My soul my life my passion in these words of a young poet by Tiquana williams - HTML preview

My soul, my passion, my life

In these words of a young poet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3men, 3days, 3nights

 

 

Woosh, swish, pow; 3men, 3days, 3nights;

One scream, one cry, one fight;

 

 

1^st day: like the summer breeze he came and left;

Played with my mind, my heart, caused pure stress;

2^nd day: alley oop, jump shot, this man came through;

The sweetest person alive but what do I do;

3^rd day: from the depths of my soul he reached in and took my life;

The first time I’ve ever been in love and I paid a full price;

 

 

 

1^st afternoon: he surely came back;

With an im sorry baby; yet again I relapsed;

2^nd afternoon: he said he loved me, brought me flowers, then took me on date;

For that I was thankful, a relief, it was great;

3^rd afternoon: hey baby! how you doing;

The nerve of him when my heart he just ruined;

 

 

 

 

 

1^st night: after all the time we spent alone in this long crazy day:

His ex calls his phone and again he leaves me astray;

2^nd night: the best man in the world still by my side;

knew my pain and frustration, but was still down to ride;

3^rd night: he screwed my cousin in the outside hall of my house;

I couldn’t take anymore pain so said,… get the fuck out;

 

 

That’s my tail of 3men in 3days;

Number two was who I chose to keep and no more will I be strayed!

 

 

Tiquana Williams

A.K.A

Diamond p.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a child’s pain

 

 

This little black girl from H.C.T;

The town of hard knocks explained jay-z;

4 years old the life of a stray;

19 years later still trying to escape;

Step pops I remember beating me like a church drum;

Nowhere to hide nowhere to run;

Selling my asthma machine so he could cop a fix;

Being so afraid I developed a twitch;

On edge like cliff hanger; looking for signs of anger;

All he used was belt buckles, cords and wire hangers;

5 years old urinating on myself, because he was in the bathroom; and not with my moms;

You nasty bitch he screamed; and threw me some clothes like trash to a dump;

My 7 year old brother cleaned me up and got me dressed;

He rocked me as I cried; for him; I was truly blessed;

Removed by dcf; returned a year later;

Things were good for a while; but then became even graver;

Ah month into us coming home; step pops returned with a smile;

The rage in my eyes, at the top of my lungs I screamed so loud;

Bags in hand; moms let him in;

Back to the abuse; here we go again;

Changing my baby brother’s diapers, feeding him, cleaning, washing clothes by hand, Midas well had been cooking;

And his lazy ass just sitting on the couch looking;

Aw Jerome; this house looks so nice; mom says when she comes in;

I know; I’ve been cleaning all day and running behind these bad ass kids;

I knew betta then to tell the truth;

She wasn’t gone believe me anyways and holding my breath; I was gone blow the roof;

Age nine; we moved to New York; and again they broke up;

I ain’t gone front, I was happy as fuck;

During our stay she met this guy named Stanley;

Who was very nice at first but soon became my worst enemy;

A party for his niece he convinced my mom to let us go to; pack the Barbie dress;

My niece has one just like it; I think it would be best;

She didn’t even question it wouldn’t you;

He had her mind so gone she ain’t even have a clue;

I stayed the night over there; his sister knew something was weird;

Stan?... why does she have to sleep in there

Because her mother says that she wants her with me at all times;

My daughter has room in her bed, she’ll like it; she’ll be fine;

Yeah! I know but her mother wants her with me;

What kind of mother would say something like that! She must be crazy! Couldn’t be me;

I was afraid because I felt something wasn’t right;

He whispered in my ear goodnight; then laid by my side;

When he thought I was sleep; I felt a hand creep up my thigh;

I slowly began to cry; a few seconds later he starts to push his finger inside;

Again this is happening to me why;

I laid there stiff as a board, wanting to scream but all I could do is die;

How dear he touch me like that; a child;

How dear he; I wanted to go wild;

I hated so much; so many people; after that; only silence for a while;

Kinda like a stiff Barbie doll;

I locked the bathroom door every time I went in;

Thought it would help but it just caused more stress;

I never told my mother; just stayed under cover;

Not one soul knew; not even my brother;

Same age; step father back in the picture;

