3 Minutes to God - Shooting Cows and 49 Other Ways to See God in Your Life! by Wade Grassedonio - HTML preview

recall history correctly, He shocked the socks off everyone once before

by stooping to an even lower level – for our sakes.” I may be wrong

about my idea of heaven, but there is a part of me hopes I’m not.

Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.

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Women

The preceding “story” has drawn great amounts of laughter and criti-

cism. The critics said it doesn’t fit the book or have anything to do

with God. The others laughed. It is included here simply for a break

in the action and a quick, albeit cheap, laugh.

It is my firm belief that God created humor, and when we laugh,

especially at ourselves, we grow closer to God. I don’t fit “the mould”

that so many think I should fit into, so I laugh at myself – a lot. I think

it is understandable that I would write a “story” that doesn’t fit either.

This “story” is meant to be funny. That’s all. No meaning, no depth,

just a little humor.

(If you don’t like it, I’m sorry. Please keep reading. If you do like it,

thank you for laughing along with me. Please keep reading.)

Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.

4th of July

AH, the Fourth of July weekend. Great, isn’t it?! A few years

ago I spent it with my family, several friends, two dogs, and

three children ages seven, three and two. It was wonderful and

everything went smoothly. Even feeding time went well, for the most

part. One of the kids wouldn’t eat because…well, the reasoning of a

three-year-old isn’t worth writing about. Let’s just say he wouldn’t eat.

The two-year-old, on the other hand, ate everything in sight, including

the cupcakes that were meant for a sick, elderly couple. I never imagined

that a three-foot kid could reach to such high, lofty places. I was wrong

– several cupcakes worth of wrong.

The evening sped by, and as I was preparing the kids for the trip

home, it happened. I’m not even sure how it happened, but it happened.

The adults gathered in the kitchen and started to hurl opinions and

insults at each other like Jackie Chan throws punches. What were the

subjects of this verbal combat? What else, politics AND religion.

I, personally, am willing to talk to anyone about politics and religion

as long as a couple of ground rules are obeyed. First, no arguments are

allowed. Second, each person must listen to the other without inter-

rupting (boy, is that a toughie). These rules seem to keep everything

manageable and the discussion flowing smoothly.

This “conversation,” however, was launched into without the

benefit of rules or decorum. So, being the verbally combat-hardened,

wordsmith that I am, I avoided confrontation and went into the other

room with the kids.

Knowing it might last a long time, I looked for some form of group

entertainment. Nothing was available, my mind went blank, and the

situation quickly spiraled out of control. The kids were running wild

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and the noise level was nearing that of a jet engine. Desperation set in

and I grabbed the only thing I could find, a fingernail file. (Woo hoo...

we’re having fun now!) It wasn’t much, but it was a distraction, and it got

them to quit banging on the very loud and out-of-tune piano. They all

lined up single “file” and had their nails done. I’m not a pro, mind you,

but I will say there was an argument or two over who was next. After

that fun was over, I went into the kitchen to try and calm things down.

That lasted about as long as it takes a rider to fall off of a bull and…it

was back to the kids for Wade.

The game this time was “ride the horsy,” and I’ll let you guess who

had the privilege of being the horsy. What a fun game…for them. After

a few million laps, my arms were tired and I went back to the kitchen to

try and put an end to the argument. Four seconds later I was back with

the kids. What a statesman I am.

Finally, I got a stroke of genius. I packed up our things, corralled

the children, and left by way of the kitchen. On the way through, I told

the kids to tell everyone goodbye. Would you believe it actually worked?

Yep, worked like a charm. And to top it off, everyone left as friends.

I had a thought while I was trapped in between the argument about

God, and the blaring, out-of-tune piano (that’s all I had time for). I

imagined that, at times, this must be what people sound like to God.

Everyone is throwing out their opinions, thoughts (He knows our

thoughts), ideas, requests, prayers etc…all at the same time. Coupled

with that, there are a plethora of sounds and other things going on

simultaneously. It must be a like giant funnel of chaos aimed right at

Him. It ought to drive Him crazy! But does it?

That kind of chaos drives me insane, and I have a very hard time

dealing with it. In fact, I dealt with this situation the way I deal with

most chaos: I bailed out. How does God react to it, though? I think He

spreads His arms out wide enough to embrace all of us, in the same way

He did when nailed to the cross, and says, “I love you this much!”

