The hairy plan had turned out well. The 4 pound white rubber ball was unlike any Christmas present Jake The Snake had ever received in his life. Fred had no problems retrieving the white rubber ball from the what was left of the snowman and smuggling it back to the unit.
It was 9pm and he patiently waited for the nosy guards to make their rounds so he could cut the ball open with the razor blade he extracted from a shaving razor. He had the dank cell all to himself as always but at least it wasn't freezing cold like the cells in the SHU. The second Correctional Officer that passed was the slick one that Fred always had to watch out for because he always held his keys so they wouldn't jingle alerting inmates that a Correctional Officer was coming.
When the coast looked clear Jake The Snake unveiled the heaping bed sheets on his mattress and got to work on the rubber ball with the razor blade. It seemed to be as easy as cutting a tomato.
The first thing he saw was bubble wrap so he knew the contents inside had to be important. Fred carefully unwound the bubble wrap and a 9mm Glock and a cellphone plopped onto the bed. Jake The Snake unfurled the bubble wrap a little more and an extra magazine clip of ammo and a piece of paper with a phone number also plopped onto the mattress. So was this his ticket out of jail? He was hoping for something that would require a little less effort on his part. Maybe a helicopter with armed men that had UZIs and grenade launchers to help him escape but this seemed like an arduous task.
Fred laughed out loud when he suddenly realized that this was the Gadget Man's scheme and not some undereducated bumpkin. The Gadget Man had proved to be a perfectionist and his master plan would surely pull through. Jake The Snake picked up the cellphone and dialed the numbers on the piece of paper. When he had entered half of the numbers he suddenly snapped the phone shut. No, not yet. It wasn't time to call the Gadget Man just yet. There was someone more important to call first wasn't there? Of course there was.
Jake The Snake flipped open the cellphone and punched in some numbers he knew by heart. He had tried to make this call numerous times in prison from the phones the inmates were permitted to use and were carefully monitored but the recipient would never accept the call. Fred could still hear the little bionic woman's voice that lived inside the telephone echo in the back of his mind. This call is from prison. To accept the call dial 5. To reject this call dial 77. His heart would fill with rage when he would hear the two beeps of 7 being pushed into the phone. Just a 60 second call was all he ever wanted from her.
Jake The Snake pressed the cellphone against his filthy ear listening to the dial tone. After 5 rings a woman's sluggish voice finally answered the phone. "Hello?"
Fred suddenly became paralyzed with fear. He tried to open his mouth but the words just wouldn't come out. Sue you sound so great Suzie loo. Can you guess all the bad things I want to do to you? You sound like I woke you up. Maybe you should get some sleep Suzie Sue. Sweet dreams Suzie loo.
"Hello...Hello...Is somebody there?" Said Sue both annoyed and spooked. Fred couldn't believe he was being such a pantywaist. He had the gumption to walk up to the warden one day and tell him what an arrogant prick he was but when it came to talking to his ex-wife he was totally speechless.
"Who is this? Is this some kind of joke?" She said in a valorous voice.
Jake The Snake remained silent enjoying the petulance in her voice. He dropped the cellphone right on the mattress when a loud whistling sound nearly deafened his right ear. Ouch! Man did that really hurt! He thought to himself rubbing his ear. When he picked the cellphone back up all he heard was a dial tone. Evidently Suzie Sue had hung up. He rummaged through the heap of bed sheets looking for the piece of paper with what was probably the Gadget Man's phone number.
We're just full of games aren't we Suzie? Wait until you see the fun I'm going to have with you!