The Complete Conservative Kingdom Series History of The Spartans and The Trojans by Samuel Kebede - HTML preview
Download the book in PDF, ePub, Kindle for a complete version.
The Complete Conservative Kingdom Series
History of The Spartans and The Trojans
Samuel Kebede
1
Chapter 1 - The high life joke ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 9
Chapter 2 – Majesty, splendor and, formidable opponents ---------------------------------- 11
Chapter 3 - Money, money, and some more money -------------------------------------------- 13
Chapter 4 - Law school and the dreaded golden pass ------------------------------------------ 15
Chapter 5 - Friends on the other side ---------------------------------------------------------- 17
Chapter 6 - The semi-decent rich life ----------------------------------------------------------- 19
Chapter 7 - Pregnancy and hybrid children -------------------------------------------------- 21
Chapter 8 - The 1 percent of the 1 percent ----------------------------------------------------- 23
Chapter 9 - The thirst for money --------------------------------------------------------------- 25
Chapter 10 - The good old days -------------------------------------------------------------- 27
Chapter 11 - Party days ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 29
Chapter 12 - Thing’s money can’t buy ------------------------------------------------------- 31
Chapter 13 - The terror of debauchery -------------------------------------------------------- 33
Chapter 14 - The thrill of the kill ------------------------------------------------------------- 35
Chapter 15 - The thing that makes me happy the most ------------------------------------ 37
Chapter 16 - My first kiss --------------------------------------------------------------------- 39
Chapter 17 - The anti-Christ, Satan, and the devil ------------------------------------------- 41
2
Chapter 18 - Cocaine, drama, or the girl ------------------------------------------------ 43
Chapter 19 - How I hate being respected and it almost practically ruined my life ------------- 45
Chapter 20 - The American and the Ethiopian ----------------------------------------------------- 47
Chapter 21 - The Greco-Roman adventures --------------------------------------------------------- 49
Chapter 22 - How I managed to start my sorority and fraternity in community college ----- 51
Chapter 23 - How I campaigned and was elected to the student council ----------------------- 53
Chapter 24 - What do I want? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 55
Chapter 25 – Despair --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 57
Chapter 26 - Why I started lifting weights -------------------------------------------------- 59
Chapter 27 - The reason I hate summer ------------------------------------------------------ 61
Chapter 28 - My experience of peace --------------------------------------------------------- 63
Chapter 29 - A man filled with secrets -------------------------------------------------------- 65
Chapter 30 - The art of my politics ------------------------------------------------------- 67
Chapter 31 - How I have always wanted to be in the Navy --------------------------- 69
Chapter 32 - Sweep me off my feet ------------------------------------------------------- 71
Chapter 33 - My obsession with country music ------------------------------------------- 73
Chapter 34 - The reasons I want to be a senator ------------------------------------------- 75
Chapter 35 - How I came across love -------------------------------------------------------- 78
3
Chapter 36 - Why I hate the spotlight ----------------------------------------------------------------- 80
Chapter 37 - A faithful argument to why I should become a student at Harvard University --- 83
Chapter 38 - Is college worth it? ---------------------------------------------------------------- 86
Chapter 39 - When is the use of military force justified? ------------------------------------ 88
Chapter 40 - Wonder Woman Critical Review ------------------------------------------------ 91
Chapter 41 - Is Dating a Thing of the Past? ------------------------------------------------- 94
Chapter 42 - American dependence -------------------------------------------------------- 105
Chapter 43 - América es liberado ---------------------------------------------------------- 108
Chapter 44 - The written word on friendship -------------------------------------------- 111
Chapter 45 - Politics economy and culture of Tokugawas Japan and Ming China --- 112
Chapter 46 - Cases for monarchy ------------------------------------------------------------ 120
Chapter 47 - The classroom ---------------------------------------------------------------- 125
Chapter 48 - My views of communism ---------------------------------------------------- 127
Chapter 49 - Business and Politics ---------------------------------------------------------- 129
Chapter 50 - Bipolar disorder and Marijuana use in adolescents ------------------------ 140
Chapter 51 - The red knight ------------------------------------------------------------------ 144
Chapter 52 - The Four Seasons -------------------------------------------------------------- 147
Chapter 53 - The winter adventures -------------------------------------------------------- 151
4
Chapter 54 - The relentless person who advanced to become a King -------------------------- 152
Chapter 55 - The story of the bad prince --------------------------------------------- 154
Chapter 56 - The fighting spirit that I do not have ---------------------------------------- 156
Chapter 57 - Speculative Thoughts -------------------------------------------------------- 159
Chapter 58 - A former rejected Essay to a University ------------------------------------------- 160
Chapter 59 - The safest investment in life --------------------------------------------------- 161
Chapter 60 - Diversity and Inclusion in Sports ---------------------------------------------- 164
Chapter 61 - The Hebrew Life ------------------------------------------------------------------- 169
Chapter 62 - The delight of wisdom ------------------------------------------------------------- 174
Chapter 63 - A life of Crime ------------------------------------------------------------------- 176
Chapter 64 - I have nothing to lose, they do ----------------------------------------------- 178
Chapter 65 - Dreams of Adventure ------------------------------------------------------------ 179
Chapter 66 - The Ease of Life ---------------------------------------------------------------- 180
Chapter 67 - The Illusion backstrap ------------------------------------------------------- 184
Chapter 68 - Finish brexit or no dice ------------------------------------------------------ 186
Chapter 69 - The Monarchy Letters -------------------------------------------------------- 188
Chapter 70 - Beer Pong Legislation -------------------------------------------------------- 196
Chapter 71 - The Neutral Prince ----------------------------------------------------------- 197
5
Chapter 72 - My Experience with Pedophilia --------------------------------------------- 199
Chapter 73 - The last few years -------------------------------------------------------------- 201
Chapter 74 - Destruction by fire ------------------------------------------------------------ 202
Chapter 75 - The Official Code of Conduct of the Military Division of the Roar Order --- 204
Chapter 76 - The End of Man ----------------------------------------------------------- 210
Chapter 77 - The Sons of Liberty --------------------------------------------------------- 212
Chapter 78 - The Date and The Long-Awaited Romance ------------------------------ 212
Chapter 79 - My Delightful mornings, and my terrible Nights --------------------------- 216
Chapter 80 - What Women Are ----------------------------------------------------------- 218
Chapter 81 - The man who digs his own grave ------------------------------------------- 220
Chapter 82 - Consequences of Watching Pornography ------------------------------- 222
Chapter 83 - The return from war ------------------------------------------------------- 224
Chapter 84 - The fear of Kings ----------------------------------------------------------- 229
Chapter 85 - The story of the green plant --------------------------------------------- 234
Chapter 86 - You reap what you sow -------------------------------------------------- 237
Chapter 87 - How it should have ended --------------------------------------------- 238
Chapter 88 - Enemies in the dark ----------------------------------------------------- 241
Chapter 89 - The story of the world -------------------------------------------------- 243
6
Chapter 90- Normal political positions -------------------------------------------------------- 245
Chapter 92 -The religions I have explored ----------------------------------------------------- 246
Chapter 93 - What it means to be a Republican ------------------------------------------------ 251
Chapter 94 – The diary of the conservative soldier ------------------------------------------- 260
Chapter 95 – The diary of the conservative knight ------------------------------------------- 272
Chapter 96 - Abo Mismar, the Shank and Daniel DeFoe -------------------------------------- 294
Chapter 97 - Her name was of interest -------------------------------------------------------- 303
Chapter 98 – She made me happy ------------------------------------------------------------- 307
Chapter 99 - The lion roars ------------------------------------------------------------------- 310
Chapter 100 - Safety and freedom --------------------------------------------------------------- 314
Chapter 101 - My hatred for democracy -------------------------------------------------------- 315
Chapter 102 – The function of a Parliamentarian ---------------------------------------------- 319
Chapter 103 - Going places where few go ----------------------------------------------------- 322
Chapter 104 - The strength of the darkness --------------------------------------------------- 325
Chapter 105 - I do not like money; I like libraries -------------------------------------------- 327
Chapter 106 - The true story of the human race ------------------------------------------------ 329
Chapter 107 - The fall of military men --------------------------------------------------------- 331
Chapter 108 – The most glorious pain -------------------------------------------------------- 332
7
Chapter 109 – What I want so badly -------------------------------------------------------------- 335
8
Chapter 1 – The high life joke
As instructed by person 1, I am supposed to give this writing thing another shot with an extra twist. I have been given the privilege of being an editor of my work this time, in a sense, making a mistake would be hazardous and she will be constantly judging me however much output I make if I do not wow the audience. In hindsight, making everyone who likes to read accept that I care about the stuff I write is honestly quite exhausting. The exhilarating form of writing comes about as one person puts the mind in a state of free fall and manages to exert a camel of an effort by threading the needle. I am not a great offensive player, but my unusual use of sly banter and shallow witticism has won me favor in court with the most astoundingly handsome ladies whose character is very questionable. I like women like I like my pineapples, sour when you eat them out too much. People say I have a sharp tongue, but they have not seen my teeth.
