Onlyness by Santosh Jha - HTML preview

Melissa stops her talk and turns to look at Shiv, as he lights a candle in the corner of the room. She was so engrossed in her words that she did not realize when Shiv slipped away in the dark to get a candle. Shiv comes back and sits in front of her. She looks at him with expectation.

“Melissa, I know, you do not need to be reminded that if there is anything, which is a possibility for me, I can sacrifice anything in this world to do it for you. You are so special for me. I want you to believe me when I say that you are special for me and I wish to do anything for your joys not because your father has done so much for Acharya, the ashram and even me. It is because what I have received from you in the last few days, I have been with you. What an empress picks up becomes a precious thing. You made a stupid thing like me so precious by the touch of your innocence, honesty, simplicity and so much of golden trust on me. You know Melissa; small boys here play in the night, when the moon is full. The boys keep an empty matchbox and when moon rises up in the sky, they hold the matchbox in line with the moon and then close it. They all celebrate that they caught the moon inside the matchbox. They know it well that it is impossible; still they are hilariously celebrative of their big attainment. For me, you are like the moon, which I know is impossible for me to get. I am not even blessed like the small kid who is happy catching the moon in the matchbox. I do not even have this matchbox. But I have something, which you have given me – your unflinching trust and confidence on me. And this I hold out to you with utmost belief that you shall understand me. Melissa, there are ways people get and feel a bond. You and I are not in a bond of togetherness and proximity because we are very good friends or we can acquire a nomenclature of some social utility of pairing. You know it very well that we have shared our deep consciousnesses with each other. You already are in total and perfect reception of the reality that similar and generic elements are in perfect and inseparable union. This happens because, we have similar consciousnesses and they have already merged. Our intimacy and singular consciousnesses are not suitable for nomenclatures. However, there are factors and situations in physical milieus, which we have to respect and observe. The innocent imagination of the super consciousnesses within us is beyond boundaries and therefore does not deem anything as impossibility. However, the body-mind realism operates within boundaries of physical milieus. What you said is something not possible. It is an impossibility, as it has to be a reality within the physical milieu, which does not allow it. You have all the rights to ask me why this is impossible, when your innocence and simplicity clearly sees it as a natural progression. Here, I very innocently request you to keep your question alive as why it is impossible. You need to trust me that you shall have your answers in time. Acharya says, don’t get stuck to a question and move ahead. If you do not find the right answer, it does not mean there isn’t any. May be, it does not come right there because you are still not ready for it. It shall get unraveled to you when you are ready. I know, you have always trusted me and my decisions. Just keep your questions alive. Do not allow the questions to prevail over your objective consciousness. You have the ultimate gravitation pull of innocence and honesty, which shall draw all answers to you in time. And when they shall come, you shall feel happy and satisfied.”

Melissa does not say anything. Her mind is too busy figuring out what Shiv told her. She remains in complete trust with him but surely, she wants to figure out, what he wishes her to look at. She knows, Shiv cannot be dishonest to her. She accepts that what Shiv told her was his innocent consciousness, which he has shared and that is why, it is easy for her to accept his intents. She just wants to figure out, what could be there in the physical milieu, which Shiv points out as the boundary of impossibility.

Shiv moves away and after half an hour, he comes back with a plate of food for her. He sits in front of her on her bed and gestures her to eat. She gestures back her reluctance. He takes small morsels of food from the plate and affectionately puts them in her mouth. She accepts them. Shiv draws back the strands of her tresses falling on her face, gently with his hands. She keeps looking at his face. He is calm and unaffected by whatever happened between them. After a few morsels, she stops eating and Shiv holds her chin with his left hand and holds the morsel in his right hand close to her mouth. She loves the way he pampers her and cannot let go any chance of receiving them. She opens her mouth and he ensures that she finishes the plate. He makes her sleep in her bed and tucks the blanket below her chin like a child. For a while, he taps her forehead to make it clear to her that she needs to sleep well. Few minutes later, when he thinks she has slept and starts to move away, she opens her eyes. Innocence is what she has in plenty but she does not keep the treasure with her; she gives it to Shiv.

“Shiv, I am sorry.”

