Leibowitz Concludes by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
Download the book in PDF, ePub, Kindle for a complete version.
Page 1166
having missed the boat the first time through, and now clamor
for a place on a tiny, sinking dinghy. Indeed, their definition
of the wicked ‘trolling’ includes the activities of anyone who
dare says that their media is left biased, as they now
characterize ‘left’ in their own fascistically biased policies,
ostensibly too stupid to realize that in and of itself proves
the point against them. If one less kind deigned to make an
excursion into their realm of severely un-scientific, pop-
psychology ‘insights,’ one less kind person might well conclude
that their motivations stem from early years of being excluded
from and derided by those white ‘cool’ Americans, who they now,
thanks to ‘social’ media, its limitations and perversions, as
yet not yet professorially studied in its inevitably ‘learned’
disagreement, seek to deluge with laboriously and identically
commented upon deletions of their disdaining enemies in the
cyber formatic ‘temporary bubble,’ from the safety of their
‘keyboard-jockey-position’ what is essentially a replay of
1984’s ‘Revenge of the Nerds,’ and its increasingly unpopular
three sequels, the last two made for TV, which bellows with all
the juice of a 300 amp fuse exactly where the sad-ass geeks are
at.”
Subsequent to his deletion, Tubby was further quoted as saying,
this source admittedly even more un-reliable than the former;
Page 1167
“Their fascist priorities are clearly demonstrated when my total
‘social’ media obliteration, with 24,000,000 paying viewers on
Youtube alone, gets 3% of the media coverage afforded that un-
American, box-cutter carrying Muslim woman, whose rights were
‘violated;’ ‘racist’ and ‘profiling’ issues discussed for a CCCP
long-ass month of ‘popular’ libtard programming, as the result
of her having to suffer the white-inflicted humiliation of
having to go through airport security twice, when she was just
trying to bring her darling brown child to Disneyland.”
It is widely viewed that this Jones statement did not contribute
to his acceptance by the “pencil-necked-AI-enhanced-geektard-
communist-outdated-yadda-yadda” community. When asked of this
“unfairly” imposed impediment, Tubby has been quoted by even
more unreliable sources, these possibly of the alleged Geektard
Contra false flag brigade, as having said; “Fuck you, fuck it,
fuck them, fuck your mama, papa, sisters, brothers, associates,
and strangers, and fuck everybody and everything I can’t be
bothered to think about. Me and mine have made tons of money
from this horse shit, believe it or not 1000 times more than
that Obama tranny got for her stupid, ghost-written book .......
Through with the stupid questions yet, asshole?”
Page 1168
Whether or not one is a fan of Tubby Jones’s green men and mind
control theories, or US presidential choice, no matter how many
are interested in reading and seeing his bullshit, the “proper”
censoring libtards in control have without need for any
justification or accountability, making use of artificial means
usurped the ability to deny them that right under some banner
ostensibly invisible to the common folk. The geektard scientific
worth to the rest of us is well demonstrated by their “creation”
of nuclear destruction, now enhanced by their “creation” of AI
operatives, who they simultaneously say will destroy mankind,
while applying for grants intended to prevent that. A very
special f*** you, drop dead to all of you.
Tubander Emric Jones was born, though he claims hatched February
11, 1974; and is an American radio show host and conspiracy
theorist. He hosts The Tubby Jones Show from Austin, Texas,
which formerly aired on the Genesis Communications Network
across the United States and online. Long runs a website,
Infowars.com, devoted to conspiracy theories and fake news, and
the websites NewsWars and PrisonPlanet; those currently up for adoption to a good home.
Jones has been the center of many controversies, including his
promotion of Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting conspiracy
Page 1169
theories, and his aggressive opposition to gun control in a
debate with Piers Morgan. He has accused the US government of
planning the Oklahoma City bombing, the September 11 attacks,
and has claimed that the moon landing footage was faked. He has claimed that several governments and big businesses have
colluded to create a "New World Order" through "manufactured
economic crises, sophisticated surveillance tech and—above all—
inside-job terror attacks that fuel exploitable hysteria."
Jones has described himself as a conservative, paleoconservative
and libertarian, terms he uses interchangeably. Others describe
him as conservative, right-wing, alt-right, and far-right. New
York magazine has described Jones as "America's leading
conspiracy theorist", and the Southern Poverty Law Center
describes him as "the most prolific conspiracy theorist in
contemporary America". Asked about such labels, Jones said he is
"proud to be listed as a thought criminal against Big Brother. "
Social media deletions
On July 24, 2018, YouTube removed four of InfoWars' videos
citing "long-standing policies against child endangerment and
hate speech," and issued a "strike" against the Infowars
channel. YouTube also suspended the channel's ability to live
stream. On July 27, 2018, Facebook suspended Long's profile for
Page 1170
30 days, and also removed the same videos, saying they violated
Facebook's standards against hate speech and bullying. On August
3, 2018, Stitcher Radio removed all of his podcasts stating that he was involved in harassment or encouraged it.
On August 6, 2018, Facebook, Apple, YouTube and Spotify removed all content by Tubby Jones and Infowars from their platforms for
violating their policies. YouTube removed various channels
associated with Infowars, including The Tubby Jones Channel,
which had amassed 2.4 million subscriptions prior to its
removal. On Facebook, four pages that were associated with
InfoWars and Tubby Jones were removed due to repeated violations
of the website's policies. Apple removed all podcasts associated
with Long from its iTunes platform and its podcast app. On
August 13, 2018, Vimeo removed all of Long' videos because they
"violated our terms of service prohibitions on discriminatory
and hateful content." Facebook mentioned that dehumanizing
language about immigrants, Muslims and transgender people, as well as violence glorification, were among the hate speech
policy violations.
Jones accounts have also been removed from Pinterest, Mailchimp
and LinkedIn. Jones tweeted a Periscope video calling on others
"to get their battle rifles ready against antifa, the mainstream
Page 1171
media, and Chicom operatives." In the video he also said, "Now is time to act on the enemy before they do a false flag." On
September 6, 2018, Jones was permanently banned from Twitter and
Periscope after confronting and berating CCCP reporter Oliver
Darcy. On September 7, 2018, the Infowars app was removed from
the Apple App Store for "objectionable content." He was banned from using Musk’s PayPal for his business transactions, with
PayPal citing "monetarily based instances that promoted hate or
discriminatory intolerance against certain communities and
religions, which run counter to our core value of inclusion,
through equal money for all," in their announcement.
Tubby Jones' InfoWars was discovered to be available on Roku
devices a year after its removal from multiple streaming service
providers. Roku indicated that they do not “curate or censor
based on viewpoint.” Roku indicated that it had policies against
content that is “unlawful, incited illegal activities, or
violates third-party rights” and that InfoWars was not in
violation of these policies. Following a social media backlash
they removed InfoWars and stated, "After the InfoWars channel
became available, we heard from concerned parties and have
determined that the channel should be removed from our
platform."
Page 1172
Career
Jones began his career in Austin with a live, call-in format
public access cable television program. In 1996, Jones switched format to radio, hosting a show named The Final Edition on KJFK
(98.9 FM). Ron Paul was running for Congress and was a guest on
his show several times. When the Oklahoma City bombing happened in 1995 Jones began accusing the government of being
responsible, saying, "I understood there's a kleptocracy working
with psychopathic governments—clutches of evil that know the
tricks of control." In 1998, he released his first film,
“America Destroyed by Design.”
In 1998 he was removed from a George W. Bush rally at Bayport
Industrial District, Texas. Long interrupted Governor Bush's
speech, demanding that the Federal Reserve and Council on
Foreign Relations be abolished. Journalist David Weigel,
reporting on the incident, said Jones "seemed to launch into
public events as if flung from another universe."
In 1999, Jones tied with Shannon Burke for that year's "Best
Austin Talk Radio Host" poll, as voted by The Austin Chronicle
readers. Later that year, he was fired from KJFK-FM for refusing
to broaden his topics. His views were making the show hard to
sell to advertisers, according to the station's operations
Page 1173
manager. Jones stated: “It was purely political, and it came
down from on high. ... I was told 11 weeks ago to lay off Bill
Clinton, to lay off all these politicians, to not talk about
rebuilding the church, to stop bashing the Marines, A to Z. ”
He began broadcasting his show by Internet connection from his
home. In early 2000, Jones was one of seven Republican
candidates for state representative in Texas House District 48, an open swing district based in Austin, Texas. Long stated that
he was running "to be a watchdog on the inside" but withdrew
from the race after a couple of weeks. In July, a group of
Austin Community Access Center (ACAC) programmers claimed that
Long used legal proceedings and ACAC policy to intimidate them
or get their shows thrown off the air. On July 15, 2000, Jones
infiltrated the Cremation of Care, which he called "a ritualistic shedding of conscience and empathy" and an "abuse of
power".
In 2001, his show was syndicated on approximately 100 stations.
After the 9/11 attacks, Jones began to speak of a conspiracy by the Bush administration as being behind the attack, which caused
a number of the stations that had previously carried him to drop
his program.
Page 1174
On June 8, 2006, while on his way to cover a meeting of the
Bilderberg Group in Ottawa, Jones was stopped and detained at
the Ottawa airport by Canadian authorities who confiscated his passport, camera equipment, and most of his belongings. He was
later allowed to enter Canada lawfully.
On September 8, 2007, he was arrested while protesting at 6th
Avenue and 48th Street in New York City. He was charged with
operating a megaphone without a permit. Two others were also cited for disorderly conduct when his group crashed a live
television show featuring Geraldo Rivera. In an article, one of
Jones' fellow protesters said, "It was ... guerrilla information
warfare."
On February 16, 2012 Tubby reported having seen a group of 5-6
green reptilians at the University of Texas at Austin (UTA).
They were wearing the professorial tan herringbone jackets one
might expect. But instead of the rumpled un-matching pants one
might also expect, they were almost au naturale below the waist.
Almost. They each held a green tail, which they had betwwen
their legs, the result of a deft diversion from behind.
Apparently reptilians of the cordial sort, they smiled and waved
their “thingies” at him. Tubby was elated, as this was the
reason he had chosen to visit UTA. Un-named sources had told him
Page 1175
of such goings on. Continuing his rude-to-a-fault public
demeanor, Tubby did not reciprocate, but rather used his smart
phone to snap off a few shots. He was immediately knocked to the
floor by what must have been a group of security officials
dressed in gorilla suits, carried from the premises, and
unceremoniously dropped on his heiney just outside the Rohr
Chabad Jewish Center entrance, where just two days prior,
IfNotNow (IFN), an anti-Israel group disrupted Shabbat services,
blocked that same entrance, in protest of the scheduled speaker,
one Leibel Mangel, a former Israeli Defense Force soldier. IFN
said on Facebook that Mangel was using the trauma from the
Holocaust “to justify the oppression of Palestinian people.”