Emotionally,… my problems got bigger;

Ten years old; being chased up the block from school;

Knives held to my neck, black eyes, gum stuck in my hair; cause those same girls wanted to be cool;

Age thirteen I lost my virginity but not consensually;

By this guy named mecca whom was so called into me;

Let’s just try; he said; if it hurts to much I’ll take it out I promise;

But little did I know;… he was not being honest;

He went faster and harder; the more I fought; the tighter his hand got over my mouth;

So all you could hear,… was little squeals like a mouse;

14 ½; pregnant with my first child;

A single parent; but his beauty was wow;

It was so hard but what could I say;

He was the one who made me the strong woman I am today;

16 years old on the block out tricking;

All because I didn’t like the way my mama had us living;

Every time you turned around,… no food, no heat;

So cold sometimes that we weeped;

Because of those days, one day I would have to pay the price;

It would be that craze price that almost lost me my life;

But yet again back on the street;

No diapers, no milk, so I continued this beat;

A few years later, doing this till 09’;

More kids to take care of; hers and mine;

Never having a break; till I made that mistake;

That landed me a four year sentence in the niantic state;

Still,… there was no escape;

Everything there was just a game of hurry up and wait;

I couldn’t be late; I had to save my children;

I had to go right now and save them from those villans;

It didn’t work; my mind went bizzerk;

Everybody turned against me even the juvenile desk clerk;

The pain I endured from 09’ till now;

Was definitely enough to make a preacher say wow;

To help you understand,… I wrote this lullaby;

To help ease my pain but keep pushing me to try;

So hear I go; please; just bear with me;

This is my life so don’t take it gently!

 

 

 

Tiquana Williams

A.K.A

Diamond p.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lullaby

 

 

 

Rock me to sleep oh precious one;

Take this pain away; make me numb;

No more crying; I cant take it anymore;

Build my heart higher and higher so it sores;

Relax me peacefully; touch me deeply;

My mind with frustration builds so easily;

Wash me pure dear lord; make me forget what has happened;

Of my children being stripped from my arms like magic;

Now you see them; now you don’t;

Be a mother again; you most assuredly wont;

You are not a mother today;

You are a monster they say;

You call yourself fit? Please! You ain’t fit;

Just another from the ghetto they ain’t gone miss;

They deserve to live in a big fancy house;

Not where every where you turn; there’s a corner peeking mouse;

They need someone that can give them what they want;

Not someone buying used goods from an old storage trunk;

I love my children and care for them as best I could;

Cut the chit chatter, sign the papers, they good;

Hell no! you crazy! I refuse to donate my rights;

Once again, sign them or you’ll pay the price;

Do what you got to,… in the end imah win;

Think so lady? Then the challenge began!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My very first visit, my eldest son Elijah comes with a bruise on his chest;

Who did that to you?

Auntie bettie he says; cause I made her mad;

My 3 year old baby; what the fuck;

Meditation on my brain was all I could muster up;

 

2^nd time he came with scars between his legs;

3^rd time he told me he was fondled in bed;

4^th time my little Trevor, age one, was open the size of a quarter;

I called the police and the ambulance; my visits were took, court ordered;

I even tried to plead my case but the judge wouldn’t listen;

D.C.F; wouldn’t lie and you should be the one imprisoned;

Visit 5; 9weeks later;

This story so sad became even graver;

Trevor couldn’t talk so Elijah had to tell me;

Trevor got a beaten; mommy please help we;

 

I wont do it again, I promise I’ll be good;

I hurt so much inside, I wish he understood;

I spoke to the worker, she pretended not to see it;

Then reversed it in court, said I was the one who beat him;

 

6^th time made me almost lose my mind;

But I wanted to keep my visits so I fought with my pride;

Elijah came! His whole right hand bruised from a belt whelp;

I knew because that was me but his response was he fell;

2 visits later; I asked him the same question as before;

And he said,… mommy I slammed my hand in the door;

 

I tore because I knew he was lying;

For that! Hell no! I’d be damned if I keep quiet;

I took pictures and brought them to his pediatrician;

Ms. Williams; yes he has been harshly disciplined;

Can I record this conversation;

Yes you can and if you have any questions you know where I am;

