Part 2:
Mapping It Out
One fine day, you’ll look in the mirror and say, “It’s OK. I know what I want. I know what I need. I know who I am.” (Or perhaps this is where you are now.)
If so, congratulations! You’re now ready to analyze who you are in detail, and see how you can map out a plan for re- creating a more magnetic you.
Mind-mapping
Despite your efforts to achieving a clear mind, analyzing yourself and creating a transformation plan may or may not be as easy as it sounds. If this is the case, don’t feel bad. It could just mean it’s your first time to honestly and deeply analyze yourself. (Or you could just be physically tired and distracted.)
For this reason I recommend “mind-mapping”.
It’s a method of thinking and planning popularized by British psychology author Tony Buzan. Simply focus on an idea, no matter how vague, and start drawing a freehand-diagram of whatever related ideas pop up next in your mind. What
naturally comes out is a “mind map” or a diagram of how you can take an idea and bring it to reality.
While the mind-mapping method is used in schools, business and non-profit organization planning, you can actually apply it to your personal life.
Some people think of mind-mapping as “mind dumping”. It isn’t far from the truth. The method does require you to spew out and diagram nearly every thought you have at the moment, whether or not it’s immediately related to your main goal. For hidden among those seemingly random thoughts is a diagram of what you should prioritize as an aspiring “person-magnet”.
To give you a better idea of what mind-mapping is, below is an example mind map, and instructions on how to make one.
Source: Government of South Australia – There’s More to It than You Think website,
http://www.theresmoretoit.com.au/MyFuture/MyValues.aspx
Step 1. Get a large, clean sheet of paper, and colored pens or crayons (at least 3 different colors).
Step 2. At the center of the paper, write down a key word or phrase that best describes your main idea or goal. Use specific and highly imaginative words or phrases! When you’re done, enclose the words in a colorful line drawing, like a rainbow circle, a sunburst outline, flower, exclamation point, etc.
Step 3. Look at your key phrase. What comes to mind when you think of this idea? Is there a specific aspect of your life, or a particular task, that you suddenly feel needs to be addressed in connection with this idea—so that it’ll become reality?
Every time an answer comes to mind, write it down on the paper, somewhere beside your central drawing or keyword. (Try keeping your description of the answer short.) Draw a colorful line to connect this answer to the central drawing.
Step 4. Try to write your answers around the central drawing, in a radial fashion. Eventually your central idea will have idea branch-lines radiating out of it.
Step 5. If you suddenly think of ideas that seem to be subtopics of ideas previously written, write that down beside the first idea, and draw a sub-branching line to connect the ideas together.
Step 6. As you go along, the structure that should develop would be a radiant hierarchy. Your main answers would be connected directly to your central drawing, with their connected minor ideas radiating out like smaller branches from each of them.
Step 7. Congratulations! You’ve literally drawn a map or diagram of how your idea will be implemented in real life. This map can also be considered an illustrated hierarchy of your priorities.
Now that you know the mind-mapping method, let’s apply it to your situation.
You are to create two separate Mind-Maps. You’ll end up with two maps on separate papers, which should connect and agree with one another on at least one crucial point (or more), without overlapping or negating any aspect of the other.
Note: You may create either one of these two maps in any order. (You may even do them simultaneously; it doesn’t matter.) The only requirement is that they agree with one another when you’re done.
Mind Map 1: Who I am, and who I can be
Create a map of the new Magnetic You which you want to become.
Take a large piece of blank paper, and in its center write down the word or phrase that most vividly describes that new you. For great effect, don’t be shy with yourself and be imaginative with your choice of words (e.g. “Irresistable Entrepreneur”, “Sexy Sunshine”, “Genius Stud”, “Ridiculously Gorgeous Geek”, and so on).
Once you’ve written that magic phrase, start writing down and diagramming, in a free-flowing style, everything you think you need to do in real life that should answer the following questions:
1.) How do I become this particular magnetic character? What do I need to do, and improve?
2.) How do I get the sort of people I want in my life to like/love me back in kind?
3.) What should I do in order to meet the love of my life (my one true love)?