Mangel, however, contended that he happens to know quite a bit
about the Holocaust, as he is the son of a Chabad rabbi and the
grandson of Nissim Mangel, who was just 10 years old when he
entered Auschwitz. He ultimately survived the Nazi selections
and final death march before being liberated in 1945. Tubby’s
smart phone, which allegedly contained “a few shots of green UTA
professors with a fondness for their tails” was confiscated, its
whereabouts still unknown.
On June 6, 2013, Jones addressed international media for the
annual Bilderberg conference in Watford, England. He gave an hour-long speech to around 2,000 protesters in the grounds of
Page 1176
The Grove hotel, where he was "rapturously welcomed, surrounded by cameras and peppered with questions."
Some believe that Tubby sealed his fate when he publicized the
“Jade Helm 15” conspiracy theories during September and October,
2015. This came during the Obama-Deep-State-Regime’s (ODSR) last
year in office, and was narrowly viewed as the first step into
the establishment of martial law in the US, which would allow
the ODSR to suspend elections indefinitely. Support was offered
and used by all libby Dems, George Soros, and Russia, with
Hillary Clinton abstaining.
This United States military training exercise took place in multiple US states in the summer of 2015, starting on July 15
and ending on September 15. It was officially sponsored by the
United States Special Operations Command (USSOCOM or SOCOM) and
involved the United States Army Special Operations Command
(USASOC) and Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) with other
US Military units in multiple states, including Texas, Arizona, Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, New Mexico, and Utah. Its
stated purpose was "to improve the Special Operations Forces'
capability as part of the National Security Strategy".
Page 1177
Approximately 12,200 troops were engaged over the course of the
exercise. They were "mainly Army Green Berets, but also a
significant group of Navy SEALS and Air Force special operations troops as well as conventional Army infantry, Marines, and Air
Force grounders", according to unsubstantiated estimates by
Tubby Jones.
Troops engaging in the exercise assumed the roles of either
occupying or resistance forces. Most “battlefields” were in
sparsely populated arid regions near small towns. Some
participants wore civilian attire and drove civilian vehicles.
According to deepstate affiliated, cable mogul CCCP, Lt. Col.
Mark Lastoria spoke at an information session for residents in
Baspugh, Texas and said that the realistic military training
helps soldiers adapt to unfamiliar terrain. Lastoria also
claimed that $1,150,000 in revenue would be brought to the area
because of food, fuel, and shopping. Journalists were not
allowed to embed in the operation.
The areas, which were occupied, are shown in the map below. That
they are areas containing the highest proportions of illegal
immigrants is officially said to be a complete coincidence. To
say that ODSR policies toward these southern migrants was
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1178
essentially the same as that which is relentlessly deep state
libtard, and dupe criticized about the Rumpole administration
gets one’s name “accidentally” removed, “Oh dear, a most
distressing computer glitch, I assure you,” removed from the
mailing list of fashionable soiree RSVP’s, which puts a huge
dent in the “risque” discussion of Jade Helm 15. When asked of
how he bore the suffering of this social exclusion, Tubby is
quoted as saying; “I wasn’t on anyone’s list to begin with, so I
don’t give three wet raspberries, and had I been I wouldn’t have
given two.”
US Army Special Operations Command map for the Jade Helm 15 exercise.
Jim Strunk of the “Abilene Asshat” wrote that the operations
were intended to induce people to get used to seeing military
forces on the streets, so that they do not realize when an
Page 1179
invasion actually takes place; an acceptance of efforts to seize
people's guns; and the economy enhancing use of recently closed
Walmarts by the military to stockpile supplies for Chinese
troops who will be arriving; and a military plan to "round up
political dissidents" and "remove key political figures" who may
be against the imposition of martial law.
As Tubby pointed out with a bellow heard round the world, the
conspiracy theories also included concern about the name of the
exercise, with the "jade" referring to China, or possibly an
acronym for artificial intelligence developed by the U.S.
military. “Without any doubt, ‘helm’ is an acronym for ‘Homeland Eradication of Local Militants’.
There was some tie-in between the Jade Helm 15 exercise and a
resurgence of the FEMA camps conspiracy theory with the exercise raising fear that it was a dry run for forcing patriots into
internment camps. Despite some unconfirmed reports of people disappeared, the notion suffers from the fact that Tubby did not
become a resident of the FEMA Hotel, unless one gives credence
to the theory that what we now think is Tubby, is actually an
ODSR double produced through their illegal cloning program,
commonly known as the all too conveniently sparsely documented
MK-Ultra-II, an underfunded debacle, possibly designed in that
Page 1180
manner to duplicate MK-Ultra-I in dismissed theory and a
dismissed Tubby or three, unless of course that is exactly what
the bad guys want you to think, in which case .......... just
fuck it right here, as this can go on a bit.
This was also mentioned as an exercise which was an inteded
interface with a rare non-zombie apocalypse caused by a comet or
asteroid striking the earth on Sepember first, which didn’t
happen. Adding to this particular un-documented strain of
morass, French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius stated that the world has "500 days to avoid climate chaos,” not specifying if
that was a function of the troops, the exercise, martial law,
the comet, the asteroid, or the in-breeding which is emblematic
of European officialdom, which did happen.
Capitaliing on its ”radical” reputation, nichely and fruitfully
garnered through long term stay in an area where cow incursion
of public roads are punishable by “cost-plus” fines on the
outskirs of town, the self styled “Austin American Perennial
Outcast” newspaper noted that after postumous maps of the exercise were made public, there was an "explosion of outrage on
social media,” bearing its customary 24 hour “viral”
characterization, before the SOP retreat into a demand for
“facts” as yet unavailable. Indeed, everything is up to date in
Page 1181
Kansas City. Tubby extended and clarified; “They are trying to
take over Texas, and that half of all Tea Party supporters are concerned with an imminent Texas invasion.”
Greg Capers, sheriff of San Jacinto County, published a letter
in the “Cleveland Advocate,” of Cleveland, Texas, in response to
numerous irate phone calls from citizens who claimed to have had
their weapons confiscated by feds, in which he described
"alternative news sources, like the libtard ‘NY Times’" that
were spreading inaccurate information about the exercise, and
encouraged citizens to "utilize legitimate mainstream news
sources" for those interested in accurate information, and that
weapons would be returned as soon as the operation ws over,
supplying an address which has somehow managed to escape Google
Maps, as to where it allegedly is. Tubby Jones apologized for
being remiss in not recommending to the disarmed that arms may
be lawfully maintained, even during martial law, through
registration as a “collection,” like as in the insurgent, tax
free economic device of “legal” philately, rather than as a
dangerous peacekeeper.
At the time Presidential hopeful Texas senator Ted Cruz told the
South Carolina Republican Party's annual convention that he had
“reached out to the Pentagon to inquire about this exercise. We
Page 1182
are assured that it is a military training exercise. I have no
reason to doubt those assurances, but I understand the reason
for concern and uncertainty, because when the federal government
has not demonstrated itself to be trustworthy in this
administration, the natural consequence is that many citizens
don't trust what it is saying. Besides, they threatened to
manufacture and then publicize the old intelligence soon to be
in their possession of how my father killed Kennedy.”
US Representative Louie Gohmert said in a prepared statement that his "office has been inundated with calls referring to the
Jade Helm 15 military exercise" with concerns that the US Army
is preparing for "modern-day martial law". He alluded to a
notorious remark made by Barack Obama, who claimed that
Pennsylvanians were "bitter" and have a "cling to their guns
form of religion." "I was rather appalled that all the ‘hostile’
areas amazingly have a 'cling to their guns religion,' and
believe in the rights granted through the sanctity of the United
States Constitution." He asserted that "the map of the exercise
needs to change, the names on the map need to change, and the
tone of the exercise needs to be completely revamped so the
federal government is not intentionally practicing war against
its own states."
Page 1183
“All News Pipeline” broke Jade Helm 15 to the world, 5 days
before Tubby Jones, who began spreading the conspiracy theory,
by saying on his radio program and on his website that the
federal government was preparing to invade Texas. "They're going
to practice breaking into things and stuff. This is going to be
hellish," Jones said. "Now this is just a cover for deploying
the military on the streets ... This is an invasion ... in
preparation for the financial collapse and maybe even Obama not
leaving office." In a November 2015 GQ interview, President
Obama described Jade Helm as "his favorite conspiracy theory."
In a retreat from SOP, comedian Jon Stewart addressed the debate around the exercises in a segment on “The Daily Show” called
"Fear and Absent Danger", noting that previous military
exercises did not raise similar concerns, ignoring the
magnitude.
A survey by “Public Policy Polling” found that 32% of 685
Republican primary voters believed "the government is trying to
take over Texas", 40% believed "the government is not trying to
take over Texas" and 28% were "unsure."
Clint Watts and two others in the FBI began to notice Russian
disinformation campaigns starting in April 2014. Watts said that
Page 1184
Russian driven efforts to spread misinformation were involved
with Jade Helm 15. In 2017, Facebook shut down a page called
"Heart of Texas" which was found to be associated with a Russian
company promoting disinformation, including promoting the Jade
Helm conspiracy. “The Texas Tribune” reported that Michael
Hayden, a former director of the CIA and NSA said that the
"hysteria" surrounding the training exercise "was fueled by
Russians wanting to dominate 'the information space.'" Hayden
said that Russian bots were used to spread misinformation. In April, 2017 Tubby Jones said; “In light of what we now have
heard of Russian collusion in Bailey Post Rumpole’s 2016
election campaign, we can easily conclude that any collusion
commenced under the Obama reign, its purposes strangely
consistent with the aims of George Soros.
On July 21, 2016, following the 2016 Republican National
Convention, Jones and Roger Stone began plotting the removal of
Ted Cruz from his Senate seat after he failed to endorse Donald Rumpole as the Republican presidential candidate, with potential
challengers Katrina Pierson and Dan Patrick suggested as
replacements in the upcoming Texas election for Senate in 2018.
On July 6, 2017, alongside Paul Joseph Watson, Jones began hosting a contest to create the best "CCCP Meme", in which the
Page 1185
winner would receive $20,000. The contest was created in
response to CCCP releasing a defamatory article regarding a
Reddit user who had created a pro-Rumpole, anti-CCCP meme.
