“You shall not commit adultery.” [Exodus 20:14]
Never has a commandment elicited so many excuses that the seventh command, and it has to be said, most of them from the male population. We are reminded that this commandment was for a iron-age people, and originally forbade male Israelites from having sexual intercourse with the wife of another Israelite. It is thought by many historians that the ban did not include their slaves. Intercourse between an Israelite man, whether they were married or not, and a woman who was neither married or promised, was not considered adultery. This concept of adultery comes from the way that society worked in those times with an economic aspect of 'ownership' where the male had an exclusive right to his wife, but the wife, being the husband's possession, had no exclusive right to her husband. Of course this point has been seized upon to justify many an illicit relationship. If then, this view is correct, why did God set it up in this way?
It is true that the Ten Commandments were given for the times, for an iron-age people, but they were given in perpetuity, for every age. As God inhabits every age, He must then have given the commandments for all ages, including us and our descendants. In any pregnancy it is obvious who the mother is, who the father is, however, is very much less obvious, and that has been the situation since time began. If the mother has had several partners, it is equally difficult to ascertain who the father is, especially in cases of adultery. There are two Hebrew words involved here, one in Exodus 20:14 and the other in Deuteronomy 23:2, both are translated as 'adultery'. The Hebrew word 'nâ'ap' meaning “adulterer – woman that breaks wedlock”, and the other, 'naw-af', meaning to “to alienate”, translated in the KJV as 'bastard'. From this we can develop the Biblical definition; an adulterer is a man who had sexual relationships with a married or engaged woman, which were termed as adulteresses [Leviticus 20:10], and a married man who had such relationships with a single woman were fornicators [Proverbs 6:32], both of course are serious offences in God's eyes.
In the New Covenant Jesus extended the definition of Adultery to include sexual relations between a married man and a woman other than his wife [Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18]. The Epistles and other writings of the New Testament understand Jesus' teachings and understand it the Jesus way [1Corinthians 6:15-16, & 1 Corinthians 7:2 ]. It is therefore understood that today, adultery is a married man, or woman, having sexual relations with any female or male, other than their wife or husband. Of course many look for loop-holes in this law, possibly when a couple are separated, or the partner will not have, or cannot have relations. The simple answer to this is no, there are no exceptions listed in the Bible for those considered legally married. What about romantic relationships that are non-sexual? The Bible tells us that romantic relationships, with or without the sexual act is exclusive to being within marriage. Jesus taught that anyone who looks at someone of the opposite sex lustfully has already committed adultery in their hearts [Matthew 5:27-28]. The Greek word translated as 'lust' in this verse is 'Epithymeõ', meaning to long for, covet or desire, which can relate to other things other than the sexual act.
The apostle Paul gave some advice about preventing adultery, which seems to have been a serious problem during the times of the early church. He starts by statin that there is so much sexual immorality, each man and woman should have their own wife or husband and that the wife or husband should fulfil each other's sexual needs. That the wife should give authority over body to her husband and the husband give authority to his wife also, so as not to deprive each other of sexual relations, unless they both agree to abstain from intimacy. This then is for a specific time in order to give themselves completely to prayer, that you must come back together again so as not to allow Satan to tempt your lack of self-control [1 Corinthians 7:2-5]. We need to remember the pain that a extramarital affair or office romance, causes to one or other of the spouses, especially the innocent parties and these events cloud the mind, causing more issues that may originality been intended. Many have found themselves in a web of intrigue and lies, not knowing which way to turn, causing many family problems and heartbreak.
Adultery, as I mentioned, is one of the most prevalent, yet harshly condemned sins in Scripture, being mentioned fifty-two times throughout the Bible, with only idolatry murder and self-righteousness beating it in top sins. Besides verse 14 of the Ten Commandments we have a range of other warnings. A man who commits adultery lacks judgement [Proverbs 6:32]; out of the heart evil intention come with murder, adultery and fornication [Matthew 15:19-20]. Jesus tells the young ruler not to commit adultery or murder or steal [Luke 18:18-20] and letting marriage be held in honour and not defiled, as God will judge fornicators and adulterers [Hebrews 13:4]. Adultery often leads to the agony of divorce, something that breaks up families, and is one of the main reasons for divorce. This very subject is mentioned in the New Testament, that unless adultery is the basis for the divorce, divorce forces the partner into committing divorce, as does marrying a divorced person [Matthew 5:31-32], which is repeated in Matthew 19:9, again the only grounds for divorce, in God's eyes is sexual immorality. The Bible, however, does not require divorce after adultery, and would support reconciliation, because God's word is about forgiveness, that God will forgive anyone who sincerely repents and forgives others. As we know, almost all sins are forgiven us, except those against the Holy Spirit, through confession and repentance through Jesus' sacrifice, but repentance means being truly sorry and not repeating our mistake, we do have a free pass. We do however have Jesus as our advocate, something that those who lived during Old Testament times did not have, and lead to many OT prophets beating their chests [Jeremiah 13:27].
But why does adultery upset God so much? It maybe that Matthew 19:4-6 holds the answer to this question; God created man and woman during His six days of creation, and during that time He decreed that a man and a woman should cleave together as one, husband and wife [Genesis 2:24]. Jesus, through whom the creation was affected summed this up in reminding His listeners that man and woman were created from the beginning and hold fast to each other and become one flesh. He said that they were no longer two but one flesh and what God has joined together, no man can separate [Matthew 19:4-6]. So divorce, which comes often as a result of adultery, is breaking something that God has brought together and blessed. Is it therefore not surprising what God's attitude to adultery is? Again like murder, adultery starts in the heart [Matthew 15:19], so we must be under self-control, not allowing our eyes to wander, and covet that woman or that man, who, for some reason appeals to us. It is Satan who nudges us to look with lust, and places thoughts in our minds that are not wholesome. We must train ourselves not to do things that upset our spouse, the sly look at a pretty woman or a handsome man. I wonder how many people have been upset by this simple act, or arguments caused by a quick turn of the head.
20 And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. 21 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22 coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” [Mark 7:20-23 (ESVUK)]