Angel……
It’s been a week since I got in my car and drove the hell out of that town. I needed to put some distant between me and him. I couldn’t stomach the idea of seeing him every night at the club, just thinking about it makes my heart hurt or whatever is left of it anyways. I’ve been walking around like a fucking zombie. All I fucking do is cry I can’t even fucking eat. Whenever I try eating it comes right back up at first I thought about going back home to my mom but I refuse to go through that hell again so I decided to come to the house my dad left me, it’s a 2 hour drive from where I was staying with Hope. No one knows about this place not even Hope so I’ll be safe here. I haven’t even talked to Hope I know if I call her she is going to want me to tell her my location
I have to admit when I first came here I couldn’t believe my eyes how beautiful this house is. The house is on the beach, the beach is literally my fucking backyard it’s fucking beautiful. I get to see the sunrise and the sunset. The house is position right in the center so when the sun comes up the house lights up in all different shade of red and when it goes down as well. I didn’t know my father had such a good taste. The house is beautiful. Everything inside is new it’s like if no one ever lived here. There aren’t a lot of things inside the house. There is a big TV flat screen in the living room that is actually inside the wall. There are black couches nothing special. The kitchen was stock with food but I had to throw half of it out because it was rotten or expire. He had a few plates and cups noting out of the ordinary. There are two bedrooms they each have brand new beds and sheets I know because they still had there tags on them. I don’t know which one was his because there are no cloths in the bedrooms. I picked the bed with the silk sheets I don’t know who room that was but whoever it was has great taste.
I reach for my purse to get my phone out. I haven’t charged it since the last night I was at Hope’s. I know she must be worrying sick because I haven’t made contact with her. I should call her. As I reach for my phone the white envelope falls to the ground. I forgot I even had this letter with everything that has been going on. I reach for the envelope. There is no better time than now to read it; I might as well get it over with. I settle into the bed as I get ready to read the letter my father left me.
Dear Angel
Hi, damn that was lame. I’ve thought so hard and long about what my first words would be to my daughter and the first thing that came out was Hi. How lame am I? I can’t believe I have a daughter. I don’t know what your mother told you about me but I am guess it wasn’t nothing nice.
I admit that I did commit some mistake in my life and for that I am truly sorry. I also know that saying sorry isn’t going to make anything better but how about my side of the story? You’re mother and I met at a very young age. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on I fell for her the moment I met her. I don’t know if you knew this but your mother comes from a wealthy family and I had nothing to offer her but my love. I knew that if I wanted to marry your mother I was going to have to work my ass off. She was used to a different world than me and I wasn’t going to deprave her from it so I came up with a plan. I was going to work my ass off to give her everything of course back then I didn’t think about the problem it was going to bring me.
Since I spend most of my time working I didn’t have time to spend it with your mom and the free time I did have I was too tired to even breathe. This caused a huge problem with your mother because she didn’t see the bigger picture. I was doing all of this so she could be happy I didn’t want her to resent me for losing what she had. You’re mother got tired of it and she decided to put an end to our relationship. I have to admit I ‘ve never felt so much pain in my life, it was like someone ripped my heart right out of my chest without giving me any warning.
I was devastated, the world that I was building suddenly collapse around me. Your mother walked away from me taking my heart with her. The next time I saw your mother was about 4 months after we broke up. You can imagen my surprise when I saw her belly. I knew in my heart that the belly belong to me but when I asked her about it she told me it was from someone else. If she ripped my heart out the day she walked away from me with those words she made sure my heart would never beat again. That day I pack all my belongings and I left. I couldn’t be in the same town as her. I wouldn’t be able to see how her belly grew and knowing that it should have be me by her side and not someone else.
Over the years I dedicated myself to my work. I never got marry and I never had any other children, I couldn’t bear the thought of going through what I went with your mother again. I close my heart the day your mother walked out on me and I made sure never to open it again. One day I decided to go back into town to visit some old friends and it just so happen I ran into some one whom knew her. We started talking about her and that’s when they told me about the baby girl who looked just like me. I told them that they were confuse because I wasn’t the father but I was the confuse one.
