Angel
I swear if I look at my phone one more time I am going to hit myself over the head with a bottle. I’ve been checking my phone none stop like my life depends on it. “Nothing yet Hun?” Hope asks as she catches me looking at my phone. Hope had off today so she decided to come down and give me a hand. Well that’s her excuse the real reason she is here is to make sure I don’t become a murder or to help me out with the body if things get out of hand. “When did I become that girl?” I drop my head on the table. She looks at me like she has no idea what I am talking about. “You know that girl who checks her phone every minute hoping it rings or hoping to find a text message, that girl that every time the door opens looks over her shoulder, the girl that can’t seem to think about anything else but him, what if something happen to him? Just thinking about it makes me sick” I rant. I am mad at him but I am not that mad that I want to see him in a hospital bed, not unless I put him there myself. Hope grabs my hand in hers “When you fell in love” she says. I shake my head “I am not in love”. She frowns and pulls me in for a hug “He probably has a good reason for not answering your calls” she says trying to calm me down.
For his sake I sure hope so. I thought everything was going great we finally were on the same page I don’t know what went wrong. Maybe all he wanted was to get me into bed or maybe he just wanted to get back at me for leaving him. The club door opens and my eyes fly to the door and that’s where I see him walk in. My heart skips a beat as he enters the club. I am so relief to see him. I look him over once making sure he has all his body parts. Two hands check, two legs check, head, eyes, nose, his beautiful face is still beautiful there is nothing wrong with him as far as I can see. I am so relief that nothing happen to him but now I have more of a reason to be furious. “He is dead” I say under my breath. Hope pulls back from me “No, hun he isn’t dead stop thinking shit like that” she says. I nod my head towards him “He isn’t dead yet but he will be soon”. She turns around to see him “I have the getaway car waiting for us outside and if that don’t work I have bail money”. I can’t help but to smile at her. No matter what I can count on her to have my back.
My smile drops to the floor when Tabios and I lock eyes. Josh says something to him but he just nods his head. He clenches his jaw as he walks towards me. Is he seriously mad right now? Is he fucking kidding me? He is the one that has been MIA all fucking day and he thinks he has the right to be mad? Ha, he got some fucking nerve. “He looks mad” Hope says as he gets closer. “Welcome to the club” I mumble. He stops in front of the table never taking his eyes off me “I need to talk to you, NOW” he says eagerly. I tilt my head to the side debating if I should curse him the fuck out in front of everybody or give him the same treatment he gave me all day. I hop off the stool “Oh really? Well I don’t I got shit to do and honestly I don’t have time” I walk away. Who the hell does he think he is? Walking in here like he owns the place and then he has the nerves to be making demands. I feel his hand go around my arm as he spins me around “I said now”. What the fuck is his problem? His breath smells like straight up alcohol. All this fucking time he couldn’t answer my fucking calls because he was busy drinking? “Let go of her” Hope jumps in.
“Brunette I don’t think-“ Josh tries getting in but Hope quickly turns her fury on him. “My name is Hope and I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think or don’t think, he needs to let go of her right now!” she yells. Josh takes a step towards Hope “Oh little brunette talk to me like that again and my palm will be all over the delicious ass of yours”. Oh hell no, I pull my arm out of Tabios hold “Come on Hope” I pull her away from Josh. I know bikers and this biker wants a piece of Hope which is not happening. I turn to face Tabios “Office now”. I walk Hope towards Chase “Stay here I’ll be back and stay away from dark and dangerous trust me you don’t want anything he is offering”. Hope nods her head. I turn towards Chase “Watch her and no matter what you hear coming out of that office don’t let no one come in” I say. “But” he tries to say something but I shake my head “NO one”.