According to her majesty person 2, if I am to write a book, her name should also be included in it since she must be credited for her astonishing perspective and muse-like mantra. I do believe her royal highness (clever juxtaposition and lack of care here Sam – pats self on back), thinks too much of herself for no apparent reason than she must be respected. The quarrel of the age has been the conflicting opinions of whether respect should be given or earned. I like the idea of formulating opinions on the spot and not making the pool of conformity murky and contaminated, by polluting it with grandeurs of civility and magnanimity.
9
When people conform, they hide in the shadows of deception. There is nothing more beautiful than conformity, yet the soul is constantly assaulted by the radical agenda of the flesh, and by deploying wishing counteractive thoughts against the shadows, one forgets to appreciate conformity’s beauty. In simpler terms, while she is on her high horse demanding or expecting respect, her majesty (nice flippancy here too – second pat) forgets there are litigated terms towards the opinions of the common people that must be held in high regards just like her frivolous wishes of being worshiped for her unrelenting elegance.
My perverted mind always seeks solace in accepting the deep views of myself and my fellow counterparts in the expression of the hate we bear for one other. When I think about it, deep down, we hate each other to the point of wanting to tear each other limb from limb. What people get wrong is not how we manage but how we do not. The second mistake others make is to believe we are wrong. When you think about it, at least we picked a side and bear the cross of hatred than the sweet taste of love much like the teacher from Galilee points out.
10
Chapter 2 - Majesty, splendor and, formidable opponents As often as I kept saying the sentence to people, it seems my sentence regarding the crown falls on deaf ears so I will write about it instead. The crown is heavy for the one who wears it, yet for the people that see it, it glows and shines with awe and splendor. My mind was pretty much screwed the whole day today with the nagging of duty. I managed to visit a palace that stood for the better part of the century, and it hit spots much like a very formidable masseuse untangling binds in tissue muscles. To say I was in shock and awe would be an understatement.
Whilst writing this, I have a huge headache from having to correct the political languages of my fellow companions. I had never really been fascinated by ruling until now.
I guess when you mix in sex, boisterous women, and alcohol the result is unrelenting babies that want to screw the whole world blind. I saw nothing I wanted in the people who ruled, who they were, what they achieved, nor what they desired. I wanted nothing they had regarding the physical property. The only thing that burned my heart to the core and made me auspiciously jealous, is time. Time is the only factor I do not have that they had plenty of. It seems the day goes by faster and faster and the people I love getting older and older getting close to checking out. The thoughts of losing the ones I love to despair, and unrelenting anguish due to separation, the thoughts that I will not get to spend enough time with them burns me to the core, hotter than Hades.
On another note, the perishing words of enigmatic propaganda, displayed for the world to see, did much to keep me focused on the prize. I am not anti-government; I am anti old people who do not want young people to have fun. To say I am tired of being told what to do by old ass 11
men is an understatement not because I am a prick and lack honor but because they take the precious time I have I could spend with ladies of all color size and age with jugs the size of Manhattan skyscrapers. Men are sturdy and always want jobs done for the advancement of civilization and forget to live much like the critics of the palace that live in it and forget to bask in its glory.
Rigid discipline always creates a strong generation until there are no more battles to fight and glory to earn. Sometimes the bliss of pure majesty lies in boobies, beer, a good garden, and unlimited time. In my conclusion, the is no absolute joy without women not only because they have holes, I can stick my dick into for pleasure but because they screw me over occasionally to teach me, I am not all that.
12
Chapter 3 – Money, money and some more money Just when I thought my days of debauchery and worshiping the hedonism gods has come to an end, the world spread her legs like an unscrupulous peasant. As is custom by every individual who paid a prostitute for sex, I will take hold of this opportunity. On another slate, I understand my current monetary state is in deficit which brings me to the topic of pleasure once more. Much like a utilitarian, I have been in thoughts of whether this next chapter will bring happiness to most of the people that have to deal with my day-to-day relentlessness. I must admit I can be quite a handful to deal with. My philosophy can sometimes tend to be incongruent with the sedated population. Always in conflict with my possessively passive thoughts, the words that come out can sometimes feel daunting (disheartening). Although I constantly question others›
motives for dealing with me, I do believe that is the source of my joy, so I tend not to be inquisitive and not deny people the pleasure of assessing my motives in return.
When I was a young lass, I used to be so shallow and unrelenting. As the days have gone by it seems I have not gotten any better maybe perhaps even gotten worse than before. Much like the use of my adjectives, I can also be demented. In this side of the eastern world, males are described by feminine terms which can often be a sign of respect. Staying on track with the topic of currency, I do believe respecting myself is a start to earning others hard earn funds. In this line of reasoning, referring to myself as a lad is quite difficult or unhelpful because I function much like a doughnut, soft on the inside but can take a decent pounding.
13
To my readers, I hope you do not get offended because this lass would rather not be inclined to an opinion that will not push autonomous individuals from making a utilitarian out of me. I have never really wanted to be a father so it comes as no surprise that impregnating the lady will not be in my favor. Much like George Bush, the best option will be pulling out and keep her wanting more. Much like money, children tend to ruin relationships and put a permanent touch on life that cannot be erased so easily. As their numbers increase so do the decent opinions of mankind towards you. Much like the federalist bank, the procuring of money and infants should be regulated heavily by centralized governments. The world needs many sanctions and proactive embargos. I do not often understand why there is no tax on children much like money. The expensive little people tend to ruin a debaucherous hedonist’s life much like vermin on crops. That is why there are only alcoholic fathers and not alcoholic individuals.
A proper term used by an exhausted wife to describe her husband’s situation which in my opinion should be thrown out the window, not the term alcoholic but marriage.
14
Chapter 4 – Law school and the dreaded golden pass
It seems I am in no position to advocate for my love bearing. I spent the better part of yesterday looking for ways to go to law school without a bachelor’s degree. As a 4th year student, standing in my way seems to be the lack of ability to integrate myself into a stable society structure/model. I have been fighting this concept for so long, yet it seems I cannot even go through the law school doors without accepting it. I cannot imagine the douchebag who invented normal marriage. Person 1 is constantly trying to drill the topic in my mind, and I think she gets scared I do not have any interest in it. Person 2 is worried let alone the husbandry; I will not even know how to be a father. Back when I was a tiny freshman, I saw people getting ready to graduate their final year with boyfriends and proud parents on the other side awaiting/expecting a bright future with grandchildren and stable jobs from their sons and daughters. I saw what I could potentially become if I stayed the course and decided against it.
I was happy leaving high school with decent scores to see what the university had in store for me. When I realized it was a marriage, a wife, kids, and a house with a possible dog, safe to say I went the other way. It took 1 week for me to realize I would do everything in my power to not get there. I did not even realize I was far gone until I woke up to the fact that I had to file for bankruptcy to get my transcript. I needed a lawyer, so I decided to become one. Standing where I am, I do not regret the path I took one bit but now that the law school doors are in sight, I would rather get paid the money I would pay another lawyer to do the job I want to be done for myself.
15
My dreams of drinking and fornicating my way to an early grave that I thought was dead seemed to have been resurrected.
As is required of every person to advocate for civility and order, I must do so as well. I will make it clear that I have surrendered to person 1’s plans. The only way to get what I need seems to be through the vagina. On that line, I will do my duty and screw my way back to the places I need to go. I have never really used the term gold digger before, but my job seems to be one now; to send my dick on an expedition into unconquered caves of all nations. When all is well and done, they might call me the liberator. My rhetoric is constantly getting polished every day and I will use it to slay the opposition till I sit back on my throne again. May the gods ever so watch my steps as I endeavor down the golden pass.
16
Chapter 5 – Friends on the other side
I have not been in contact with my “Irish” family for quite a while. I used to spend so much time contemplating life in Derry with decent characters I had grown accustomed to over the years. I remember spending long hours researching life in Ireland and the grand catholic life.
I was instantly hooked watching Derry girls to the lifestyle of a private school student mostly because the actors in the show are almost exactly my age and I have no friends who want to get turn up on the regular. In addition to my pre quota rebellion, I did the exact opposite of what the character James did at the end of season 2 where he stayed in Derry instead of leaving with his English mother. I suppose I cannot blame them, to be honest for not wanting to “hang out” with me anymore.
The opposite end of the spectrum falls in the line of my subconscious brain taking it as literal school and realizing school is out for the summer… either way, I have been feeling ostracized lately. Perhaps my role and subatomic relation have been squashed when I decided to screw up my chances in Salisbury, a town built by Irish hands. Christ, I miss the Irish people of the eastern shore. The only way I know I had an awesome time that is because I drank so much, I can barely remember it. Although most of my money went to alcohol, there was the prettiest lady who I used to go see to cut my hair right next to an Irish pub as a freshman. I used to scrape money even though I had none left just to shut up and look at her as she worked on me for what seemed like forever…good... good… times…Bob Seger would have been proud. The most ironic part is although many women in the dorms and parties probably looked like her, she is the one I remember most because I was sober going to the shop and the memories are still fresh in my mind.