I was so intrigue about this baby girl that looked like me that I decided to go see it with my own eyes. So I found out where she was living and headed her way. As soon as I laid eyes on you I knew you were mine. You had my eyes, my hair, and my smile. God you were beautiful. I demanded an explanation. Why did she lie to me? Your mother being the stubborn woman that she is slammed the door on me. I told her I was going to come back that I wanted to see you. Now that I knew you were mine I wasn’t going to let her keep you from me.
The next day I went back and to my surprise your mother had pack everything up and moved. I never saw you or her again. I hired a private investigator to try to find you but it was like if you never existed. When I did finally found you again, you were all grown up. You were a senior in high school. I called your mom and we met up. She told me that you didn’t want to see me that you hated me for not being in your life. I remind her that it was her fault for keeping us apart. I wanted to get to know you but I didn’t want your hate. I loved you before even knowing you were mine, just the thought of you refusing me or hating me was unbearable.
I know now that I made the worst decision ever but I was scare. I was scare of you hating me. My heart never did recover from what your mother did. Even though you never knew it I was there watching over you. I was there the day you graduated from high school, I was there when you got arrested for stealing your mother’s boyfriend’s car, and I was there when you pack for collage. I even moved to the same town as you to keep an eye on you. My point is that I was always watching over you. After all you are my baby girl the best gift the world ever gave to me. I know that I can never make up for not being in your life and trust me that is something that I had to live with all my life. I know it isn’t much but the house on the ocean is yours. Not because I am leaving it to you but because I built it for you. When I found out I had a daughter I wanted to make sure that when I died she was going to be taking care of. I couldn’t create the perfect world for you but at least I could create the perfect house. I invested all my savings in this project I hope you like it if not you can sell it.
A few days ago I was diagnose with cancer and there is no treatment. The cancer is already in the last stage so I don’t have much time. I thought about looking for you but I didn’t want to be selfish. Why look for you now when I am so close to death? I didn’t want to cause you that pain of getting to know me only to lose me again. I just want to tell you that I am sorry baby girl. If I could go back and do things differently I would change everything. I just want you to know that I always loved you and I will die loving you. If you’re anything like me and I am sure you are don’t make the same mistake your mother and I did. Don’t run from the people you love because at the end of the day you’re only hurting yourself. I love you baby girl and I wish you the best in life please forgive me for everything I didn’t do. Live your life to the fullest and don’t be afraid to love and to be love even if it hurts. I promise you it will hurt more being alone. Don’t blame your mother for what she did; she was trying to protect herself from the pain just like I was. Love you baby girl until we see each other again. Take care.
Oh my God. I press the letter to my chest. He loved me! He wanted me! Oh my God my dad loved me. All this year of hating him for not wanting me, only to find out I was wrong. He did want me but it was my mother who kept me away from him. How could she? I turn on my phone and dial her number. “Hello?” she picks up on the second ring. “How could you?” I ask, just hearing her voice starts the fire inside of me. “Angel?” she asks.
“No Marie fucking Poppins” I whip my tears. I don’t want her even thinking about me crying. “Well, well, well, look who remember she has a mother” she says. “Oh please Martha we both know that you are everything but a mother” my anger is getting the best of me. “Then what the fuck do you want?” she snarls. “I want to know why you kept me from my father.” I ask. I still can’t believe she did that. All my fucking life I grew up thinking my father didn’t want me. I grew up resenting the wrong fucking parent. I always thought I got stuck with the good parent because unlike my father at least my mom stayed. “What father? You don’t have one” she answers cutting me even more. How can this monster be my mother? “Yeah because you didn’t allow me to have one” I yell. I am so fucking pissed off right now. “You better-“she starts saying but I interrupt her.
“I better nothing Martha; there is no fucking excuse for what you did to me. Not only did you keep me from knowing my father but you let me grow up hating him for something you did. I am fucking tired of trying to find an explanation for the way you fucking treat me, the truth is that there is no explanation you’re just a heartless cold bitch, I am done with you, if you don’t want to be part of my life fine don’t be, I am tired of trying and always getting slap in the fucking face. From on you’re dead just like my father”. I am done trying to build a relationship with her it’s obvious she don’t want one so why keep trying? “James is dead?” she asks. “Oh don’t act like you care now, bye Marie” I hang up. I throw my phone against the wall. I am so fucking pissed. How could she? How could he? Why? I pull the sheets off the bed and start throwing everything round; it feels great getting rid of some of this anger.
