Who's Kidding Who? by Christine Stromberg - HTML preview

 

A woman in Abergavenny

said "I do wish that I had a penny

for each doctor who's said

M E's all in your head

for, to goodness, there's been far too many."

 

A girl with M E in Belize

said "What's going on with my knees?

They were fine yesterday

now they keep giving way!

Would somebody help me up, please?"

 

A woman with M E in Kent

was alarmed when her fingerprints went.

It made gripping things tricky,

unless they were sticky,

but fun - to a certain extent.

 

A man with M E in Newcastle

found life such a terrible hassle

he ran out of hope.

Now he hangs from a rope:

a gruesome Northumbrian tassel.

 

A girl with M E in Lancaster

finds being so ill a disaster.

A dominatrix,

who got tough for her kicks,

she must now meekly follow her master.

 

An acrobat living in Mumbles

spent years on his high flying tumbles

til M E spoiled his plan.

He's now known as the man

from Mumbles who fumbles and stumbles.

 

A lovely young woman in France

wanted so much to sing and to dance

but M E left her stilled

and her dreams unfulfilled,

though she still can beguile with a glance.

 

A woman with M E in Chester

was taken to be a protester.

She was so often found

lying flat on the ground

that they sent for the cops to arrester.

 

A young man with M E in Hexham

had muscles but couldn't now flexham.

His doctors despaired,

a feeling he shared,

but couldn't oblige, which would vexham.

 

A girl with M E in Eilat

spends all day covered up in her flat

for the noise and the light

make her long for the night.

Now she thinks of herself as a bat.

 

In Hollywood there was a hunk

who appeared to be frequently drunk

but he wasn't at all.

What had caused him to drawl

was M E, for he lived like a monk.

 

A young girl with M E in Cork,

so weak she could no longer talk,

had to lie on her bed

and would just nod her head

but she felt like a bit of a dork.

 

"Can the government not understand?"

cried a man with M E in the Strand.

"Despite all the find-

ings, it's "all in your mind"!

It strikes me as damned underhand."

 

There was a young girl in Bridgend

whose M E had cost her a friend.

Though she'd tried to explain

how it addled her brain

he simply could not comprehend.

 

A man with ME in the Rhondda

used to burn up the miles on a Honda

but now he's so feeble

he walks like a weeble

and has to make do with a wander.

 

A girl with ME in Pwllheli

had a terrible pain in her beli

"This darned IBS,"

she groaned. "I confess

I've been spending too much at the deli."

 

A Scotsman who lives in Dundee,

cut down in his prime by M E

has given up whisky

and, no longer frisky,

just sits round all day drinking tea.

 

A "hostess" in London called Joyce

got M E and quite lost her voice.

Now no longer vocal

and rather bifocal

she doesn't have much of a choice.

 

An outlaw remarked, in Virginia,

"Ya cain't catch M E from me, cinya?

I jest had ter ask,"

he remarked through his mask,

"Cuz ya know ah've got nuthin agin ya."

 

A woman in far Timbuctoo

had to give up her hobby: kung fu.

For now she'd M E

she'd no balance, you see,

and was very soon all black and blue! 

 

An Aussie dog breeder in Tsavo

thought she was infected with parvo

but alas! she was wrong,

'twas M E all along,

as the doctor informed her this arvo.

 

A Sheila with M E called Jaq

was real bad and flat on her back

but nothing she took

left her feeling less crook,

not even the stuff from the quack.

 

A young man in Abergavenny

had symptoms of M E, and many.

His father said, "Fred,

you'd be better off dead,

'cause that way you wouldn't have any."

 

I knew a young person in Kent

who gave up her M E for Lent.

She said it was fun

seeing how things were done

though her energy quickly was spent.

 

A man with M E in Darjeeling,

according to how he was feeling,

could sometimes be found

with his head on the ground

with his feet pointed up to the ceiling.

 

I had a young friend in Tangier

who started to feel very queer

but the words of the doc

gave us all quite a shock:

"I'm afraid it's M E, and severe."

 

An Aussie who lived down in Alice

had a house all done out like a palace

but when struck by M E

he said, "Bugger me,

who'da thought that the gods had such malice!"

 

A girl with M E down in Devon

was sure she was heading for heaven;

she felt at death's door

every morning at four

having been wide awake since eleven.

 

A man with M E by the Tees

was especially bugged by his knees.

He never could kip

as they gave him such gyp,

on account of this awful disease.

 

A Scot with M E up in Sterling

found his head in the habit of whirling.

He tried to restrain

his disorganised brain

but he had to give up on the curling.

 

A girl with M E out in China

used to chatter away like a mynah

now she's found to her grief

that she has to be brief

and she sounds rather like a headliner.

 

A man with M E in Bridgewater

finds his body won't do what it oughter.

Now he sits and he frets

placing numerous bets

on how long he can cope with his daughter.

 

In Sheffield a girl with M E

has to climb up her staircase to pee.

It takes far too long,

as she's not very strong,

which isn't ideal, you'll agree!

 

A woman with M E in Oldham

would frequently cry as she told 'em

"I'm a mum and a wife

but it's no sort of life

'cause I'm simply too feeble to hold 'em!"

 

A man with ME from Zambezi

was quite often breathless and wheezy.

He'd sound like a whale

when he tried to exhale

though to breath in was really quite easy.

 

 

A girl with M E in Uganda

was so weary she looked like a panda.

She'd drag herself down,

in her nightie, to town

til the people protested and banned 'er.

 

A lad with M E lived in Jarrow

where his friends wheeled him round in a barrow.

One day they were struck

when an oncoming truck

found the roadway was simply too narrow.

 

A man with M E in Brazil

grew increasingly feeble and ill.

His doctor, alarmed,

said he'd better get armed

as he'd need to find cash for the bill.

 

A girl with M E in Campinus

thought that liquified foodstuffs demean us

but was to weak to eat

either fish, fowl or meat

so her feeding is now intravenous.

 

A woman who lived in Dundee

was incurably ill with M E.

Her weakness and pain

nearly drove her insane

for she once was as fit as a flea.

 

 

A Lancashire lass called Joanna

loved to play jolly tunes on t'pianna

till M E gave her chills,

now she's less Mrs Mills 

but as like as not still Pollyanna.

 

A girl with M E in Jamaica

was so tired that no one could wake her.

Her mother, now frantic,

said "Try the Atlantic.

We'll see if she's really a faker!"

 

A man with M E, who was Asian,

thought the cure was in pure meditation

so he sat and he sat

on a very small mat

til absorbed by his own contemplation.

 

"I've written enough for today,"

said the poet, and wandered away.

She lay down full length

to recover some strength

which M E had been draining away.

 

That’s all Folks!