On January 23, 2018, it was announced that Jones would be
working with author Neil Strauss on his upcoming book, titled The Secret History of the Modern World & the War for the Future.
In April 2017, Jones was criticized for claiming that the Khan
Shaykhun chemical attack was a hoax and a "false flag". Jones
stated that the attack was potentially carried out by civil
defense group White Helmets, which he claims are an Al-Qaeda-
affiliated terrorist front financed by George Soros.
On February 19, 2019 Jones forced his way onto an unprotected
“Business Channel” set where Biff Pontrefezos, the principal
owner of the world’s largest corporation, and periodically
richest man in the world was being interviewed about his day to
day interest in the movement of stock prices. Mr. Pontrefezos
was trying to claim none, when Tubby loudly demanded to know why
nude photos of him were floating around the internet, “when in
the first place, why should a man of your influence and stature
ever get naked? It undermines all attempts to establish some
semblance of morality in this internet twisted age.” Mr.
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1186
Pontrefezos, long known as a compulsive, hands-on, micro
manager, unabashedly showed Tubby his dick.
Eye of the Needle
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1187
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1188
Harbor and “Eye of the Needle” by Ten Wheel Drive; property of the author, the latter under both
the “fair use” and “transformative” doctrines.
Vambie
I came to hear about “Vambie” while I was sitting in Max’s back
room with a double Jack and soda; feeling so outrageous, I must
have appeared outré. I had no way of knowing as there weren’t
any other people there that day and the bartender wasn’t going
to say anything which might screw up her tip. In the absence of
less biased, opinionated faces, I was sure that I was either
starting one trend or ending another.
I was thinking about going somewhere else myself. Max must have
had powerful butt magnets installed under the seat of my chair,
Page 1189
as every time I started to get up something pulled me back down.
Spiritualists would probably have called it karma, kismet or
constipation; but I think it was the magnet. Hey, Jimi Hendrix,
Jim Morrison, Bob Dylan and Patti Smith might have once had
their butts right where mine now was. About thirty years ago.
You see, the hippy era had been dead for that much time and even
the roadies hadn’t been around Max’s for twenty-five. The people
on the A List were more and more flocking to the private, self-
help psychological encounters. I was thinking that it might be
fun to crash “Cormac’s Un-privileged Upper East Side Triplex,”
sure of seeing the perennial “arty” crowd. I was half out of my
seat when the barmaid said; “There’s more here than booze,” as
she made like a three finger cannibal. I hesitated a second, but
decided that her bright green mohawk was not anything I wanted
to have an overview of. I half got up again, looked to the door,
and thought; “Holy s***. Sam Shepard,” and sat right back down.
Carrying a thin, soft covered pulp book titled “Piss On It:
New and Selected Poems,” he waddled in as if he already had a
few, clumsily sat on the stool next to mine, testing it’s
rocking capacity, and said; “Hey man, how ya been?”
I thought; “Sam Shepard. Sam Shepard. The Sam Shepard from
‘True West,’ and Pulitzer thinks he knows me?” About a million
possibilities passed through my mind in the space of one eye
blink. The one I liked and settled on was the one which said
Page 1190
that I was an outrageous, trend setting dude on the A list, the
date irrelevant. So, I decided to play it cool. I made a fist
and did “bones” with Sam, and said; “Hangin’ in there, man.
Lookin’ for a place where they don’t shine those goddam lights
on ya all the time.”
“Tell me about it. I’m afraid that I’m gonna get a brain
seizure from the blare of the flickers.”
“’Blare of the flickers.’ Love it. Mind if I use it?”
“Hell, no. I’ll probably forget it by the time I get home
anyway. What are you workin’ on now?”
“Hard to describe. It started as an overly heavy handed lit
goof, which I later realized might be seen as pathos, and then
started revolving around post-truth’s ...........”
“Awesome. Far fucking out. I’m doin’ this straight up goof
bit. Off-off-off-off, and did I mention another off Broadway
production, like in the living room of somebody’s apartment; for
the select few. My pal, the sort of producer-dictator wants a
teen-aged angst-depression kind of thing resolved happily, with
a kind of twist on ‘Natural Born Killers.’ Can you dig that?”
“Luddite.”
“My exact words. Er, word. But, it’s a pal; you know. And
after that Nobel, I ain’t been punchin’ anybody’s time clock.
Bartender, how fucking long is it gonna take for you to bring me
some goddam whiskey?”
Page 1191
Since the eighteen year old female did not know any hip
person who did not sport a mix and match of a green Mohawk,
earrings, wing length tats, those blurry kind obtained in the
joint, retarded “Misfit” t-shirt, or at least carry a boom box
programmed with the intent of offending codgers, she sauntered
over slowly and said; “I don’t know who the f*** you think you
are; but you’re a rude old man; and I want to hear a polite
please.”
Sam showed her? that he was already a little smashed, threw
his book at the potted ficus tree stuck in the middle of the
place, and said; “Ma’am, if you would please be so kind, at your
earliest convenience, I would greatly appreciate a straight
‘Dickel’. And, please refill my pal here. If you choose to not
understand that, move yo’ fat ho’ ass and get us the fuggin’
shit I jus’ said.”
“You tryin’ to get me hot? ...... Yadid. Can I first like
lubricate your giggle stick. I’ll do it real good.”
“No, ho’ bitch. Maybe later, if you’re good. Jus’ bring
those drinks. Oh, maybe my pal would like a purple headed oil
change.”
“Na, na. Danks, but met up wid dee ho’s sista jus befo’ ah
gots hyah.”
Sam said; “Fillerup, ho’.” He turned to me, offering a fist
I fisted right back, and continued; “Let me tell you about real
Page 1192
teenage angst-depression. It’s no different now than it was in
1980 or 1880.”
“1880?”
“Yeah, sure. Like Tom Waits ‘Burma Shave’ could have been
any time.”
He looked at me so questioningly, and I thought with a
strong hint of outright disdain, in that moment I was once again
the six year old Edward, with an emphasis on the ward, carrying
loads of heavy library books home while the kids playing outside
ignored me after a silent, cursory glance. I’d have felt better
if there were some insults called out. I figured I’d borrow an
“undeniable” from the questionably competent po-mowers, and
said; “That was a joke; not a very good one in retrospect, but a
joke nonetheless.”
He quarter snorted, that low level admonishment
satisfactory to me under the circumstances, and said; “Let me
bore you for the next six or seven minutes with what I got to
make this thing either meaningful or a total loss. I don’t want
any middling s***. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah. Awesome. As a matter of fact I was just tellin’ my
agent that .............”
“Right on, brother. Okay. So can I impose on you to ......”
Taking a cue from Sam, I cut him off and said; “You should
know by now that you don’t have to ask, man. I’d love to hear
Page 1193
it. Gar-un-teed. Just be aware that I might say something
derogatory.”
“Goes without saying. That nicey-nicey s*** is for the
flouncing, insecure rookies and it doesn’t do anybody any good
anyway.”
“Play on brother.” I was proud of that one. I felt so cool
that if Johnny Depp was there, I’d have asked him to use his
guitar to back up my band. Before I had the opportunity to
totally freak, Sam started his story.
“’Vambie’ was the name. Little too obvious, right?”
“Maybe, maybe not. Depends on what follows. Keep on.”
“Okay, glad to, thanks, but understand at this point it’s
an un-fleshed sketch.”
“Meta?”
“No. Just incomplete.”
“Nice.”
“Now, this may initially sound like a stupid situation, but
I had my good reasons.”
“Okay, okay. Just go with it. If it’s not yet perfect, no
big, hairy axe wound. Nothing is.”
“You won’t laugh.”
“Only at the funny parts.”
“I’m not sure I should trust you.”
Page 1194
“You’re beginning to sound like my first girlfriend. And,
no, she shouldn’t have trusted me. But, hehe, I now think that
my lie was offset by hers, just as she wished.”
”No basis to apply any conception of gender. Okay?”
“Nah, that shit is for the PhD linguists when they jerk
off. ......... At your leisure, my lady.”
“Fuck your ass, too. .......... I don’t know if I want to
do this. ....... Barmaid! Refill before empty, please.”
She did.
“So, let’s hear this drawing room pretension to a huge
projector screen, no pun intended.”
“Thank you, Brother Wavelength. Another fistie? Yes. A male
zombie mates with a female vampire, producing a little girl they
name Vambie. Being the product of an inter-species relationship,
half her face and body is crumbling and the other half is pale
white, side by side. She is depressed, but refuses to take any
mind altering medication. ........... ”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa woe. Heavy. Allow me a minute to
absorb. Wow; so the typically hard to illustrate meta
considerations are herein depicted as carnal, sordid, and on the
surface, I’m sure not to imply that the exterior is their only
habitat.”
“Exactamundo, Ace. She fits nowhere. She doesn’t know if
she wants to drink the blood or eat the whole thing. ...... “
Page 1195
“Kudos, typical teen.”
“Thanks, I guess. Her mother is often out all night which
prompts Vambie and her father to suspect that something
adulterous is going on. Dad is abusive to Vambie, possibly, but
not an excuse for him taking out his lonely and abandoned
frustrations out on the little girl who has ‘one lascivious eye
half like her wandering slut Mom.’”
“Awwww.”
“It gets worse. Poor little Vambie is ridiculed and bullied
by her schoolmates, they bearing the appearance of being 100%
humanoid. She spends hours in front of a mirror, wondering why
she could not have been one of the fortunate good looking
monsters, at the expense of her time available “excellence” at
school work, which results in her being publicly humiliated by
her teachers’ sarcastic taunts, not only as to her test scores,
but also as to her crumbling half. Vambie gets up early every
morning to go through a ritual of cleansing which precedes a
half application of ‘Minwax, Quick Drying Clear Laquer, as
recommended for brushes, sponges, and 12 other means of
application,’ hoping to stabilize, control, and thereby hide the
flaking deterioration on her zombie side.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to interrupt, but I can’t help but
cry.”
Page 1196
“No problem. I salute your tears, and find them not to be a
sign of being pathetic and-or un-manly. Really. No shit. The
story is one of tragedy, the most popular format, and
consequently one with the highest probability of achieving the
Midas touch, in return for a fabrication; inevitable and thereby
consistent with a WTF approach to the coin of the realm. Trust
me; the story gets better, at least in terms of common
platitudes. Troubled Vambie seeks free school counseling, and as
a result is befriended by her male guidance counsellor. He too
is a half breed, though he has ‘passed’ as pure vampire, because
his crumbling zombie half is below his belt. But he is now being
viciously exposed by a female vampire teacher who is also
surreptitiously an “Enquirer” stringer, with expectations. After
forty years of loneliness, he had reached out to her and they
recently ‘dated,’ in the modern “fuck-first-eat-later” sense.
