Elias Zapple Profile

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Elias Zapple was not born in as some would have you believe His date of birth is not really relevant anyway What is relevant is that he arose out of a tulip that was growing in some old granny's garden in Camberwell How he got to be in a tulip is not really clear nor is it clear how he got out of the tulip and years later wrote the smash hit musical 'Love be a Stranger' which was an international flop After that success he went on to work as a th century Victorian chimney sweep where he was then inspired to write the acclaimed series of books entitled 'Duke Michel' It is believed the fumes from the chimneys did so much damage to Elias that it was a miracle he ever ate a cupcake again Later he time travelled back to the present and went on a series of trips to many foreign and distant lands During these travels Elias met and spoke to many interesting people choosing to ignore all of them He did however learn a couple of things The earth is flat and You should never eat a banana when it's not ripe Many questions are often asked by his adoring public Are you human How many chimpanzees can fit inside a fridge What is that thing growing on the side of your head To which Mr Zapple has always smiled turned away and swam off into the sunset only once being bitten by an unfriendly shark Elias Zapple continues to work towards the unification of Korea and writing children's stories that parents will spend huge sums of money on He wishes everybody to know that every penny made from the books will go straight into his bank account which he will then spend on

Writing children's books, keeping pet slugs, admiring myself in the mirror and trying to reunify Korea.