“Sorry for giving me your kingdom and making me the richest stupid on earth? Melissa, just be with your innocence and honesty; let the elements in time-space be in complete attendance with your innocence. You shall see the magic that shall unravel to you. Sleep well, let potentials and possibilities wake up and do their bit. Put aside your action-reaction consciousness and remain in the super consciousness of total reception. Good night empress.”

**

 

CHAPTER 12

Shiv moves way with Acharya the same evening they arrive at the Rishikesh ashram. Melissa takes her flight to New Delhi and from there, she has her flight to London the next day. Her father receives her at the airport and he observes that Melissa is calm but looks drifted. Her thoughts are still with Shiv. He asks her questions and she answers them in few words.

Later, when Melissa settles down in her room, her father comes to her and sits in front of her. He takes her hands in his, as Shiv would do. She smiles.

“Melissa, I have observed you are not in your usual self. If there is something, you wish to talk, I shall be happiest.”

“Dad, you probably think, I am in poor mood or sad, but you need to believe me, I am very happy. I have never been as happy and satisfied with my life and this is because of you. In the last few days, I have got so much and so many beautifully amazing things happened to me, I really feel blessed and special. However, it is my fault that I wish things to be in a certain way, which probably is beyond me. But I am not unhappy or complaining. I accept, I have to learn so many things in my life and practice to perfection many things I have learnt. I know he is right when he says that there are potentials and possibilities, which are lined up in time-space milieus. I understand that possession of something we all consider very dear in our lives is a culturally ingrained notion, I have to unlearn and accept that merger and union of one’s consciousness with that dear idea is far more permanent and satisfying. But I need to practice this idea. Nothing comes to you if you understand but do not practice.”

“Melissa, it hugely interests me to know in detail as what my daughter has learned and what she wishes to practice. Moreover, I am more anxious to know who is this he, you just referred.”

“Dad, you know him, it is Shiv I am talking about. He is the yogi of the ashram. He was with me all along my stay there in India. You know dad, this stupid billionaire chased me and kept pushing himself in my life. I accepted him as then it looked, he was a nice fit into my life, which I was not very happy of but lived in absolute flux. When he dumped me for a younger girl, I was actually very angry. My hurt ego was so much larger than life that it led me to hurt myself. I distinctly remember, I was so upset and angry with me for being such a fool to accept a greater stupid in my life, who finally became successful in making me an icon of ridicule. It was my anger against me that unconsciously made me to hurt myself. I felt so bad at myself. Then, there is a man in my life, who made me realize my true worth and with him, I discovered so many novel dimensions of life and living. If I can say it, actually, he nurtured me like a father, provided me like a mother, realized me my potential as a catalytic friend, made me learn in an unassuming way so many good things of life and above all, like the objective nature, he introduced me to my true and deepest consciousness. I could not even register how and when I merged my consciousness with him and as it happened, I thought, it was only natural that we become partners in life. It is so strange. It is almost impossible to describe this consciousness with words. If you ask; if I love him, I would say, I cannot say yes. If you ask me if I want to marry him, I would say, I cannot say yes. It is just that I find him within me; very much like my own deep consciousness and that makes me wish a simple thing – I want to be with him all the time. I told him that we should get married and live together forever. In fact, I did not tell anything like that. I imagined this to be the way we need to be. He said, this was not possible. You know dad, you might think that I would have felt very sad and angry. You may think that a girl, who was hoping to be second time lucky with a man, must have felt extreme disappointment and even anger when she was rejected a second time. No; this is the difference I want to tell you. Not even for a second, he made me think of it this way. Even after he said no, he was the same for me and I know; this realization is deep within my consciousness that after that fateful evening, he is what I am living every moment of my life and shall live with he being with my consciousness. He has taught me the brilliant idea of powerful imagination as the magical facility of my super consciousness. He has taught me to respect the boundaries of physical milieus. I am practicing it every moment to master the artistry.”

Melissa’s dad carefully listens to her. He is so happy. He thanks Shiv for everything he did for his daughter. However, this new angle was not something he had anticipated. He had never imagined that Melissa could ever think of marrying Shiv. He now has to play the ultimate part of the game plan, he had orchestrated, which Shiv executed brilliantly.

“Melissa, I have to say something to you. I had thought that I would say sorry to you first, before telling this all but now I know, my beautiful daughter has a consciousness, which is above and beyond the sorry.”

