18.  All My Nothings

These people scare me most

When I remember I used to be

Them. Prideful, unaware

Of what respecting others

Looks like, and yearning

For the chaos of my sin

Rather than the calm

Within Your Kingdom.

I wanted to “love” others 

So angrily they’d know

I was a force to be reckoned 

With. Take them down 

With my false tolerance

And a need to justify

The me victimized

By the passing 

Of my years.

But when I sat and muddled

Through my lovely hate

And gathered all my nothings,

I looked to those who 

Favored Your humbled heart

And wondered with doubtful 

Certainty

How anyone can exude

Such love when love

Was all I lacked.