Some people may want to argue the previous point with me, and

that is ok. People argue about God and their beliefs frequently. They’ve

been doing it for thousands of years and will do so until the end of

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time. It’s a given. It reminds me of something I heard a pastor say about

the different beliefs among mainline Christian churches. He said, “I

think when Christians get to heaven and the end of the world has come,

God is going to look at all of us and say, ‘Some of you got it wrong and

some of you really got it wrong. But I’ve talked to my Son Jesus and He

said it’s OK, so come on in.’”

While I don’t think God prefers arguing, I think He is OK with

it because at least we are talking about Him. He loves to be the center

of our conversations and lives. When we remove ourselves from that

central position and let Him fill it, everything seems to fall into place.

Try it; I think you’ll like what you experience.

Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.

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God Even Visits

McDonald’s

MIKE had been a manager at McDonald’s long enough to

know what to look for in a good employee. Dependability,

honesty and competency are the attributes he sought, and

Tameka possessed all three. She was a great employee and, over time,

they became good friends.

One day as Tameka finished her shift, Mike counted the money in

her register. It was ten dollars short. He knew the mistake was probably

his because Tameka’s drawer was never off, not even by one cent. He

recounted the drawer and it still came up ten dollars short. At this point

he became very concerned because the company’s policy was to termi-

nate any employee whose register was off by more than five dollars.

Hoping for the best, Mike meticulously counted the drawer a third time

– still ten dollars short.

He knew she hadn’t stolen it but couldn’t find any evidence to prove

otherwise. Without evidence to prove her innocence, he would have

to terminate her. Mike pondered his options for quite some time and

finally decided that Tameka must be terminated.

He summoned his courage and started the long journey through the

kitchen to the front of the store where Tameka was stationed. His heart

was heavy and he was very nervous.

Halfway through the kitchen, he was interrupted by another

employee who told him that a lady from the drive-thru needed to speak

with him right away. He knew that was code for ”chew him out” for an

order that was put together incorrectly, and that was the last thing he

needed at the moment.

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Mike altered course, braced himself for a tongue lashing, and

greeted the lady with the warmest greeting he could muster. She said,

“I came through the drive-thru earlier today and the lady gave me ten

dollars too much change! I had to get across town for a meeting so I

couldn’t give it back when I discovered it. I finally got the time to come

back and I don’t want the girl to get into trouble, so here it is.” She

handed him the money.

Relief washed over Mike and a big smile spread across his face. He

thanked the lady profusely and told her that she had just saved Tameka’s

job.

Most people would have kept the money, and to tell you the truth,

it would have crossed my mind, too. The lady in this story, however,

was better than that. She did not think about personal gain or the extra

effort it took to bring the money back. She wanted to do what was right,

and in doing so, saved an honest girl her job and a lot of heartache. In

addition, she was able to see God work and even be used by Him to

help others.

We frequently come across situations where it is easier to do wrong

than right, especially when no one will find out. It is in those times that

we need to consider two things. First, the situation may be a test put

there by God as a way of revealing your true character, and, second,

a person of good character does what is right even when nobody is

looking.

If we take the time and effort to do the right thing, God may use

our actions to do something wonderful. When we handle these situa-

tions correctly, we become part of a process that results in God being

honored. What a privilege! Doing the right thing also gives us a chance

to earn a little bit of self respect, and that alone is worth it.

God can use everything that happens, even the little things, to have

an impact on your life and your relationship with Him. Keep your eyes

open, and when you are given the chance, go the extra mile – especially

when it is the right thing to do. You never know, you just may get a

chance to see God do His stuff.

Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.

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Stackers & Filers

WITH the echoes of a 12-step meeting – “Hi, I’m Wade.

I’m a stacker…and a maintainer.” Your response, “Hi,

Wade.”

During the course of my life, I have found that there are, basically,

two kinds of people in this world. There are stackers and there are filers.

“Wait,” you say. “What about the maintainer?” Be patient.

A stacker is a person who has little stacks of stuff involved in

almost every aspect of their life. To see if you qualify as a stacker, check

three critical areas. First, inspect your desk at work. It’s a dead give-

away. Second, check around your home: the breakfast room table, coffee

table, nightstand, the floor, and so on. Third, and this may be the best

way to see if you qualify as a stacker, observe your car. Is the passenger

seat full of stuff? If not, what about the back seat or dashboard? If

there are stacks in one or more of these places, there is a high prob-

ability that you are a stacker.

Stackers are fairly easygoing people, but our stacks are very impor-

tant to us. Don’t touch our stacks…or our stuff! We know exactly what

is in each stack, and they aren’t hurting you anyway, so don’t touch them.

If you have an unbridled passion to clean up our stacks, you are a

filer. You file everything neatly, and you are ridiculously organized. You

admire the motto: there’s a place for everything and everything has a place. We

stackers drive you filers nuts. Hee, hee!