“No dad, you do not need to feel sorry. I am rather so grateful to you that you made me visit India and the ashram, where I met Shiv. You are the best dad in the world.”

“Melissa, I tell you everything and then you shall decide how good or bad I am. I start with something, which also started in India and at the same place, where you visited in Rishikesh. There used to be a seasonal river near the ashram, which has now dried up and they have preserved it in a pond. When you were only six years old we visited the place and your mother was then with me. One morning, I saw you playing with a boy, who was around 11-12 years of age, near the river. You played a game in which you were his wife and you told the boy to make a house with the sand. The boy made it for you but you did not like it. You destroyed the sand house and ran away from him. The boy kept saying sorry to you but you did not look back. The boy sat there sad. I went to him and consoled him. Later, when I enquired about the boy from Acharya, he told me that the boy was an orphan as his parents were killed in a natural calamity when he was only four. Since then Acharya was keeping him with him and taking care of all his needs. I asked him to send him to a good school and offered to pay for his school and educational expenses. The boy did very well in his studies and later, I got him to shift to London and sponsored his college education here. We had separated by then and you were in USA. This boy, whom you once made your husband, is now a junior professor of psychology with a prestigious college here. You call him Shiv.”

Melissa could not believe what her dad was telling her. She is now beginning to feel why Shiv always looked to her as someone she knew before. She regrets not remembering how she played with him when she was only six.

“Dad, you are definitely the best dad in the world and more than that you are so kind and compassionate. Now I know, why Shiv always reminded me of you. He has picked up so many things from you. You know, he also calls me an empress. And he pampers me like you. But why didn’t you tell me all this before? Even Shiv did not.”

“Melissa, it was all my plan, Shiv cannot be blamed. He was very reluctant to do all this, as he never lies. I made him do it because I thought, this way you would learn things better from him. Shiv has told me everything. We had never thought that you would become so fond of him and would like to marry him. Shiv could not say yes to you. I do not take it this way but he feels, I have done so much for him and he respects me so much that he could never think of marrying you, as you are my daughter. I do not know what he would have done, if you were not my daughter. When he told me everything, I asked him whether he would like to marry you, if I gave the permission. What he said makes me unsure, whether he loves you and wants to marry on his own will. He said to me that I was like his father and he would obey what a father decided for him.”

“This you leave on me dad. I know him. I told you, we share our consciousnesses.”

“But Melissa, he is truly a yogi and an academician. I have watched him all his youth days. I do not think he even knows how to be with a young girl. I am afraid; he has never even kissed a girl. I have never seen him with any girl. I am not sure how good a husband he could be, even though as a person, he is what every father would like to have as a son-in-law.”

“This you leave on me dad. It is rather truly a blessing for me. A man should always learn life’s practical things from the woman he has to be with all his life. I am so happy I shall make him learn things. He made me learn so many big things in life. I can surely make him learn small things. I shall call him right now. You know dad, whenever I asked him some question, where he would have needed to lie, he told me to keep the questions alive, as answers would come later. I want to tell him, now I have all the answers.”

“Melissa, you cannot call him. He is not available on his Indian number. In fact, his leaves were suddenly cancelled and he had to come back to resume his classes in the college. That is why, I had to fabricate the story about Acharya’s illness. He is fine and in his Rishikesh ashram. Shiv is not with him. He arrived a day before you here and right now, he is probably sleeping in the guest room in the basement.”

“Melissa jumps on the bed with joy. She hugs her dad. He is too happy for his empress. Melissa rushes downstairs but stops before the door of the guest room. She gathers herself, waits to calm her breathe and suddenly feels a bit shy. Slowly, she moves and pushes the doors. It is open. She moves in to find Shiv sleeping on the bed. She carefully and slowly sneaks into his blanket. She inches close to him to ensure he remains sleeping. She feels his breath on her face. He looks so beautiful. She gently kisses him on his lips. Shiv can no more feign his sleep. He opens his eyes smiling at her. She cannot face his eyes. She buries her face in his chest. He pulls her close to him.

After a while, Shiv realizes, he has to complete something, which he had left unaccomplished.

“Melissa; once there was a princess, who kissed a frog and he turned into a prince. The prince then proposed to the princess. Now that you have kissed me, it is my turn to propose. Will you marry me?”