17
From the very first concert I went to in a sold-out show in silver spring and tasted my first drink at a flogging molly concert, to the chick that used to cut my hair, Irish people made a huge difference and are a big part of my life in the 21st century. The best part is not just the drinking but the chick who also drove my drunk ass back to my hotel one time after what seemed like hours in the pub. I guess this is part of the big side I do not want to be an American. I would rather be Irish. Maybe they do not know I constantly think about them but somewhere in my tiny corrupt heart, I care about them much like I do the bruins. I would get started on my adventures in Massachusetts in Cambridge but that is a story for another time and another place.
18
Chapter 6 – The semi-decent rich life
I guess you can say I always knew I was rich. I always knew I was a millionaire but not to the extent of it. Through primogeniture, I will not just be rich, I would be rich…like a lot of millions and all the good stuff. Although seamlessly living my life as a peasant so far, you can say I have not learned a lot because I already had the values in place. The concept of arranged marriage has popped up a few times over the past few weeks which made me want to rip my hair from my head and chest. The hardest part of inheriting money is where you do not get to spend it as much as you wish so no one knows you are rich or how rich you are. I guess in this sense I have seen the better part of the world, and I am tired of the “grand” show. It is hard to tell someone in the west my life is more like a roman prince than the average day-to-day run-of-the-mill college student. I drank a ton with white people, almost smoked peyote with Indians, studied with black people, got high with Latinos, smoked cigars with Asians…I guess no one thought I was rich much like how the devil convinced the world he did not exist, so no one bothers to contact me anymore. Safe to say I have been abandoned by all who knew me in my college and high school years.
A few weeks ago, I was roaming a 20-bedroom house I will likely be living in depending on if I want to or not while also living in a house I would likely inherit. To humble me, the talks of purchasing a vehicle might have come across the lunch table at some point in the past fortnight… if only other rich people knew I would rather slit my wrists than drive a car. I guess that is the beauty of secret societies...keeping things as they should be. I guess what I am trying to say is when you are 20 shots deep sleeping on your puke, can anyone tell the difference? I have no mortgage payments, no insurance responsibilities, stellar health…in a sense I did fall 19
into my trap between maids that will not let me do my work to guards that will not let me leave the house by myself. Four to five-month ago I was knee- deep in drugs and alcohol to sedate a small city…now I am burdened with the responsibility to carry and make respected the family name. much like the cards, I have been dealt with in the past, safe to say I am down to play the long strides except the difference between my dices and others is that mine is made of gold. To make the daylight a little brighter for those a little too blind to see, there is the 1%, then there is well…no words need be said.
20
Chapter 7 – Pregnancy and hybrid children I cannot even begin to explain how much I do not want to be a father, or a dad let alone be an instrument of civility and serve family linages by getting married. At some point, to get what I want, I know duty will give me a call but till then, I intend to contemplate and live life in a different way. Yesterday I was researching DNA coding while reading the origin of species by Darwin. He states that the best chances are procured by the diversity of genetics in a pool of the same species. This little research brought me to look to the east for answers to family matters. I have always been in awe of the kamikaze and the honor they upheld. It takes guts and hunger for glory to do what they did. Japan happens to be the center of the technology world next to Silicon Valley. What most people neglect are the traditional family values they hold and their tight-knit structure which is almost impossible to integrate into. For this reason and the fact that I have lived with white people for so long it feels like marrying a sister or a cousin, the only kids I want are with a Japanese woman who I barely know. I want to impregnate someone from the eastern world, specifically Japan, to have babies with balls the size of the fat man.
To put it in perspective, the Japanese nuclear family is the bomb. They rock and blow so hard I want my kids to be exactly like them. For the better part of my years, I have led a cowardly life so it is in my best interest to have a wife whose father or mother’s cousin took down a bomber ship with his body so that maybe, perhaps some of that courage will sap in from the other side of the family than mine into the hybrid baby. Speaking of hybrid, it seems to be the latest trend nowadays. Hybrid cars are all over the road so in the best-case scenario I will be held in high regard by my environment for being “selfless”. I am a politician so I will likely spin the engagement in my favor anyways much like Putin’s prized eastern dog or the baby panda the 21
Smithsonian has. Perhaps I could even profit from the hybrid baby by putting it on display and charging people, pay per view. I’ll likely be elected governor and be given a humanitarian award.
Christ, I cannot even begin to describe how much I hate children. How do husbands manage their wife’s vagina being out of service for the better part of the production? I would imagine much like a pre-occupied toilet; a brother must find one way or another to dump his load and, in this instance, it is a crisis created by his own doing. What a nightmare the family structure is. Good thing I have no intention of revealing this to my future Japanese wife…unless she reads this of course.
22
Chapter 8 – The 1 percent of the 1 percent My father worked hard to make himself a rich guy. I went to school and joined secret societies and officially joined the cult. I am starting to understand why people do not like me very much. Most people have bills to pay, girlfriends to marry, children to raise, jobs to work, and many other demands that do not go with my agendas of debauchery and hedonism. I worship fickle gods and they tend to make my life a bit more bearable when my sacrifices are a little bloody. I drink and have fun constantly and my body would likely reflect that. It makes sense the people I used to hang out with do not want to hang out with me. No one wants to puke at 1 pm and pass out of alcohol poisoning by 3 pm anymore, what a nightmare. Ever since the new establishment took office, every agenda has been a terrible show for better lack of terms. Many celebrities promised to leave the country if Grandfather Trump won in 2016. It is almost impossible to trust these jokers because they stayed in the United States, incited rebellions, and committed crimes of treason and sedition to take power back in 2020. Safe to say I left the wife and kids in the burning house and saved my ass in hopes of drinking my gambling money away and drowning in attention from women on the other side of the ocean. The truth of the matter is people are not that special considering there are 10 billion of them on the planet. What loss is it if one loses the wife and kids... they can easily be replaced in a matter of a month or days. What cannot be replaced are the prime youth years… the years before 30 years old…. The years before going into the political world that has age restrictions like rollercoasters, strip clubs, and speakeasies.
Fatherhood is one nut in the box away whilst marriages can be arranged and bought like participation spots in Victoria’s Secret fashion show. One of the requirements to run for a senate 23
seat in the United States is being of age. What a dumpster fire it is to be in a perfect position with degrees and experience but not being allowed to join the club because one simply is not old enough. The only way to cope is to put the years to use. My gods are fickle because my time seems to be running out quickly. What if I have not had sex to my heart’s content? What if I have not tried every ale on the planet? So much to do with so little time. The struggles of others I wish were mine sometimes just so I can feel different. The truth of the matter is I am just like everyone else… the more I try to change the more I stay the same. The feet I am being denied of achieving however is growing fast without time.
24
Chapter 9 – The thirst for money
The past few days my thoughts have been concentrated on money and how I can get it.
My mind keeps circling on the subject so much for reasons unknown…perhaps just for the sake of having it. Having money is the core/base running ground of the political party in town, and much like morning erections, I do not know the reason how relative endowment could help now.
My govern ship is unaccepted apparently so it is custom I must abide by the rules and standards set. Money however is the last thing that would facilitate my best interests. Although I know how to earn it, I would be crippled by spending policies. There would be no one to carry my mantle and way of life. My plan would collapse under obligations and redundant motives.
What I have come to realize is I might need an heir. Someone like me who would extend my dominion. My body is constantly in a fearful state of extinction. My will is getting exhausted from overriding the wishes of my body. I wake up daily fighting the obligations of my flesh to keep my bloodline alive. It is hard to stir a body in a constant search for shelter/protection from the plans the mind conceives. The more money I earn, the more money I would have to spend on protection and be giving up the freedom of anonymity. My mind keeps calculating how much tole my way of life is taking on my body, so I must limit pleasure constantly. What I have come to understand is there are limits on pleasure placed by the body itself in which the body would collapse if they will override it.
Much like there are limits placed by the body on pleasure, society also places limits on how much money the average person earns because money changes the system it is found in abundance in. The human synapse can only take in so much dopamine and serotonin to keep 25
itself in equilibrium much like how the environment can take in so much money and positions of power. Occasionally, the environment will reset itself or collapse because it can’t handle the wealth. The human body is stupid because all it needs and wants is food, shelter, and cloth which convinces me anything beyond that is politics. It has been a long time since I secured these in abundance. My body has sold itself the idea work is unimportant along with procuring money because it feels in a constant state of danger. Why labor when everything my body needs to survive is available at my fingerprints? The conflict within myself is my mind wanting to override survival warnings and find means to please and satisfy itself. From the position I am in, I only need so little of it, but I would not have to freedom to spend it which makes it useless. If I were to go after the freedom of spending it, I would need so much of it I would need plenty of time which would limit please in itself. I would sell my soul to have a copy of myself, like a twin.
26
Chapter 10 – The good old days
I remember the first day I stepped into St. Francis in Salisbury city. It was a quiet church will little to do with the university I was attending yet I found myself mystified by it and became a frequent visitor. By the time the semester was over, I had converted to Catholicism and was fascinated by the attendees that used to pray there alongside me. I stole beads from there one time because I did not have my own. I will always remember that church as the one where I encountered God. The second time I encountered God would not be until trinity church Boston years later where there was an orthodox service in the downstairs chamber. I met an old man who attended brown university, and it was awkward because I had gone to Cambridge to visit Harvard. I did not have the heart to tell him that, so I kept my mouth shut.