 

So I brought it to both my lawyers to try and get the courts to listen;

But them along with the courts said I was just craving attention;

I promised myself that I would never give up;

That I’d keep on pushing till I ran into luck;

9^th time Elijah didn’t show up;… for the 5^th time in 3months; he was sick;

But Trevor came looking so sad and silent as a stick;

 

Head hanging low; not willing to speak or cry;

I couldn’t figure him out so I died a little more inside;

What’s wrong with Elijah; repeat that again;

He’s been throwing up all night and fevering;

Have they taken him to the doctor,… oh no! he’s alright;

Now was the time to speak up no matter the outcome; because something wasn’t right;

I thought you said he’s been throwing up all night;

No! what I meant was until midnight last night;

So why didn’t he come to the visit this morning;

They wanted to observe him, make sure he was okay;

If I find out all this time my kids have been enduring abuse and you knew about it ;

I promise to make sure you rot in jail cause I’m pressing full charges;

 

Ms. Williams; how could you say something like that; I love your children and I would never place then in danger;

But yet you would place them with total strangers;

To that she had no comment so I thought nothing of it;

But the following my visits were taken because of it;

3weeks later; my rights were removed;

Because my lawyer along with dcf told me that my court date was changed; now that’s just cruel;

 

Never getting a chance to speak; went through depression for weeks;

Starving myself with not a bite to eat; to the point where I was limp and week;

I had to pick myself up though; I had no other chance;

Because of my baby girl; if I left then who would she have in this world;

2 ½ years later still fighting for my rights;

Despite the hurt, pain and exhaustion it brings each night;

 

I was told to give up; work on myself; they’ll come back looking for you when they’re eighteen;

But if you were in my shoes; would you give up on this dream;

Would you give up on your babies to let someone they don’t know take your spot;

To forget all the pain, laughter and joy; from the time you got knocked;

If you said yes,… I don’t think that’s very true;

Only a person insane would say stuff that’s delusional;

 

4babies I have, yes im only 23 but im glad;

Just the thought of them in my life, my world was never sad;

There’s a commitment that we make as loving mothers;

And that’s to never give up no matter the obstacles may come;

So to those people who thought that they tore my family apart;

To my kids, my babies, I’ll always be # one;

With god on my side I’ll always carry lots of pride;

You think you took me down but I’ll always survive!

 

 

Tiquana Williams

A.K.A

Diamond p.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

: Poem : a long shattered note

 

Dear john,

 

Deep whispers in my soul,.. my body blast crazy;

You’re so unique that you trapped my heart; my love for you is blazy;

I spit these melodies higher than my mind can take me;

Fuel the gas, as you leave me in the past;

Stuck on future; but my minds ever last;

Behold the strength; I have no more;

I left it outside those steel jail doors;

Speak to my spirit; take my breath away;

You were my world spinning day by day;

This marks the 3^rd, almost 4^th year I knew you;

My life is everywhere; but my mind is gaining stipularity;

 

I never gave up on trying to be there for you;

But my gut feeling is screaming,.. maybe you don’t deserve better;

Maybe she’s all that im not plus mad cheddar;

My hearts shattered like ice sticks;

I carried a piece of you like trident;

Laughter, chit chatter, this solid inferno space;

4by4 cell, im so nervous as I pace;

This board and walk, with you on my mind;

Intense varsarity, tika drops silver dimes;

It’s like I checked in a rehab and you’re my disease;

As I take on these shakes,.. I’m screaming just one more hit, I cant take it please;

 

Help me to train this water;

to stay still,.. tight like morguers;

im strapped with this piece,.. cause I wana protect myself;

my soul still bleeds the stage of mental health;

dilarity; you and me;

I want it so bad;.. the feeling to just let it be;

As I dance to this tune,.. reruns of love and hip hop, I’m Josie, you’re her man;

But these thoughts quickly fade,.. like a rock in quick sand;

I blaze,… not an l,… but what I dwell;

Secrets lye so deep in this coma,.. cause you cast a spell

Said I got game,.. no sorry,.. you do;

And you’ve played me all out, like a play station 2;

Me,… hate you; naw; that’s just stupid;

Because,.. you see,.. it’s all my fault; not the shorty named cupids;

We’re taking math class,.. algebra,.. let’s solve this problem;

I stop chasing you,.. so you,.. wont have to stomp em’;

Dreams about you crazy; shit that’s amazing;

But will I ever be that one to replace em’;

Nope!,.. that’s why life’s such a joke;

Staring in this mirror,… no illusions,… just smoke;

What’s even crazier,.. is cause I already know what you gone do with this letter;

But time is of the essence; so I’ll let you go ahead and let her;

I don’t even understand,… why I still keep writing you;

Cant I just get it,.. J.A,.. we’re through!