Mind Map 2: Who are the people I want to entice or attract?
Take another clean sheet of paper. In its center, write a phrase that best summarizes the sort of human beings you want to people your life (examples: “My Community”, “My Loving People” or “My Circle of Love”).
Next, begin writing down the roles/names of the people you want in your life, along with a short description of what they’re like, and how you wish you could relate to one another. While the resulting map is a diagram of your dream life, strive to be both realistic and loving in your portrayal of them and your hoped-for relationships with them.
The people in your life should include:
• family
• friends, and friends of friends
• colleagues/ co-workers and bosses
• neighbors and helpful acquaintances
Note: Unless you’re unfortunate enough to have parents, siblings or other immediate relations who are a true bane to your existence or happiness, there’s no reason to burn your bridges and exclude them from your life, no matter how “unloving” or annoying they might be. Honoring their role in your life is part of what makes you a beautiful character.
But the biggest focus of this mind map should be your ideal mate. Make sure you reserve the biggest space on paper for mapping out your one true love.
In that reserved space, create a sub-diagram of what your one true love should be like. This diagram should still be part of Mind Map 1, and answer the following questions:
1.) How should my one true love or dream mate look like? (Do I have any particular preferences—i.e. height, weight, color of hair, eyes, etc.? Or do I not really care?)
2.) What should my dream mate’s true character be like? (Bear in mind the general attributes of a beautiful character, and take it down to specific details.) What should his or her ultimate life goals and moral values be? How should these match or complement mine?
3.) Are there any personality traits (i.e. temperament, preferences, habits, hobbies, etc.) that I wish my dream mate should have, which should complement or match my own?
4.) How precisely does my dream mate relate to everyone else in my life? How will he or she relate to both Mind Map 1 and Mind Map 2? (How and where exactly does the dream mate diagram connect or fit in with the rest?)
As you create Mind Map 1 and Mind Map 2, here are a few things to remember:
1.) You should try to be clear and solid about who you want to be, and what you need to do in life, before you start looking for an ideal lifetime partner. If you don’t know who you are and what you’re supposed to do, you won’t know what you need or want in an ideal partner. It’s as simple as that.
2. The higher up the diagram “dating” sits on your Mind Map 1 of priorities, the more specific you need to be on what your lifetime partner should be like. If Mind Map 1 seems to imply that you’re still prioritizing other goals in life, don’t stress yourself out by envisioning a very specific portrait of a dream mate. If finding your one true love is really top-of-mind, a clear description of the sort of person he or she ought to be will come to you naturally. Don’t force it!
3.) Mind maps aren’t static. They’re like snapshots of your present state of mind. A few years from now, your priorities may change—and you’ll feel the need to change both the image of your magnetic self, and that of your ideal dream mate.
Example 1: A section of a mind map (in progress). Lara wants to be a wife and mother soon. Finding her lifetime partner is top priority.
Example 2: A mind map in progress. Joe is still struggling to be a successful lawyer. He needs to quit smoking. He’s also slightly overweight and beset with skin problems. He feels very insecure about his appearance and now wants a complete makeover, which may take a few years. Knowing what his ideal lifetime partner should be like is good, but finding her is not an immediate concern.
When you’re done, slide Mind Map 1 and Mind Map 2 together to see how the big picture of your life and goals look. Take a long, quiet moment to reflect on what you’ve done.
Keep your maps. Since it’s very easy for any of us to get distracted and forget our dreams and who we are (yes, that includes you), these maps will act as your compass! Display or tuck them into little corners where no one else can see them (e.g. a corkboard in the corner of your office; your locker; your diary or sketchbook; your wallet), but where you can always stare at them to remind you of what you want in life. Keep looking at them from time to time to reflect on how well you’re keeping in line with your goals.
When you know your maps by heart, it’ll be easy for you to go through the actual process of transformation—which I shall detail in the rest of this book. It will make deeper sense to you if you relate what I’ll be talking about to your own maps.
Along the way, you may even find reasons to add more details to your maps, to remind you of the specific things you ought to be doing to transform yourself into the right sort of people magnet.