Chapter 2: Is Jesus the Sun?
The very first time I ever interacted with the Sun God while using the over the counter medicine, I was sitting on the couch in the usual state of mild euphoria that it allowed me to feel, when suddenly I heard a voice say "Jesus”, and then a picture of Christ from the Renaissance period flashed before me. I noticed I was beginning to feel warmer and then I saw a large yellow disk moving into my internal vision, the space in my mind that some cultures refer to as the third eye. It seemed fuzzy and pixelated, and I could tell by the movement of it that it was an extremely large object, moving in a very slow, massive way. I heard myself say, “this is the sun”, with shock. I continued to become warmer and warmer, rising to the temperature of perfect warmth like the beach on the most beautiful and bright summer day, or the perfect comfort of an electric blanket in winter.
Soon the yellow disk was taking up the entire field of my inner vision with its glowing saffron warmth. It surrounded me and I seemed to become engulfed in it, as if I became part of it and it part of me. Suddenly, its life force began moving all around my body, up and down, as if searching for something. I began to get very scared, and I heard a female voice say, 'just relax and let it happen'. It seemed to stop on my right side where I'd had my gallbladder surgery years before, a place that sometimes still hurt occasionally. It lingered there for a long time, moving back and forth over my side. Once it seemed to have finished what it was doing, the glowing yellow orb vanished from my mind's eye. I remember sitting there shocked and speechless with the inevitable conclusion. "Jesus is the sun?", I thought to myself incredulously; this seemed to be the message of the female voice that had comforted me while the massive yellow disk was examining me or scanning my body. I didn’t know quite how to describe what had just happened to me.
Around that time, I had been reading several of DM Murdock’s books about the parallels between the Jesus deity and the Sun Gods of many ancient societies, but the conclusion she had reached was vastly different from what I had just experienced; she came to the conclusion that the dearth of evidence for the actual Christ of the gospels was proof that no one like this ever existed. What I had just experienced was, in fact, the complete opposite, and shook me profoundly. I was aware that many people vastly underestimated the length of time our species had been on the earth with our current brain capacity, and because of this I had always been reluctant to accept the theory that the belief in Gods was something that a primitive ape-man devised out of a lack of intelligence, a concept that we as humans had simply grown out of. I felt rattled to the core as I sat there still basking in the perfect feeling of warmth and peace that I had just experienced, a peace I had never known in my life, which would only grow with each new encounter. This feeling was so wonderful that it immediately made sense to me why Christians referred to their God as the 'prince of peace'...I began to suspect this Sun God had been known this way long before the advent of Christianity as a state religion of Rome in the 4th century.
After several days, I noticed that the pain in my right side was not bothering me as much as it had in the past. I went to the bathroom mirror and tried to find my surgery scars and realized that they seemed to be much fainter than I remembered. I marveled at how this bright yellow disk knew about my surgery or the pain that my side was causing me (I had been much too active after the surgery was over, against the post-surgery instructions, and this was probably the cause of my lingering problems). This enveloping warmth and peace that had surrounded me really seemed to care about me, and to know about what was going on in my life, and furthermore, genuinely wanted to ease my pain. It was one of the most profound, life-changing moments I have ever experienced.
Chapter 3: The Sun and My Soul
In the weeks and months that followed my first experience with the Sun God I slowly began to understand that everything in my life had changed. I didn’t know yet that my encounters with him would only grow more and more profound. The emotional and psychological underpinnings of my whole belief system began to shift after this revelation. Once I felt myself surrounded by the body of Christ, which the Sun is somehow a part of, it seemed like my natural home, or the natural home of my soul. I realized in the initial experience that Jesus had joined my soul to his starlight, that my soul was apparently made of the same material as the Sun itself. It wasn’t a bad thing that I had a mortal body, which came from Earth, but I wondered now if Jesus Christ was the human incarnation of the Sun God of many cultures throughout history; I knew that many versions of a Sun God had been worshipped in ancient cultures such as Greece, Rome, Egypt, Babylonia, Persia, and so on. I had heard tales of Ra, Aten, Helios, Mithras, Krishna, Sol Invictus and many other names for the Sun God my entire life. The scholars and researchers that I had been reading all pointed to the dearth of evidence of the existence of the mortal Jesus and the plethora of historical names of the Sun God as proof that both Christ and the Sun God were simply myths. What I had experienced on my own pointed to a completely different conclusion, which was that this deity existed and had incarnated on Earth as Jesus Christ 2000 years ago to bring Salvation to human beings.
