"Don't say we're not right for each other because the way I see it, we might not be right for anyone else." The Cutting Edge
Sitting at my desk I couldn’t help but look outside at the beautiful spring day. Living in England you have to enjoy every moment of a sunny day because you never know when you’ll see a day like it again. In the summer and spring English holidays are glorious, everything blossoms and comes alive and everyone is smiling and drinking Pimms come sun or rain. The birds in the sky and the sun shining down the Thames, I wish I was outside enjoying the weather, rather than being stuck in a large office building, bored out of my mind.
This morning all I’ve done is make a rubber-band ball to the size of my hand. It was very impressive. I’ve been working on this project for over a week. I’ve cleaned and reorganized my desk twice and also made Chris’s tea... most likely wrong about three times in one day. I never really have much to do, I'm sure there was loads of work judging by everyone running around the place like mad but Chris… I mean Mr Howard hasn't given me any to do all day.
Working at HE, Howard Enterprise has been great. I was Christian Howard social secretary for near a year now but have only worked with him for near six months. He was the owner and founder of the business. Powerful and smart he had a smooth charm, kind hearted air about him and a hilarious sense of humour. He was one of the richest aristocrat in all of London, not to mention he was also the most handsome, sexiest man to ever walk the planet. He stood tall in one can only describe as an incredible ‘fit’ body, with large broad shoulders and a top half that definitely complemented the rest of him. Jet black hair that made you want to run your fingers through it and a face a model would be jealous of and a smile that could make a nun blush.
I guess that’s why every time he would approach me I wanted to crouch down in a ball and hide! I couldn’t help but act like a giggling school girl in front of him, always making a fool out of myself. For example when we first started working together I made such a boob of myself, I honestly thought he was going to firer me on the first-day we met.
I made him a cup of tea, when he asked for coffee, I left the phone off the hook missing hundreds of phone-calls and I ended up printing one hundred of the wrong slides on the photocopier, nearly breaking the damn thing in the process.
For the last six months working with Chris I haven’t learnt from my mistakes atoll. That’s why it was best that I just sat here and tried not to ruin anything. Let's just say that through the months I've been working here I've managed to basically screw up everything that's been asked of me. Not particularly big screw ups but still nothing ever ran smoothly and yet he still hasn't given me the boot.
I don't understand why he hasn’t seen what a terrible job I’m doing. You have to be really bad at your job to sit and list why ones boss hasn’t fired you yet.
He is always saying how he likes my organisation skills, the fact that I bring him breakfast in the morning without him asking. He finds it amazing how I manage to know every ones name in the office and send cards to all his staff from him on their birthdays. When you’ve got nothing else to do, what else is there other than talking to other staff members? I was his social secretary which meant I helped manage his social calendar. Remembering Birthdays, picking up deliveries here and there was the only part of my job I could do right.
He also says that I’m always smiling, which has an effect on the people around me, that my goodness has rubbed off on people around here. I didn’t really know what he was talking about but I loved that he was given me a complement, I felt my cheeks turn red just remembering it and the butterflies in my stomach from his smile…
Anyway… so let’s just say that I’m not the brightest tool in the office but I was hard working and would do anything asked of me. I couldn't really afford to question or complain about my job, I needed the money, if I wanted to live in London still. My family were very rich but I never want to go back to them and admit defeat.
So here I am, working for one of London's most successful entrepreneurs and the world's sexiest man, with a great…decent apartment, well it was standing and there was no Leaks and I had thirty followers on twitter and I did it all by myself. The flat, the job and a good friend in Chris, my life was finally starting to go right… there was only one tiny problem…
I was completely and utterly in love with my boss.
He was perfect in every way. Every time he talked to me or was just near me I couldn’t help but feel goosebumps and start blushing, feeling all nervous around him. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. I thought about him all the time. At home, in the office… on the tube. He would never be far from my thoughts.
And I had no one to talk to about it. No friends, no family. I was alone with this stupid day dreams of Chris and I being together. That’s how I found myself on this website Agony aunt.com, I needed advice! This might not be the best time to be doing this… but after all the late night’s dreams and day dream about him and me together… I know I've got a problem! I’ve never really done an Agony Aunt question before, always thought them rather silly but here it goes...
“Dear Agony Aunt,
Is it normal to have dreams about someone you don't even really know?
Send. That’s the weirdest thing, I didn’t really know him. Not as well as I should know a man I claim to be in love with but somehow I just know I do. Without having to know every little thing about him I just knew that he was the perfect man. I kept on looking around to make sure that no one was looking at my screen… would be rather embarrassing to explain. My computer made a little beep showing a reply. That was fast!
