Before the Spring flourishes.

Right now is the hard time.

It’s the cold earth before the Spring flourishes.

I want to give up.

Our family is going through something that is one of those things that lie dormant for the longest time.

I was good with it sleeping. I was good with it shadowed, not because I crave the dark anymore but because of the “what ifs” Satan sang in my head.

What if everyone knew you weren’t in control?

Well, here’s the thing: I think we’re all already aware of how not in control we are.

I was listening to my friend’s podcast the other day. It was either Shelly’s or Jessica’s (and regardless of whose, both are fantastic, so go start listening, friends), and they shared how a pastor friend broke down what the Bible actually is. Here’s my paraphrase:

• Genesis shares the story of the beautiful place God created for us to walk with Him.
• And then basically the rest of the Bible (before Jesus comes to earth to save us) is all about the ways humans screwed up this glorious earth (my words, not the pastor’s) and how God won’t give up on us regardless.
• Through our polygamy, murder, subjugation of women and people groups, rape, deception, covetousness, torture...God still runs after us.
• And He was even willing to sacrifice His own son to show us how much we’re loved. How much He’s willing to forgive us and make everything right.

So why would I ever be afraid of bringing to light the battle He’s already won?

It’s easy to blame God. It’s easy to say, “Why don’t you just blink and fix this mess?”

But then I realize, this is my mess. And God has already fixed it. The test is to stay still and know He is God as He walks me across barren ground, through snow drifts, to get to the place He created for us to cherish in the first place.

Oh, there it is. I see it now.

Spring.