“No!”

“Why?”

“Dad has told me everything. I made you my husband 22 years back and look how long we have been married. It is time I think ahead and look for babies. This all happened because of you Shiv. You are such a bad husband. Had you reminded me of our marriage earlier, I would have graduated from a wife to a mother by now!”

Shiv is happy that she is happy. He does not need to say sorry to her; she would not accept.

The singularities of life have elemental eccentricities of happening and un-happening; almost as weird and randomized as love. The elements of one’s own life and that of the equally precarious milieus are both patterned as well as un-patterned. The juxtaposition of symmetrical possibilities amid the larger probabilistic asymmetry of arbitrary milieus engender such beautiful marvels of life-living experiences, which people can accept only in one way – the destiny! The true and lasting relationship can happen only between similar and generic elements. Destinies shape this way. What destiny has in store for all of us shall be decided not by factors outside in our near and far milieus, rather by what we finally accepts as something, which is our own internal positioning of consciousness. The moment, we accept, love happens and destiny is signed in.

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Accept My Gratitude

Writing something is a daunting task as there is always a lurking apprehension of it not being in utility for some readers. I however feel at ease, because of my faith in magnanimity of readers. I am happily sure; you shall forgive if my efforts could not be up to your expectations. Thank you so much for being with me and allowing me to share with you. Big thanks for your precious input in my charity, as all proceeds from my book sales go to charitable initiatives. Wish you an empowered life; with the prosperity of the consciousness.

 

About The Author

People say, what conspire to make you what you finally become are always behind the veil of intangibility. Someone called it ‘Intangible-Affectors’. Inquisitiveness was the soil, I was born with and the seeds, these intangible-affectors planted in me made me somewhat analytical. My long stint in media, in different capacities as journalist, as brand professional and strategic planning, conspired too! However, I must say it with all innocence at my behest that the chief conspirators of my making have been the loads of beautiful and multi-dimensional people, who traversed along me, in my life journey so far. The mutuality and innocence of love and compassion always prevailed and magically worked as the catalyst in my learning and most importantly, unlearning from these people. Unconsciously, these amazing people also worked out to be the live theatres of my experiments with my life’s scripts. I, sharing with you as a writer, is essentially my very modest way to express my gratitude for all of them. In my stupidities is my innocence of love for all my beautifully worthy conspirators!

**

Other Titles By Santosh Jha

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**

Autobiography Of A Duffer

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**

 

Naked Solutions Of Dressed Up Life Woes

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**

Habitual Hero: The Art Of Winning

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In all of us, there is this definite ‘winner’, the genius of this universe. However, this champion is what we can label as ‘Random Warrior’, as it wins but not always. We all have the determination, patience, courage, discipline and the mastery to be a sure and sustained ‘all-weather-all-season-Hero’. However, as many of us miss the knowledge and acceptance of this ‘mechanism of winning’, this warrior turns out to be only a ‘random’ winner, unable to sustain the artistry of winning, to qualify as a ‘Habitual Hero’.

**

Maya And Leela: Utility In Life’s Futility

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**

Why We Flop In Love

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Love is ideally accepted with three elements of Mystery, Magic and Marvel. The three ‘M’s’ land most of us in inexplicable troubles and pains of love. The magnificent dualism is – love’s mystery makes it flamboyantly attractive and joyful. Still, the mysticism engenders loads of confusion, making many of us flop in love. Success of love is in non-dualistic positioning, which is simple and practical realism, most of us refuse to accept.

**

Wisdom Of Wellness: Perpetuity Of Poise Of Purpose

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One needs to be in lasting physical, emotional and ideational wellness. Tips, pills, and ‘shoulds’ abound; still, wellness is elusive. Wellness is largely a function of emotional ‘poise’ of consciousness. Wisdom of wellness is in being the ‘master of mechanism’, ‘internalizing’ the multifaceted life-living realisms and then, creating a personalized model of wellness. Nothing ‘external’ helps.

**

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The world we live is what it is, neither good nor bad. It is neutral and objective. Wellness is largely individual onus. As we acquire and practice those life skills, which make life wellness a beautiful journey for us, our mind is attuned to them. We then have an auto-mechanism for larger wellness. Time to test our Life Skill Quotient (LSQ)!

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