A Sinner's Journey To Heaven by Boygene Borice - HTML preview

A SINNER’S JOURNEY

TO HEAVEN

There is no heaven for a man whose soul is judged continually by those he loves.

BOYGENE BORICE

©2023

Dear God,

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I am tired

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I’m sorry.

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Amen.

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Allegations

I tried to walk towards the alter, But they said I wasn’t worthy, To approach the Lord’s table, Your feet need to be cleansed.

Yet when I beg for cleansing, They are all busy,

To offer a hand.

Alone Man

As I left the altar,

I knew, I was all alone, I wouldn’t just fit,

In the congregation.

How could a soul like mine, Be amongst the chosen ones?

Blacklisted

I have fallen into sin greatly, Even my own shadow,

Is scared of my presence.

Blindly Lost

When I began, I thought, I knew the path to the heavens, But now I am blindly lost, And my feet can no longer, Make a single step ahead.

Condemnation

They say, my place,

Is in the deep corners of hell, I deserve no more life, In their mansions.

But I thought the Lord’s Book, Advocates for love to all?

Cursed

I looked unto man,

I have found help, I said.

The man looked unto me, You peasant, he said, Depart thy ass from here! He thundered, Ah! Lord,

Will I ever find a way out?

Destination Hell

I have longed for laughter, Yet my heart continuously, Receives streams of pain.

I have longed to merry and dance, Yet my soul is bombarded by dirges, I have longed for my eyes to share, The beauty of light at dawn, Yet I am only overshadowed, By the smokes of hell.

Fallen

I am trying to stand,

And face the world as a man, Yet I cannot,

My spirit is already in chains

Fly Away

I long to fly away,

To the pits of hell,

Because I find no pleasure, In the infinite tragedies, That have engulfed my life, Since the day I saw the sun.

Gravesite

When I looked at my Mama, Her eyes spoke it all,

There was nothing more, She could do.

My iniquities had won.

I’m Only Human

I love yet hate is strong, I long for wisdom,

Yet foolishness is mighty, I try to be still in the storm, Yet I keep falling.

In Hell

I ate the forbidden fruit, I walked on the wider road, It was all merry and glorious, But I have no hope again, Because, Lord, I’m already burning.

In the Beginning

I was born of the flesh, And the flesh was of sin, Here now I am,

Stranded between the things, Of the flesh and of the Spirit.

In the End

I have searched for comfort, From places I had placed my faith, I have sought for joy,

From the persons I gave my trust.

I have sought refuge,

From those I gave my love.

We don’t know you,

Go Away!

If only truth had found me earlier…

Isolation

I have craved for a company, I have desired to be welcomed, At the dinner table,

But they say my sins,

Are as red as scarlet,

My presence alone,

Would create vampires.

Judgment Day

As I bled profusely,

They whispered,

He is suffering,

Because he forgot,

The way of the Cross.

They didn’t know…

They…did…n’t…k…n…ow…

But again,

How could they have known?

Lost

In this darkness,

I have found solace,

Yet my soul, I have lost.

Lord do I still have another chance, To witness the beauty of light?

No Breakthrough

I have waited for love and compassion, I have desired to be embraced, I have longed for the warmth, But this place keeps reminding me, It’s a desert.

No Hope

Yesternight, I knelt down, Tried to call upon your Name, Yet my voice could not be heard, My lips stuck,

My bones cracked,

Oh God!

Oh God!

Am I already delisted from Heaven?

No Light Ahead

I am looking for hope,

Yet darkness only I find, I have searched for mercy.

Yet brutality only I find, I seek friendship,

Yet betrayal only I find.

No Way Out

Deep in the nights,

My soul groans,

My body is soaked in tears, Yet I hear no voice of hope, Neither a hand that wipes, Tears away.

Not Yet Freedom

I discern of your Spirit, I thirst for your word, Lord, Yet I am so weak,

I am inconsistent,

I sleep at the thought of praying, I yawn at the desire for your word, Aaah! Not yet freedom for my soul.

Of Emptiness

It’s funny how,

I have no heart now,

Yet in the beginning,

I was strong and mighty.

Of Nebuchadnezzar

I have been an arrogant king My hand was mighty and strong, Yet I lacked compassion and mercy, Now all I had bound and trampled,

Quits

Lord, I am tired,

I am tired of tears,

I am tired of injustices, I am tired of emptiness, I am tired of being weak.

I can keep on, no more.

Stranded

I have sought death and life alike, I believed death would give me ease, Again, I thought, why I should I hurry, To please hell, when others are already doing that I turned to life.

But, what is the essence of life, When there is no hope for tomorrow?

I am now here on the top of a cliff; Wondering; to live is torture to my body, To die is a torment for my soul.

Trapped

It’s not the shame of my sins, That aches my heart,

It’s the continuous condemnation, Slander and accusation, Of the fellow Christians, That is drowning me deep, Into oceans of sorrow and sadness, I wish I could escape to the heavens, Even though my name is already in hell.

What Else?

She asked, her eyes teary, My son, why are you hurting yourself?

I looked at her, smiled, Mama, I am already gone, My soul is waiting for torment.

She walked away, broken and weary.

In the End At least I tried.

But I just couldn’t.

Life and heaven aren’t for me, To death and hell,

My soul belongs.

Note to the Reader I wrote this book, because my life has been in devastation since my day of birth.

I am so tired of living.

I want out.

Thank you for reading.