, she told him of Rose and Moses’ escape. “I have great hopes they are with Aunt Abby even as we speak.”

Both of their eyes misted over as they thought about the lady they loved so much.

Finally Carrie cleared her throat. “I am only here for the Christmas holidays, then I will go back to the plantation and begin to prepare for spring planting. There is much work that needs to be done.”

Matthew gazed at her with obvious admiration and asked quietly. “Are you planning on seeing Robert while you are here?”

Carrie’s mouth fell open. “Robert is in Richmond?”

“I thought you knew,” Matthew said. “He was here to visit me yesterday.”

“Did he speak of visiting me?” Carrie hated to ask the question, but she simply had to know.

“Well...no, but then, I don’t think he has any idea you are here. He arrived in town night before last. He spoke of visiting your father today.”

“I’m sure Father will be glad to see him,” Carrie managed, even though her heart was spinning.

Matthew leaned forward and took her hands. “I’m hoping things can work out between you and Robert.”

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Carrie took a deep breath and regained control of her emotions. Why could she not control her heart and mind when it came to Robert? It would be better if he didn’t discover she was in town. Only time was going to heal her heart, while continuing to see him would do nothing but keep the wound raw.

“Thank you, Matthew, but I don’t see that happening.

I’m glad he was here to see you yesterday, though.”

Matthew nodded and watched her quietly.

Carrie sought for a way to change the subject. Her mind drew a blank. All she could do was sit, fighting to control her emotions.

Matthew came to her rescue, relaying stories of prison life. It gave her time to pull her thoughts back together.

“Time’s up!” the guard called into the room.

Carrie flushed. “Matthew, I’m so sorry.”

“Nonsense,” Matthew responded with a warm smile.

“It has been wonderful to have you here. You have given me a gift I have longed for, and…” He paused. “I understand unrequited love,” he finished softly.

Carrie stared at him. She hadn’t known about a lost love in his life.

“Time’s up!” the guard called again, appearing at the door.

“Merry Christmas, Carrie. Thank you for coming.”

“Merry Christmas, Matthew.” Carrie said with a catch in her throat. “I will be thinking of you.”

Two nights before Christmas found Carrie on her father’s arm as they swept up the stairs leading to a gloriously lighted home. Carrie gazed at the elegant mansion as they approached. Candles were burning in every window. Festive greenery adorned every door, window and sash. A large tree, resplendent in its Christmas finery, was the center of attention in the grand foyer.

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A doorman was waiting to take their wraps. Music played in the background as the guests entered. Carrie looked around her. Would Robert be here tonight? She tried to pull her attention back to her father and the hosts they were waiting to greet. She was being silly. She knew she must stop looking for Robert everywhere she went; after all, what good had her decision been if she was going to pine over him for the rest of her life? It was high time she focus on other young men. Maybe that would keep her mind off Robert.

When Carrie stepped into the ballroom, her plan was perfectly formulated in her mind. She would have so much fun and meet so many new men tonight, she would have no time to think of Robert.

“The first dance belongs to you, Father.”

Thomas turned to her with a bright smile. “I was never in doubt of that, dear. I was simply going to turn the young men away until I had had my fill. By the way, have I told you how ravishing you look in your Christmas gown?”

Carrie laughed. “Yes, you have. I still think you are trying to make me feel better about wearing last year’s gown.” She laughed again. “Not that I care. I’ve always thought it was silly to wear a gown once and then retire it to search for another. I loved this dress when I bought it, and I still love it,” she said. She knew she looked her best in the sweeping, red satin gown with green velvet trim. Robert had loved her in it...

Too late she remembered her vow. When the music started, she moved into her father’s arms. The dancing would claim her attention. She would make sure of it.

Laughter and chatter filled the ballroom as the music swept its way through the room. Carrie put all thoughts out of her mind and fell into the spirit of the evening.

Hard things were to be ignored and banished from significance. This was a night for enjoyment. One willing partner after another swept her through dance after dance. The music swirled around and through her.

“May I have this dance, Miss Cromwell?”

Carrie felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to meet her new partner with a smile. “Why, of course—” The

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words died on her lips. She struggled for control until managed to say quite naturally, “Hello, Robert.”

He continued to look at her, almost seeming to drink her in with his eyes. She blushed but didn’t look away.

He held out his arms and Carrie moved into them. The magic that had engulfed them the first night they had danced together at the Blackwell Ball swallowed them once again. Carrie lost touch with everything around her.

All she could see was Robert. All she could feel was the beating of her heart and his arms around her. The music faded into the background as they swirled through the room.

When the music stopped, he said nothing, just watched her quietly. When it started up again almost immediately, he swept her once more onto the floor. They were one as they glided from one dance to the other.

Carrie had no need to talk. She didn’t want to break the magic. She didn’t want reality to dash her hopes one more time. She was giving herself a Christmas present.

Finally, the music died away. They had completely ignored the call to the supper table. All around them they could hear guests calling for their wraps and carriages.

Carrie, breathing hard, stepped back.

Robert stepped back as well but didn’t release his hold on her shoulders. Finally he spoke, his voice registering an intensity she had never heard. “I would like to talk to you. May I come by tomorrow morning?”

Carrie nodded. The magic of the evening still had her in its grip. Perhaps it would continue.

Robert’s mouth tightened with frustration. He took her hand and led her through the throng of people.

Carrie followed willingly.

Robert pushed open the door to the study and pulled her into the dimly lit room, cozy from the heat of the flickering fire. Still not speaking, he led her to the large window overlooking the city. They stood silently for a few moments as they watched sparse snowflakes dance in the lights along the street.

Robert turned her to face him and gazed down at her.

“I’ve missed you, Carrie.”