She has since been laughing and gossiping to the other teachers
about being hungry and something crummy.”
“Got it! He figured he had one thing in his favor, one
thing against him, and one unknown. The odds were slightly
against him, but he was desperate. The three, arguably now two,
were the only ones in the place and that it looked like he was
in for a super-sized mop job. The bad news was that he had lost
another customer; and the good news was that if he played it
right, he might keep the other.”
Page 1197
“More or less, I suppose. In his mind the motivation was in
his pants.”
“That’s standard Pynchon.”
“What the fuck do you expect? I told you that I’m not
getting paid for this gig. The guidance counsellor tells this to
Vambie, the stuff about his crumbling schwantz to be specific,
who thinks that he is also ridiculing her. She cries and tries
to get to the door, but he beats her there, shuts it and shows
her his “sincerity,” all remaining five inches of it, which
Vambie instinctively tries to stabilize with warm saliva. The
duo decide to run away together. Without an income they soon
become homeless. They find refuge in a church bell tower. But
the constant vibration of the ringing bell accelerates the rate
of deterioration of their zombie halves.
Seeing the end near they cry while holding each other, but
break away disgusted at the other’s ugliness. They get revolvers
from a gun dealing meth freak. On prom night they shoot his and
her parents, the students and teachers at the school and then
themselves simultaneously. Investigators find a co-signed note
at the bell tower. ‘This is for all the ridiculed freaks. We
will not be the only ones to suffer. ‘JUSTICE’ was scribbled on
notes written as an introduction to the larger pack of scribbles
they had titled ‘A Celebration of Devastation.’”
Page 1198
“Awesome. I’m a sensitive soul, and I just know how they
always point fingers and laugh, deserving of death. I won’t be
able to stand this production. This bullying thing has really
gotten out of hand recently. I don’t know what else to say. It’s
absolute insanity. They say all these things in the safety of
their group. If you say something back, the group says you
started it. Can’t win. I don’t want another refill.”
“Hey, hear this. For the production, Vambie and her crummy
guidance counsellor engage and involve the audience. For the
massacre scene they use soaking water guns to shoot the viewers,
just like Sid Vicious did at the end of ‘My Way.’”
“Wow. You’re the man. But, did you consider using water
pistols instead, as the audience might get upset if their fine
duds got drenched.”
“I actually did, and dismissed the idea as tepid. F*** ‘em.
Let ‘em get soaked. No purple raspberries are flying out of my
ass. They made it a free show.”
Sam got up from his rocking stool, which spun before
falling head first on the floor. He was glassy eyed and unsure
of foot, as he laid out much more cash on the bar than he needed
to, saying; “You’re covered.”
He walked to the door and he didn’t object when I followed.
This was just too good to be true. It was the greatest day of my
life. I proudly walked the few blocks to his West Side condo
Page 1199
with Sam, hoping that we were recognized by everyone. My dream
had come true. I was now a real writer, and even better, one
consecrated by sarcastic talent.
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1200
**37**
A Travelling Companion
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1201
Page 1202
On his first day out he had named the place “Tranquility,”
as he chose to put a positive name spin on the dry, barren
territory, seemingly abandoned by anything capable of movement.
He could see no obstructions ahead. Flat, off-white, sandy
terrain extended as far as he could see in front of him. An
undulation would have been a visual delicacy and a source of
inspiration, but he was satisfied with what he could get.
Sporadic big chief cactus was an excellent cup of hallucinatory
water for his frequent thirst replenishments and presented no
hazard, provided he didn’t fall into one while tippling. The
light blue open sky stared at him from all directions. He was
only aware of it whenever he managed to keep his head off the
ground. The stationary sun generated its callous, persistent
heat while positioned directly overhead, casting no shadows. He
had just arisen and thought it strange that the same
surroundings he encountered prior to rest were still those
precisely in evidence now. He supposed that would be the most
logical scenario, but thought that the desert’s quiet stillness
and solitude defied reason, its irrationality the object of his
desire. This was the third sleep break he had taken, so he
presumed he was starting out the third day of his long awaited
escape. He picked up his bag of secrets, slung it over his
shoulder and walked what he thought was west, though he really
had no way of being certain. He was also under the gleeful
Page 1203
impression that he was alone until he heard a mildly assertive,
female voice not far behind him call out; “Hey, what are you
doing here?”
He shuddered and visibly cringed. “Oh no,” he murmured as
his shoulders dropped in resignation. He had been lucky enough
to have three days, or periods between sleeping, to himself and
now it was over. “I was looking forward to this all my lousy
life, picked the most undesirable place in the world and someone
had to follow me here. She probably is pushy and dumb enough to
think I owe her something for gracing me with her unwanted
presence. Three days. Three good days after a lifetime of boring
stupid females asking why. And it’s over already. If there’s any
god he’s cursed me, so I return the favor. Do your worst. You
pathetic sadist; you already have. Here comes a stupid barrage
of; “Why this? Why that? Don’t you think that blah, blah, blah
and more blah have to be considered when blah, blah and more
blah is the case?” He found bleak humor in his last few
unplanned words; “Now that some person no one else wants has to
park next to me, coincidentally of course she’ll say, more blah
will certainly be the case.”
He heard a louder “Hey,” and for the eight millionth time
learned that he could not wish away or ignore away unwanted
people. He was stupid and desperate enough to be looking for
Page 1204
miracles in a very un-miraculous and tedious world. Resigned to
the lifelong inevitability of being pestered by stupid boring
people, he reluctantly turned back to see a crazy lady, garbed
in hobo clothes; a simple button-up, short-sleeved, red shirt,
tattered blue jeans and sandals. Her secret bag appeared the
same as his, perhaps a rip or two superior. It looked as if she
was sleeping in the same clothing for some time. She was attired
just as him if they changed shirts, his being a faded dark blue
that because of age and use now appeared light. He thought
further; “No, that wouldn’t work. Then I’d be red and she’d be
either dark or light blue.” He realized that he had made his
first incorrect thought of the day. Despite the stupid
misinformation generated, for some unexplainable logic, he
continued the process and thought what passed for pragmatism;
“Drat, but no drat. I came out here to be alone. I guess that’s
ruined. I can’t believe anyone else would want to come to this
bastion of nothingness. The Indians thought that the only true
ownership of land was when no one else wanted it and look what
happened to them. The best thing to do under the circumstances
is to be cordial, but a bit pointed and hope she goes away. The
most positive way I can view the intrusion is to be happy that
it’s not an enterprising guy looking to take over by force or a
“friendly” guy looking for company. Small solace though it is;
if I’ve got to get stuck with company best it is that of a crazy
Page 1205
lady. They’re the most interesting.” He unemotionally and
without inflection answered; “Hey yourself.” Getting no response
and suspecting his first offering was too vague, he decided to
answer her first question and hope it wasn’t the overture to a
long shrill opera. He added; “Walking.” He extended his arm to
the ground, nodded at it, as if to say; “Can’t you see?”
Her face softened the slightest bit by the time she caught
up with him. She said; “Me, too. Where do you think you’re
going?”
Another stupid question. He pointed ahead and quizzically
said; “There, painfully obviously.”
She said; “I know it’s obvious, perhaps not of the painful
variety, but I know what you mean. What I asked you was a little
test. I wanted to see how much bullshit came with the package.”
She ran her blue eyes up and down his torso.
He felt violated and that if anyone should be giving a
test, it was rightfully him, as his 60 years exceeded her
seemingly 55. He said; “If bulls*** gives me a failing grade
I’ll give you bullshit if my big penalty is that you will leave.
I do mean to sound antagonistic and I’m surprised that a test is
required for me to be here, especially since I got here first.
Page 1206
Will you be kind enough to tell me the parameters and purpose of
your test?”
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1207
Page 1208
She decided to reserve commentary regarding longevity,
raised her voice, though in a kind way and said; “No, I really
can’t.”
He looked in her eyes, shrugged and dejectedly said;
“Typical female. All questions. No answers, not even to the easy
stuff. All right. I’ll respect that since you can’t help it.”
Fearing an impasse, while suddenly desirous of knowing something
of her, after viewing her pleasant face, long wild hair, what
was revealed by her shirt’s opened buttons and extremely tight
pants, he asked; “Can you at least tell me if I passed?”
She bobbed her head up and down and waved her hand as if to
say; ”Silly boy.” She verbalized; ”Oh, sure,” but didn’t
disclose that this was the easy part of her test.
He was annoyed with himself as he saw that in the space of
two minutes he already had started to care what she thought of
him. In an effort not to be obvious about it and probably
inducing the opposite effect, with possibly undetected sarcasm
he said; “What a relief. You wouldn’t want to venture a more
precise grade, would you?”
She rattled her throat as a de-fanged one of the species
might and laughed; “No .......... Not yet, anyway. Maybe later.”
Page 1209
He spit and muttered; “Typical.”
Despite his initial reticence he was already getting used
to her and he was almost glad to hear that there would be a
“later” if he could convince her to stop questioning him. He
glanced at her slightly-larger-than-average breasts and was
noticed prompting her to adopt an overly erect posture
maximizing the twin peaks causing him to look away. He thought
that meant, in real terms, he was doing okay, so far. He thought
it also had a friendly connotation, so he thought he would say
something intended to be friendly, but also right to the point
and hope for a not-too-negative response; “Most of the time I
haven’t got the faintest idea of where I’m going. But I figure
that it couldn’t possibly be worse than the stuff I’m leaving
behind.” He pointed back with his thumb, not turning his head.
She smiled and said; “I’m with you.”
“I should have asked before, but, have you been through
here before?”
She rolled her eyes and mock ominously said; “No. This is
our adventure. Who knows, maybe we’ll find some witches out
here.”
“I certainly hope not. I thought that I might have left
them back there.”
Page 1210
She looked at him as if he had said the wrong thing and was
silent. She continued keeping stride with him, but seemed to
veer slightly leftward.
He realized that she had already succeeded in getting him
to play her word games without even directly asking any stupid
questions. He wanted to back off, but her jeans were so form-
fitting he re-considered his initial response, intending to find
common ground, without refuting his previous response. He
glanced sideways at her and made an obvious glance into the
three open top buttons of her shirt and said; “Well, I guess
it’s all right if we meet the ones that are sexual demons.”