I hate my mom for keeping my father away from me, for keeping the only fucking person who loved me away from me. I hate my father for not fight for me, for not letting me choice if I wanted him in my life or not but I hate him more for fucking dying before even getting to know him. I will never know what it feels like to be wanted by a parent, I will never know what one of his hugs would feel like, I would never know the sound of his laugh, or the way my name sound coming out of his mouth, or hearing him saying he loves me. I hate Manic for all he did to me. For the hell he put me through l. I hate him for raping me; I hate him for taking the one good thing in my fucking life. And last but not least I fucking hate Tabios! For making me open my heart too him, for promising me to keep me safe from everyone, for promising never to hurt me, for promising me a future a life that I will never have and most importantly for making me fall in love with him. I drop on the floor; I am out of breath and crying my eyes out. The room is a fucking mess, he build this house for me. My father, build this house for me. I reach for the phone and dial Hope’s number.
“Oh my God Angel!” she picks up on the first ring. “Hope I need you” I say in between hiccups. “Where are you? Are you okay? What happen?” she says. “I need you Hope” I burst out. I can’t do this on my own is too much pain. I am not only mourning the father I never had but I am also mourning my mother and the love of my life. My heart is bleeding and I don’t know how to deal with this pain, it’s driving me crazy. “Tell me where you are and I am there” she says.
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The doorbell rings and I am in the exact same spot that I was in when I was talking to Hope. I couldn’t find the energy to move. I stand and with heavy legs walk towards the door. “Oh Hun” Hope wraps me in her arms as soon as I open the door. My knees give up on and before I know it we’re both on the floor crying it feels so fucking good to have contact with someone. “What’s wrong Angel?” Hope tries calming me down. I hold on to her shirt like my lifer depended on it. Everyone else in my life that I love are leaving me I can’t let her leave me too. If I lose Hope, I would literally lose hope. She is the only person I have left in this world. “I can’t keep going” I cry. I have no more fighting in me. I give up. I am done fight destiny. “Come here Hun” Hope lifts me up. She closes the door behind me and walks me to the couch. “Now tell me what’s going on”. I reach into my pockets and pull out my father’s letter to hand it over to her. I pull my knees to my chest and lay my head on them.
“Oh Angel,” Hope finally says after reading the letter. I nod my head “And the worst part is that I called her and ask why, and she didn’t have an answer. She did it out of pure evilness. Hope all this time I thought she hated me because my father broke her heart but comes to find out she was the one that broke his heart and she hates me just because” I say crying. at least before I had an excuse why my mother treated me the way she did but now I have nothing. Hope wraps her arms around me “It’s going to be okay”. I am tired of hearing that nothing is going to be okay. I push her off me “No it’s not Hope!,” I stand “nothing is going to be okay ever, I have a mother that hates me, a father who loved me but I never met, there is a fucking psycho hunting me down like some kind of fucking animal, and the person I love dump me like if I was garbage”. I think I am going to be sick. I feel my stomach turning. I run to the bathroom just in time to throw up. “Have you eating anything?” Hope asks. I shake my head “Not hungry” I lay my head against the cold toile, it feels so good. “Take a shower I am going to order some food you need to eat something” she walks out. I don’t bother fighting her I have no energy.
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Do you feel better?” Hope asks as she brushed my hair out. I have to admit taking a shower did calm me down but I still feel like shit. I feel like I am in this black hole with no way out and every time I try getting out the hole gets deeper. I shake my head because I am afraid to even talk right now. I am trying my best to hold back my tears. “I know baby girl but I promise it will get better” she wraps her arms around me. Having Hope here makes me feel a little better. I know that she’ll take care of me even if I don’t want her too. I lay my head on her shoulder “He build this house for me” my voice comes out thick due to all the tears I am trying to hold in. “I know that is so awesome” she strokes my back trying to comfort me. I nod my head as I tighten my hold on the blanket. I know it’s going to sound strange but this house makes me feel love. My father designed this house with me on his mind and the crazy part is that I wouldn’t change anything. I love this house.
