Running Through My Matrix

I'm letting space infiltrate my brain and lungs again.

I get deeply focused on the same thing, wearing it round and round until it's threadbare, and I take to mending it.

A friend of mine and I were discussing how raising kids with ASD and ADHD has given us an opportunity to look deeper within.

And I know I'm on the spectrum.

It used to bother me, my differences. But I also see how God uses them. I think I might disarm people. I imagine it might be like looking at a child and thinking, "They can't harm me."

And I suppose that's what I want deepest in my soul. Not to harm you. And not to harm me either, although I'm not always great at that second part.

I've been given way more than I'm even worthy of, God knows.

And even in my shortcomings, the bewildered genetics running through my matrix, He gives me the opportunity to remove the mask and look others in the eyes, even though eyes have always been my Achilles' heel.

But He breathes gently behind me, guiding my chin, working my hands, and showing me all that can be accomplished, in spite of me.