The air conditioner propped in the window hummed a melody that only a crazy person could decipher. The air conditioner was 10 years old and made a lot more noise than the newer ones but that's what made it so special.
Vinny believed that when the voices weren't trapped in his mind telling him funny things that they dwell and mingle inside his very own air conditioner. He had a brand new one in the barn but it did not provide the same amicable company and just seemed to be defunct.
It was mid September and the temperature outside was already cooling down but Vinny kept the air conditioner running almost all year round. They deserve to die! They deserve to die! The air conditioner continued to drone.
The Gadget Man held a tiny screwdriver in his hands that he used to use to fix his eye glasses. Of course that was not his purpose for the tool today because he had bigger things to attend to. Vinny used the tiny screwdriver to unscrew the screws from the Bravo pager which cost only 6 bucks off the internet. The pager was not activated but that's not what he needed it for. The Bravo pagers were one of the few pagers that you could not only set an alarm for a specific time, but also for a specific day. The pager was going to be part of a booby trap. Perhaps one of the greatest booby traps of all time that would baffle the F.B.I for all the years to come. Vinny never considered himself a professional and that's what made him so dangerous. It was already all over the news that there was a one hundred thousand dollar reward for his capture. By the time his spree was over, Vinny predicted that the number would be a whole lot higher.
Vinny had deftly removed the last screw from the pager when he heard the ping sound of stones being spat out from underneath tires. The hairs rose on the back of his neck. Someone was coming up the driveway and the Gadget Man had invited no one. Vinny quickly hid the pager underneath a newspaper on the coffee table and ran over to the window. Where was Sparky? It was Sparky's job to alert him of upcoming guests. For a minute Vinny had completely forgotten he had shot his dog.
He made a slit in the blinds using his fingers to peep out the window without being seen. A black Toyota Corrolla came rolling into the driveway. Vinny's mind raced fluctuating from one thought to the next as he stared intently out the window. The car continued proceeding up the driveway. A pink flowery ornament attached to the antenna zig-zagged back and forth like a dog wagging it's tail. The pink spongy ornament signified that the Corrolla probably belonged to a woman.
The black Corrolla came to a halt and remained still while the chrome tires glistened in the sun. Vinny watched through the slit in the blinds quickly trying to decide what to do but no ideas came to mind.
Two minutes had passed and no one had gotten out of the car. Just as he walked away from the blinds to go get his gun he heard a car door slam. He ran back to his bedroom and grabbed his 9mm then checked to make sure it was loaded. There was an impetuous knock at the door so he tucked the gun behind his back inside his pants. He was stunned when he opened the door and saw a short woman looking in her late 20s or early 30s standing at his doorstep. She was holding a cellphone in one hand and a key chain necklace decorated with the Greatful Dead Teddy Bears in the other. Key chain necklaces were old school and popular back in Vinny's youth when kids just got their driver's license and wanted to show off. They used to put their keys in their pocket and pull out the key chain necklace and let it hang down to their knees so everyone knew they had a car. Sometimes the girls even wore the key chain necklace around their neck.
Vinny did a quick look over of the woman standing outside his door. She wore a pink silky blouse and a pair of white dressy pants with a stylish pink and white checkered belt. She wore sandals revealing perfectly pedicured feet with pink toe nails. There was a moment of silence as she stammered looking for the right words to say.
“ Hi.....um.....uh....My name is Bridget. Bridget Macavar.” She extended a hand and gave Vinny a weak hand shake. Vinny placed his second hand on top of hers and got a thrill out of watching her eyes get big when she saw him smile and reveal his shark teeth. Bridget felt frightened and took a step back releasing her hand from his. Just like that the Gadget Man was in love.
He ran his long sausage fingers through his long greasy hair and wished he didn't smell so bad. ”So your name is Bridget, just like the Bridget Jones movie?”
Bridget was impressed that such a beastly looking man would take the time to watch a romance comedy movie. She felt a little more at ease and took half a step forward.” Yes, my ex-boyfriend thought I looked just like her.”
Bridget's hair was sandy blond and done up in a bun. Her face was cherub like and her skin was softer than a baby's. She was shorter than Bridget Jones and maybe a little more plump but there was just something about her that made you want to snuggle up with her for hours. Vinny couldn't tell if it was love at first sight or infatuation. Bridget would be his new project. He would take her on long walks and have her eat his famous healthy chicken salads and soon people would think he's dating a movie star.
The reality sunk in. What was this woman doing here and how did she know where he lived? Vinny reached behind his back with his right hand and groped the 9mm neatly tucked in the back of his pants. Bridget continued stammering trying to think of the right words to say.
“ I...uh...I...I guess you're wondering what I'm doing here?” She finally said.