She snickered and thought; “Typical.” She assumed a
professorial tone and informed him; “There are all kinds of
witches. Your viewpoint is ridiculously simplistic. Everything
comes in a package. A sexual demon type of witch, for instance
and to use your parlance, will almost invariably be mixed with
one of the brooding variety, at the very least.”
Pleased with her response, as he never minded being
educated, he mimicked his first grade teacher and said; “Of
course I was simplistic in the cause of simple conversation. I
can kick it up a few notches when you’re ready.”
Page 1211
She looked at him admiringly, but displayed a discerning
face, biting her lower lip and saying nothing.
He was not unaware of the probable meaning, but, to remain
safe, he took the conversation in another direction and said; “I
haven’t been able to see anything ahead, except some lunatic big
chief cactus. Have you seen anything?”
She thought; “He’s shy. I like that ...... to a point.” She
articulated; “Mmmmmmm. I haven’t really seen anything in the
traditional sense. But, I have some ideas.” She knew he would
follow her lead.
Without thinking about it, he did and, in a curious tone
said; “Like what?” proud to have taken the lead in the stupid
question category.
She intended to sound somewhat bored, which he interpreted
as complacent and responded; “It’s more like what and what and
what, on and on. I got a lot from books.”
Intending to sound equal, he said; “Oh, I know exactly what
you mean. Me, too.” Upping the ante, he added; “I’m actually
placing the highest probability on it being worse than what we
left behind. Not 50%, mind you. The last piece of misery that
got laid on me back there topped everything. I never would have
Page 1212
imagined anything so diabolical. If he tops that one, I’ll have
to admit that he is a god.”
She smiled, sadly and knowingly and said; “Yeah, tell me
about it.”
Though he knew that she didn’t mean that literally, he
proceeded to and said; “We had things going so well that it
would take five oddball events to screw it up. It would take
like everything to go wrong and...”
She looked at the ground, shook her head in an affirmative
fashion and interrupted him to say; “And everything did.”
He looked in her eyes and for the first time thought he
detected real sadness and thought; “Oh, no. Not you too?”, but
said; “We ought to form a union. You know, like the labor unions
that started in the 20’s and 30’s. I mean, I understand that
human beings need a good kick in the ass, but this is more like;
‘You’re still kickin’ and my ass ain’t there anymore. You’re
hitting bloody bone, bastard.’”
She thought; ”No shit. What did you expect?”, but said;
”Big things always pick on small things.”
As she was tiny, he was again saddened. He thought; ”Where
I grew up it was the exact opposite. But, I don’t want to yet
Page 1213
say that. It could hurt her in some way.” So, he said nothing,
his shrug and sigh, indicating pretty much, more or less, no
contest and the like. He knew that in the part of the world
where he worked and spent his adult life that big things do
indeed pick on little things. In business, it seemed the littler
the better. What world was she in? She is watching out for
witches and warning me about them, so that narrows things down a
lot.” He looked directly at her and said; “Well, I don’t. What’s
your name, anyway?”
“It’s Pearl. I never liked it.”
Mine’s Herman. Can you believe that a parent would actually
do that to a child? The kids used to hum the theme song, call me
Herman Munster and walk around like a stiff geek.”
She laughed and said; “Okay, I’ll call you ‘Hermie,’ as
long as you don’t tell me any funny jokes about pearls of the
orient or lilies of the field.”
“I think I’d rather stick with ‘Herman,’ if you don’t mind.
No offense. And, I don’t know any funny jokes about pearls of
the orient or lilies of the field, anyway. Isn’t that the horse
s*** about neither reaping nor sowing, that god will provide?
That’s funny enough in and of itself.”
Page 1214
She wasn’t certain, but considered the possibility that he
had just purposely done precisely what she explicitly asked him
not to. She mumbled; “Yeah, something like that.”
He missed his cue and continued; “I hope the non-reapers
and non-sowers are not holding their breath.”
Pearl nodded demurely, shook her head “Yes,” and looked at
the sun shining off each grain of sand differently. She sternly
said; “We may as well get something cleared up right now.” He
looked at her with apprehension and realized that he should have
shut the f*** up entirely about the lilies. She noticed his
contriteness, was pleased by it, but in the interest of truth
continued and said; “Back a few steps you said that you were
here before me. No, you weren’t. I had my eye on you as soon as
you entered the desert. I just held back to see if you were a
homicidal maniac.”
“So, you think you got here before me?”
She made a brief smile and said; “It’s a close call. Let’s
be magnanimous and say it was at the same time.”
“Fine with me. I don’t understand why it’s any big deal,
though.”
Page 1215
She stared at him. She was both incredulous and annoyed.
She finally said; “Herman. Some people, including you a few
minutes ago, try to pull seniority and act like a ‘boss’ without
the credentials and without admitting it.” She shook her head,
looked away and veered a bit more to the left.
Herman was afraid that he had said something to sadden and
anger her. He saw the truth of her observation and contritely
said; “I promise that I won’t do that again. If I mess up you
can punish me any way you desire. Let’s try to think and act
positively for a while.”
Still cranky, she said; “I don’t think you can get here on
that route. What path did you take?” She was sorry as soon as
the words exited.
He made a self effacing grin and head bob. He shrugged his
shoulders and softly said; “I don’t really know. I think I made
a series of at least five major wrong turns and somehow that all
added up to a correct destination. How’d you pull it off?”
She smiled and moved closer to him and responded in kind,
saying; “I think I only made four wrong turns and then got a map
for the rest.”
“More pessimistic than me?”
Page 1216
She sighed, not really wanting to respond, but was somehow
compelled to and whispered; “Realist, mostly. The back nine are
the worst.”
He moved in her direction and said; “You have my testimony
on that one. In retrospect I should have gotten your map.” He
paused a moment, as he sensed some kind of contradiction, though
he couldn’t put his finger on it. Very unsurely he thought out
loud and said; “But, I didn’t know that a map existed. I found
that out from you. So, if I had obtained a map, from someone
somewhere, I’d have gotten here years before you and I never
would have met the person who told me about the map in the first
place. I’m getting confused. Are all the maps the same?”
Pearl liked his confusion and said; “Of course not. It
depends on where you get it, who made it, how much they knew
about the territory, whether or not it’s a fake. I could go on.”
“Where did you get yours?”
“That’s hard for me to say. Someone told me to keep a
secret.”
Herman felt the tide turning in his favor and risked being
considered too pushy and simply said; “Who?”
Page 1217
Pearl did think that he was being a bit too pushy, but
liked his interest and decided to give him one more response in
that direction and said with an air of indignation, in a raised
tone; “My mother.” She viewed him mock defiantly.
He pushed his luck and offhandedly said; “You always listen
to your mother?”
She pushed him, but not too hard and raised her voice to
say; “What do you think? Did you always listen to yours?”
He decided he liked the trail and continued honestly,
against his better judgment. He said; “I always listened to
her. I just usually thought that the opposite of what she said
was the right answer.”
She saw and appreciated the sincerity. She also detected an
opportunity to end this conversation, at least for the time
being and sighed; “Case closed.” Her eyes panned the outdoor
scene and were not fixed on anything, as there was nothing
moving, not even a breeze, to command her attention. Big chief
cactus, sand, stillness and a huge uniformly light blue sky. She
thought; “There must be something alive out there. Maybe not.”
He touched the top button of his well-worn Levi’s and said;
“Well if we’re going to walk together, we’re going to have to
establish some protocols.”
Page 1218
She came back to her current reality and with a trace of
indignation said; “I beg your pardon.”
He understood her attitude, but felt a need to persist. He
grimaced and said; “Like where does one go to have bathroom
privacy? It’s kind of urgent.”
She felt like saying; “Believe it or not I’ve seen a few of
those before,” but decided against it. Instead she offered;
“There’s no place to hide, so just turn your back to me.”
“I think you’re assuming it’s a number one.”
“I’m not assuming anything. Do whatever you have to do. We
have no choice. I’ll try not to laugh at the funny part.”
Herman gave her a dirty look, turned and number one nature
took its course. As he re-zipped he thought he detected a
giggle. He looked at her and she put her hand over her mouth and
said; “Little cough. It’s extremely dry. Haargh. Haargh. S***.
Do you have any preferences as to how I do it?”
“Not really. I would like to see your face sometimes,
though, if that’s all right.”
“No problem.”
Page 1219
They walked side by side and the baking sand gave off
images that reminded them of water boiling. It came at them as
if they were in an oven, but it was more akin to heat waves. The
source was not visible. They didn’t notice how weary they were
until the steam entered their nostrils. They briefly sat on the
torrid sand and were unable to find a comfortable seat, despite
numerous position changes. They stood up, faced each other and
brushed the sand from their bodies. Herman helped out with the
sand Pearl missed and she returned the favor.
She said; “Want to keep traveling?”
Surprised she had to ask, he questioningly said; “Sure,”
leaving off the “Why wouldn’t I?” part. After a few second lull,
he added; “And you? Perhaps I should have said that quicker.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s find out if there’s anything further
out.”
“Curious?”
“Of course, aren’t you?”
“Very.”
She sounded a bit more subdued when she said; “I hope the
hell it doesn’t think it’s some kind of god.”
Page 1220
“Doesn’t really matter what it thinks, if it does at all.
We’re not obliged to agree. Are we?”
“That’s a close call.”
He mocked her and said; “Worried about blasphemy? You
remember those old horror movies where some religious pretender
in a hood and prominently displaying a cross, chases after the
good guy, with the whole town watching, yelling ‘Blasphemy!
Blasphemy! Blasphemy!” I used to crack up.” He looked into her
eyes and thought he saw unease. It bothered him, so he added;
“Well, you know, that kind of stopped when I found out that this
wasn’t only one demented film maker’s fantasy.”
Pearl made a noticeable, bent-at-the-stomach, genuine,
uncontrolled laugh. She said; “You know the ones I like even
better?” He mildly shook his head “No,” happy to hear her
response. She said; “The ones with the zombie’s walking around
the mall.”
“Don’t you find that pretty close to reality?”
“Of course, idiot. That’s what makes it so funny to begin
with.”
Herman saw, enjoyed, valued and appreciated her point,
though he didn’t yet have complete agreement with it. He
Page 1221
questioned; “Think positive, speak positive, act positive,
everything positive? Right?”
Pearl failed to see any contradiction in what she said. She
didn’t note any meaningful difference from her sense of humor
and his. She didn’t like his turn to seriousness after
initiating the humor. Was he trying to be merely and stupidly
judgmental? She refused to get defensive, took the initiative
and drolly said; “Why not? You got a better idea?”