I turn to walk towards my office, if Tabios wants a fight then a fight he will get. I open the door and close it behind me. Tabios is seating in my chair with a bottle of Jack in front of him, I take the seat in front of the desk. I cross my arms in front of me “I see you have both of your hands and all ten fingers”. He croaks an eyebrow at me “Why wouldn’t I?” he ask. I shake my head “For no reason”. His fresh tone is aggravating me. “Let’s talk shall we?” he pours out a drink and slides it towards me. “I don’t drink while on the job” I say without moving. All I want to do right now is throw that drink in his fucking face. “I have a feeling you’ll going to need this” he smirks. That smirk makes a cold shiver run through my body and not in a good way. “I am not in the mood to be playing games” I say annoyed. He nods his head “Me either, so I’ll get to the point, who’s Manic?” he ask. My arms drop as everything around me stops. Fuck! How does he know about Manic? “Ha,” he fakes laugh “I bet that shot is looking pretty fucking great right about now? Hell yea it is but I am going to need a whole fucking bottle for this conversation. “How do you know about Manic?” I ask. I need to know if Manic is close by I need to be prepare. I can’t shake his threat if he is here shit is going to get ugly. “Unbelievable, you aren’t even going to fucking deny it?” he shakes his head.
“Deny it? For what you obviously know I know him or else you wouldn’t be asking me about him” I say trying to make a point. I was going to tell him about Manic when the time was right, it’s not like I was going to hide it from him forever. Plus there is nothing to hide. He was just someone I fucked and that’s it, it’s not like I am asking him to make me a list of all the whores he has slept with. “So it’s true” he takes a shot out of the bottle. “What? That I know him?” I ask confuse. I wish I didn’t know that monster but I do. I guess I am going to have to tell Tabios everything. I take in a big breath “Tabios I-”.
“I know” he interrupts me. He knows? How? I feel myself going pale. Oh God. Everything makes sense now that’s why he’s been avoiding me. He knows I am damage good. He knows what Manic did to me and now he is disgusted with me. “Oh” tears start to build up in my eyes. I slump back to the chair and bite the inside of my mouth trying to keep the tears in. Why the hell do I feel like crying? I knew this was going to happen as soon as he found out that’s why I was holding it back from him. I blink as fast as I can, trying to get rid of the tears. “Oh?” he tilts his head to the side “That’s all you got to fucking say?” he raise his voice. What does he want me to say? I am sorry for getting rape? It’s not my fault it happened. Oh God, is he blaming me for it? “It wasn’t my fault” I say under my breath. At this point I don’t know if I am trying to convince him or myself. Maybe my mom was right and all of this was my fault.
“It’s not your fault?” he fakes laugh. Why is he being so heartless? I feel my throat closing up as I drown on the tears I am holding back. “It wasn’t my fault” I raise my voice at him. I don’t care what no one says I know it wasn’t my fault. “Come on Angel do you think I am fucking stupid?” he leans into the table “I must admit you had me going. The whole ‘I am scare to love you’ bull shit it was good” he nods. I lean into my chair trying to understand what the hell is going on here? Why is he being so cold and mean towards me? “You’re being unfair” I say. I feel like someone is peeling my heart like some kind of orange. “I am being unfair? How about you Angel? What you did was fair?” he asks as he slams his hand down on the desk.
“What did I do to you? I kept some personal information that I wasn’t ready to share with you yet, I didn’t know that was a fucking crime!” I yell as I lean into the desk. I am fucking tired of him using this against me. I am fucking tired of getting stab in the fucking back by the people I fucking love. I have to focus on the anger I have or I am going to break down and the last fucking thing I want to do is break down in front of him. “Some personal information?” he stands and walks towards me “Like the fucking fact that Manic is your fucking Old Man? That isn’t something you keep from someone who is trying to build something with you” he lifts me up by my arm. What Manic my Old Man? What the hell is he talking about?
“Let go of me” I swing my arm out of his hold. I don’t give a fuck how mad he is I will never let another man put their hands on me if I don’t want to especially if they are made. “Or what? You’re going to tell your Old Man?” he tightens his hold on my arm as he mocks me. He isn’t hurting me but I can feel how anger he is. “Seriously you have to let go of me now” I warn him. I know he won’t hurt me but I don’t want to take the chance to be honest. “NO” he yells as he kicks the desk back into the wall causing me to flinch. All the papers fly out as the chairs roll all over the place. “Tabios let go of me please” I beg. Tears start building up again. I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold them back this time. I am fucking afraid memories of that night comes running back. Instead of Tabios standing in front of me all I see is Manic. My stomach starts turning and I think I am going to be sick. “Why Angel?” he tilts my face for me to look at him in the eyes.
