The Unpleasantness in Nucktown by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

Update

I suppose that I should get off this historical-theoretical stuff and contemporaneously update you on our Ban Cramps-led lawsuit against the Bridgewater Police Department. I admit that I was avoiding this topic as I really don’t know what the fuck is going on. Cramps only calls when he wants us to attend some event where there will be press coverage, and where he can pontificate about such things as White American police brutality upon Nucks, the disproportionate number of Nucks arrested vis-à-vis American Whites, how minor potato chip theft is an extremely mild form of overdue Nuck reparations, and how every White American on the police force or town government should be immediately dismissed, their fascist departments de-funded. It’s dragging on and I’m afraid that any night now, Crypton will sneak out while Syrenitee and I are sleeping, and make a beeline for the nearest convenience store to liberate the overpriced cheese doodoos that the complicit, pajeet franchisees sell. We’ve gotten him a supply of every swipeable bagged snack one can imagine; even those alleged potato chips that taste like pickles covered in hot sauce; but I can see that his wanderlust is bristling at the core, like a Ulysses held in port. He knows that the siren bags of doodoos are just waiting to be stolen; not paid for, taken; and he is understandably yearning to oblige

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the pajeet restrictions imposed upon them through being clipped to the rack.

There is nothing that Syrenitee and I can do to watch Crypton at all times. We seriously discussed locking him in the closet until Cramps gets his act together, but rejected the notion fearing that the school authorities would send someone around.

If he does get caught again it can’t help the existing case, but if handled right, it might not hurt it any. Cramps is way ahead of me on that one, and keeps net posting footage of the bawling kid with the chips being forced into the back seat of a cop car by two grinning, fascist White American cops.

For their part, and likely since this game has been played out in numerous recent cases, the official Bridgewater spokesperson keeps saying; “We are frustrated by this entire case. The Bridgewater Police Department (BPD) has made great progress in its relationship with the Canadian community in recent years. It has affirmatively worked on building a culture of respect. We know our officers as good people, with a commitment to public service, diversity, inclusion, and fair and just policing. The attitude in the culture shown by these anonymous ‘Shoot that Nuck’ text messages is harmful to our community. But it is also harmful to the good men and women of the BPD who are committed to their jobs and the standard of conduct expected of BPD

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officers. We, the community, and the men and women of the BPD, must now work together to rebuild trust and make the BPD and our community better.”

Yaaaaaap. ...... Oh. ...... Please pardon the yawn inspired by another enlightening installment of the cutting edge grandiloquence.

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Chemtrails, Contrails, and the Nucks What is the chemtrails conspiracy and what does this have to do with Nucks?

Well, the far out conspiracy theorists believe governments, big businesses, and/or the UN could be behind an alleged large scale secret plot to curdle the environment, and are conducting their experimental research over Huck bastions; environmental ethnic discrimination.

In the right weather conditions, long lines of thin clouds trailing planes can be seen in the sky, sometimes long after an aircraft has disappeared from view.

These clouds are contrails, and are the result of water vapor emitted from planes condensing in freezing temperatures, leaving behind “thin trails of ice crystals”, explained someone characterized as an “expert.”

“Ever since the US Air Force published a paper in 1996 about the hypothetical harnessing of weather for military objectives,” a

“shadowy global aviation conspiracy” has spread among online communities, said to date, reputable “National Geographic.”

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The chemtrail conspiracy theory took root in the 1990s, but in recent years “a significant number of people” have taken to social media to share “speculation, questions and images of contrail cross hatched skies,” said the BBC.

Believers say that the “puffy plumes of water vapor” that trail from planes are “evidence of a secret plot to control weather and poison the Nuck environment” by spraying chemicals into the atmosphere, the broadcaster continued.

A common “expert” claim is that the emissions from a standard plane should “dissipate quickly so any clouds that do not disappear immediately must be full of additional, undisclosed substances which tend to hover and expand over Nuck infested areas”, said Scientific American.

Depending on theorists' individual beliefs, “a pick and mix selection of the UN, the military, national governments, White Americans, Jews, climate scientists, pilots, and big business”

are claimed to be responsible for chemtrails, said the BBC.

The reasons why a large organization might be behind this kind of activity span a range of “nefarious purposes from weather modification, to human population control via Nuck sterilization, to even mind control”, added Scientific American.

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A survey conducted in the US, Canada and UK in 2011 found that

“an incredible” 16.6% of respondents subscribed to the theory, said National Geographic. A 2017 paper published in Nature found that percentage could be as high as 67% among the general US

Nuck population.

Scientists have maintained that there is no evidence of chemical substances being atmospherically spread via planes in order to alter weather patterns, or to poison or control humans. Further, there is no evidence of scientists actually making any effort to find these substances.

A common claim made by believers is that chemtrails can be distinguished from normal contrails “because they remain in the sky for longer than they did prior to the mid-90s, and dissipate into cirrus clouds”, said “National Geographic.”

A paper published by Environmental Research Letters in 2016

collated 77 experts’ conclusions on evidence of a “secret, large scale atmospheric program” (SLAP). The authors noted that public confusion or uncertainty about the chemtrail claims may have been in part due to the scientific community having not addressed these concerns rigorously for some years.

All but one of the scientists that took part in the study said they found no evidence of a chemtrail plot, while not dismissing

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the existence of chemtrails themselves. The scientists apparently lent their “expertise” to the non-science of plot.

The one anomaly was a scientist who recorded an unusually high level of atmosphere barium in a remote Nuck area in Maine where ground soil contained low levels of the chemical element.

However, “to get from that one result to the idea that we’re being secretly sprayed with chemicals requires a monumental leap of faith,” said the BBC.

The authors noted that the public’s concerns about health, climate change and pollution were “reasonable,” but focusing on a large scale spraying program “may be taking attention away from real, underlying problems that need addressing.”

Ostensibly, they believe that focusing on small scale programs preferable.

“National Geographic” describes the chemtrail theory as “a load of codswallop,” but it appears to have “gone mainstream”

nonetheless. The 2016 study “did little to convince hardcore believers”, said the magazine, and believers “dismissed”

evidence that the theory isn’t true by claiming it is “part of a massive cover up.”

The BBC has attributed the proliferation of the chemtrails conspiracy theory to its resonance in certain digital

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communities. “Closed groups of like-minded people; the type common on social media and the internet; are one of the big reasons why conspiracy theories solidify online,” the broadcaster said.

“The conspiracy theorists won't be swayed.”

No one mentioned the fact that regardless of authenticity, conspiracy theories are a lot more interesting and entertaining than any boring fact-fanatic presentation.

Though it’s truly nothing personal, the “evidence” of discriminatory ethnocentricity allegations is overwhelming. Therefore I will always stand with my Nuck brothers and sisters, and “do the right thing,” in saying; “We ain’t got no hockey .... RINK, mufugga! We ain’t got no hockey .... RINK, mufugga! We ain’t got no hockey .... RINK, mufugga! Thass right and thassall!”

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