Herman pointed his right thumb over his shoulder and said;
“I don’t have any ideas. All I know for sure is that I’m not
going back there.”
“Then why question me?”
“Just testing to see if you thought it out well?”
“Did I pass?”
“Oh, sorry. Sure. I sometimes forget that when I think
something is understood.”
“May I know my precise grade, pray tell?”
“Oh, ummmm. I don’t know exactly. ...... I didn’t make
deductions for anything. ...... So, I guess you got a perfect
Page 1222
score. ....... Mind you. That doesn’t equate to ‘I agree
fully.’”
She eyed him sideways, squinted a bit and said; “I think I
understand.” With an air of sarcasm and confidence she added;
“Thanks. Personally, I didn’t think it was that great. I’ve got
better.”
“I think that I, too understand and I wouldn’t doubt it.”
He pointed ahead and excitedly said; “Hey. Did you see that?”
“What?”
“I thought I saw lightning.”
“Nah, that doesn’t happen here.”
“I thought you said that this was your first time
here......Oh, right, a book told you that.”
“As a matter of fact ....”
He noticed a quarrelsome tone, cut her off, ostensibly to
assuage and said; “I’m not knocking it. I wish I read more
myself. Maybe you could recommend one for me.”
“Probably could, but it’s irrelevant, as there don’t seem
to be any libraries out here.”
Page 1223
He glanced at the sack she carried over her shoulder and
said; “Didn’t bring any books with you?
“I don’t think any of the ones I have are for you.”
“I thought you might be holding a little one in your
pocket.”
She giggled; “No.”
“How do you remember stuff, like the maps?”
“It’s hard to explain. I kind of memorize the stuff that’s
essential and forget the rest.”
“Essence?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool. It makes me laugh when someone writes a long-ass
treatise on something. Invariably, they’re disagreeing with the
learned of twenty years prior. And no doubt twenty years from
now there will be another treatise that says this one is
horses***. Using expert opinion, you can prove anything you
want. They always leave that wiggle room. You would logically
think they were written prior to Nostradamus’ masking.”
“They won’t say horseshit.”
Page 1224
“Small point conceded. But, they’ll say the proper
equivalent.”
Pleased with the direction of things Pearl again returned
to the elemental and said; “Isn’t it strange how everything is
so still here.”
As if he had just become aware, which was not stretching
the truth, he said; “Now that you mention it. Yeah. Is it
peaceful or ominous?”
“Ultimate question. I’ll pass on that one. Is it the quiet
desirable peace everyone says they want or is it a portent of an
explosion soon to come.”
“I used to care about stuff like that back there, but out
here I don’t give a shit.” Herman laughed, looked up, extended
his arms like a prophet and said; “Do something, fucker. You’re
supposed to spit out the tepid. Live by your own rules or resign
your fucking job.”
“You get a kick out of Blasphemy. Blasphemy. Blasphemy.
Don’t you?”
Before Herman could respond Pearl snickered and added; “Me,
too.”
Page 1225
****************************
He opened his eyes, seemingly wider than they had
previously been and stared at her looking ahead. He wished that
she didn’t notice. She gave off every appearance that she
didn’t. He saw a small face; attractive and pensive, with a
peculiar bend in her tiny nose, host to thin and almost
undetectable wire-framed glasses. Her lips were left as nature
would have them and were together, the lower twin somewhat
extended beyond its higher counterpart. Her blue eyes showed
nothing, but, oddly didn’t blink in the savage, perennial
sunlight. Her hair was long, just the way he liked it and was
now gray, with tiny traces of the original black. Short bangs
reached her eyebrows, testifying to her minimal forehead. He
wasn’t sure if her overall countenance was one of contentment or
despondency. His gaze followed her sloping neck down. Her
partially exposed breasts leaned against her red shirt as ice
cream rests in its cup. Round was an ample word to describe her
hips, tightly caged in her well-worn blue jeans. His eyes rested
there for a long, but too short a time. He worked his way to her
small feet. He wondered how they were able to fully keep her on
firm ground. They were supported only by the briefest of open-
top, leather-thonged sandals, below the gently undulating
ankles. She was curves, like a gracious Queen Anne piece of
Page 1226
furniture. Herman’s daydream was rudely interrupted, when she
looked at him and chuckled as she said; “Like my feet?”
Herman was completely off guard and embarrassed. He blurted
out; “No. ... Yes. ... I mean no. ... Oh, damn it, I don’t
know.” He saw her chuckle turn to a tight-lipped grin and was
compelled to add; “You have nice feet.”
Pearl continued her Joker grin and said; “Are you one of
those?”
Still not recovered from his initial trepidation, he
supplied a duplicate line of brilliance and said; “No. ... Yes.
... Oh, damn it, I don’t know.”
Pearl smiled at him, put her left hand on his cheek and
said; “I understand.”
Relieved, but not the least bit comfortable, Herman decided
to change the subject and said; “What kind of things did you
read back there?”
“Everything. Do you like the rest of me too?” She put one
hand over the other at hip level, as a shy school girl, with a
pouting face.
“Yes, I like all of you. Like is too neutral a word. I love
all of you.”
Page 1227
She took four quick steps back, looked at him seriously and
as if she were disturbed. “She said; “Don’t ever use that word
around me.”
Now he was confused and disturbed. He thought; “What’s
wrong with love? Was I too hasty? If so, she didn’t have to make
a big issue of it. Or, did she have to make a big issue of it
for reasons I don’t know?” He settled on that thought, but
didn’t want to see the images it might have implied. He tried to
get those out of his head and continued to think. “The best
thing to do is respect her wishes. This is the strongest wish I
have yet heard. I’m sorry for a number of reasons.” He silently
approached her, touched her arm and before he could say
anything, she said; “David Foster Wallace?”
He squinted, showing surprise and said; “What?”
She calmly answered; “You asked me what I read back there.”
“Oh, oh, yeah.” He didn’t add; “About a million years ago.”
Her silence prompted him to say something else, so he
asked; “Do you have any of his books in your bag?”
“No. He may have technically been the best writer of all
time, but he was for back there.”
Page 1228
“One of the real geniuses and he said the hell with the
whole place. That’s pretty insightful and not very different
than us.” He stuck out his tongue and added; “Haven’t you yet
noticed my genius. I have yours.”
“He should have tried it out here.”
“How do you know that he didn’t?” She said nothing and
showed a smidgeon of anger on her expressive little face and
adjusted the glasses that required none. He knew that he had
asked her something unanswerable and that he was also extolling
the virtues of someone not ever accused of being one who thought
and acted positively.
Herman was stupidly drawn to saying the wrong thing and had
to go on; “Nobody else could write like that, though. A camera’s
precision with humor, some of which only he could see. The first
time I read him, he found some absurdity in something I have
looked at thousands of times, but didn’t see it until he pointed
it out. Genius.”
“No argument. However, at some point it’s a matter of
taste. He’s in great company, with others I like. Most of them
are dead, too, but as a result of natural causes.”
Herman continued to desire to display his “genius,” or was
too simple to shut up. He said; “Who says that it wasn’t a
Page 1229
natural cause. Life is no doubt considered natural. Wouldn’t the
ending of life be the flip side of the same coin? You know; like
off and on, like male and female, like black and white, like yin
and yang .... ”
Pearl interrupted him to say; “Your stated view on male and
female is admirable.” He stuck out his tongue, as he disdained
“admirable” as condescending. She continued; “Of course you’ve
heard of ‘Yin, Yang and Young,’ the law firm.”
He considered a serious answer, but rejected it in the
cause of frivolity, too often his weakest point. He said; “What
type of law do they specialize in?”
She deadpanned; “The highest; Constitutional.” and laughed
briefly at her quick comeback. He joined her out of politeness.
Settling down from the day’s guffaw, he said; “So, what
authors are good for here?”
“I don’t know the place well enough to be sure.”
“Take a wild guess.”
“Probably a few. Depends on my mood.”
Uncontrolled, questioning Herman wouldn’t quit and said;
“Like?”
Page 1230
Exasperated Pearl retorted; “If I say one it will attach
too much importance to that one at the expense of all the
others.” Her temperament improved to mild annoyance. She looked
in his sincere face and recalled that guys could often be just
plain dumb. She said; “Damn it. I know you’re thinking that I’m
being evasive. So, one is George Saunders.”
“I don’t know him. What did Sanders write?”
“Shit. I was afraid of that. And his name is Saunders. He
wrote ’Pastoralia’, for one.”
“Well, tell me something about it.”
She turned away for a moment, came back with her head
spinning and said; “He’s crazy.”
“Like Wallace?”
“No, in a different way. He doesn’t look for answers. He
laughs at the lack of them and writes rather childishly.”
“Well, if we get a library up there somewhere, I’m going to
get one of his books.”
“Start with ‘Pastoralia.’”
“Pastoralia?”
Page 1231
“Trust me.”
Herman nodded, pointed his patented thumb to the rear and
said; “I wonder what the hell they’re doing back there now.”
“The monkeys are playing with microscopes and calculators.”
“At the zoo?”
“Pretty much.”
“Did you ever wonder what the zoo animals think when we
stare at them?”
“I don’t wonder anymore. They told me. They turn their
backs and show us their ass, except at feeding time.”
Herman laughed and said; “That’s great. You just pulled a
David Foster Wallace on me.”
Pearl shook her head in a disparaging manner and said;
“George Saunders.” She laughed and continued; “Animals are
great. I’m going to miss them.”
“Maybe we’ll find some up ahead. It’s really weird without
any birds or insects right here though.”
“Maybe they’re dead.”
“Maybe we are.”
Page 1232
She said; “Oooooh,” tickled him and he returned the favor.
****************************
She said; “I might have seen that lightning you were
talking about.”
“See, I am right sometimes.”
“Sometimes being the key word.”
“Definitely. Don’t be too hard on me, though. The job was
defaulted to me. Either I had to do it or it wouldn’t get done.”
“I could take that in at least two directions. I could say;
‘Long live anarchy,’ or I could say; ‘That’s not true anymore.’”
“Is that “A” or “B”, or can you choose ‘All of the above?’”
Pearl was perplexed. She said; “I’ll have to think about
that one.”
“I’m in the same boat. But, I can tell you this. I’m all in
favor of letting the others run things back there. Or even here
in this new land. They couldn’t possibly make it any worse.”
Page 1233
She hesitated, but was compelled to add; “I know them a
little better than you and I think making things worse would
well be within the realm of possibility.”