Vinny nodded his head and flicked the safety off of the gun. Bridget continued. ”You're Vincent Young I presume?” Vinny smiled like a crocodile that just ate someone. This was getting interesting. She went on. ”I used to be Drake's girlfriend. Drake Styer. Do you remember him?”
Vinny thought back but didn't have a clue who she was talking about. He shook his head no.
“ I think you guys used to call him Shaggy. He had long hair that draped over his eyes.”
The Gadget Man stood there in shock. He did remember Shaggy because he was his first cellmate at Scottsdale River Penitentiary.” Oh, you mean Shaggy Daggy the one who tried to blow up his doctor?”
Bridget rolled her eyes.” I wouldn't say blow him up. I think he was trying to teach him a lesson.”
Bridget didn't want to argue with him. Instead she changed the subject.” Your brother patrols in the area I live in and he told me where I could find you.”
(Vinny's younger brother was a cop and Vinny was not very fond of him. The Gadget Man hated the law and believed if you wanted justice you went out and sought it yourself.)
Little tiny tears welled up in Bridget's eyes and she did her best to hold them back. “Is it okay if I come inside and talk to you about Shaggy?” She said sniffling.
The trailer was completely trashed and Vinny was too embarrassed to let her come in. ”Oh we can sit here on the porch and talk.” He said while tossing the gun on the couch without her noticing and taking a seat on the porch.
Bridget sat down and quickly concealed her cleavage then picked at the grass. Vinny tried his best to play Mr.Nice Guy. ”It's just that...well... I guess I feel partially responsible for his death. There's some nights when I can't sleep. Did he talk a lot about me?”
Vinny almost put a hand on her shoulder then quickly withdrew. “ I wish I could tell you but you're asking me to remember back ten years ago. He seemed like a nice guy but he definitely was kind of strange. So what happened between you two?”
It took all she had to hold back the tears and be brave. She missed Shaggy with all of her heart and just wanted to let it all out. “ I dunno. I guess I was young and stupid and didn't realize what a great man he could turn out to be. My heroine junkie ex-boyfriend called me one night just two weeks before Shaggy was supposed to be sentenced. I didn't even have the decency to tell him I was leaving him and I think I broke his heart and maybe that's why he killed himself.”
Bridget couldn't control it and she began to cry. Vinny hated women that cried because that was weakness in his eyes but for some reason this time he didn't mind. He placed his rough hand on her shoulder to comfort her and she quickly stopped crying and let out a nervous giggle. “ I know you must think I'm crazy. You don't even know me and here we are talking about Shaggy.”
Vinny tried to look for the right words to say. “ It wasn't your fault. I think his mental illness was the leading factor leading to his suicide.”
Bridget seemed perplexed and began picking at the grass. “ What do you mean? What was he doing?”
Vinny reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of Newports. “ Hold on just a second.” He said pulling a cigarette out and then lighting it. “ Would you like one?” He asked.
Bridget shook her head no. “ No thanks, I only smoke non-menthol.” She pulled a pack of Marlboro Lights and lit a cigarette for herself.
Vinny took a long drag and then turned his head to the side to exhale. “Our friend Shaggy was acting up right before he died. He was talking to voices. He squeezed toothpaste all over my face while I was trying to sleep. He even flushed all my commissary down the toilet!”
Bridget looked shocked and cupped her hands over her mouth. “ Oh my gosh! Did you hurt him?”
Vinny had a sly grin on his face. “ I have to admit I was a little upset but I'm sure you can agree that his doctor in Chicago put him through enough. I would've killed that doctor if he damaged my manhood. You'd have to be crazy to get a surgery like that in the first place.”
The qualms Bridget had been struggling with for the past 10 years were dissipating into thin air. There was something about this beastly looking man that she was starting to like.
Just when the Gadget Man was starting to feel comfortable he saw something looming in the distance that made his heart beat wildly. A red Honda Accord with a sporty looking spoiler came making it's way up the street. Immediately Vinny recognized the car and felt like a deer caught in the spotlights. This couldn't be happening, not now. But it was happening. Vinny's parole officer was coming to check on him without notifying him first.
Bridget sensed something was wrong. “ What's wrong?” She finally asked, “ am I talking too much?”
Vinny flicked his cigarette into the yard and stood up while keeping his gaze on the oncoming vehicle. “ It looks like we have company.” He said running his fingers through his straggly hair. His mind was jerking faster than a jack hammer. Should he run? Should he get his gun and shoot them both?
Vinny's parole officer had the right to come into his home and conduct a search. Vinny had more than enough contraband inside his home to get him thrown back in jail. The Gadget Man thought it best to play it cool and sat back down next to Bridget.