I didn’t know how to describe the feeling of God surrounding me and being joined to my soul; at the time I found it both over-awing and terrifying. In retrospect I felt like I had no reason to fear but the first few times while it was happening I felt like he could easily destroy me, though it was clear he had no intention of doing so. When he engulfed me with his massive body and joined us together by surrounding me in his light, I felt warmer and more secure than I had ever felt in my life, perhaps similar to how it had felt to be in the body of my mother living together as one being. Every time I had this experience it was the same blissful feeling; like the perfect July day at the beach when everything is impossibly sunny, when your body is young and there is nothing wrong in the world, and you are surrounded by sand and salt air and the smell of coconut and endless possibilities for the future. This, it seems, is the unbreakable optimism of the Sun God, our star. This, it seems, is his outlook on existence, how he wants us to live: in the present, in today, always aware of the beautiful sunlight and his interaction with our home planet, our mother Earth. The hope for our lives, he seems to insist, is in the present day, with its potential and sunshine and beauty; even the rains that nourish the Earth make our hearts long for sunlight, or starlight, like the absence of a lover grows fondness in our hearts.
The feelings of profound love and warmth that I was given each time I encountered Jesus Christ, startled me. Nowhere in the religion of my birth was I permitted such positive feelings about God, and his overwhelming love of humanity as we are. At the same time, I can’t even fully express the complete relief and wonder I began to feel at finally knowing the truth about the actual identity of Jesus Christ. All of my happy memories as a child contain the presence of sunlight, from the sun kissing the blades of grass on the lawn as we played outside on fair weather days, to its flickering between the limbs of tree branches as we hiked in the woods behind our house in Virginia. It has always seemed to me to that everything good in the world is wrapped in the presence of sunshine; like the days we spent out on the lake with my father in his father’s old boat, the light dancing on the wake of the waves.
I now know that Jesus expresses his love for us as sunshine; though it has not been proven by any research, I am certain that his star light and the emotion humans refer to as ‘love’ are one and the same.. What I didn’t understand for a long time is how much his existence depends on providing this warmth and happiness to us, and how much he needs us to reciprocate back to him the love we receive from him in the form of light and warmth. The rest of my experiences with the Sun God, Jesus Christ, which I document in this book, served to further educate me about the true nature of his relationship with human beings and how much he loves us and needs us to love him back, and to live lives that reflect the endless optimism, selfless compassion, and love that he exudes.
The truth is that he is the most purely compassionate, innocent, and profoundly loving being I have ever encountered in my life; his consciousness is so much like that of a child that I have found myself many times questioning in a jaded way whether or not he could be ‘for real’. I still wonder sometimes if it is actually possible for a being this powerful to be so full of goodwill and so absent of bad motives. It is something very alien to me in my human experience; I turned away from the religion of my youth because of its seeming disregard for human females and children. Human monotheism seems to me still to have replaced worship of God the Father and Jesus Christ with worship of the male in general. Nowhere in my experience with Jesus, or the Father God, have I experienced any directive or instruction that one form of human is held as superior to the other in their eyes; in fact, it is quite the opposite from their point of view. From their perspective, all of us, male and female both, are mortals, not Gods, and we humans of either gender need to work together instead of against each other in attempting to be like the Gods, an area which we have much work to do.
