​65. Strip Down My Soul

I have a rebellious side.

I know I come off as introspective and quiet but that’s because I’m busy figuring out how to burn down the establishment and take down the man.

You know, girl stuff.

When Christ invited me into his upside down kingdom, I was all gung-ho about it. I even day dreamed about scenarios where a masked gunman would appear before me and ask if I was a Christian.

I’d have no qualms about standing up.

But fast forward a few years when the hard sting of life starts to welt and sometimes you’d just rather not listen.

Case in point: writing these posts.

I had given up social media. Online life seemed too time consuming, and frankly, ridiculous. We’re all caught in an emotional roller coaster that seems to salve itself with pasta bake recipes and photos of the grandkids. Of political rants and personal ones and somehow the dopamine hit that social media gives us becomes a replacement for the comfort Christ offers us.

And I, in my own way, was incredibly guilty of this.

I decided I needed to break ties.

So why on earth was he calling me back online?

In my heart I know he wanted me to be honest about my failures and the bumpy road my Christian walk has been. He’s asked me to shed light on Biblical issues, not from my own understanding but the understanding he puts in my heart.

He wants me to confess and strip my soul down and stand vulnerable in a place that would be much easier to just chat about those new boots I just bought (they’re fantastic by the way).

But that’s not what he’s asking me to do.

I pulled a Jonah for a while. This whole thing was my Nineveh. But he told me point blank that he’d grow this thing, and as long as I stayed faithful, humble, he’d bring the ones who needed the message.

I have over 900 followers on Instagram now. For someone who randomly likes to deactivate her online accounts and shove her head under a pillow, this isn’t half bad.

Sometimes, I still want to hide. I want to delete all this and pray my real life friends forget about everything I’ve ever written.

I want to (pretend to) be normal again.

But normal isn’t what God needs from me.

He needs me to obey.