Long before my encounter, I was raised protestant. I went to religious services and did everything necessary to attain salvation from whatever wrong was with me I was told off. Safe to say I was not considered as part of the group, not due to the lack of zeal but being one of the only university students in a bunch of 10,000 members tends to ostracize few individuals. I did try and make other protestant friends in college, but late-night parties, constantly hooking up, and being associated with drugs to sedate cattle does not say I am a purist just like you. Christianity is very interesting because not only is it divided into sects, but it also sings of the history of the world. In all aspects, there is not much with the denominations because the priest and the preacher will likely tell you the same story as the reverend, except they will tell you what they want you to believe from what worked for them in their personal lives.
27
To be honest, I am not sure I am a Christian anymore. Not because I do not believe in God, or I have lost faith but because I kind of feel left out of the party a bit. The good old times were the struggle days when I could not tell right from wrong and was constantly being subjugated, being shut out, held captive under the mercy of clementine/divine women. If anything, I would say I am more Catholic than anything but would be rejecting the history of my conquest, discovery, and adventure. It is very confusing. In the religious world, I want to be and am a Roman Catholic, a Quaker Protestant, and a Russian Orthodox. These are very sophisticated ways of saying a prince/king. In my life, I have come to realize they are the same thing. There are no other ways to describe the function and the divinity of a Christian other than referring to these. Life has been interesting. The only thing that I will not forget is the times I spent searching for myself.
28
The very first university party I attended was a fraternity party in Tampa in 2013. I was admitted as a student there, but my high school counselor told me to take a full scholarship opportunity on the eastern shore. There was a huge kegger in the middle of the house and I was given the benefit of the doubt of being a freshman and was not charged for entry (thank God for my obnoxiously charming, good looks). My shark tooth necklace was my good luck charm and I do believe that was the first time a girl acknowledged my existence. I was hooked instantly. I tried my best to go against the better judgment of my advisor, but I was completely overshadowed by her. She used all sorts of leverage to put me in my place.
Safe to say I was shipped off the Salisbury the next month with a fat bank account and a possible lawsuit if I did not take the money. The first party I went to in the dirty bury a supposed friend shacked up with a tramp in the woods and got poison ivy rash all over his ass. You would think that would not interest the girl he had a crush on, but she brushed the incident like the flu, and they were in each other’s arms the next week. The best part of freshman year was scouting the frats I had hopes of joining with a 0.6 GPA. I tried hard but safe to say answering initiation questions with honesty got me rejected faster than I could say spring break. For a student with decent grades going into college, it was stupid of me to not realize there is a 2.5 minimum requirement to join fraternities.
Even the sober parties were an adventure, yet nothing short of disastrous. I remember going to a barn with a bunch of sober prods upon invitation from a couple of Christians that lived in the dorm who would not stop judging me for having all the flavors of Samuel Adams in my 29
closet. Chicks are chicks so I went dancing the whole line thing with food and everything after…I stuck out like a sore thumb. I do not know if I miss those days or not because it was simply a different time. The first time I hit a joint was right in the woods across the street. The guy tried to pass me the joint, so I put my lips on his fingers and took a drag. The girl I was with could not stop laughing. She dumped me a week later for being a total nerd. I would love to go back and do it all again, but I am simply too old. At 26 with no ambitions, I might as well go to high school all over again. No, the next part party venture is with middle-class wives and high-class prods who drink wine in glasses and cry watching the notebook. The next party venture is with lawyers whose noses are itching from the line of coke in the bathroom. Duty has called me to the high- class life, and it seems that also starts with a line.
30
Chapter 12 – Thing’s money can’t buy
Today gold is trading way over 57,000 whilst a 3-carat diamond is trading at a little close to 40,000. The reason I mentioned these is that anyone can work as hard as they can and purchase these products however there are certain things money cannot buy. In 2016, I worked to become a person of value to myself and failed because of a lack of leadership. My main interest was skewed because I trusted not in a grand vision or agenda. The most important point I am trying to make here is among all the things money cannot purchase, money cannot buy money.
The second thing money cannot buy is the action of barter. Way before a centralized government was instituted and a currency system was placed/input, people traded products to get what they wanted but the value was difficult to determine. The people who had the information became very wealthy and decided to institute places to educate others with little payment. In the world now many people are very rich who lack knowledge, and many smart people lack wealth. The meeting place for these 2 worlds is the universities. The two worlds are in constant conflict with each other, and a college degree seems to unite these two.
Lots of poor people send their kids with lots of knowledge to great schools by money earned with labor through the skin of their teeth while a lot of rich people try to pass their wealth to their children with very little knowledge. There are no middle grounds to start on because college degrees are bastardizations of the world. I can give you a million dollars and you would not be able to bring me a college degree right away without the time and even if you could, you would need to work and earn it or you would lack the ability and knowledge to use them in the 31
long run. I joined the republican party under the leadership of Donald John Trump in January of 2016 and collected college degrees like KitKat. Under his leadership, I saw the world as I had never seen it before, and I had more fun than I could imagine.
I learned it is hard to earn money, but it is easy to gain knowledge. The most impossible thing however is to follow. There are lots of leaders in the world and everyone not only wants to become one but knows they have the innate ability to lead as well. The hardest thing to do in this world is to follow because it requires humility and denial of self. In January of 2016, I was standing by the gates of Harvard on a cold winter night at Cambridge when I was thought this lesson and I will never forget it, and this speaks volumes to how great of a man I am and my ability. I am not ashamed to point it out. The challenge here is to be humble and point out how humble he was to offer me lessons I would never forget. To say the man is great would be an understatement because he knows that value does not lie in money or information, it does in human beings.
32
Chapter 13 – The terror of debauchery
I have had quite a lot of times where I ran around all over the place seeking pleasure and spending wild money very wisely. There are however a few nights that terrifies me, the very few wild nights where I lost things and had to retrace my steps back because of the occasion. Out of the handful of times, I lost inhibition/control, there are 3 that stand out. The first is my night in a Cambridge bar in Boston where I almost slept with a guy after a wild drinking night where he took me to another hotel. I do not drink usually above my limit and that night specifically I had no plans to go all out especially since I had room service back at the hotel ready with a bottle of wine for my dinner but the guys, I met at the college convinced me I might as well have a night to remember while at Harvard. God knows how I ended back at my hotel that night, but I had lost my debit card, which was in my pocket all along, so I wasted hours running around all over the place including a police station to pick up my second phone which happens to have been lost.
I never really looked at Harvard and Boston college the same way again because to say that state is liberal as hell is an understatement.
The second time is when I spent a wild night drinking at Catholic University after a friend of mine passed away. I was at the bar killing everyone’s mood until I decided to drag my drunk ass all over the place and explore the school where I ended up in a library. I checked in my bag full of liquor and cash at the front desk and followed a sexy minx to the book halls where I read all sorts of books till my heart’s content, but lost track of my bag so went home only to have to come back the morning after to find my bag turned into security with my alcohol confiscated.
33
The third was in Salisbury. I wanted to tell the friends I had before I will be getting accepted as a full-time student again to start school with them very soon in the coming year, so I prepped for an all-out time with tons of drinks, but they had no interest in the things I wanted to say. I was in talks with the advisor who told me if I got decent grades at the college, I was at, I would be back at Salisbury in no time. I was doing well in school so I could not hold in the excitement to tell them, yet no one listened or was interested in talks of moving in together because they were too interested in a Clinton and Sanders debate. I ended up back at the hotel with my phone lost and no way of accessing my bank account or ability to call my usual drivers who would have charged me a whole lot less. I have never really embarrassed myself more than I did on these occasions. Looking back, they terrify me. I wake up at night sometimes and spend several moments collecting myself before going back to sleep because of remembering these times.
34
Chapter 14 – The thrill of the kill
I do not know if most people notice this but right before pulling the trigger or finishing the job, there is a moment of pleasure that cannot be felt any other way. The feeling is better than any drug. There is an overwhelming feeling of power that all hunters keep chasing and it has been that way since mankind were gatherers and hunters. There is something manly about hoisting a huge game and taking it back home to the wife or person of interest to clean and cook.
Now that sensation has been overshadowed by jobs that require hours of service to even get the fatty cash prize. I have a huge fever for humongous games. There is nothing more exhilarating than prey that can think for itself, so I do believe it is a crime to even mention killing people so ill jump of that train and focus on animals that we eat for food.
There is a rush of overwhelming dopamine that gets the person high which makes me believe that that is the real reason humans are created to do. There is nothing more thrilling than conquest and the ability to take down sophisticated opponents. When I was in high school it was hooking up with the prettiest chick in town. When I was in college, it was scholarships and assignments.
35
Now that I am in the real world, I am constantly seeking the thrill of hunting big game for food.
Something about wielding large weapons, taking down meat and, bringing it back home after killing it kind of gets me heated.
