T H E H U M B L E
“Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.” James 4:17
(Inspired by a true story)
My name is Hattie Mae Cline and I am eighty-three years old. I’se born in the year 1893 on a cotton plantation in Mississippi. My pa was a sharecropper on Mr. Joe Michaels’ land. My ma and pa had nine chillun’, three girls and six boys. I’se the eldest chile.
Well, my ma was a woman what had religion. She made sho’ all us chillun’ known ‘bout the savior, bless His heart.
I was a chile who was wild, honey. I was young and beautiful, slender and big breasted, the color of warm honey with big, brown eyes and long legs. I like to go out to the juke joints and dance and holla, listen to jazz and drink that moonshine wit’ a little reefer. I’d hang ‘round wit’ a different fella almost every night – white or black -- and they put in my hand whateva I asked for. So that’s the way I went on for a while there.
I ain’t forget none what my ma had told me. Always when I laid down at night the Lord would say to me, Hattie, what are you doing? I would always mean to do better but I was having fun, honey, and that likker had me.
Slowly but surely, He wore me down though’. One time I remembers I went and got me some money from a man, right, and I tell you soon as I get home and lay on my bed to rest didn’t the spirit jump right on me! I knows what it was cause I got this hard buzzing all through my body. Ain’t another feeling like it. Did I do right after that? Nope. So the Lord got more rigorous. What’s your name, He would say to me at night. Hattie, I’d tell’em. Did He forget me? He was forgetting who I was! I’m Hattie Mae Cline, Lord! I lay there and fell asleep worried, honey.
Once I was there in the darkest dark I had known and the Lord said, Hattie, do you want to die? I guess, I told Him. Well, I started to fall fast into the abyss – what’s the word? Plummet. I began to plummet into the abyss so fast that my heart dropped. No, no, I screamed – and just like that I awoke and, chile, I knew where I had been on my way to. I hear a suffering voice say, Oh, Hattie, I can’t take this for eternity. Hattie, I wish you could feel one drop. One drop of damnation! Lord, Lord! And it ain’t no God in hell. No more talking to my Jesus? I can’t live like that, I say. And so I began to follow the path as it’s written here a little, there a little. It whatn’t none easy neither. The Lord was mad at me, but he chastened me wit’ love though’, chile. Now I’m gone leave some stuff out what’s only ‘tween me and the Lord, but He supported me and helped me put one foot in front of the otha’. And then I had to forgive myself as well. Ain’t no excuse for living like a heathen on purpose.
Well, He lived wit’ me after while and He neva left. We goes on like that still, me stumbling and the Lord grabbing me afore I fall. Same been true throughout history. When folks get to pointing they fingers I say, oh no, King David was a righteous man, but he killed a man for his wife and God forgive him; Paul murdered followers of Christ ‘til the Good Lord showed him the way, but folks be just a pointin’ and got filth in they closets piled up high.
Now let’s talk about the flip side. Just like there’s God, there’s also a devil and he is mean for sin, chile. My ma used to say he eat feces. Lucifer will attack anything God loves just to hurt Him.
I remembers this one time I’se dozing in my bed and a demon jumped on me. This was ‘round the time I’se just starting to try and get myself together. I opened my eyes ‘cause sumthin’ was on me heavy and I was a fightin’ and a scratchin’. I throws it off me and I was a hissin’ like a she-cat and that thing fled. I surprised myself how I fought.
Another time I dreamt I’se in a room and there that devil was molesting a woman against the wall. Poor thing, I’ll neva forget her. I’se scared to death. I looks to my right and I sees one them dolls what look like a raggedy ann – big though’, tall as me sitting in a rocking chair. It had big, black buttons for eyes and its mouth was stitched on and it was beckoning to me. My Lord! I hopped on His lap and we rocked there together and He says to me that if I eva’ see the devil just look over and He gone be right there. Well, my word! I sho’ appreciate it, Lord.
Well, I continued on the path. The Lord would say, Hattie, follow me. I’se obedient to the Lord ‘cause He tells you the right way to go and who to deal wit’. It’s your own choice if you don’t listen. He tell you straight up too. Ain’t no pussyfootin’ around – ain’t His way.