I love the fact that I am so close to the ocean. I love the ocean! When I was a child I always dreamed about living in the ocean, I wanted to be a mermaid so freaking bad. There is something about the ocean that calms me. I love the way the ocean air smells, I love feeling the sand in between my toes, I love seeing how the sky changes color every day and every night, I love seeing how bright the starts shine in the sky and especially their reflection on the water. I love this house and it sucks that I will never be able to tell my father that. “Life is unfair” I blurt out.
“Tell me about it” Hope agrees. Poor Hope I am over here crying because I had a father that loved me meanwhile Hope doesn’t even know who her parents are. “You’re the best you know that?” I ask. I’ve never heard her complain once about not knowing who her parents are and yet she is here comforting me as I go through my dramas. “Umm promise me you’ll still think that when I tell you this” she says. I tilt my head up to look at her “What”. There is nothing Hope can tell me that will make me change my mind about her.
“It’s about Tabios” just hearing his name makes my heart ache. I can’t talk about him right now it’s just too much. I shake my head “No,” that’s all I say. I don’t want to know anything about him. He made his choice and there is no going back. I gave him a chance and we all know how that ended. “But-“she tries to talk but I shake my head again “No Hope I can’t” my throat starts closing up on me. The doorbell rings and I quickly jump up “That should be the food”. I am not hungry but I am so glad for the interruption. “I’ll get it” I say as I walk towards the door. I looked through the hole and I freeze when I see who is on the other side of the door. Holly shit! Manic!
How did he find me? No one knew about this place. I’ve been here for a whole week and I’ve never had a visitor not even once. My heart is pounding against my chest so hard that I am sure he can hear it. “Open the door” Hope reaches for the door but I slap her arm away. “Shh” I turn and cover her mouth before she can say anything else “Listen to me, look for a place to hide and call the cops” I quickly whisper. I don’t have time to explain to her what’s going on. “Oh Lucy, Ricky is home” Manic holler as he kicks the door causing us to flinch. Hope eyes bug out as she realize who that voice belongs too. “Go” I shove her. I need to keep her safe. I don’t even want to think about what Manic will do if he knows she is here. “Come with me” she whispers as she pulls on my arm. “I can’t” I pull back. I can’t let him find her. I know he isn’t going to kill me but I can’t say the same for her. “I AM GOING TO COUNT TO 3” Manic yells.
“Go” I whisper to Hope. “ONE” he kicks the door. Hope hugs me “I am scare Angel” she says as she shivers. I am fucking terrified but the last thing I need is for Hope to break down on me right now so I put on my brave face. “I know but everything is going to be alright I promise” I whisper. I sure as hell hope so. “TWO” there is another kick.
“Go, go, go” I push her as she runs to find a spot to hide. I wipe my face and prepare for what’s coming. I rather die than to let Manic put a hand on me. “THREE” the door flies open “Hello darling” he smirks. My body breaks out in goosebumps. “What are you doing here?” I ask as I step back. If only I can get to the kitchen and find a knife. “Oh that’s not the way to treat your Old Man” he walks in.
“You’re not my Old Man” I sneer with disgust. “Oh so who is? Barbie?” he asks as he walks in. Fuck he knows about Tabios. Now I know where Tabios got all that bull shit from. “Yes what is it to you?” I ask. I need to buy time for Hope to find a way out of here. “I don’t think so,” he tsk “I’ve been watching him and I know that you two aren’t together” he says. Fuck! I need to come up with something. “What do you want?” I ask as I look around the room trying to find anything I can use as a weapon. “I am here to take you home” he smirks. I am not going anywhere with him. “You’re going to have to kill me first” I say.
“Don’t give me any ideas” he pulls out a gun and points at me. I am not afraid of dying if he thinks he is going to scare me with that he is wrong. “Go ahead shoot” I challenge him, if only he knew he would be doing me a favor. I rather die than to leave with him. “I am not going to kill you baby,” he sneers “but I can’t make any promises about your friend”.