I have never really killed anyone before, but I doubt there is any pleasure in murder. I have yet to meet anyone I want to snuff because I am not an envious person. I do not want the things that people have and the whole point of killing is to destroy and take. Man is capable of reasoning so after really defeating someone else in any form of combat, there is no pleasure in going all the way. Animals are different because you get to eat them, and they become a part of your flesh. Through all the sophistication, the real thrill is the hunt but not one capable of forming thought processes. I love meat so much but now that I have a little bit more time than I did before, I kind of want to go hunt, kill it and bring it back home instead of purchasing pre-cooked meals at the local mart. The capitalist system is partly to blame because it has made everything so predicated on an organized structure. I do not understand most of the time why scientists classify animals and plants into kingdoms but fail to submit to monarchs and kingdoms while understanding the whole process more than anyone. I guess it is because e of their socialist agendas. They go into their labs and schools to study classification while teaching it also but go out into the human world and vote to take down or put up officials who would put more currency in their pockets. They kill the thrill when it should be a thrill to kill.
36
Chapter 15 – The thing that makes me happy the most
As of a month ago, I have learned that I have traveled over 200,000miles in my lifetime all over the world. I have experienced a lot of things and have quite a history of flaunting wealth here and there. I know there are a lot of things I have yet to accomplish but when I look back and think, the thing that makes me happy the most in winter. I have never been happier than when the weather is frigid as hell. All the happiest memories I have are during the coldest month of the year. The best travels and places I have ever experienced are during cold times when rain, ice, and snow disturbed the tranquility of the environment. Not a lot of people recognize this, but everyone forgets about race during winter for some reason. The apartment my family used to live in was full of different races individuals with different properties. Everyone used to forget they spoke different languages when they helped each other defrost their cars or went sledding on the mountains with their kids. Political correctness usually goes out the window when your tongue is stuck on the roof of your mouth.
The romanticism of the light reflecting on the white ground is sex. There is nothing more satisfying than listening to the hallow wind while frost and icicle rain drifts in the wind with foams of soft cushioned snow wraps your body tighter than a high-class call girl does money when you fall to the ground. I remember having to drop what I was doing just to surrender to the beauty of winter which feels like eons ago. Beer just tastes better when the can is frozen to your fingers because you forgot to keep drinking while your mind is wallowing with thoughts of 37
sweet, sweet bitter freezing temperatures. The light of the cigars I used to smoke used to go out for minutes at a time because I used to forget the purpose of why I went outside in the first place.
Winter has a way of making everything feel like the first time. The first date I went on with a blonde girl whose name I forgot was in wintertime and although my knee was busted, she made me chase her in the snow for some reason and I fell. I remember just sinking there and how much it felt so amazing to be held so tightly from all directions. There is nothing that pleases me more than watching it rain in the winter while the ground is still fresh and soppy from the glittering snow because deep in your heart you know there is no one walking the streets for miles at a time.
When you look outside your window in the winter you can surrender to the experience of a true republic no matter however short the experience is because, in a world where monarchic governments are constantly being forgotten, no one in their minds will wake up to the fact that they are being conquered with the spirit of winter. Much like monarchs, winter does not discriminate or ask for permission, it dominates and expands dominion wherever it pleases and all we can do is take it all in and be mesmerized by its elegance for until we do, we would have never known if we should have.
38
I would be lying if I said I do not remember the barking dog bar in Bethesda and my high school years spent wallowing in my own shadow because my first kiss took place at a party there. My first kiss also happens to be my second kiss because right after I made out with a girl at the party upstairs, I also made out with another girl on the same night. I thought myself a legend for several days after that. I tend to be honest to myself when I approach matters of love, but that night was a complete fluke because to say I was sober as hell was an understatement. I was barely even 18 and I left the bar feeling like a champion. Sometimes would pass by before I turn into a different person and the same girl who I hooked with that night ended up making out with my little brother at another nighttime event I went to, so I walked up to her and asked her if she was down to go all the way. Disgusted by my frank request, she belittled my blind efforts of self-sought hedonist value and cut me loose from her life. It would be a lie to say that I was as excellent. My lips probably tasted like wild coconut and vanilla protein shake because I was getting a nice pump at the gym before I left to party my night away. I guess from that point on I had to implement strategies to hook up and get numbers.
What I remember most about that night is the fact that it was effortless. I did not have to strive or even look for someone to kiss me because I did not even know that was what I was looking for. I did not even know what kissing was like or felt like. It was an event that just happened out of nowhere and I remember it being very dramatic because in my head I was thinking “oh my god I can’t believe this is happening, a girl has her lips all over mine while her tongue is in my mouth, and I like it a whole lot. I wish it would never stop”. I doubt a lot of time 39
had passed when I felt thirst, so I went downstairs completely baffled by what happened to grab a drink.
When I went back upstairs whilst thanking the gods for my success, the same thing happened again except with a different girl. Her lips tasted like grapes, her hair was pink, and she smelled like a flamingo. I was mesmerized by her…if only I had known she would be sucking my brother’s face a month or two later. I don’t know if kissing is an activity, you get better at the more you do it, but I surely know one thing, different people have different ways of expressing themselves in your mouth or on it. Some lips taste like garlic bread, while other lips taste like strawberry cigars. I would say I am proud of my exploration, yet my mind keeps going back to that night where I knew nothing of strategies or the right moments. The greatest thing about the first kiss is the lack of anticipation…at least for me.
40
Chapter 17 – The anti-christ, satan, and the devil The devil has been used to represent all things evil and the stuff people despise for centuries and millennials. I have three of those devils that I despise more than anything in my life that seem to constantly stand in my way. My devils are cotton candy, strawberry jam, and zucchini. When I was a boy, I grew up left-handed, so my mother used to hit me when I wrote with my left hand instead of my right since it was not the proper way to do things. What I remember most about those times is it always followed strawberry jam. I guess my mind seems to put these two things together so every time I see strawberry jam all I think about is the top of my left hand being spanked for not using my right. I cannot begin to describe how much I despise the taste of strawberry jam. Much like my hate for it, the same thing applies when I think of the dreaded penis-shaped fruit that smells and tastes like goblin vagina. I would rather jump in a pool of acid than have zucchini in my mouth. There is nothing that says I am from the upper socialite class than a father putting zucchini on the table for his family members and the mother force-feeding her children Satan’s nugget for lunch. What I hate most is how shrewd she had to be to deceive us into putting that hell plant in our mouth. I cannot blame her for the hate that I was impregnated with mostly because I did not keep eating it when I grew up. Much like strawberry jam, there are moments that light up in my mind like the first time I stepped on a slug and how squishy it was under my feet, and when I think of the texture of zucchini that is what comes to mind.
Cotton candy is different because I did like it at first. I liked it so much I kept eating it to the point I woke up the next morning and felt like hell. Much like Lucifer, cotton candy is pretty and appealing. For a child who had never tasted something so sweet, it was the prettiest melody 41
that could ever be heard, the thrill of drinking at a bar all night and believing driving home is completely safe. I knew my parents felt I was happy whilst eating it and it made them happy that I was happy, so they kept buying more at my sudden request.
I do not despise a lot of things but when it comes to these three, certain spots rapidly fire in my brain that compels me to accept that certain items are not good for the human body much like the devil. Athletes treat their bodies like temples and constantly have the urge to stay away from substances that reduce performance like trans-fat diets that slow down metabolism. As a person interested in pursuing a job in government, I plan to keep my body from substances that trigger wild memories of hate. cotton candy, zucchini, and strawberry jam are normal foods when you look at their chemical compositions. It is the taste that triggers memories and takes me back to places I never want to return to again. They represent moments of hell I wish to never experience.
42
Chapter 18 – Cocaine, drama, or the girl When I was a stupid freshman in college, I came upon crossroads that made me realize I was truly human after all. I went to a party where much like the past few months, there were going to be choices to be made. I was offered a driving position while drunk that night which I politely turned down. I doubt there was a way of saying yes without a license. I did choose the girl in the end, but I will let you know how I came down to make the choice. I have never done cocaine but if I had the chance, that was it. I had also never had a girl come on to me as well.
That night I had a choice of saying yes to a girl who wanted to jump and eat my face or turn her down and snort white sugar down my nose just to go back downstairs and practically do the same thing I would have down, drink and try to hook up with a chick. In high school, I learned men had to always make the first move in the dance of love, but I found my world completely flipped that night.
I had a choice to make between having to sit down and one day and tell the story about how I shoved a mountain of drugs up my nose or how a girl grabbed me by the throat and made me her toy for the night. Up to that point, I used to wake up in the morning and brag about my nightly adventures. I saw an opportunity to flip the script and all I had to do was submit to a pretty little thing wrapping her twisted fingers all around me and doing whatever she wanted. My mind was liberated that night because I realized I never have to show off to anyone again. I was free of having to ever tell stories because I got the satisfaction I wanted so badly. The best part about the past is sometimes it tells its own stories. The man who completed the 4-minute mile never has to tell himself he can do it again because he knows he had already…all he must do is look back and reflect.
43
There are moments we prepare for that must not be missed that shoot like stars in a brittle night that change the course of our lives. A president’s moment comes before being sworn into office.