I prayed and prayed and I talked to the Lord all day everyday – when I was going here and going there, and doing this and doing that. I seek his counsel in everything, chile, and I swears He got the best advisin’.
Anyway, I had darn near stop screwin’. Jesus was working his magic and I ain’t won’t nobody touchin’ me. I was still sippin’ on that shine though’ ‘cause I knew soon He was gone chase that off too. Sho’ nuff, He says, Hattie, you gone stop that drinking for three months. Three months? Who was gone do that? Humph!
He got them three months out me though’ and didn’t that devil try and tempt me in the last days and God send a believer to strengthen me? She said, naw, sista, we gone drink apeoplee juice. Thank you, Lord. After them three months I was just fine, honey. But now I got to be rid of my tobacco. Cut me a break, Lord! Can’t do nuthin’ ‘round here, I stumps off. Do that, go here, talk to this person, don’t talk to that person – and He ain’t gone leave me alone about my tobacco? What’s next, I thoughught? Stop gossipin’, Hattie, He comes back. My word!
Well, like always when you loves the Lord here come the devil. So I’se laying on the couch one night. It was cold outside and I’se all wrapped up warm to the neck in a blanket. I’se dozin’ and I remembers feeling real cozy. All of a sudden I gets a hard yank on the foot! I hurry up and looks down and I don’t see nuthin so I gets comfortable again. Suddenly I feels two strong hands wrap theyselves ‘round my ankles and damn near drag me off the couch. I grabs the back of the couch wit’ my hands and gets myself into a sittin’ position and me and that devil fought like that wit’ him trying to drag me down into water. Yes, yes. My feet was in water and he was trying to pull me down in it. I got to ‘renched a leg loose and got to kickin’ him all in the head hard as I could. I was furious! Then all of a sudden I’m in midair right there in the living room.
The only time I had been threw in the air in my sleep was when the Lord came in my dreams and toss me around sometimes. He would throw me and toss me and I’d just relax ‘cause wasn’t much I could do about it. He wanted me to trust Him that He wouldn’t let my head hit the wall. This thing here wasn’t the Lord. This was a huge serpent that was wrapped around my body and he was squeezing me. He was trying to bind me. The rage I felt! I got to kickin’ and cussin’ and then I heard one word – PRAY. Just that simple. So I started, Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thine name…And that wicked dog dropped me. I got up and dusted myself off and then woke up sitting right there on the couch. My word!
I’ll say one thing, I don’t know why the Lord called me. I’m stubborn as all hell; will do anything to pick a fight with a bully; I cusses like a sailor; and I only love followers of our Lord. God wants us to spread His word but I agrees wit’ Jonah. Humph! If we don’t put forth an effort to have a relationship wit’ our God, it’s not His loss.
Woman gone tell me one time wit’ spite that it ain’t no God. See, this was one of them unbelievers that’s used to a Christian that wants to convince them about the glory of the Lord. Not me. I told that woman I don’t care what you believe. You betta get your wicked ass away from me.
Lord says to turn the otha’ cheek cause vengeance belong to Him. I’ma turn my cheek awrite and that whole side of my body wit’ it so when I swing that momentum from the turn gives my fist the right amount of power to knock they teeth out.
Many are called but few are chosen and the connection ain’t for everybody. That’s what I tells the Lord. I tells Him, Lord, folks wanna do what they wanna do and they don’t want no holy structure ‘cause then they gots to mend they ways. Some folks is wicked to they heart. Lord, concentrate on the ones that love you. That’s how I sees it. People ain’t been right to Him since the beginning. He don’t ask for much. It burns Him up to see folks chasing after otha’ gods and it burns me up that He care ‘bout’em. Jesus bled his precious blood for us and we still gotta chase them suckas? Pssh. I can’t chase somebody what done heard the same stories I have. If you want to deny your Maker, fine wit’ me. I ain’t no recruiter. To each his own is what I say. I know the Lord don’t like that, but I ain’t perfect.