The Honda pulled into the driveway and parked behind Bridget's car. A wiry man in a red Phillies T-shirt and tight blue jeans came out of the car carrying a clipboard. His dark brown hair looked like it had recently been cut like a Marine's. The parole officer came ambling over to them with an affable look on his face. Perhaps he was glad to see Vinny mingling with a woman and not being such a hermit with living in the middle of nowhere all alone.
“ Hello Vincent. Sorry for jumping in on you but I wont be long.”
Vinny tried his best to play cool and put on a show. “ Hey no problem Mr.Johnson. Take all the time you need.”
Bridget started to get up but Vinny motioned for her to stay sitting down. She whispered into Vinny's ear. “ You sure it's okay for me to be here?”
Before Vinny could reply Mr.Johnson extended his arm and shook Bridget's hand, “ Hello, I'm Perry Johnson Vincent's parole officer. So you must be Vincent's girlfriend?”
Bridget smiled and looked over at Vinny who was tensing up with a ruddy complexion.
“ She's just a friend.” Hissed Vinny.
Mr.Johnson gave a cordial smile and pushed the clipboard against his chest. “ Ah yes. I didn't mean to pry. Hey listen, you both can stay right here. I'm just going to take a quick look inside and then I'll be on my way. You seem to be doing well.”
Vinny smiled exhibiting his pointy shark teeth. He was trapped. There was nothing he could do except follow his parole officer into the trailer and take him out with his bare hands. But what about Bridget? She had a cellphone and would take off and call the police!
Just as Mr.Johnson placed his hand on the door knob a hideous ring tone pierced the air. At first Vinny thought the sound was coming from Bridget's cellphone but she didn't move.
Mr.Johnson took his hand off the front door and answered his cell. The Gadget Man didn't even realize it but his right hand was on Bridget's knee and he was squeezing hard as he watched Mr.Johnson take the phone call out into the yard.
“Ouch!” Yelped Bridget slapping his vice gripped hand. Vinny immediately moved his hand and apologized.
“ I'm so sorry” he pleaded,” Just a nervous habit.” He said with his gaze still focused on his parole officer who was circling the yard and chatting. “ It's okay” Said Bridget, “ I guess I should be going now.”
Vinny finally looked at her with imploring eyes. “ Oh no, please stay, we have more to talk about.”
Mr.Johnson clasped his cellphone shut and stuck it in his pocket. “ Something just came up. My boss just called and I have to get going. I'll stop by next week. Be good.” Said Mr.Johnson walking briskly to his car.
Vinny felt his heart rate go back to normal as the quiet Honda engine fired up and Mr.Johnson backed out of the driveway. Vinny lit up a cigarette and Bridget placed one in her mouth as well. He lit her cigarette for her and caught a whiff of her sweet perfume. “ You smell nice.” He said admiring her body and dressy clothes. “ Thanks.” She replied feeling a little embarrassed. She wondered why Vinny was so uptight when his parole officer arrived but now he was calm and relaxed.
“ So what do you do?” Asked Vinny trying to rejuvenate the conversation.
Bridget blew a cloud of smoke up in the air. “ I'm a psychiatrist. I have my own private practice.” Bridget was holding a big secret from the Gadget Man. It just so happened that Shaggy had a life insurance policy that covered suicide and she was the primary beneficiary receiving nearly $200,000.00 which she used for school and to set up her own private practice.
Vinny was impressed and was starting to like the impeccable Bridget more and more. “ I used to be a school teacher but now I drive truck.” He said lowering his head in shame.
“ So what happened?” She asked with a quizzical look.
Vinny felt a sudden thud burrowing into his chest as the flashbacks taunted his mind. “ Ahh... I don't really want to talk about it today, but hey, maybe we can go out for Sushi sometime?”
Vinny read Men's Health magazines and recently read an article about tips for dating written by a woman. The article said that women were more apt to accept a date that was very specific versus just plainly asking a woman out to dinner. Vinny hoped that his Sushi trick would work. He never ate Sushi in his life.
Bridget blushed a little and watched him nervously adjust his eye patch. “ What happened to your eye?” She asked. Vinny let go of his eye patch and confidently laid a hand on her shoulder. “ I was thinking I could tell you on our date. So what do you say Bridget Jones?”
Bridget smiled and pulled a business card out of her pocketbook. “ Hey listen, I have to go and take my mom to her dentist appointment. Give me a call sometime.” She handed Vinny the card then quickly stood up. Vinny sat dumbfounded gawking like a teenage boy. It was love at first sight, he was sure of it. “ It was fun talking to you.” She said flaunting her hips as she walked towards her car.
Vinny sat on the porch awestruck watching her every move as ashes fell from his cigarette and onto his pants. The Gadget Man was back in business. Not the business of killing, but the business of love.