Some conversations take place in the mind of the individual that will never happen again. Before any state sport competition finals, there are encouraging family or friend voices that will never facilitate again because once the event happens, they become unnecessary. The potential to become the bait was offered to me on a silver plate that night and I could not be happier to be the one to be chased instead of the other way around. I guess you can say I know how chicks feel now constantly. There are constant adrenaline rushes in being the one chased after, and it comes at no cost. I do not have to lose my health, money, or my reputation because there is no such thing as men adulterers. There are only women adulteresses in society and sick drug addict men.
Thank God for the American capitalism system.
44
Chapter 19 – How I hate being respected and it almost practically ruined my life I grew up rich so there are only so many opportunities to experience poverty other than college. The people who almost ruined my life did it out of respect thinking that it would be good for me. The only time I got kicked out of school for whatever reason, the cops and the office of student affairs did it thinking they are doing it for the sake of the common good as well as my thinking it would discipline me, to put me in my place and make a grown person out of me. Out of respect for me and my future, my mother had my mental health tested at hospitals thinking she was doing society and me a future. People want to put me or sell me a position I practically grew up in because most do not have the understanding of the ability to rationalize that when I put myself in certain spots of loss, it is because of my devious nature. Some women refused to be with me in Boston thinking I was a charity case at Harvard under government scholarship so I thought when I returned to Maryland, the opposite would happen if I purchased Harvard cloth and advertise myself in a different light, but the complete opposite happened.
People were respecting my overachieving ambitious desire with the knowledge that I would potentially never go to Harvard. I once went back to this pretty girl’s house I went on a date with the night before to explain to her parents that the reason the night went too far was that we lost track of time along with drinking way too much. The father went on to tell me how much better I was than her current boyfriend who was upstairs waiting for her to be back in his arms because considering what she was doing to me and I was letting her do, he should have beat us both to death instead we were forbidden from ever seeing each other again. He ruined my 45
relationship with her because he respected me enough. I went there to take it like a champ but ended a chump. I have not seen that girl since much like the dudes that jumped me outside a majority-black club once because the friend, I went with took his time explaining who we are after insulting them. He respected me so apparently, he had to defend me but not my physical body which had to throw hands for itself.
During my junior year of college, I struggled financially more than I could have any other time in my entire life. Whenever I asked anyone to help me earn money, they gave me a cold shoulder because they respected me enough to tell me what I need is a job to not struggle while I was carrying a full credit course load, working in student government, and working for the school paper at the same time. Some who gave me money practically asked me to pull teeth and put up the request because “I will be graduating for the third year in a row, please give me money” was not a solid argument. I hate being respected because it doesn’t sit well with me, and people keep thinking they are doing it for me and the common good.
46
Chapter 20 – The American and the Ethiopian When I look and think back on my life, it can be likened to that of a monarch. I am not exaggerating when I point out I have massive demands and shoes to fill so I will try to expand and explain as much as I can. In reflecting upon the man that constantly inspires me, you would be in awe of how much we are not alike. Francis Scott Fitzgerald was not a great man, but he was a great writer. I am not a fan of his writing at all, but I am a huge admirer of the way he lived his life. He lived a life everyone will remember and died so young you would think it was a curse. His grave inspires me to live life to the fullest but not to work. When you read the Princeton writer’s work, he shows you visions of a life he thinks cannot be sustained without the love of a woman, yet he was in constant lack of it. The real woman he fell in love with was the version of himself in college which explains why he frequently visited yale and had more friends there than he did anywhere else. He always loved to look at himself from the outside not because he disliked it, but he was in search of a woman like a daisy, floozy and able to handle his life in the low and high.
When I travel outside the United States and live life in eastern Africa, I cannot help but try to find a version of myself here that I see from the outside. I am in constant search for myself which I cannot see or find in the mirror. I was born in the 1 percent yet when I travel overseas the whole script flips over and I end up in the bottom. The best part I keep realizing is I never change. What changes is the demands of my application in society so whenever I act, the lack of security in the western world pushes me to constantly work hard while the lack of freedom in the eastern world makes me appreciate the version of myself in the west.
47
To be frank, I would have sex with myself if I found myself that I thought was myself that looked like whether he was he or she because I have not changed. What keeps changing is what I do to meet the demands of society that require my input. Fitzgerald could only put a daisy in the Great Gatsby because she does not exist anywhere else in his life other than on the inside.
She was a character caught up in the demands of the social struggle between the person she wants to be and is. I understand this because as a person who has been writing for years and has lived where he has, I see why he would want to find a reflection of himself. I hate to say this but there is no such thing as alcoholic writers, there are only people who love adventure and are denied that reality in their society, so they paint it with words instead. There are no depressed writer wives. There are only wives who cannot find their husbands in their literature because they lack the desire to pursue the person they love to the fullest.
48
Chapter 21 – The Greco-Roman adventures
When I was in high school, I had the great pleasure of joining the wrestling team.
Wrestling thought, me a lot of things among them the life of Romans. As an elite fighting force, the Romans used to travel for days to fight their opponents in fields. Their training consisted of large chunks of their life devoted to constant conflict so when they died in battle, they would be remembered for the lives they lived as warriors. Most of my time training to become a varsity wrestler was devoted to increasing my capacity to breathe during high-stress moments. What sucks the most about preparing for the mat is the rookie mistakes I used to make. I trained constantly with weights in a local gym I lived a couple of blocks away from. Before I started training with weights, I used to drink a lot of calories – high caffeine pre- workout substances to prep my body and get me heated because the 2 minutes rest periods during lifting heavy weights bring the heart rate of an athlete down quickly so it was important to stay warm from the inside.
The mistake was believing weightlifting and wrestling are the same things because during high-intensity movements on the mat what I needed most was for my heart rate to go down, but I was so used to the uppity feeling of pre-workouts I kept forgetting to regulate my heart rate.
Looking back now, it was a huge mistake to not know the extent to not push my body because I only saw a vision of myself as a roman during those years. The only times we were able to wrestle in Greco-Roman form was during practice but there is something about freestyle wrestling that pushes you towards understanding yourself from the inside. During freestyle, I used to want to go back to Greco- Roman, and during Greco-Roman, I wanted to get back to 49
freestyle. Between having to spit in cups to maintain constant weights or running in full gear warm cloth, the taste for food disappears and what peaks through are the desires to please through radical movements and passionate actions. I used to get jealous of the top-tier athletes and the foods their mom and pops used to pack for them during long tournaments but after a certain amount of time and hellish weekend training, even that goes out the window.
What I remember most is not the pain of training or the good feelings of winning matches but the mistakes I used to make. There were times I had to borrow wrestling shoes because I could not bear to ask my mother for money so I could go to the mat and practically fight people in her eyes. I should have explained it to her more so then perhaps she also could have taken an interest in my venture towards physical sports. I should have cut back on training with weights much more so I could have focused much more on technique training. I should have focused on the love of the sport than friendships that came out of it because the sport is still around yet the friend I had then are gone. Much like the Greeks and their knowledge, I did not hold on to wrestling tight and focus on implementing. The biggest mistake I believe I made however was focusing on the sport itself rather than the women that came with it. I was a very decent wrestler, but I still can’t believe I did not have a single girlfriend while the whole thing was going on. I was a decent varsity wrestler with no pretty thing wrapped around my neck and it kind of grinds my gears I never took advantage of that.
50
Chapter 22 – How I managed to start my own sorority and fraternity in community college
“It is so simple anyone can do it” were my exact words to people who lined up to sign up at event day to what seemed like a very discrete club, but I practically laid down all that was expected on a simple little paper for everyone who wants to join. There were very few who did not like the idea, but the very unpleasant part was having to lower the standard of the club to make it appealing to the general faculty. The hardest part was having to haze individuals publicly because the coronavirus was rapidly taking over the whole school and many of the cities all around the state were starting to close. I had to do most of the acceptance and challenges online which was a lot of work, but the results were very nice. I had fun teaching freshmen and sophomores in community colleges what life was like in universities especially going Greek. I had a lot of adjustments to make and lay down ground rules on how to function as a unit were important initially. I was limited in my instructions specifically on how to party and how to make friends. What broke down barriers was the ability of my work to communicate the clear division of church and state within the organization they were going to partake in. Although I will not get into the intricate design of the hierarchy, I can paint a clear picture of my general audience.
They were students who were not happy with constant work that amounted to little profit.
They were students who wanted to see a bigger picture than the ground they were standing on.
The last thing that was on their mind was getting involved because they wanted to taste basis from different clubs until they found the right one so my job was easy in that regard because all I had to do was pit them against each other to see if they could eliminate one another and decrease the desire to pursue a fraternal agenda. Painting the picture, they would be too old by the time they got into universities, and they would miss the whole thing helped a lot. I exposed them to 51
different religious ideologies as well as philosophies of leadership and pushed radical agendas of animosity. I gave stringent power to some and took a lot from others. I showed them how they had no hope of individual Greek success unless they work cohesively so they started dropping out until a very tight-knit group was left. My final strategy was to instill desires of leadership by favoring individuals over others. My plan was a complete success because it was no more necessary for them to do the things I would normally do. I showed them to compete for blueprint and got myself out of the way very quickly after splitting them into girls and boys. I’m sure one day I will likely pay a whole lot for the initial hazing, but it was a wonderful semester filled with wonder and fun.