 

 

 

Tiqauana Williams

A.K.A

Diamond p.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A mothers love

 

This life so painful, but yet so much joy;

Expressions of tears and happiness;

Blend together like rain drops in the dirt;

I felt that pain when you were ripped away;

Like veins being pulled from my heart;

I never stopped praying and having faith that you would one day return;

To mend the broken pieces I lost along the way;

 

5 years I fought, so lonely;

With only god to take on this path with me;

I counted on those surrounding me, to be my shield, my rock, to block the fire that was coming my way;

But when the chips fell,… they moved quicker than lightning;

So afraid I was, after that, to trust anyone, even god;

But be knowest to the fact that he would be my rock in that pond;

I always believed that everything happens for a reason;

Like the year that breaks down into four seasons;

Just like you guys being removed from my life;

God has his own way of doing things right;

As I sit in this bed and I write in this journal; About all of my pain;

I know that somewhere, along this road, that you are doing the same thing;

 

Those nights, oh those nights, I surely still remember;

Tucking you guys in, even when it wasn’t winter;

Hugs, kisses and loads of family fun;

Believe me when I say, no matter who comes along, you guys, my beautifully, intelligent, children, will always be # one;

 

The day each of you were born, our worlds entwined;

I cried tears of joy upon hearing your first cry;

Like blooming flowers in the sun;

The melodies of each of your lives had just begun;

You created in me your mother figure;

And loved me no matter what, even when others begged to differ;

 

 

I love you guys and not being there physically, hurts me;

But know one thing, that my soul is with you earthly;

I know that I made mistakes and I cant take them back;

But everyday; my body remains on go mode, waiting to restack;

To rebuild, to re-heal, where you felt there was pain;

To guide you through life so you have no strains;

Stresses will come, but only shall they, in your adulthood;

But for now, I am willing to do all I could;

 

To be the best I can be; like the national guard;

To love and protect you, like be your body guard;

I am not the person I was, but I am the person god made me out to be;

And to my children I hope you can except this long, sought out, apology;

from your dear mother, I love you guys;

no more secrets, no more lies, only happiness and the will power to survive!

 

 

Diamond da poet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apologies not

 

 

Sorry for the disturbance, didn’t know you were the one hurting;

I thought you told me you were single, that you wanted to be with me forever;

Through rain and stormy weather;

I thought you wanted me to have your baby;

Marry you, like be your main lady;

3years,… do the math;

Now I’m all alone walking this rough path;

 

 

 

Sorry for the disturbance, didn’t think you were the one hurting;

Didn’t know you were the one up all night afraid, not knowing where the hell I was;

Having no clue that this was all lust;

Or was I the one who had the baby daddy come to your house on some R&B shit;

Telling him all those lies about what we never did;

Telling him that your kid wasn’t mine;

Knowing 2days before I was laying in your bed spitting line after line;

 

 

 

Sorry for the disturbance, didn’t know you were the one hurting;

Spending time with me, writing jail letters;

Glad I ain’t send you no cheddar;

All those court days for you, me missing school and shit;

And my dumb self just wouldn’t quit;

Asking how your son was doing even after you took so long to tell me;

And you wouldn’t even take time out of your month to come see me in jail bee;

Sorry I decided to love you;

Sorry I couldn’t be the jump off for your crew;

Sorry I even stayed faithful;

After the fact you acted so hateful;

Sorry I’m still trying 3years later;

Even after you ignored my pain on pen and paper;

Sorry for the disturbance, guess I’ll remain hurting!

 

 

Tiquana Williams

A.K.A

Diamond p.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the seasons change