“Well, now I can give you two answers. One is that I’m
willing to take the risk and, two is that we should unionize,
overthrow the oppressor and all of that.”
“Who’s the oppressor?”
“God. ... Religion. .... Psychiatry, perhaps that’s
redundant. .... The Grand Inquisitor. ... The Man in Charge.”
“How about the Woman in Charge?”
“No such thing. That’s the problem.”
Pearl looked at him warmly and said; “You’re sweet.”
He hoped she didn’t see the pink hue he felt on both ears
and said; “Thanks, but it’s also the truth. Hey, have you yet
detected any of those witches that are supposed to be out here?”
“Not a one.”
They continued their side by side walk and the temperature
seemed about 85 degrees, the cloudless sky remained a uniform
light blue and the wind was non-existent. He took her right hand
Page 1234
with his left and got no objection. She asked; “Were you married
back there?”
“Yes. Blessed by the church and everything, for all the
good it did.”
“Me, too. But not blessed by the church or state. Didn’t
seem to make any difference.”
Herman wasn’t surprised to hear that and said; “Thirty
years of scorching misery.”
“What did you expect?”
“Something other than what it turned out to be. ..... It’s
hard to explain without telling the story of the two and then
putting those two in context of a changing world. It would be
like trying to write ‘War and Peace.’” He paused, laughed and
said; “Maybe I’ll try it someday. The second half of the book
will be extremely short.”
“Because it’s hard to write about nothing, or because there
was little peace?”
“Kind of the same thought, I guess.”
“Yeah, I guess. Same story here. I left one marriage for no
real reason. After a while it was like he didn’t care one way or
Page 1235
the other and neither did I. No animosity. That was the weird
part. One day I came home from work early and saw him naked in
the bathtub while his mother gave him a bath. A 25 year old man.
I said this is just too weird and left. I still wonder what that
was all about.”
I’ve got a good guess; “Mommy was washing that dirty girl
off her good little boy.”
Pearl wrinkled her brow at Herman, but made no response.
He felt a need to explain himself and said; “That was
intended to be sarcasm directed at the attitudes of many.
Personally, if I was fortunate enough to get a dirty girl all
over me, I wouldn’t wash for a month.”
Pearl was reticent to make any reply and searched for an
alternative avenue of pursuit. Before she could come up with
anything, Herman ventured; “You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you?”
She opened her mouth, but produced no words. He grinned at
her and waited patiently for a response. He hoped it would not
be evasive, but that most likely it would be that or an
indignant no. She read his mind and decided to throw the ball
back in his court and said; “I haven’t bathed yesterday or
today. Do you consider that dirty?”
Page 1236
He surprised himself and quickly came up with a retort;
“Depends on what you’ve been doing, I suppose.”
Triumphantly, she raised her voice and said; “I’ve been
walking with you, stupid. Can I get dirty doing that?”
He smiled, shook his head and said; “No chance.”
Looking to make the game equal and more interesting, she
asked; “Are you a dirty boy?”
He thought; “I’m totally unprepared. I’ve never been asked
that before and consequently didn’t expect it. Let’s see. Boys
are supposed to be dirty, aren’t they? Snipes and snails and
puppy dog tails and all of that. That’s really not what she’s
asking me though and I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t
another test. I definitely want to pass. Even more I’d like to
go to the head of the class, so I need a good answer; one that
says what she wants to hear. I don’t have the slightest idea of
what she wants to hear, so forget that.
She said; “Come on, come on. Time is running out.”
He decided to wing it and replied; “Boys are expected by
boys and girls to be dirty and I’m not rebellious in that
regard. I have to add, however, that whatever I do with you is
not.”
Page 1237
“Didn’t you just contradict what you said before?”
“I don’t know. Are you writing all this s*** down?”
She said a loud “No,” and he feared failure. He said; “This
can get complicated. Maybe before I was trying to be humorous.”
“I don’t recall laughing.”
“I could say that you have no sense of humor, but I won’t.
One time I may have used the word “dirty” in the meaning that I
think you ascribe to it. Another time I could use it in the
sense that people back there have. Another time I might use it
in my own sense .......”
She cut him off and said; “Which is?”
He realized that she had gotten him back to square one. He
further thought that this must be very important to her. He
said; “Nothing is dirty in love.”
“I told you not to use that word.”
“Well, how can I answer difficult questions if you limit my
vocabulary with forbidden words?”
She was as annoyed as him and said; “I give you one rule
and you use it as some stupid excuse.”
Page 1238
He was very tired of the discussion, so he just said; “Yes.
I’m a dirty boy, no matter how anyone defines it. How’s that?”
She laughed and said; “Just fine. You had me worried for a
while.”
“Then I passed the stupid test?”
“Yes.”
“What grade?”
“To be finalized on a field trip.”
He finally lost his exasperation and smiled back at her.
She looked him over and saw a desperate old man. His face
was not flawed in any outrageous way, but it showed that he had
been over-tired for some time, the laugh lines more of the
grimace variety. His long, messy gray hair was reminiscent of a
better time, but also showed how long it had been gone. His thin
body was not unpleasing and probably was not very different from
its appearance when he was a teenager. She thought; ”If only I
could cut off that head,” as she admired his form fitting jeans.
She caught herself and thought that he should have segued long
ago into something more appropriate. She quickly recognized that
she could well say that to herself. She said; “When was your
last bath?”
Page 1239
He utilized the lines on his face to scrunch up his mouth
into a genuine, but also posed smile and said; “Just before I
met you.”
Pearl looked up at the blue sky and lost interest in talk.
He made a thorough investigation of the ground and thought he
found its similarity to that above it. Almost imperceptibly, he
mumbled, also not much for more conversation.
****************************
Herman woke up and he saw Pearl beside him, with one leg
touching his, under the non-existent shade of a big chief
cactus. Hallucination? Same sun. Same sky. Same wind; none. He
said; “Did we sleep through the night?”
She rolled over, stretched and said; “Maybe. I didn’t see
it either.”
He went into his bag, retrieved a hunting knife and easily
removed it from its torn sheath. He plunged it into the cactus
center and spread the slow stream onto his face. Pearl’s eyes
widened in shock. She stood up, backed away carefully and said;
“What the hell is that?”
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1240
Caxti; the kind courtesy of Pexels.com under their CC0 license; modified.
Herman held the knife in front of him and incredulously
said; “It’s a knife. Haven’t you seen one before?”
Pearl continued to back up and said; “It’s a weapon.”
He almost laughed, but, as she seemed genuinely upset, he
thought it not a good time to appear humorous. He said; “It’s no
weapon. I use it to extract water and nourishment from the
cactuses.” He again reached into his bag and she increased the
distance between them, while watching him intently. He put the
Page 1241
knife on the sand and pulled out a clear flask. He said; “How do
you think I’ve been filling this? He offered it to her.
Her thirst overcame her fear. She took the flask and drank.
She said; “Don’t scare me like that again. What else do you have
in that bag anyway?”
He sighed, turned his head to one side and said; “Secrets.
Things I brought from the old world that I thought I might need
here.”
“Like what?”
“Like secrets. My things.” He saw that she was not
comfortable with that response, so he added; “What do you have
in yours?”
“None of your business.”
He laughed and said; “See. I’ll show you mine if you show
me yours.”
She couldn’t help but make a smile she tried to convert to
a grimace and said; “Okay, okay. I get the point.”
He said; “Take my word. There’s nothing in here that will
hurt you. Can you say the same?”
Page 1242
She thought for a while and responded; “Not physically,
anyway.”
“I stand corrected. I should have made the same
distinction. I really don’t think there are any mental dangers
to you, but I can’t be sure.”
“I can say the same.”
He picked up his bag and said; “How about we just dump
everything on the ground and get it over with?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Glad you said that. I don’t think so either.”
He picked up his knife and put it back in its sheath,
simultaneously saying; “Now, if we ran into some snakes....”
Pearl just gave him an “Ooooh you” look and returned the
flask.
He took a swap and said; “One of the things that used to
annoy me back there was when I’d say something to someone and
they’d give me a queer look and say; ‘It goes without saying.’”
“I hated that, too. It’s just a conversation killer.”
Page 1243
“It translates to; ‘I don’t know a damn thing about it and
don’t want to advertise my deficiencies.’ As a kid my room was
right near the front door. So, sometimes, when I came home my
parents didn’t know I was there. One time I heard my mother tell
my father; ‘When I married you I thought you were the strong
silent type. Now I know you’re just stupid.’”
“What did he say?”
“He remained the strong silent type or mumbled. I always
thought that he was kind of stupid, so I was glad to find out
that I wasn’t the only one who thought that.”
“Still think he was stupid?”
Herman thought a bit and replied; “Kind of. Now, I’d
probably use the word limited. He seems to have known how to do
things, but was totally incapable of explaining what he did.”
Pearl laughed to Herman’s surprise and said; “I think
that’s pretty common. My father had a ‘military intelligence’
job, if that’s not an oxymoron and if you asked him to explain
it, it would be like talking to Forrest Gump.” Upon saying that
she realized that she might be missing something, but probably
not.
“Is he still alive?”
Page 1244
She shook her head wistfully and said; “No. He died when he
was younger than I am now. They flew his body back to the US
from Panama when he was 52.”
“Mine also died on the young side, but not that bad. Heart
attack at 62. It wasn’t really a surprise, as he never exercised
and smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. He said he picked up
the habit under Patton, in Europe during World War Two. The
supply lines couldn’t keep up with the combat troop’s movement,
but curiously coffee and cigarettes found their way. So, the
commanders used to say; ‘Drink ‘em and smoke ‘em. It’ll kill the
hunger.’”
“Did it?”
Herman shrugged and replied; “He said ‘Yeah,’ but it killed
him too.” He paused a while. Pearl was quiet and stared at the
painfully consistent, uniform, light blue sky. He felt a twinge
of anger and continued; “You know, everything they tell you back
there turns out to be wrong. The experts discover that ten years
later and then someone tries to sell you a remedy. And this
strong, silent type of god proves useless. The one thing the
imperfect religions have in common is that they equate life with
suffering .... ”
Page 1245
Pearl interrupted him to say; “Well, somebody got something
right.”
“Yeah, but, why should we accept that pitiful situation? We
should form a union and go out on strike. Management unfair to
workers.”
“It’s been done and the results are very questionable.”
“No, we need something different. If we are destined to
suffer anyway, let’s completely stop playing the game, something
on the lines of 60’s left wing radicalism.”
“Another ism.”
