Angel….
What the hell is that annoying peeping sound? I try opening my eyes but they feel heavy. Where the hell am I? I look around the room with blurry vision. I am in a hospital? That would explain the damn beeping what I am doing here? How did I even get here? The last thing I remember was talking to Tabios. My whole body fucking hurts I feel like I’ve been run over by a fucking truck. “Hey” Tabios walks in with his hands tuck inside of his pockets. I am so fucking relief to see him even if deep down my heart is bleeding. He looks so fucking beautiful “How’s your arm?” I ask with a scratchy voice. It feels like I have a fucking dessert in my throat. He shrugs his shoulder “I’ve been through worst” he smiles. I close my eyes trying to hide my tears, it hurts seeing him, having him this close. I can’t be around him it hurts too much. “What’s wrong?” he rushed to my side.
“Nothing” I answer. He runs his thumb under my eyes “Open your eyes baby” he says softly. I open my eyes and stare into his “I am sorry” he says. I nod my head “I am sorry too”. I am sorry for not telling him the truth maybe things would have been different if I did. “No it’s not your fault I know what really happen between you and that bastard” he says. Oh God he knows. I cover my face with my hands as I weep “I am damaged goods; I understand if you don’t want to be with me but I need you to leave I can’t have you close to me it hurts. I feel like my heart is eating itself,” I need him to leave it’s too painful having him here. I feel the bed move as his arm go around me. His scent invades my nose and I let go of everything I’ve been holding in.
“I am not going anywhere and you aren’t damage good,” he pulls back to look at me “Angel I love you and I can’t live without you been there done that and I don’t like it”. I don’t want to be without him either but I don’t know if I can trust him again. I don’t know if I can give him my heart again. “I love you too,” I say with a stuffy nose.
“You do?” he smiles. Of course I love him I’ve been in love with him this whole time I just didn’t want to admit it. I nod my head “But I don’t think this is going to work out”. Hearing those words is like stabbing my own heart. I love him but I can’t go through this again. He pulls back from me and I instantly feel empty. “What?” he ask shock. I look down at my hands because if I look into those eyes I am going to end up giving in. “You know how it ended last time. I felt like I was dying,” I confess “all I did was stay in bed crying, I couldn’t even eat, any time I would try I would just throw it back up, my heart hurt so bad that I actually thought I was having a heart attack. I can’t do that again Tabios. I love you but I have to watch out for myself” tears roll down my face. I can’t put myself throw that again. This is going to be the end of me if I don’t put a stop to it now. “No” he says. I knew he wasn’t going to make this easy for me that’s the reason why I didn’t want to see him. I shake my head “Is not up to you” I avoid looking at him. “Angel you can’t do this” he grabs my hand in his. I pull my hand out of his “You have to leave”. I need him to leave. “Angel listen to me you can’t do this not now” he says.
“Why not now?” I lift my head “because now you decided you want to be with me? You have some fucking nerve, you think this is game? That you can pick me up and throw me whenever the hell you feel like it? well I am sorry to tell you this but I am not a fucking toy, if you think for one minute that because I love you I am going to-“
“Because you’re pregnant that’s why” he says shutting me up. What the hell is he talking about? “What?” I lean back. Who’s pregnant? Not me that’s for sure. “You’re pregnant” he says again. I shake my head as I laugh “No I am not,” I say. I can’t be pregnant. That’s crazy. “Yes you are the doctor told us” he says.
“He probably got my chart confuse” I say. There is no way I am pregnant I just had my period like…oh shit! Oh shit! I missed my period this month. I thought it was late because I been stress out. “Oh shit, how did this happen?” I ask to myself. We’ve been careful; we always used condoms except for that one time in the back room. Damn the back room!
“Well it all starts with a hard dick,” Tabios jokes. I slap his arm “This isn’t a joke I am pregnant!” I yell the last part. “I don’t even like kids, they are messy and sticky, I don’t even know how to be a mom, oh God what if I end up being like my mom? I did get pregnant by the bastard that broke my heart, what if the baby looks like you? Oh God I am going to hate my baby!” I start bawling. How could this happen? I must be fucking curse or something. This can’t be happening. I don’t want to hate my baby. I don’t want my baby to suffer like I did.
“First off Ouch, I am truly sorry for hurting you, second you aren’t going to hate that baby you’ll be a great mother,” he says. I croak my eyebrow at him “Really a great mother? Because I had a wonderful example” I cry. I can’t stop myself from crying what the hell is wrong with me? “Okay maybe not a great mother but an okay mother” he jokes trying to calm me down.
“How do you know? Are you some kind of fucking physic?” I ask. Now I am mad. I am mad at him for getting me pregnant and I am made at me for getting pregnant. Damn that back room! I am going to have it remove when I go back to work. He shakes his head “Do you hate me?” he takes a seat. What the hell does that got to do with anything? “Tabios I am not in the mood right now” I say as I look up at the ceiling.
What the hell I am going to do? I don’t know how to be a mom and I don’t have no one to teach me. “Answer the question do you hate me?” he ask. Of course I don’t hate him. I almost died when Manic shot him. I felt like my soul was ripped out of me. “No,” I answer “I want to hurt you but no I don’t hate you” I say truthfully. I am still pissed off at him. He cups my faces in between his hands “Now, think about the baby” he says. He places our hands over my stomach. “Think about how excited we’re going to get when you belly expands, think about how happy we’ll be when they tell us it’s a boy, a handsome boy that has his mommies icy blue eyes and her smile, picture the moment he enters the world and he looks at you with those big blues, what do you feel?” he ask.
I feel a knot as big as a baseball in my throat just thinking of having his baby makes my chest expand with joy. The true of the matter is that I love Tabios with every last cell in my body and I would love to have his kids. I can just picture a little boy with his big hazel eyes. “What if it’s a girl?” I ask. He shakes his head “Then I am going to be in some deep shit if she looks her mother” he says making me laugh. “Oh God I am pregnant” I cry.
“We’re pregnant” Tabios leans in to kiss me. I wrap my arm around his neck and shove my tongue inside of his mouth. Kissing him feels so fucking right; I’ve missed him so much. His kiss makes it all worth it. “I love you” Tabios says. I take in a deep breath “I love you too but if you ever fuck up again I’ll kill you”.
He leans back “Is that a yes?” he smiles. I can’t stop thinking about what my dad said in his letter. I don’t want to end up like him all alone because I could never get over my first love and on the other hand I can’t imagen my life without Tabios I need him like I need air. Wow that was fucking corny. “Yes but I am serious about killing you, Hope is a nurse you know” I say. He chuckles “I won’t disappoint you or him” he places his hand on my stomach. Seeing how happy he is about this baby makes my heart warm. “Are you ready for this?” I ask him.
He shakes his head “Hell no but if you’re with me I know everything is going to be perfect” he says making me choke on my tears. I cup the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. “I love you” I whisper. “Mmm,” he hums “I can get used to hearing that”. He takes off his boots and climb into the bed with me “Sleep baby” he tucks me under his arm. “But I am not even tired” I say. He slides his hand up my thighs “I can think of a few things we can do to get you tired”. My legs quiver as he slides up my thighs. “In the hospital, you know people died on this bed right?” I ask s my heart starts racing. He nuzzles my neck with his nose “Umm talk dirt to me baby” He tucks his hand inside of my panties. “Of fuck it,” they are dead already” I say. He laughs and I feel it all over my body “That’s my girl” he covers us with the covers.