A week after the TCS disaster grandma passed away. I was not in a position to attend the funeral. You could take it that I was preparing for my next interview, or that I was too ashamed to face my relatives. Either way, it would still be the truth.
When I went for Wipro placement, I was shaking from top to toe. I still did not know anything about the front end or back end of my project, nor did I know to write even one single line of code if asked to. Yet, it was still there on my CV. I was sure the job was lost, and lost it was. I was so nervous that I could not answer even the questions I knew very well. The interviewer asked me to drink water twice. Lol.. Then he asked me to write code from my mini-project, and I was almost to tears.
Latest Development:
Devi – Placed
Karthika – Not Placed
That day I cried so hard. I had no guts to face my parents.
I was at the receiving end, not knowing what to do. All hell broke loose at home.
“I knew you were fit for nothing”
“See Divya knows her parents’ financial position, and found herself a job first day. Look at you. Useless to the core”
“You are not fit for the IT industry. You better become a teacher or prepare for some entrance exams next year”
“Do you have any serious plans for your future?”
Me: “Yes. Syntel is the next company. I am preparing”
“Leave IT. You can’t succeed anymore. Think of something else. What a shame. Everyone would have got to know by now that Divya has a job and you don’t”
“What will I say if my colleagues ask?”
“What a shame. What will others think of you?”
“Both of us (parents) will retire in a few years. What will you do for your bread and butter? We can’t be feeding you lifelong”
“4L college fees is waste. You should have studied BA or B Sc and become some teacher in some small college”
OMG!! The torture was endless. It made me extremely traumatized.
I could have replied back saying, “Did I ask any of this? I hated computers. Did I even ask you to get me into computer science engineering? You could have rather allowed me to study French or Physics.”
However, having been dutiful brought-up in the institutionalized mentality, I realized that I was indeed putting my parents to shame and I was solely responsible for everything happening around me.
One never knows what one does when one is frustrated.
I made up my mind once and for all. I was not going to become a software engineer after all. I was destined to be a writer, an accomplished writer. That was what I was going to become!!
I read my stories again and again. I loved them all. I was no more in this world. I was in another world, where no one could touch me, where no one could compare me, where no one could annoy me. It felt amazing to be different. It felt awesome in the world of books, but why couldn’t anyone else enjoy my world? May be my world was created just for me.
All the commotion around me brought me back to Planet Earth! Even my mind started scolding me: “One year down the lane, you will be without a job, no income, standing in the middle of the road, mocked by friends and relatives alike, parents let down, as lonely loser. Ok. So anyway you are worthless. Let’s contemplate on how best you can commit suicide. A dupatta from the fan or may be jump from terrace, some poison from somewhere? Well, the truth is, though the thought of a shameful future taunts you, you don’t have the courage to commit suicide. The thought of a painful death sends shivers down your spine. You have the courage neither to face life, nor death. How inept of you indeed!”
And then I forgot all about my brain telling me of being pre-destined to be a writer.
Nonetheless, for Syntel, I prepared. I was not going to let anyone’s small talk deter me. I was getting a job into IT industry. Definitely, there was so much more to do, than die urgently.
College reopened for seventh sem. Even Abhinaya had got placed in TCS, Balaji Srinivasan and Venkat in Wipro. I wasn’t brave to face my class mates in college. But everyone was unbelievably supportive there. The day I went to college, all my friends asked me why “I” hadn’t made it into TCS or Wipro. I was lost for words and would have cried any moment. But, everyone was extremely compassionate and encouraged me like never before.
Two of my class mates (Dinesh and Ananth – both placed in TCS) conducted a mock technical round for me. I told them, technical is my weakest point and that I was a big zero when it came to coding.
Here was their review and advice:
Now I seriously started root-cause analysis, determined that I will get through Syntel. I knew fear of failure was my biggest problem. Fear of failure due to lack of knowledge on my mini-project. I had to get a job. I wasn’t losing again. Not this time!!
Without another thought, I removed the mini-project from my CV. But, everybody else will have one in theirs. What would I do if the interviewer asked? I was prepared to face anything other than that project. If they asked anything, I would simply say, I hadn’t done one. If I again lose my job because of that, let me re-invent again was the plan