“Tabios this is all a huge misunderstanding if you would let go of me and let me explain” tears start rolling down my face. There is so much pain in his eyes that It hurts me. if he would only let me explain. He runs his thumb under my eyes “I am sorry baby,” he whispers. He leans his forehead against mine. I close my eyes and smell him in; his scent always calms me down. This is the Tabios I know the one that I love. Holly shit! I love him and I am not afraid to admit it. “I can’t do this anymore” he whisper softly. My eyes fly open as I lean back to get a better look at him “What?” I ask. What is he talking about? He can’t keep fight with me or he can’t do this period? He squeezes his eyes with his fingers “I am sorry Angel but I can’t do this anymore, you lied to me and I can’t trust you” he says as he pulls away from me. I want to wrap my arms around him and pin him to me but I can’t move. “I think it’s better for the both of us to just go our separate ways, you can go back to your Old Man and I’ll just go back to my old life” he runs his hand through his hair.
I am in complete shock. I can’t talk, I can’t move. I want to yell that Manic isn’t my Old Man that the only person I want to be with is him but I can’t find my voice. “Okay then take care Angel” he nods his head and turns to walk away. Say something Angel or he is walking out that door and out of your life. I open my mouth to tell him to stay but nothing comes out. He opens the door and walks out never looking back at me. I stare at the door as he close it behind him. The most important person in my life just walked away from me. I actually feel my heart breaking in to little pieces. My vison gets blurry due to the tears. I feel lost, hopeless, disappointed, betrayed, and sad. I am going through so many emotions that I don’t know which one to focus on. The door opens and I am hoping with everything that he changed his mind but it’s just Hope.
“Oh my God!,” she looks around the room and then runs to me “What happen are you okay?” she ask. I see Ashley, Chase, and Dutchess at the door looking at the mess that is my office. All the papers flew out the desk when Tabios kick the desk. My eyes fly towards Chase, who locks eyes with me and shakes his head as he storms off. My eyes move to Dutchess who simple nods her head understanding what I am trying to tell her. She storms off after Chase. Great how can they understand me but not hhim? “Baby girl what happen?” Hope tries wrapping her arms around me but I move out the way. If she hugs me I am going to lose it. I avoid the hurt expression on Hope’s face. “Nothing,” I start picking up the papers from the ground. “On top of everything I have to do tonight now I have to clean this office” I sniff. Tears are rolling down my face uncontrollably. “Baby girl” Hopes says behind me. “I really have to clean this up Hope because I have to be on the floor helping the girls out, and I have to help Ashley behind the bar, make sure that all the clients are happy and not ripping each other head off” I walk towards the desk.
“Angel, stop,” she turns me around to face her “what happen?” she ask. I lift my head to look at her in the eyes. “He left” all the papers I was holding on to fall out of my hands. Saying that out loud makes it all real. He did the one thing he promises not to do, he destroyed me. I feel light headed, my heart is beating so hard it’s causing my chest to hurt, oh God I am losing it. “Angel breath hun breath” Hope tries calming me down. “I can’t breathe” I say in between breaths. Everything starts to spin around me, I am losing focus. “Angel stay with me,” Hope pleads. “HELP” she yells. The last thing I remember is Hope catching me as I fall to the ground.
What is that smell? “Good girl,” I hear Hope say. I turn my head away from that horrible smell. “That better not be some ones ass in my face” I mumble. I hear Hope laugh “She is back”. I open my eyes and the first person I see is Chase. “Hey you,” I smile up at him. “Fuck Angel,” he pins me to his chest. I smell him in but I don’t get the same comfort. “Air,” I plead “I need some” he is hugging me so tight that I am actually losing circulation.
“Fuck sorry” he quickly lets go of me. He glances at me trying to see if I am hurt. “It’s okay” I give him a weak smile. The hurt I am carrying is in my heart and no one can see that. “How are you feeling hun?” Hope says. Like if someone just ripped my heart out and threw it in the paper shredder. “Fine” I try standing up but I end up falling back down again. “Wow there” Hope says as she pushes me back into Chase arms “Hun you just had a panic attack” she says. What? A panic attack? I’ve never in my life ever had a panic attack. “Chase, can you take her to the car? I shake my head “No, I can’t leave”. I need to keep myself busy I can’t go home. “I’ll take care of the club” Chase picks me up. “Thank you” Hope smiles as she follows behind me. There is no point in fight Hope on this she always gets her way. I rest my head on Chase chest and focus on his heart beat instead of my broken heart.