The next topic, makers versus maintainers, may not be as obvious,

but it is probably more rampant. You see, filers are usually bed makers

while stackers are usually bed maintainers (we seldom make the bed –

we’d rather maintain its present condition). Maintainers like the fact that

the sheets are already comfy and there is a little cocoon into which we

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can crawl and continue the previous night’s sleep. To a maker that is

simply unacceptable. They like the look of a neatly-made bed and the

feel of fresh, tight sheets. (Oh, please!)

The long and short of it is that maintainers are content to let makers

do whatever they wish, but makers cannot and will not let maintainers live

in peace.

Now, the one personality trait I have yet to cover is the worst and, by

far, the most insidious. It is the s tacker in denial! Regular stackers accept

themselves for who they are, stackers. A stacker in denial, however,

wants to be a filer so badly that they actually believe they are filers.

Never mind all of the little stacks laying around. They are just “tempo-

rary,” even though they never seem to go away and tend to grow over

time. Stackers in denial are filled with anxiety about their situation and

long for peace – the peace of being a natural filer. They will only find

that peace, however, when they accept themselves for who they are, a

stacker. Such is life.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, tell a stacker in denial that they are a

stacker and not a filer. There will be a fight as sure as the sun will come

up tomorrow. Oh, and by the way, filers are never wrong…or so they

think .

Believe it or not, stackers in denial can teach us a great lesson: trying

to be someone other than who God wants us to be will lead to anxiety,

anger, stress, fear, and even depression. Many of us are guilty of living

a charade, even to the point of self deception. We do it for a variety of

reasons, some of which include: gaining acceptance to social circles,

appearing more competent at work, and hiding our faults. We think we

have to be good enough or we won’t be successful in life.

Success, however, is a relative term, and we need to be careful how

we define it. Over time, Satan has redefined it to mean becoming rich

and famous. Those things, however, frequently lead to anxiety, stress,

loneliness, and addictions, not the peace and fulfillment we truly crave.

Riches and fame are not bad in themselves, but they do become a massive

problem when they are seen as the keys to peace and fulfillment.

True peace and fulfillment, God’s definition of success, only come

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when a person accepts Jesus into his heart and asks for forgiveness of

his sins. It is a matter of humility and letting go rather than continually

grasping for more. We need to quit working so hard to appear like we

have it all together and, instead, let God smooth our rough edges and

reveal our inner beauty.

God works much like a sculptor who chips away at an unshapely

block of marble until the magnificent creation inside is released. When

a person allows Christ into his heart, it is like the sculptor, who, seeing

the stone’s internal beauty and potential, chooses it as his future master-

piece. From that point until completion, it is the sculptor who makes

the stone beautiful, not the rock itself. After a person gives his heart to

Jesus, He will attend to the work of making that person His masterpiece.

Granted, it’s not effortless on our part. We have to yield to His will

and follow His guidance, but it’s a wonderful process. It is similar to a

winding country road with hills, bumps, twists, and turns: you may be

shaken up at times, but the view is awesome and the ride is never boring.

To God, you are a one-of-a-kind jewel, created like no other. That

is something to be celebrated. He created all of us just the way we are

– even stackers, filers, makers, and maintainers. (Stackers in denial – go

back and re-read the preceding sentence). Just between you and me….I

think God is a stacker and maintainer.

Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.

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The Latin Crowd

ABOUT a million years ago, when I was a student at Texas A

& M University, I became close friends with a fellow student

named Sergio. Sergio is a Mexican National, and when we were

not together, he hung out with a group of his friends known to them-

selves as the Latin Crowd.

They were very nice people, and the places they called home were

located in just about every Spanish speaking country south of the

United States. All of them spoke Spanish as a first language, and they

did most things together as a group. They were going to have a party

one night and Sergio asked me to go with him. I politely denied the invi-

tation because I did not know them, nor did I speak the language. My

biggest fear is that of rejection, and with those two whoppers hanging

over my head, there was no way I was going to go.

Sergio, however, wouldn’t take “no” for an answer and badgered

me mercilessly until I finally caved. On the way to the party, I sat quietly

in the car, shaking my head in disbelief, wondering where my spine had

gone and why I was placing myself squarely in front of this rapidly-

approaching steamroller of rejection.

The next thing I knew, we were standing at the door, about to knock.