Hope yells from the bedroom. Oh God Hope. Without even thinking I quickly turn around. “Don’t” Manic yells. I look over my shoulder “Fuck you”. When I turn back I see Hope enter the room with one of Manic’s man behind her. “Let her go” I order him. He tightens his hold on Hopes neck “She smells so fucking tasty” he licks the side of her face. Hope tries fighting him but he tightens his hold on her “I like them feisty”. Oh God I think I am going to be fucking sick. I start walking towards them I need to help her. “Angel watch out!” she yells but before I can even turn around I feel Manic’s arm around me. “Now let’s have some fun” he whispers into my ear. My eyes go directly to Hope “Don’t hurt her” I beg. Manic chuckles from behind me, causing the little hairs on the back of my neck to stand up “That depends on how nice you play”.
“NO! ANGEL!” Hope yells as she tries escaping. Tears roll down my face. There is no way I am going to let them hurt her. I try reaching for Hope but Manic swings me to the couch “Now we can do this the easy way,” he says as he stands over me “Angel do you want to be my Old Lady?”. Is he fucking kidding me? “HELL NO” I yell as I look at him directly in the eyes like I said before I rather die. He shakes his head and before I can even see it coming he slaps me across the face. “NO! ANGEL!” Hope cries as she tries to escape but dick head lifts her up. “Let go of me!” she starts kicking her legs in the air. “You fucking bitch” Manic pulls my head back “Don’t you understand that you are mine”. I lick the blood off my lips “You fucking wish”. His nose flares he lets go of my hair and back hand smack me. “STOP! STOP! PLEASE!” Hope cries. I lift my head to look at her “It’s okay Hope he hits like a bitch anyways” I laugh. I know I am not helping my case but I can’t keep quite. Manic chuckles “Oh yeah?” he ask as he punches me in the face. For a quick second everything goes black all I hear is Hope calling my name. “I’ll show you what this bitch can do” he lifts me off the couch and drags me towards the room. “No, don’t do it please” Hope begs for me. I will not give him the pleasure of hearing me beg for my life. I don’t know how I am going to get out of this but I’ll find a way like always.
He kicks my bedroom door open and swings me onto the bed “I’ll show you who the bitch is” he says as he close the door. “You think raping me makes you a man?” I laugh as I wipe my nose. Maybe I can get him mad enough that he won’t want to fuck me. “Nah, I do it because I like it” he says as he unbuckles his pants. I have to fight back the urge to throw up. He walks over to the night stand and places his gun down. If only I can get to that gun I would blow his fucking head off. “Now, come show me what that pretty mouth of yours can do”. He pulls me by my feet as I try to crawl away. I swing and hit him right in the nose. “Fuck!” he growls as he pins me to the bed. “You know I like it ruff” he smirks.
I spit in his face “Fuck you”. I try fighting him off me but he has a good hold on me. He slaps me across the face. I think I hear my jaw break. He leans down trying to kiss me but I move my head to the side. Feeling his breath on my skin again disgust me “Oh baby” he runs his filthy nasty hands over my body. I can’t fight the urge to throw up any more so I just let it go.
“What the fuck?” Manic growls as he pushes himself off me. He looks down at his shirt “Fucking disgusting” he takes it off. I drop to the floor feeling light headed. I have no energy left in me. I feel like I am losing consciousness. “I can’t believe this shit,” I hear Manic as he retches. I can’t help but to smile. “Look what you did,” he walks back to me and throws his shirt at me. “Fucking bitch you did this on purpose” he lift his hand to hit me. I close my eyes and wait for the blow. A loud noise comes from the living room. “What the fuck?” Manic says and I quickly open my eyes. “Oh God!” I hear Hope yell. I quickly stand and run for the door “Hope”. I am almost half way there when I Manic pulls be back from my hair. “Where do you think you’re going?” he asks. As I open my mouth to speak there is a loud gunshot coming from the living room. I feel my soul leave my body and I go pale. Oh God Hope!