This is the house that Jack
(ought to have) Built.
Beat ’em up, beat ’em up, progressive man,
So we will, Bobby, as fast as we can;
We’ll beat ’em and kick ’em and mark ’em N. G.,
Yours truly, T. R., Jimmie G. and Giff P.
A Is for Aldrich, of fame and renown,
Whose tariff bill still is the talk of the town.
B Is for Bourne, of third term repute,
Now with the Taft boom engaged in dispute.
C Is for Cannon, or Clark, as you please,
Czars before whom all fall on their knees.
D Is for Davis, of Ozark, b’gum,
Who has just been “bridled” and now stays t’hum.
E Is for Ebenezer, with billiard ball head,
If t’were not white t’would probably be red.
F Is for Fisher, President Taft’s “hope;”
Giff is now handing out only soft soap.
G Is for Gardner, his daddy’s named Lodge;
Mention it to Gus, and Gussie will dodge.
H Is for Hitchcock, or Hilles, both good
To run a campaign, if either one would.
I Is for Isaac, a Biblical name;
“Ask and ye shall receive”—He knows that game.
J Is for Jimmie, guess it, if you can;
You will find he is somewhat of a Mann.
K Is for Knox, not knocking, you know,
Whose dollar diplomacy is now all the go.
L Is for La Follette, a whirlwind for talk,
Whose Presidential boom Taft hopes to balk.
M Is for MacVeagh or Meyer, men of means;
One represents pork and the other baked beans.
N Is for Nagel, from St. Louis town,
A Cabineteer who aspires to a gown.
O Is for Owen, Sir Robert, the bold,
Whose “Isms” made Bailey’s extremities cold.
P Is for Pinchot, a chip off the block;
He’s equally good at the boost or the knock.
Q Is for Quillen, alias John Tilson.
Pabst? Schlitz? Anheuser? We have it! Pilsen.
R Is for Root, not the root of all evil,
To whom the term uplift does not mean upheaval.
S Is for Sherman, or Stimson. Help! Help!
Which one will Taft take unto himself?
T Is for Taft, or Tariff so high
“Which must be revised” (in the sweet bye and bye).
U Is for Underwood, of stately mien. Oh!
His tariff speeches give a pain to Sereno.
V Is from Vreeland. Standpatter? You bet!
On tariff and bobtails he’s standing still yet.
W Is for Wickersham, Wiley and Wilson,
An adulteration Taft can’t keep still, son.
“X” Is for those who from public life sever;
They come and go, We go on forever.
Y Is for “Yes,” the blushing maid’s answer;
Candidates always say “Yes” if they can, sir.
Z Is for Zoo, a part of the show;
The big show now here is Congress, you know.
As Bill Heyburn and Bill Borah
Were walking out one Sunday,
Says Bill Heyburn to Bill Borah,
“Tomorrow will be Monday.”
Little Charlie Hilles, first aide to Will, is
Eating some White House pie;
If he puts in his thumb and pulls out this plum,
There is nobody here who will cry.
1. This little pig went to the market.
2. This little pig stayed at home.
3. This little pig had roast beef.
4. This little pig got none.
5. This little pig cried wee, wee, all the way home.
“Robert, come give me your fiddle,
If ever you mean to thrive.”
“Nay, I’ll not give my fiddle
To any man alive.
If I should give my fiddle,
They’ll think that I’ve gone mad,
For many a joyful day
My fiddle and I have had.”
There was a busy man who lived on a hill,
He lives there yet, but not always still.
On Tennessee Iron he says he was “wise,”
And he’s the ONE man who never tells lies.
Billy Lorimer picked a peck
Of Hines’ splinters;
A peck of Hines’ splinters
Billy Lorimer picked.
If Billy Lorimer picked a peck
Of Hines’ splinters,
Where’s the peck of Hines’ splinters
Uncle Isaac picked?