You Are What You Think

My great-grandmother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, manic depressive disorder, and OCD. She mystified me when I was younger, those long boxes of Virginia Slims she'd buy when my mother and I would take her to the grocery store and the opened-mouth bass that hung on her wall that I believe either my great-grandfather or uncle had caught. And all those cups of milk she used to drink in her Campbell's soup mug – the elixir that I was sure was the reason she lived into her eighties on her own and was kept safe and sound during the night when some young gang bangers stole her air conditioner.

And all these years, I've worried I'd end up just like her.

Mentally, life's a struggle for anyone, let alone those of us predisposed to questionable genetics in that regard.

And I certainly am. I've struggled myself on the deepest levels, both as a nonbeliever and a follower of Jesus. But it's struggling when loving the Lord that's broken my heart most.

What was so wrong with me that I couldn't be one of the ones He healed?

A couple of things have happened that have changed the trajectory of my thinking, and therefore, where I am mentally:

• First of all, I had to realize God has given me (and all who believe in His Son) the authority and power over the demonic, meaning any thoughts that are not of Him can be tamed. My issue? I feared Satan instead of realizing that through Christ, I had absolutely nothing to fear. His "power" is obsolete after what Jesus did on the cross for us, and therefore, he holds no power over my mind.

• I had to ask myself if I actually wanted to be healed. Like Jesus asks the blind man, it was the same question I had to hold up against my own spiritual blindness. Sometimes, there's something comfortable about hiding in your own darkness. The devil you know, you know? But man, can I tell you how much greater my life has been since walking in the light.

• My identity is not in a mental health diagnosis. This can give me a baseline of where I am physically and chemically, but it does not determine who I am. I am a servant of God's and am beyond the detritus of this fallen world, something we have to be careful to remind ourselves of in a world that loves to label us.

• I used to convince myself that maybe I was putting too much stock into the idea of a spiritual battle. And I think we all end up typically in one of two camps: either we only see the world through a spiritual lens and put less focus on God's Kingdom here on earth or we don't believe in it whatsoever, which leads to the enemy concocting all kinds of schemes at our peril. I believe in the healthy middle, which is how I see Scripture laying it out for us. Take a look at Luke 10:19-20. Jesus acknowledges the power He gives us over the demonic, but He also points out how we're not to rejoice over this spiritual power we have through Him, but the fact that our names are written in heaven. It's important not to go down a spiritual back-patting rabbit hole, lest we forget the point of the Gospel and lead others off course.

I am officially healed. I know that now. I do take medication, but as my very wise PCP has said before, medicine doesn't work if you don't believe it will. And I believe it will because God led me to it after years of prayer. But most importantly, He led me to His truth: that this may seem like a scary world – a battle nobody can win. But our Jesus has already won the war and with His help, we can slay any and all dragons that seek to destroy.

If you're mentally struggling or would like some helpful reading material that Scripturally addresses this topic, I highly recommend Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer and The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson. And even though I've yet to read it, I know Kyle Idleman's Take Every Thought Captive is exceptional. We've read his other works and studies, plus he's our old pastor. We've listened to the sermon this book is based on, and it's very well done.