“Dear Troubled Reader
No, a dream has the power to unify the body, mind, spirit and can overpower what you are truly thinking. This could be your heart telling your head that you’re ready to go out there and start looking for a special someone.
If that’s truly not what you think is happening sometimes your mind can play tricks on you. The mind is a powerful thing, if you’ve been stressed and tired of late, this has an effect on your thoughts and dreams. Tell me a little bit from about the dreams, if you will.
I breathed in and started telling this complete stranger about my life story and my secret dreams… I really need to get some friends. I thought about what this person wrote. I had been stressed… I have this family week away, which was really getting at me. I hadn't seen or spoken to my family except my grandfather for nearly five years after they cast me off for not following my father’s rules. As well as the troubling part of my pathetic life that involves my sexy boss that was paying my bills.
I have been stressed lately and have had lack of sleep thinking about him.
What if the person you’re dreaming about isn’t the right guy for you and you’re not the right girl for him… but your heart wants it to be right and can’t let it go. How do I get my heart to start listening to my head?
The dreams… there very detailed and seem so real I just can’t stop thinking about how good they are.
From Troubled Reader”
Again dreams are tricks of the mind even people that you don't even like are in your mind, that's probably why your dreaming about them. Maybe if your heart wants what your head knows it can’t, you need to learn which ones more important to listen to. It sounds like these dreams are very heated… you don’t need to say. It’s normal to dream about the people close to you because like I said you’re around your friends all the time its normal to dream about them
“Ag, Is it normal to have dreams about your boss?” Send.
Reply “TB, Trust me everyone dreams about their boss. It’s all to do with a sense of power over you and remember that a dream has the power to unify the body. All this power is just getting on top of you, pardon the pun. Trust me I even dream about my boss and if he's as hot as mine it’s hard not to lol
Oh good I'm not the only one I thought to myself but I bet she’s not in ‘love’ with her boss! God I wish it was just lust. I thought about the dream I had last night again...
We were in a romantic cabin somewhere in the Alps, with snow falling everywhere outside the windows. There was a wood fire in the middle of the room and we were both wrapped round a blanket naked, with our arms and legs wrapped around each other. He was holding means large arms tight around my waist, hot and sweaty after making love we looked deep in each other's eyes and then he said ‘I love you’ leaning in to kiss me…then I woke up.
Always at the best bit of a dream you wake up to that bloody alarm clock!
I shook my head at the memory, God what was wrong with me? Why can’t I get it out of my head? He could never fall in love with me. I started typing my last message, finally the big one.
“Dear Agony Aunt,
Last question I promise.
Is it normal ... to have dreams about your boss that you don't really know but you're actually slowly realising that you're falling in love with… but and here’s the killer, he is seeing your elder sister who you haven’t seen or spoke to in 5 years! These dreams… thoughts, there not just heated and lusting, there romantic and heart-warming too, I just need to know how to stop them!” I suddenly stopped typing as a voice came from above me.
“I need you to go to the photocopier with these contracts for me” I jumped right out of my skin at the deep strong voice, I quickly looked up to see Chris looking at me.
I speedily closed the Agony Aunt page and looked back up at him and just nodded as he spoke to me. I couldn't speak; he was just so... hot! He was about six foot six, with black hair with the most amazing green eyes, you have ever seen. Mr Christian Howard was one of the youngest richest men living in London, with hundreds of billions and his good looks and gentleman charm he could role the world. Well I thought so anyway. It all made him so… intimidating.
Anything he asked me to do I’d do without a second thought. Although he could be a dick sometimes, he doesn't think of others or the consequences of his actions or if he did he was blind to other people’s emotions. Being quite stubborn and blunt with people, he was on the edge of rudeness but I guess you had to be in business like this. He had a short temper and latched out a lot whenever he was angry, I’ve seen countless times grown men near tears after coming out of his office but ‘so far’ he hadn’t latched out on me. He could still be snappy and sometimes ask for things without saying thank you or please but only really if he’s stressed and has a lot on and at the end of the day he would always say how hard I’ve worked and he appreciates my help. That was better than other bosses out there I could imagine.
He tends to have mood swings a lot too, just the other day I was in his office and he was telling me about the new accounts the company had won… or something on them lines. I wasn't really listening. All I was doing was looking at his big green eyes and his lips moving so fast. I loved watching him talk about his work. He was so passionate about it all, about stocks, figures and paperwork… I didn’t really get what all the fuss was all about but whatever. He loved his job and that was good enough for me. I remember standing there just watching him mutter away when he went from business talk to charmer all in one second. He turned round just before I left and said.
