Chapter 1: Self-Reflection
“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here…Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.”
- Max Ehrmann, excerpt from Desiderata (1952)
How crucial is it to know who you are, before finding that partner of your dreams?
People are more honest about their failings when making anonymous confessions to strangers, so let’s take a quick peek at some posts in various online dating and divorce forums for real-life examples.
Case 1.
A young woman named Kelley laments, “I don’t understand it! Why am I always meeting men who, in the beginning, seem OK, like they have everything together…until they start hanging out with ME?”
Case 2.
A young Norwegian man who calls himself “Bergen” writes, “I keep thinking about this particular girl. She’s sexy, thoughtful and funny. We went dating for a while. But I
stopped seeing her so I could have sex with someone else. It broke her heart. I was stupid; I chose great sex over the chance of having a deep connection with her. Now she’s got a
boyfriend. I miss her and I want her back. What do I do?”
Case 3.
Over in the divorce forums, a 46-year old man who simply calls himself “Freakazoid” has posted a message, saying, “I’ve been married twice, and both marriages ended in divorce. I realize that I got married both times for the wrong reasons. I never really loved my wives. I think I was just afraid to be alone. I also had to battle alcoholism, which destroyed the trust from my latest marriage. Thank God, I’ve recovered from that. I would really like to experience true love, but honestly, can’t say I can tell what that is right now. I just need to chill out for now. I’m old, got no money. I need to find that
financial, physical, and spiritual balance…I think that’s the best thing to do, no matter how lonely I feel…”
Case 4.
“LonesomeDove”, a 30-something Asian woman, has also written: “Everyone around me was getting married. It felt weird. My married friends felt weird having a single friend. [I] felt pressure to get married every single day, from friends and female colleagues at work. They felt married folks were more worthy of a job promotion. So I followed suit and married the first guy I met who was OK enough...After my divorce, I realized I was happier when I was single. If I get married again, my
priorities will be in check.”
The rest of the posts in all the forums sound similar. And predictably, each post is followed by a stream of comments from