For a very long time I felt as if nothing this pure existed in the world except in the minds of children, who would be corrupted given time. I now watch the Sun shine through my window and think of the love I have experienced my entire life coming from that beautiful star, pondering that he loves the entire Earth this way; that each and every being is touched by his love and divinity, and each has a purpose and a mission to fulfill on this planet. When I think of the pain and isolation I have felt throughout my life, my loneliness and inability to attract many friends or have but a few lasting relationships, I take so much comfort in remembering that the interaction of the Earth and sunlight always gave me so much peace every time I ventured outside with my animals and basked in the starlight, even in the cold of winter bundled up in layers of winter clothing. Sol, otherwise known as Jesus Christ, was shining on me, loving me; the Earth I stood upon was loving me back as well.
Every vestige of life that I adored in the natural world was imbued with his love; I was literally being ‘loved back’ by everything I laid my eyes upon, though I could not conceive it at the time. Something touched me, something spoke to my heart those times I that I got out into the sunshine, no matter how sad I felt at the moment. I didn’t experience the inside of the home to be a particularly happy place, but outside, to me, always felt blissful and peaceful and full of abandon and freedom, which I now understand was the perfect love of Jesus Christ shining down his beautiful light onto me and onto every child of God’s on Earth. Finally, so many things I could never make sense of fell into place: Jesus was a human incarnation of the ancient Sun God who had been revered in just about every human culture. He incarnated on Earth 2000 years ago to teach human beings how to purify our souls through repentance and asking forgiveness of sin, something he and his father must have thought was a message that needed to be delivered personally.
While my experiences with Jesus that followed were consistent to the letter, I soon began to occasionally experience a polar opposite consciousness as well when using the medicine. It was clear to me that this was somehow part of the ‘devil’ or 'satan’ consciousness that I had been taught about my entire life. I always saw this entity dressed in rags and the setting he was in was always incredibly dark, everything surrounding him was shown as varying shades of gray, at brightest. In my visions over the course of the few years in which I used the medication, the entity appeared like this every single time God allowed him to appear in my mind’s eye; it was very clear that the Father God and Christ were in complete control of when he was allowed to appear and that they far out-matched him in power. I began to get a picture of the nature of his origin slowly, over time, and it became clear this entity represented the moon, which is something God and Christ did intentionally because the part of the evil we refer to as the 'devil’ or 'Satan’ being the consciousness of a destroyed planet was something that seemed so far out of the blue that I wouldn’t have been able to absorb it initially. It slowly became clear to me though, that this dark spirit was the remnant of spiritual consciousness of the moon, a former planet that was destroyed in a collision with another planet, most likely Venus or Earth, billions of years ago, referred to in science as the ‘giant-impact hypothesis’.
Traditionally, the moon has been associated with the female and I had even revered the moon in my late teens and early twenties in paganism. However, I now understand that in the spiritual realm, the feminine principle is embodied beautifully by the planet Venus, who has an incredibly loving and compassionate nature; though this planet should not be worshipped as it is not a deity like Christ and God. I did not have many interactions with her and what there were very brief; she seemed to act as a helper to God and Christ and sometimes as a softener of hard lessons. It is clear that planetary bodies are not ‘Gods’ in the same sense that stars, such as our Sun are, they do not have the same composition and internal temperature and have no light; light seems to be equivalent to love in the spiritual world and some planets are even malevolent and dangerous, as opposed to the nature of Jesus Christ, who is wholly pure, divine, and benevolent.
I had absorbed the mythologizing of the moon as a female deity because of its reputation of having an effect on menstruation, but in my experiences on the medicine I never experienced anything but the shrouded male skeletal form to be representative of our satellite; because of the conflict between age old mythology and my visions on the medicine it was hard at first to accept that so much mythology concerning the moon was misguided. But it became increasingly clear to me that the moon is in fact a smaller, much less powerful, opposite of our star in every way; his only hope is to seek atonement and redemption in the eyes of God instead of taking his revenge on humanity because he cannot forgive the forces that brought about his destruction. That is a very consistent lesson that I learned in this period of my life; that transformation by God happens in the present only, so to dwell in the past and hold onto old wounds really is a form of spiritual death.
It was hard to let the myth of the deified female moon die, but my experiences have been so consistent from the beginning of the skeletal form dressed in rags whom both God and Christ made clear was the consciousness of our satellite, that I eventually had to accept that the mythologizing of moon as feminine was just projection and speculation based on the miscalculation that women menstruate every thirty days; truthfully, we ovulate from different sides every month so our true cycle is closer to a sixty-day cycle.