52
Chapter 23 – How I campaigned and was elected to the student council Point 1. I had never been in a position of power to rule up to that point. When I first was getting signatures from the student body, the promises I made were not predicated upon the interest of the school or the students but my own. I had no intentions of benefiting the general population whatsoever because all I cared for was for myself and my wellbeing. Politics is a very depressing world and the ones who survive must look out best for their interests. I made it plain and simple and showed people will function like corrupt politicians in a jokey way, so they bought it. I was telling the truth of course but when you tell students the truth the way they do not expect it they believe you will do the opposite. You could say I was praying on the minds of the innocent sheep in a way that made my boisterous political career much predatory.
Point 2. In the second round of elections, I only won by one vote, my own. The best thing to realize sometimes is your vote counts. Most people that ran for the position did not even realize they could vote for themselves and so they missed the opportunity to put themselves up in the hunting runner class who want the prey/position so bad they would do any indecent action to win favor. I degraded myself into the ultimate self-sacrifice of helping other students’ study for a little price, yet it was safe to say the idea was worth less than the flyers it was printed on.
Point 3. I played the antagonist the entire time. I was not in it to help people. I was in it to win the position so I could write it down on a resume. I cared so much about my reputation in how the faculty saw me in classes or outside classes, but I did not give a rat’s ass about how the student body thought my actions would affect the school. If I was elected, I was willing to say and do anything to get to where I wanted. I was the teacher’s pet in class. I was the kid who 53
always had the right answers ready to get attention from the high achieving students and I made speeches that appealed to both sides of the political spectrum so unless they cared, no one dared to ask me what my position was of my running topics. I made it difficult to see past my façade which helped put me in a perfect position to win it all. Explaining to the student body I was a full-time student on the school paper, with a fraternity leadership position was easy. Convincing the crowd, I would barely have enough time to do the job I would be elected to do was hard, so I sidestepped the issue, and none even remembered to ask me about time management. Being the bad guy is fun because all you must do is sell people on a dream even you do not believe and get what you want and proceed to destroy everything. I love being an antagonist.
54
I have lived on this planet for well over 26 years now, but I have not struggled to go after what I want like I have this year. There were a lot of things I desired in the past such as a good school, a great community, and a stellar physique. Nowadays, I simply do not know what I want.
I sit for days at a time trying to come up with ways to occupy my mind. I walk in circles trying to contemplate the secrets of the universe to find something I missed or a fact I overlooked. Sitting now writing this, my life is filled to the brim with everything I could need. I do not lack any factors that could facilitate life. I am a person who goes after the things that I want but lately, those wants have practically become moot. I look around wanting to party and realize I have done that already. I look around wanting to travel then my mind cuts me at the knees because there would be no purpose in going anywhere.
Although my life is very rich, my wants are in poverty. I am like a battleship anchored but there are no wars, so no one wants to spend money on gas or direct the ship by taking control of the helm. The last cause I believed in and wanted to support was the “keep America great”
motto yet that ship sailed when the democratic factions overrode the system in thirst for power.
To paint that picture as a coup would be an understatement but the person who wanted to study international relations and go to law school also no longer exists. I am the leaf tossed here and fro by the wind now. I simply do not know what I want or how to discover it. From where I see it, I can be likened to a train on a course that was derailed by bandits who were seeking gold but found none so they left it abandoned. I spend my time contemplating life and the plethora of metaphors available at my disposal to describe myself and the state I am in.
55
At some point I know I would have to get married, but I doubt I would ever do it for love.
I do not want to marry the person I love. Love is an instrument for fun and games. Love is a pistol out of an arsenal that you could pick to make a marriage work. I do not understand why the cannons and sabers are left out along with the spears and mortars. Why don’t people marry for the sake of care? Why don’t people marry for the sake of faith? Faith and care could substitute the place of love just as easily. I have no clue because people would ever marry the person they fall in love with to save my life. Marriage to me is a business contract that people get in an agreement with to procure infants and integrate into society.
56
There are a few times in my life I have given into despair. I doubt I will ever have time to get to all of them so I will start with the one fresh on my mind. I took a photograph with my mother in the largest and most expensive hotel in the country when I was 9 years old. Figuring out and making sense of the events that were unraveling before my eyes were quite easy because I knew my life would be different from that point on. Sometimes words do not need to be spoken because the environment will reveal the secret man does not want to utter.
Life was normal and we did well in life compared to the average person, but I did not hear it from my mum and dad. I understood that people were living on the streets who were poor and there was my family who could afford to stand with top-tier individuals regarding social status.
For a few moments that night, I did give into despair because I realized in my lifetime the highest, I could ever manage was the spot I was standing on. I understood that no matter how hard I worked or the money I earned, I would inevitably return to that spot, and it would still be the same level of height I reached when I was a wain. My job from that point on was to maintain the social status that was achieved because there would be no other peak. The Obama children could never hope to achieve anything higher than the white house and their father has already achieved that. They could only hope to maintain and remain on the top.
The person who climbed the top of Everest can never hope to go up any other altitude unless he goes to space in an aircraft since there is no higher point on the planet. The best he could do is remain at the top. I gave into despair that night because it was hard to accept that fate. I had to 57
abandon hope from a young age, the moment I knew what hope was because I realized I had no use for it. I like George Carlin’s dark humor because I resonate with his words. He speaks to the enlightened and the disheartened both. I sit on my ass for hours sometimes and think how different life would be if we did not know the things we knew or for the simple sake of discovering a side of ourselves that was ignorant to the status quo. The reason I could never be a democrat is that I do not like change. I hate it when things are in constant flux because stability is secure and liberating. If doubt is a wolf, then despair would be its cousin because if you do not doubt you can never understand despair. It just happens to be a different color than its family member.
58
Chapter 26 – Why I started lifting weights When I think of the best years of my life, I cannot imagine them any other times than I spent in the library. When I think of the worst times I spent, they must be at the gym. I despise the disciple it takes to shape a physique along with the amount of money it requires to chisel the muscles hours at a time for months and years. There is no simple answer to why I started lifting.
I guess initially I want to look like Johnny Bravo. I am a huge fan of the blonde menace. I used to watch a lot of cartoon networks when I was a wain. The chicks that Johnny would go after were top notch and nothing is more exhilarating than when he gets rejected constantly by the fine honey. The top build along with the tiny legs was something to marvel at for a kid who could not tell his left hand from his right. I spent somewhere close to 10 years working at the body I wanted then it started getting boring. When it comes to bodybuilding and body crafting, there is a certain level you reach when the opposite sex starts to notice how great you look. Once you start swimming in the deep end, it will be the guys who start miring your sexy physique. One “damn bro, you look great” and I was done for.
All the pent-up frustration from the lack of attention went crashing down like Hindenburg. To say I could care less about lifting weights anymore would be an understatement.
It has nothing to do with the sexual appeal. It is all about the money. I am not going to be spending any more money on myself to get a “you’re fine as hell” from a dude. After a certain level of build, no woman wants a 400lb mongoloid subjecting her body to physical labor.
Whenever I picture myself as a chick who wants to get nailed from sunup to sundown, I do not 59
imagine having a mountain climbing on top and crushing my brachial capacity. I have reached a point where I would have sex myself if I saw myself. My experience has not been contaminated with vile urgency to copulate with every person yet due to my success in building a body I like. I think all shapes and sizes fit the mold if they get done whatever job the person wants to be accomplished. The only people I judge are the ones who are incapable of doing what they want because they are handicapped by their own hands…and mouth.
The real accomplishment in the gym is reaching the point where you constantly get cat-called by the opposite sex and wake up to the fact that any more than that is social and economic suicide. Thanks, bob but I would rather have my ass admired by the 120lb blonde who wants to do sadistic things to me than have you tell me how much potential I have for growth.
60
Chapter 27 – The reason I hate summer
I cannot begin to explain how much I despise summer and all that comes with it. For starters, the temperatures soar to unbelievable numbers and the term “summer bod” is thrown around like a pigskin in the fall. I hate the beaches more than anything because they are occupied from sunup to sundown by people who cannot distinguish the color burgundy from crimson. If someone leaves the house and returns to get something back, they instantly smell like dog poop because the boiling sun will have done its job well in a nick of time you would think it’s clutch. Stupid kids are running around all over the place and the days seem to be longer for some reason even without the help of daylight savings. I sometimes wish I could go far far away just to avoid the blazing heat. The only option is to stay inside but the parents or roommates would complain about bills and the number not to mention the air conditioner does not hit the spot just right. When the house gets cold, it is easy to put some cloth on to get warm because layers get the job done. When hell is rampant outside regulating the weather is almost impossible to make it feel right.
