The wait for Syntel continued. In the mean-time, to ease the situation, I attempted and cleared the Cognizant interview, which was a big relief. I was to join in Chennai in 3 weeks’ time.
Praveen cleared the IIT interview and joined the MS course. But ever since, he had stopped talking to me.
I tried pinging him on Yahoo Messenger, there was no response. The guy who had once said:
“Oh, I am jobless. I always keep surfing the net, always there on Yahoo Messenger and Orkut. What other better business ;)”
had suddenly vanished into thin air. He had blocked me on Yahoo Messenger. Living without him was hell itself. I tried messaging him on yahoo, on mobile, on mail, saying I was sorry in case I had hurt him unknowingly. Yet there was no response.
In all the frustration, one day, I logged into Orkut, to see if he was available at least there. A beautiful lady by name Beulah had written a testimonial on him – calling him the most handsome man in the world. I knew what it meant. I logged off with tears in my eyes.
Almost a month later, Praveen replied back on Yahoo, saying he wished to break-up. I did not respond back. I didn’t want to waste words, but I wasted my emotions. I cried like mad.
I called Subha and cried to her. I would shut myself in the washroom for hours, seeing my tears and trying to control them, all in vain.
I joined Cognizant and training commenced. Still I kept telling my parents that I would go to Syntel if I got a call.
My mom kept persisting that I ought to stick to Cognizant
“Cognizant is a bigger company. Are you a fool? Why do you want to go to Syntel? To Pune? For your friend? Don’t you love your parents?”
I didn’t know how to respond to this emotional black-mailing. This was something I had never anticipated.
“Mom. I told you I was joining Syntel only. Cognizant is only for the time being. Why all this fuss suddenly?”
“Darling. What would we do without you? Bharati is married and gone. You are all we have in our life. What would dad and I do without you? You never understand our pain”
And she started crying uncontrollably.
“You know what? You will earn 15k per month, and your friend earns 25k per month. Then you will have ego clashes and you will separate. You will then realize your blunder and wish to come back to Chennai, but then, it may not be possible. Don’t you realize I am telling all this for your own good.? Already you are earning 20k per month? Who would move to a company that pays 15? Nobody will”
“I will mom”
Why would a mother who never thought twice when she called me a worthless person who was unnecessarily giving them an expense of 4 lakhs, now suddenly talk of love and not being understood? And why does she suddenly want to save a friendship that is good and going, and in no way breaking apart? What right did she have to say this? What did she gain by having me under her control? Oh yes. I would not be able to study French. And, of course, the common mentality that a woman has no business to be on her own!! She has to be under her parents’ control before marriage and under husband’s control after marriage. She has no bloody right to be independent!!
I read her thoughts between all the melodramas, and confirmed affirmatively that I would go to Syntel, no matter what.
I cried all through the nights thinking of Praveen. “If I convert to Christianity, would he marry me? Will it be worth trying?”
Slowly, two months later, the IT department students of my college started getting calls from Syntel. My nerves trembled in excitement. I called Subha anxiously. She made all plans for my arrival. She had rented a separate 2BHK (previously she was staying with a few others from IBM), and moved into it a week later.
The much-awaited news arrived. One evening when I came back home from office, my mom told me that the HR from Syntel had called.
WOOOOOWWWW!!
And then I asked, “What did he say?”
‘He asked, “Is Karthika willing to join Syntel?”
I said, “She doesn’t need your job, she already has one. You can cancel her job offer.” I told him the truth. I did the best thing for you dear’.
I crashed down. My French dreams went right into the gutter.
I cried everyday thereafter. I don’t remember for what I cried, May be I cried thinking of Praveen. May be I cried thinking of Pune. May be I cried thinking of Freedom. May be it was French.
I cried all the time. I didn’t know which of these made me cry the most. Nonetheless, I cried!!
I slowly went to my travel bag. I pulled out the scrap of paper with the Alliance Française phone number, tore it to pieces, and threw it in the dust bin. Subhashree moved into a different sharing room a month later. This is all a woman can dream of!!
“Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”
May be Red was right and Andy wrong all along!!