It was while I was watching a documentary on Venus on that I was shown confirmation of the consciousness of the dark planet/the moon’s true origin; the host of the show mentioned that there had once been a planet orbiting between Earth and Venus, but that this body had been destroyed by a massive collision billions of years ago, and what remained was drawn into Earth’s orbit as a satellite. At that precise moment, in my mind’s eye, I was given a vision of the skeletal dark spirit, against a background of black, raging about in his usual unpleasant demeanor, ranting and raving and waving his arms around. As I was not under the influence of the medicine when this happened, I concluded that this was God’s doing; it seemed God wanted me to know with certainty where this part of the dark consciousness in our solar system came from and what had caused him to become so twisted and evil.
Chapter 4: The Giant Head of Jesus
After my father passed away, my mother and I were still living in a house that was about to be sold to build a bypass through our county; she stayed in the main house and I lived in a little cabin behind it. My mother was getting ready to retire but she was working out her last year or two before doing so, so I was alone during the day and working a janitorial shift at night. I tried not to be in her presence when I was using the medicine but I happened to be in the main house when she got home one day after I had taken it. I got up to go into the kitchen to talk to her and to my surprise I was met with a huge, golden, shiny head of Jesus surrounding her on every side.
My mother was walking around the kitchen absentmindedly chatting, emptying her lunch box and getting her empty lunch containers washed to be ready for the next day. She had no idea that as she was doing this, she was surrounded in the golden light of the head of Christ, which was so big that it was filling up about half of the kitchen. When she turned to the left, he turned to the left. When she turned to the right, so did he; every movement she made, he was surrounding her like a Godly halo, and all the while this was going on, he smiled at me peacefully. He had a look of both contentment and knowing on his face, as if to show me both his compassion and also his understanding that he knew I was completely shocked to see how powerful his visage was. For, as this was happening, I literally could barely remain upright. Something about seeing this was so powerful that it took all my strength to lock my knees hard enough to keep from falling. I can understand why the bible verse says that ‘every knee will bow’ when in the King’s presence. It is simply because of the over-awing power of his presence, though I don’t know what the quality of his power is; maybe just pure holiness itself.
He had a kindly smile on his face the entire time, full of compassion and maybe a touch of amusement because I am sure he knew full well that I was having trouble standing. Soon, my mother left the room and so did the vision of Christ surrounding her. Suddenly, I saw a young male standing there and he said, ‘hey look, it’s Jesus, he’s mad because you don’t believe in him’. And then another golden face appeared in front of me but it suddenly morphed into the visage of a very unattractive man with unappealing features. This was the first time that I ever was exposed to what I concluded might be a rule that in the spirit world malevolent entities are apparently not allowed to disguise themselves visually; I concluded that, at least most of the time, that dark spirits or consciousnesses are perhaps not allowed to visually masquerade as positive or benevolent ones. However, in an auditory sense this simply is not the case. This is why it is so important not to act impulsively based on a ‘voice in our head’ or a thought that just pops into our consciousness. Dark consciousnesses or spirits can disguise their voices to sound like people that we love or that are important in our lives, and they can suggest rash and regretful actions to us when we are in the heat of overwhelming emotions, and this is why we need to stop and take a breath or simply pray when we feel overwhelmed by impulses to take actions that would harm ourselves or others.
I admit that even after this experience I was still not convinced of the veracity of the existence of Jesus, or, I should say, his earthly incarnation. It wasn’t until my last experience with the medicine in which I was shown that the crucifixion of Christ actually did happen, that I was convinced that this Sun God had once incarnated on Earth. For the time, I simply chalked up this experience to my mother being committed to her faith and therefore Divinity appearing to her in the form in which she believed. I didn’t take into account that it was not her that saw the head of Christ, but that it was me. It was yet one more example of how time after time he appeared to me in this form and I just couldn’t yet accept the earthly incarnation aspect of his story.