I cannot understand for the life of me why anyone would ever want to go outside the house in the summer let alone the comfort of their room. Even drinking alcohol is a disaster in the sun. I once went to clearwater beach to live it up and almost died of dehydration because I was inspired by Lil Johns’s “shots” song. There are only so many shots you can take in the summer while the sunshine is bright enough to blind lucifer. I passed out for a quick minute in MacDonald’s my face down on the table and did not know where I was. The whole place was twisting and turning 61
like a chubby checkers tune. Nothing is appealing about sweating profusely and suffering constant exhaustion while exasperatingly breathing in a puke bag due to dehydration and panic attacks. It is almost impossible to enjoy any uppers like coffee or tobacco without hating life while your face is melting as well. I cannot begin to imagine how many years I have spent hiding in the shades hating every fiber of existence under the torment of the cosmos in June and July.
The most soul-sucking part of the summer is how the parks are filled to the brim with stupid parents dragging the small militia they call their family all over the place. The little people are in the constant movement without a care in the world as if the government has outlawed school in the summer. The whole option of peace goes out the window the minute spring ends. The second is realizing I have no other options other than to complain about it because I was once the little person running around the whole place. It just happens to someone else turn.
62
Chapter 28 – My Experience of peace
I would not say I am a fighter. I have never fought for anything in my entire life. The last time I almost had a girlfriend, she wanted me to fight for her or something for God knows whatever reason, so I just decided to bail. I hate taking a position and defending it unless I must which Is why I rarely get along with club promoters who want to take advantage of a good time by wanting to profit from it. I try to avoid conflict like a bad habit, so I rarely get in fights unless I am forced to engage in it. Most guys puff up their chest to defend their women as if half the world is not filled to the brim with the woman. Like most guys, I also puff up my chest but to protect my dignity. I would rather stick my dick in an oven than stand up for a woman I am
“with”. Women are terrifying half the time. I have no idea why anyone would risk his well-being to defend anything other than himself. I have never heard a funnier line than “my girlfriend”
because I have no idea what people look for in using that term to describe someone else.
I love all of creation and the pleasures that come with it. I do not understand why people are in constant conflict when they could eliminate points and conversations that would start the war. I like the idea of leaving all the problems to the next generation. Why not sweep all the problems we have under the rug and get the next generation to do the dirty work? I have been preparing for war all my life because it is a manly thing to do but when you look at it, the only thing war is profitable. I see no money in “defending” my “wife” or “girlfriend”. I do not know if it’s because I have seen more savage and strong-willed women in my life or not, but I have found nothing in my life so far worth having to attack or kill for. If war does not put the bling in your 63
pocket, then you are living in a time of peace deceived by your mind. The whole point of war is to deceive and connive opponents to get what they have or are in the way of what you want. War is constant agitation without a minute to appreciate the beauty of it.
Soldiers miss the point when they think that war is the absence of peace so when they come home, they suffer from images they experienced without having prepared for it. No country would ever send a legion across seas without the need to procure something they want.
The average soldier does not even question the objective of the mission they are sent to retrieve.
They think the money swells the government will pay them after they have done their job and gone up the ranks. I have yet to meet worthwhile objectives worth having to kill or attack another person for, even for a woman.
64
Chapter 29 – A man filled with secrets
I have a lot of secrets. I have so many secrets they could fill a whole ocean because everything I know right now is a secret. I have been wanting to start my consulting firm in the future for some time now and I have yet to tell anyone about it. I learned an interesting lesson from the joker in batman and as the saying goes, if you are good that something, never do it for free. I twisted that around in my words so my saying now is, if you know something, never tell it for free. Secrets are secrets because people chose to hide certain information so what secrets are in the end is just information worth a lot to some and worth nothing to others. If there ever is a way that I would become rich when I think about it is through selling information or being a professor. I have always thought professors are too cool for this world.
There is no one in this world I respect more than the professors who thought me all that I know. It might be a little ridiculous for me not to express any gratitude to them, but I think about them often even the fictional ones. My favorite professor of all time is Professor James Moriarty.
He is a man with a lot of secrets who chose to use his knowledge to liberate the world through justice. If it were not for the crafty Holmes and his homeboy Watson, the war on a global scale would have been paramount. I admire him so much it is almost impossible to deny his swagger while you read the work of Sir. Doyle. The production and skill input in the movies is stellar work as well but nothing speaks louder than the character himself.
I have always wanted to be a villain but never knew what kind of villain I wanted to be until I met the professor. Knowledge in this world is so valuable humans are willing to build an institution for it just to pass it along. There are lots of secret societies that come to mind who 65
have tons of knowledge hidden from the world. I prefer the ones who do not have any secrets because there is nothing more than being overt you become covert. The argument secret societies would not be so secret without information others, but the club members know is flawed because they can be likened to a nursery where no normal person would want to know the topic of conversation or lesson during that day other than the once paying for it or are part of the school.
The most interesting thing about villains is there are always going to be heroes who would want to save the world but seeing what the “heroes” do to the villains, barely any villains carry on the mantle. Perhaps much like my favorite professor, inspiring others through education is the only way to go about passing the secrets/knowledge passed down from my lecturers.
66
Chapter 30 – The art of my politics
I have been in education for almost 23 years now. I do not even remember the last time I took a year off and contemplated my place in the universe. I do not know if anyone can ever refer to me as a leader without pointing out my history of running away in times of difficulty. I am the last person you want to call when disaster strikes because I would not be the person to save you from the burning fire. I am the guy who will tell you “It could have been worse, you only lost two kids”. I am not a coward perse. I am more inclined to care when the circumstance I am intends to bring me more satisfaction in the long run which Is why I have no hope of ever being a firefighter or a policeman. I can indeed dictate the terms I live by making sure I get the most pleasure out of life. I am the guy who would stay idle and keep drinking at a party if I witness rape because it would be so much a problem to defend the rights of the underdog/oppressed somewhere far away in a court of law. I am the guy who would watch crime happen in cities and would refuse to report it to the authorities because it would be a drag to go through a process. Is it evil to not get involved in matters of state if you saw no way it would increase your own hedonist life? You can say it is my religion, so I do have the liberty of worshipping anyway I please.
I do not want to be remembered in life. I want to be forgotten as one great actor once pointed out, to be the “hand under Monalisa’s skirt”, “the little guy” no one sees coming. I do not judge people, nor do I ever say a word against anyone to discredit them of any deed or profit they may come across. I am not the kind of person who would ever facilitate evil as well. I tend to whisper into people’s ears to help them achieve their wildest desires. I tend to give ideas and advice to others on what they ought to do to feel better no matter how costly the price is. It is not 67
my responsibility which direction anyone wants to take their own life, I just like to participate in setting the stage. I do not cross the line because I wait till people come to me. I do not cheat or connive. I do not bully, taunt, or agitate. I just tell the truth. Subtly. This is the price of leadership everyone must pay to get their followers to where they need to go.
Last, of all, I never play both sides. I tend to pick a side in conflict almost 99.9% of the time. I just tend to take my time to weaken my opponent which Is why I do not have a problem with old people... all you must do is just wait for them to die. There is a lot of pleasure in outliving people and time can be a great asset I confess I do not have now.
68
Chapter 31 – How I have always wanted to be in the navy I guess you can say I have a thing for boats. I like the oceans, and I admire sailors. The only problem is I have no desire to climb in the ranks. I was born rich and almost practically had everything I ever asked for. I want to go on an adventure crossing seas and oceans just for the pure pleasure of it. I can take orders, and I can work from dusk till dawn. Much like college fraternities, however, nowadays, all the good sailors want to recruit freshmen. I have never really distinguished myself in any other way than academics as well. I am a book worm who spends almost all his time seeking the smell of a freshly printed book, or the odor of one stained from years of being put aside. I like how some books smell like India... (although I have never been there). Something is fascinating about taking life in the masses on oceans with no hope of going back especially considering the birth rate of the world is taking over the death rate constantly in large numbers.
People have a problem of being engaged in sexual intercourse constantly all over the place and multiplying by the millions, yet no one wants to sit down and talk about taking it in the ass because it is not the norm. I do not understand how people could ever be shy to talk about sex and plan for sex, yet the porn industry is booming, and the world population is rising by the minute. I can point fingers and name names of individuals who should have ended up in their mother’s throat than the cervix. I have no hatred for mankind, nor do I wish the destruction of the race. I just think all of us have grown fat sitting down and reproducing without ever considering our children will eventually end up eating each other for space.
69
I do not know how many times I have read and watched stories of Napoleon (although the man never fought on water). The man knew how to throw down the gauntlet and get things done along with his grand army. I have poured over the tales of Columbus and the conquest of Cortez. I have been inspired by the British Indian trade companies. Every single day, the world seems to be growing smaller and smaller. Soon enough, the only parts of the world left unconquered will be the deep oceans and the high seas. I cannot begin to express how much I hate driving. The roads are constantly filled with a billion cars that go 10mph. the only locomotive I would ever want from now on is a huge battleship so I can mow down and conquer to my heart’s content because there will be no more land to live on in a century or two. Good job.
70
Chapter 32 – Sweed me off my feet
Yes, I did grow up on Disney princess stories, but I have never wanted to be the hero who saves the girl, I grew up wanting to be snow-white or the sleeping beauty waiting for her knight in the tallest tower guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. The only times I have ever been successful in my love endeavor is when a chick picked me up at a bar or a club. I grew up daddy’s little princess and I am not ashamed of it. I do not fancy men, nor am I attracted to them.