I was terrified. Through the door we could hear Latin music, talking,

laughing–the whole nine yards. My pulse shot beyond the heart-attack

threshold, and then Sergio knocked – very loudly. It was the moment

of truth. I wanted to run but decided it was time be a man and face my

fears. Sergio, on the other hand, did run! Without any warning, he took

off around the side of the building and left me standing there alone like

some idiot on a mission to find friends.

A girl with a big, bright smile answered the door, and when she saw

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me, her face dropped and the whole room got quiet. She was expecting

a friend and, instead, saw “the lone stranger.” All I could do was get a

stupid grin on my face and say, “Sergio…” while pointing in the direc-

tion he had run. Silence. Tension. Fear of rejection realized! Then,

Sergio finally came back around the corner laughing so hard he could

barely walk.

At that point I really wanted to go home, but instead I was dragged

into a room full of strangers speaking a foreign language. Oh, the fun

I was having. A little while into it, one of the guys noticed that I could

not communicate and shouted to everyone, “We have a person here

who does not speak Spanish. Let’s be polite.” After that, everyone spoke

English the rest of the night. (I just wanted to hug that guy.) I could not

believe how nice everyone was and how accommodating. It turned out

to be a really fun party, and I was glad I went after all.

You know, humor was created by God, and I think He frequently

uses it to play with us. I think He occasionally puts us into positions

where we feel nervous, but there is not any real danger. Then, like Sergio,

he hides around the corner and watches our reaction. I bet he gets deep

belly laughs sometimes. Then, when the time is just right, he comes out

and leads us through it, and it turns out for the best.

One of God’s main goals is to share life with you. He wants to

share everything from pain to pleasure. Many times, however, we get

stuck in the rut of keeping God on a shelf until we need Him. Or, we

turn to him often, but it is only for help and things we want. I think He

loves providing those things for us, but I think He wants to share our

laughter, too.

Sergio and I still laugh about that time at the door. Sure, I was

scared and miserable for a little while, but there was never any danger,

and it makes the laughter that much better when reminiscing.

When you are facing a difficult situation, face it head on, and maybe

if you are really attentive, you will be able to hear God just around the

corner snickering. He will take care of you. Trust Him, and you will see.

Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.

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You’re Big

SEVERAL years ago, while on vacation with my family in San

Antonio, Matthew (3), asked me to give him a piggy back ride.

He loved them and asked for them frequently, except he called

them “pig rides.” (That name sort of fits, I guess, when you consider

who the pig is.) I agreed and carried him through the hotel parking lot

until we were about 30 yards from the front door. He dismounted, and

as he ran toward the door, I called to him, “Hey, Matt. Now it's my

turn.” He stopped and turned around with a rather confused look on

his face. “It's your turn to give me a piggy back ride.” I said. Without

missing a beat, he said, “You’re big, but OK.” He walked toward me and

tried his best to perform this impossible feat. With a little help from me,

however, I was “carried” to the front door.

The thing in this that I thought was really cool was that Matt didn’t

do what I, or most other adults in his position, would have done: thrown

out a bunch of excuses as to why it couldn’t be accomplished. Personally,

I would have used science to explain why the act was not possible and

persisted in building and pleading my case until I was relieved of the

task. But Matthew didn’t do that. He knew it would be difficult and that

it really was not the right way to do a piggy back ride, but if Dad told

him he could do it, that was enough. He was going to try.

The Bible shows us that God has a special place in his heart for chil-

dren. I bet that kind of trust and attitude are part of the reason why. As

we get older, we become more complex in our thinking and reasoning

skills. That is good and necessary to a point, but the downside is that

we think and reason ourselves out of many of the blessings and thrills

that God offers us.

In reality, we are his children and He is our Dad. That is not some

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theoretical mumbo jumbo to ponder for fun–it is fact. God is our spiri-

tual Dad.

Sometimes bad things happen, but who better to help you through

them than Dad? He can make good come from anything. And some-

times, if we trust Him enough to let our fears turn into excitement

and expectation, life can become more unbelievable than our wildest

dreams.

What does it take? It takes the faith of a child, the kind of faith that

says, “You’re big, but OK” in the face of insurmountable odds.

Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.

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First Day at Work

IT was the first day of work at my new job as a banquet waiter

for a large hotel. As with all new jobs, I was nervous and wanted

to make a good impression. I reported to work in the required

uniform, a tuxedo, and got my assignment – vacuuming the floors. I felt

a bit overdressed for the job but decided to make the best of it.

The manager unveiled a huge beast of a machine that looked more

like it should be ridden than pushed. After the initial operating instruc-

tions, he turned me loose in a large ballroom full of eight-foot round

tables. Each table was covered with a tablecloth that flowed over its edge

and