You didn’t deserve the abuse you’ve endured.

The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates

the wicked and the one who loves violence.

Psalm 11:5

Dear Me,

You don’t know me yet, but you will in a few years. Life has never been kind to you, and you have suffered a lot. I wish you hadn’t seen what you have, and I wish you hadn’t been through all that you have, but you have so much fight and resilience in you.

What your mother has done is something you will never forget, and you use it every day as you get older. You turn into a mom at nineteen, and even though you don’t see her every day, she looks just like you.

Your first marriage doesn’t work out, but it isn’t just your fault. He wasn’t the right one. Your second marriage though, let me tell you. The man you marry and spend life with turns into the man you used to dream about. He is loving and encouraging, always pushes you to slow down and be yourself. The first few years are hard though, so heads up.

You have a son in 2019. He becomes the very air you breathe. He acts just like you too and loves cars just like your daddy and papa (oh, and your dad gets sober and him and your stepmom become your best friends too). He is stubborn, and when he looks at you with his big brown eyes, you learn not to hate your own. God gives you everything that you have been begging for. Life isn’t easy for you, but every now and then God reminds you that He is there.

Your traumas make life very hard for you to handle but God gave you a gift for art. Not just in drawing, but photography, which you discover in high school after your adoptive mother shows you her camera. You fall in love with it and continue doing it for many years. You become a teacher too.

There is so much love and life coming, little one. You just have to hold on. Keep going, and you'll get there.

Your birthday was yesterday, and you turned thirty-one. There was no celebration, but you got to sit on the couch with your son and watch tv and eat some ice cream together. You laughed and played and cried that this is something you never got to experience from his side.

I promise, you become a good mom. The lies you have been told are always in the back of your mind and sometimes they slip forward, but you have to ignore them, they are wrong. You didn’t deserve the abuse you’ve endured, but it makes you into someone that so many people care about. Even when you don’t think they do. You have such a kind heart, and the love you give others gets returned many times over. You are loved, you are appreciated, and you are more than enough.

Always keep fighting.

Talk soon,

Fancy