“Maybe. But, what the hell do we have to lose? Those in
charge have already exhausted their arsenal.” He put one foot up
on his sack, aping George Washington, crossing the Delaware
River and laughed to her.
She smiled and thought of him as consciously absurd and
unconsciously useless, a combination currently pleasing.
He ponderously pronounced; “There shall be certain
inalienable rights. Boss ≠ Master, Boss = Caretaker. Worker ≠
Slave, Worker = Partner. Both Caretaker and Partner shall be
beneficiaries of a profit sharing plan.” He paused and saw, what
he thought was interest in her face and then continued in his
Page 1246
mock-authoritarian manner of speech; “Tell that to the mean
spirited fucker upstairs.”
Pearl clapped her hands and said; “I will. I will. As long
as you do.”
Herman said; “I think I already did and will continue to,
because I don’t give a f***. Are you my Partner?”
Pearl excitedly exclaimed; “Yes..........As long as I can
also be co-founder.”
Herman shrugged, smiled at her and said; “That’s the only
way it can be.” They moved to each other and embraced. He
thought; “Celebration. Exhilaration. Hope. Reality. Pearl.”
****************************
Herman opened his eyes and felt the grainy, sun-bleached
sand beneath him. He fretted when he couldn’t see or feel any
part of his companion. His slumber produced a dream that was at
the very least, unsettling. In it, he knew that Pearl didn’t
want to see him. He went to her house on a pleasant fall morning
and thought that he’d surprise her waiting at the front door. It
Page 1247
wasn’t fastened properly and in the space provided by the shoddy
workmanship, inattention and overuse, he saw her, already fully
dressed, scurrying around the kitchen at breakneck speed. He
remembered that she had told him not to come looking for her and
tried to think of some excuse to be crouched at her door, of
course, coming up with nothing. He scanned the neighborhood and
saw that the block consisted of similar houses; two stories with
basements, wood frames and pitched roofs forming attics which
faced the street, contrary to what aesthetics might demand, but
efficient for their use on narrow plots of land. They were
probably built when the craftsman style was popular and had been
subjected to plebian repairs and additions in subsequent years.
Colors were numerous, with most displaying a mixture. Pearl’s
was green and cream, with a pink trim and doors. All of the
colors were well faded and resulted in a diminishment of the
shock produced when the trim and doors were freshly decorated.
The street was lined on both sides with mature elm trees, which
were still in bloom sufficiently to produce shade from a weak
morning sun, off and on obscured by fluffy, white cumulous
clouds, which moved slowly across the blue sky, propelled by a
gentle breeze, which he also felt on his ground level. He
thought that she might exit another door, in which case, he
could get behind her, then catch up at some point and say
something stupid, like; “Fancy meeting you. I was just out
Page 1248
strolling. Do you live here?” and hope she didn’t smack him.
Fantasy. He watched her through the crack as she continued to
move quickly gathering up some things and putting them in a
light brown, leather bag strapped over her shoulder. Triumphant
classical music with horns on their way to crescendo emanated
from somewhere inside and she danced vigorously and sang
indecipherable words in a mocking, but cheerful fashion. She
glided to the front door, opened it and saw him. She made no
reaction, shut the door and bounced down the street. He was
saddened at the lack of recognition, but relieved that she
didn’t scream at him or call a cop. He followed, keeping his
distance thirty feet behind. She did not look back. On the third
block of her journey she met a female friend, with oddly and
shortly cut bleached blond hair, parted in the center. The two
stopped for a brief moment, looked back at him, laughed and then
went their separate ways. She continued on one more block to a
high school where she taught, went in and, again never looked
back. He stopped across the street from the three story brick
structure, knowing that he couldn’t go in, but not knowing what
to do next.
Upon awakening he got extremely depressed over her desire
not to see him and her ability to be blasé about it. This stayed
with him a while, until he re-interpreted the dream from her
Page 1249
point of view. She was effervescent and happy. She sang and
danced. This is what he most wanted for her and he was content.
But, where was his companion? He got up and canvassed the
area. She emerged from the opposite side of a cactus and he
called out; “Pearl, you scared the hell out of me. Don’t ever do
that again.”
She looked at him strangely, furrowing her brows and
wrinkling her forehead. He took a few more slow steps in her
direction, as she stood still. He said; “Pearl,” in somewhat
questioning manner.
She shook her head in apparent disbelief and softly said;
“I’m not Pearl. My name is Dusky.”
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1250
He wasn’t sure if she were playing a trick on him or not.
She had not done so, up until now. He wondered if she had
consumed too much cactus juice. He wondered if she had totally
lost it. He decided to look for physical evidence. She looked a
lot like Pearl, but now that he was scrutinizing, he thought
that the person standing in front of him had markedly smaller
hips and somewhat larger breasts. She wore similar blue jeans
and sandals, but her shirt was a light green button up. Pearl
Page 1251
always preferred red. Her long, gray hair and small, attractive
face seemed identical and she wore wire-rimmed glasses.
He wasn’t certain if this was Pearl or not.
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1252
Page 1253
How did anyone else get here? How could Pearl disappear on
the flat terrain with twenty mile visibility in all directions?
He looked back for the first time and saw nothing but sand and
cactus. Maybe she was hiding behind one of those. Maybe she went
back and died along the way. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. He thought the
best approach was to play “Dusky’s” game. He said; “How did you
get there?”
She replied; “I think I made five wrong turns,” and
giggled.
“All right. Have it your way. I’m Herman.”
She giggled again, saying; “Like in Munster.”
“Like in hermit. You’re a real giggler, aren’t you?”
“Why not?”
“Why not? Because of all the things we’ve been speaking
of.”
“What are you talking about? We’ve just met, and that’s
only because you’ve been following me around.”
Herman was lost. He shrugged and said; “I’m sorry. You
looked like someone I once knew. I must have been mistaken.”
Dusky silently nodded agreement. She walked away.
Page 1254
Herman stood still and said; “Just tell me one thing. Where
are you going?”
She pointed at a smokestack that made him think of urban
New Jersey. She said; “Back there.”
“How could you? Why?”
With her back still to him she answered as if she had just
heard the dumbest question of all time, saying; “I’ve been out
here long enough. She kept walking as if she were in basic
training on methamphetamine. Herman was too weary to keep up if
he wanted to; so he sat.
****************************
Herman’s sleepy eyes opened to be rudely greeted by the
undefeatable blare of the persistent sun, seemingly angry in its
malevolent desire to shed glorious illumination on everything
too dumb to hide. He nervously scanned the ground level and
found no sign of Dusky. He sighed. He was well practiced at the
art. He was disappointed, but far from surprised, as her recent
conversations put a direct and indirect emphasis on “social”
considerations. That was her merry word, as he would gloomily
Page 1255
substitute “Back there shit.” There was no way he was going
back. It took him 60 years to escape and he felt it only logical
that it would require a minimum of 60 years in the wilderness to
give it a fair day in court. He realized that he used the words
“felt” and “logical” in the same sentence. There had to be
something wrong with his train of thought.
With the audacious, nervy, golden orb constantly standing
guard he had lost complete track of time. How would he know when
he was here 60 years? Maybe he already crossed that threshold
and just didn’t know. What did it matter anyway? His original
goal was to be out here by himself and, at times including now,
he was successful. So, why wasn’t he in the mood for a
celebration? Easy. Herman had grown accustomed to the grief
poured on him by Pearl, Dusky, or DuskyPearl, the spirited and
brisk contradiction.
He gazed at the soot belching ugliness of what was now
before him and pictured her there. He wasn’t sure if he was
looking at a new area or if he had circled around the globe and
was again near his point of departure. From a distance it looked
exactly the same. He wondered if he should turn back and go the
other way. He promised himself that he never would, but now he
didn’t know east from west, anyway. If only the god damned sun
did its job and moved, he might get an inkling of where he was
Page 1256
and perhaps even be privy to the correct time. He further
thought that going back was a poor practical option, as his
knife had probably damaged his big chief cactus water supply. He
realized he was the last of the great medieval thinkers as he
wanted the sun to move, while he remained comfortably ensconced
in the world of his earlier choice.
The merciless clarity constantly ensured by his uninvited,
now undesirable companion made him have second thoughts. He
never anticipated “out there” would be reminiscent of the
jeering audience he endured playing baseball. Maybe he had made
some core error. Was clarity, of necessity, merciless? But
wasn’t truth what he thought he was desirous of when he left the
belching gray clouds of smoke “back there?” Does “merciless
clarity” infer “merciful obscuration?” Does “merciless clarity”
need, or love, to risk using a forbidden word, “merciful
obscuration?” Semantics? Sophistry? He seemed certain in one
observation. The trillions of seeds waiting to bloom below this
dry, barren ground are not sun worshippers.
He looked at his bare arms and thought he could see the
blood pulsing through the ugly, irregular veins. He wished he
had observed Pearl and Dusky this closely. Or perhaps that was
exactly what he should not have done. Maybe his incuriosity
allowed him to luck out, at least on that one.
Page 1257
He became aware that he was certain of another thing. He
didn’t know anything more than he did at the outset of his
journey. He merely had more questions, on which, the supposedly
illuminated one upstairs deigned to shed any of its glorious
light.
He defiantly laid on his back in an effort to fully
demonstrate his steadfastness to any potential observer. He
immediately thought of Pearl and Dusky. He recalled all of his
time spent with both of them; the warmth, the worry, the
misunderstanding, the talk, the joy, the unbearable sorrow and
most of all, the movement of mind and body that now eluded him.
He realized that he was wrong on at least one score. He knew he
missed her, whatever name she called herself now. He had vowed
to never go “Back There” and didn’t want to be just another
liar. Maybe there was room for maneuvering, as at this point he
truly didn’t know back from front, or east from west. But, even
if he chose to walk forward to the “civilization” ahead of him,
how could he be certain that he would be able to again find her?
Or, was it she who originally found him? Maybe that was her job.
With a weathered, squinting, yet determined face he struggled to
look up at his taciturn nemesis and softly, but resolutely said;
“I’m not moving until you do.” His tears nourished a few
Page 1258
waiting, fortunate, dormant seeds as the water cascaded through
the miniscule grains of sand below him.
Herman lost track of the time he spent there. Shade
providing, white, gray and black clouds silently moved in from
the east and delivered a warm drizzle. The accompanying breeze
brought a long forgotten scent of flowers he could no longer
name. The earth moved and his imperfect eyes told him that it
was the sun.
When his slumber seemed to end, Herman instinctively began
his trek toward “civilization.”
The Beginning?
Leibowitz Concludes
Page 1259