​57. Fiend for the Squeaky Clean

Sometimes I look back

And “back” is the better

Thing.

There’s a hand in it that scrubs

Away all traces of living: sweat

And defecation and turmoil

And anxious thoughts and suicidal

Dreams.

I’m a fiend for the squeaky clean

Version that never existed so I make

My brain retrace the truth of all

The hard and all the hurt

So I can see the other hand

That held mine even when I

Tried to hold it close.

Yours.