Family First...Or Is It?

I love my family. I really do.

But there was a time in my life when I idolized them.

I was a young mother, a lifelong only child, and someone who was way more on the academic side of things than the touchy-feely side (although God has used several people at church to work this out of me. Now I go around hugging everyone like an idiot).

But back then, I had no clue what I was doing, and to quell my anxious belly, I focused on force-feeding my husband and daughter vegan foods and imagining my kid was an idiot savant who just needed to be pushed a little bit harder to read at three years old.

She wasn't. She's smart and beautiful and sweet, but she's a free spirit with an extra helping of ADHD. Totally not what I was wishing into existence.

The pictures of us from that time are kind of sad. My husband and daughter are themselves, but I'm smiling with a hint of lunacy in my eyes, wearing a mask of "everything's perfect!" when everything certainly wasn't.

How much easier would it have been if I had been honest with myself and others? How much easier if I had simply loved and honored my family instead of making them the center of my world? How much easier if I wouldn't have let my own deep darkness lie to me?

How much easier if I had given God my fears?

Jesus talks a lot about family. What He has to say is always surprising.

In Matthew 10, Jesus speaks of not coming to make life cozy for us but to turn son against father, daughter against mother, daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.

Not exactly the best Facebook status update.

God isn't against family, but when you make Christ your life, sometimes your family is going to balk and make life harder for you. And when it comes down to choosing between them or the God of the universe who created you, guess which road is the best one to follow?

Another time Jesus talks about family is in connection with Mary, His mother. Some traditions elevate Mary to an almost deific position, but that is most certainly not what we find in Scripture. In fact, when somebody calls out to Jesus, "Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you” (Luke 11:27), he responds:

Here was an opportunity for Jesus to confirm to everyone Mary's deific standing, but He didn't because it's not true. The blessed ones are the ones who listen to God, and that is why Mary is "full of grace." She's filled with God's grace because she was obedient, an honor not specific to her but offered to EVERYONE who follows the will of God.

Lastly, when Jesus's family comes to find Him while He's teaching His disciples, someone tells Him that his mother and brothers are waiting to speak with Him. Jesus's response?

Again, Jesus emphasizes the family of God being His true family, a concept we should wrestle with and submit to also.

I realize now that my family was one of my idols. It was something I was overly reliant on and attempting to control because I didn't have God in my life. It's been a real trip watching Him slowly release each one of my fingers until my palm is open wide, and the people I love most are free to roam according to His will, not my own.

And instead of choking on the suffocating thought of being all alone and not knowing where this leaves me in the mix, I'm well aware now that I'm never alone. He's right here with me, showing me the beautiful future waiting for us both.