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Carrie met his eyes. “And I’ve missed you, Robert.” She knew her face was saying much more. She didn’t care.

Robert continued to stare at her, obviously unsure of his words. Carrie sympathized with him. What was there to say? She had turned down his proposal of marriage. It would be insane to deny the magic that still pulsed between them, but it hadn’t been enough before. Why should it be now?

A sudden spark from the fire exploded and shot up the chimney. Robert glanced at the fire and seemed to make up his mind. He watched her closely as he drew her toward him.

Carrie did not resist. The magic of the evening held her captive. She closed her eyes and leaned forward slightly as Robert’s lips claimed hers. Her whole body trembled as his hold on her tightened, and his lips sent trails of fire down her spine. She could no more control her response to him than she could control what was happening in her country. She shuddered slightly as her arms reached up to encircle his neck, and her lips sent their own message.

A sudden noise in the hallway startled them. They drew apart simultaneously and looked at each other, breathless. Carrie fought to control her trembling. She knew she needed to regain control before someone walked in on them. The sound of footsteps heading toward the study said that would be soon.

Robert bowed and moved away, still holding her with his eyes. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said gravely.

Then he turned and walked away.

Carrie

turned

away

from

the

window

in

disappointment.

Thomas watched her from his window chair. “He’ll be here,” he said comfortingly. “Something must be holding him up.”

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Carrie shook her head. “It’s almost noon. He must have changed his mind.” She tried to hide the bitter disappointment in her voice. She turned and took a seat far from the window. She had been silly to hope again.

Silly to lie awake most of the night, dreaming that things could have changed. Silly to dance each dance over and over in her mind. Silly to relive their magical kiss.

“I’ve had a wonderful Christmas with you, Father,” she forced out. “Thank you so much.” The clock struck noon, and she rose to head for the stairs. “We will have to leave soon if we want to get all our visiting done. I will get my wraps.”

Thomas played along. “The Clays are expecting us for dinner around five o’clock. We should have plenty of time to make all our stops.”

Carrie nodded and moved toward the stairs.

Just then there was a sharp rap on the door. Carrie started and held her breath as Micah came from the back to answer it. She had not heard a carriage. Hope began to flutter once more.

“I have a message for Miss Carrie Cromwell,” a strange voice said.

Carrie moved to the door. “Thank you, Micah.” She turned to the young boy in uniform standing before her, his face intense with his mission. “I am Carrie Cromwell.

What can I do for you?”

The boy looked at her admiringly and held out a thin envelope. “Lieutenant Borden asked me to deliver this,”

he said. He hesitated a moment and blurted out, “He said the prettiest girl in Richmond would be the one to claim it. He was right.” The soldier flushed crimson.

Carrie smiled gently and reached out to take the envelope. Already, her hopes were withering. “Thank you,” she said graciously. “And Merry Christmas.” Then she closed the door and stood in the entryway, staring at the letter.

“What is it?” Thomas called.

Carrie walked woodenly into the parlor. “A note from Robert.”

Books 1 & 2 of The Bregdan Chronicles 803

Her father said nothing, but she knew he was waiting.

She peeled open the envelope and pulled out the single sheet.

My dear Carrie,

It is with great disappointment and sorrow that I write this letter. I have been called away to join Jackson on the front. I am leaving early in the morning. My heart longs to talk with you, but I’m afraid that is impossible. Thank you for a wonderful evening of magic. I will carry you in my heart. Merry Christmas.

Love,

Robert

Carrie read the first three sentences out loud to her father and then carefully folded the letter and put it in her pocket. “I believe I hear the carriage being called.

We’d best be on our way.”

It wasn’t until late that night that Carrie let the tears come that had been choking her throat. Somehow she had managed to hold them back all day, smiling brightly as they visited from house to house. The effort had left her exhausted. After kissing her father goodnight, she had escaped to her room. Too exhausted to prepare for sleep, she had fallen across her bed. It had taken only moments for the hot tears to push past the barriers she had erected. Finally, too drained to cry any more, she lay quietly on her bed, her heart squeezed with pain.

She heard the clock chiming midnight before she moved again. She walked over to the desk in her room and found a piece of paper and a pen. She began to write.

Dear Robert,

I have a confession to make. I love you with all my heart. In spite of the fact that you have hatred

Storm Clouds Rolling In & On To Richmond 804

and anger toward the black people I love so much, I love you. I have tried not to. I have told myself that I didn’t. But the truth is inescapable. You are the only man who has ever captured my heart, and I will love you forever.

I am convinced, however, that marriage between us would never work. The tensions and misunderstandings would someday destroy the love that burns so brightly between us. I would rather endure the pain I am suffering now than watch that happen. My heart could not stand it.

I have searched my heart deeply tonight, and I have come to accept the truth. I merely thought I had let you go, but I didn’t really. I was sure you would change your mind—that your heart would change, and we could be together. I have been living my life, but not as fully as I should because I have been waiting for you. I cannot continue to live that way.

I have reached a decision tonight. Once again, I have completely given you up. It is the only way I can live. Given enough time, I am sure my heart will move past its love for you. I love you too much to continue seeing you. Please do not make any attempts to communicate with me. If you love me, you will heed my wishes.

I hope for you a wonderful life.

Love,

Carrie

Carrie wiped the tears away from her eyes as she finished the letter and carefully sealed and addressed the envelope.

Unbidden, a picture of Robert on the front, suffering cold and fatigue, sprang to her mind. For several long minutes, she held the letter in her hand and stared at it.

She stood and moved toward the crackling fire that still flickered in her fireplace. Kneeling, she held the letter to the flames and watched as the words that poured from her heart crumbled into ashes.

Books 1 & 2 of The Bregdan Chronicles 805