“Leah did you do something to your hair?” he said with a boyish smirk. He knew the affect he had on me... he must do with the amount I blush every time he grinned.
“Yer I got it done yesterday” I started playing with it nervously trying not to look at him. “Do you not like it?” I Mumbled, I only just had it coloured and cut, I was a little worried it was too much but I’d finally had enough money to treat myself. It must seem rather silly but inside I was doing a little happy dance. I was hoping that he would notice the differences, it showed that he noticed me and cared… that gave my belly a little warm feeling inside.
“No… no I think... it’s just different it... it brings out your eyes” he said moving closer so our bodies were almost touching, he started pulling the hair away from my face and took it behind my ear. “You have amazing eyes” he said slowly and deeply. I suddenly stopped breathing and in that moment when our eyes met I thought he was going to kiss me… but as quick as it started he just turned back round to his desk, looking at the paperwork.
“There's a spelling mistake on this” he said pulling out the hundred copy contracts I printed for him. Great! I had to print them all out with bloody spelling errors on them. Perfect! Now he thinks I’m a right moron.
“Oh sorry” I said taking the papers as I kept my head down looking at the floor cursing again and again in my mind.
“It’s fine… Just do them again” he said sitting back in his chair. How stupid was I to think that he would have wanted to kiss me?
What an idiot! Men like Christian Howard couldn’t help but flirt, it was in his nature. He must have been mortified when he realised he was flirting with me back then… I was just plain Jane and there he was…with that body!! He had a body like a warrior, big and strong arms that any girl would want wrapped around her. I really needed to stop thinking about his arms. My mind started to wonder somewhere completely different. Him in a gladiator outfit with my wrapped in his tight muscly chest…
“Lea!” he called when I remembered I was still standing there staring at him. “Don’t you have some work to do?” he said not even looking at me. I always had that problem where I would just zone out and not realise that you’re meant to be doing something else.
Which is exactly what I’m doing right now… again, I double checked that I minimised the Agony page.
Looking at him like an idiot I completely forgotten I still had my mouth open, still looking up at him like he was some Greek god, through my glasses. Yer I forgot to say I wear glasses, only when I’m tired or reading on the computer screen. I thought when I first got them they would make me look intelligent but right now, looking up at Chris I looked everything but!
“Lea… Are you ok? You do know how to work the copier righter?” he said in a patronising voice but I knew he was teasing as he grinned at me. Biting hard on my lip, resisting the temptation to snap back at him I just nodded my head because I didn't trust myself to speak.
“Ok, I need three dozen ready for this evenings meeting” he said leaving the papers on my desk and walking away into his office, which can I just say was the same size as my whole flat.
“Yes sir” I Mumbled. As soon as he was gone I pulled back up the website just to seeing a reply from agony aunt, I didn’t even know I sent anything.
“Dear Troubled Reader,
Well, I think you're in a bit of trouble Hun; you need to speak to him and see if he feels anything for you without actually saying you’re in love with him because you don't what to lose your job and at the same time losing your sister again which makes me think you need to either talk to him and your sister or say nothing at all.
You don't what to make things wrong if it’s not worth it, if you’re really in love with him you need to find out if he feels the same. You need to find out what you really want from this because you could be making or breaking a relationship here with your boss and your sister.
Take the time to think things through, to work out what is best for you. You can either take a step back from him, get a new job and start over or do something about it and fight for him. Remember that your sisters your family, maybe by telling her how you feel you can work things out.
I can’t really tell you what to do other than think of the pros and cons for telling him how you feel and weighing out which side means more. Your love for your sister or your love of him?
Well that didn’t really help me! I wasn’t close to my sister, I never have been and I’m quite sure she hates my guts! But she’s still my sister at the end of the day! It was wrong to love her boyfriend. He wasn’t really her boyfriend, I reminded myself. They were just ‘seeing’ each other the newspapers said… or maybe it was me hoping so.
I… I can’t say anything. It’s not right! I will just forget my feelings for him until they go away! There that’s simple right? Oh god I have no idea. I should really get another job but with the money and everything this was the best thing right now, I don’t think I’d be able to get another job with my lack of knowledge.
Why! Out of every other woman in the city, why is he with Jess? They were so different!
Why did he have to be my boss? There are millions of people in London why do I have to fall for my boss! And why did he have to be so, perfect! Why couldn’t he be a snobby jerk?!
Why did I have to be in love with him?!!