Its Socks by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
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Its Socks
Page 17
Post-Season Pandemonium: The Starch Scandal and Sockalypse Now
The Parade That Almost Wasn't
After Socks Seybold's legendary 17th home run, the Thread Sox were poised for a ticker tape parade through the Laundry District. But tensions flared when Argyle "Ace" McTwist refused to ride in the detergent float, citing "fabric bias" and demanding a separate carriage made of artisanal drawer wood. Wooly Wondalowski tried to mediate, but his stitches were coming loose from stress.
Meanwhile, Toefer Nylon was spotted cozying up with scouts from the Elastic Empire, sparking rumors of a trade. "I just want to stretch my potential," he said, cryptically, while doing wind sprints across a drying rack.
The Starch Controversy
Then came the leak.
A rogue shoelace journalist published a damning exposé; "Socked Up: How the Thread Sox Got Stiff." It alleged that several players had been using performance enhancing starch, a banned substance that gave socks unnatural rigidity, improved batting posture, and reduced slippage on base paths.
The accused: