DOMESTIC PARTNER ABUSE
Sustained physical, verbal, mental and/or sexual abuse of a woman in a relationship often results in a severe stress disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD. This kind of disorder can be so severe physical and mental disorders may occur. Thus it can compare to post intense combat situations. The wounds can also be life-threatening or cause death.
Domestic violence or abuse can be physical, emotional and/or sexual between members of a family who may or may not be biologically related. This can include a married couple, children, a live-in couple, a boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship, and any companion animals in the household.
Most often the male partner is physically stronger and wealthier than the wife or girlfriend. The abuser thus knows this, feels this and takes advantage of the situation.
Many abusive partners and victims have witnessed some kind of abuse during childhood or somehow have been desensitized to it later on in adulthood.
General characteristics of abusive persons and situations include but are certainly not limited to the following:
-Suffers from an inferiority complex (I’m better, smarter and more important than you; you are below me). This feeling may be relieved by trying to appear superior to the partner in strength (emotional and physical), independence and intelligence.
-The abuser must be the center of focus. He must be the most important person in his partner’s life (often times without exception even regarding offspring and in-laws). Pregnancy may bring out bitter feelings. Everything must revolve around him.
-Power famished (looks and talks down at you).
-His mood, feelings, aspirations, likes, dislikes, etc., are important, not yours.
-The abused partner must be dependent on him and fearful of him.
-The abusive partner cuts her down often mercilessly, usually in private (because he knows that he’s doing wrong and maybe someone will try to defend her if done in front of others, but there are cases of this kind of abuse happening in front of others. Each case is unique.
-He plays mind games with you. When it gets real bad it becomes evident that the abuser is mentally unstable.
-Your opinions and aspirations are worth nothing (I don’t want to hear it), you’re his personal property (you belong to him), and often-times you’re a sex object (a whore in a sense).
-He does not ‘grant’ you the right to fight back or defend yourself.
-He calls you the most wicked and horrible names.
-At times he may deny that he abuses you. However, during the make-up phase he may cry like a baby, apologize with incredible intensity and ‘promise’ to be good to you thereafter.
-He has incredible fears; you’ll leave him, make it on your own and find a good man (a better man than him).
-He’ll try to control your finances and who you see and actions that will aid in your independence and self-esteem. Depending on the case, he may absolutely forbid you to go to school or get a job.
-Your abuser may try to isolate you from your social network.
-Your abuser has a self-righteous attitude; he’s always right you’re wrong, especially when you disagree with him.
-Belittle and/or degrade you and your suffering.
-Emotional or verbal abuse is only one step away from outright physical and/or sexual abuse. He may become so enraged and frustrated at ‘your behaviour’ or your ‘misbehavior’ hostile words may not be enough for him to inflict upon you. Be alert and careful at all times. Chronic abusers can have explosive and unpredictable tempers. If your partner threatens to harm or kill you, take it seriously!
-Abusive partners will often start a problem even if none exists. You’ll be blamed if you stay silent or if you try to politely defend yourself
-Physical and sexual violence almost always contains some form of verbal abuse; curse and bitch you out while they’re hitting you.
-If you have children, he may use them as a weapon against you; I’ll take them away from you. However, if it appears that you’re getting out of the relationship and you have children, he’ll most certainly assume that you’ll take what belongs to him away. This is another potentially dangerous period. Be careful!
-He may threaten to harm himself or commit suicide. If you fear for your health, safety and life, leave anyway. If he commits suicide it’s not your fault.
-Your property belongs to you. He shouldn’t destroy or steal it. Neither should he try to sell it off without your permission.
-If he keeps calling you at work or school, or if he keeps checking up on your matters, it’s abuse. Certainly you don’t like it.
-Chronic abusers can become extremely suspicious, to the point of imagining ‘secret affairs’ between you and someone else. This is another danger sign. Be careful!
-If you decide to take self-defense for women and you’re still in the relationship, DO NOT TELL HIM! He may feel that he must put you back in your place. Be careful, if you take the classes in secret and he find out, he may explode with anger.
-If you think it is abuse it probably is. If you’re in a dangerous marriage or other kind of relationship, you have a right to call the police.
-Save money for a rainy day. The abuse probably won’t stop therefore, you may have to leave. Either you leave or you call the police and throw the abuser out. The disadvantage of the latter is that the abuser knows exactly where you live.
Furthermore, he may have a house or apartment key. He may be granted a temporary right to remove his furniture.
=If there’s no hope, seek a restraining order. If you do, DO NOT give into the abuser’s pouting (violating the restraining order). If he harms you thereafter it’ll be more difficult to make a case; she gave me permission to enter our home. Imagine what a defense attorney can do with that.
-In extreme cases the abuser may try to limit or severely restrict your food and water intake. Call the police as soon as possible!
-Although the pain and scars of mental abuse aren’t manifested as a black eye or bloody nose or broken bone/s, the pain can equa