Its Socks by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

Its Socks

Page 6

At 7:00 PM sharp, the "gunfire" begins. Actually it’s just popcorn kernels launched from modified leaf blowers. Screaming follows, courtesy of local improv actors paid in expired churros. And the threats to murder Susie? All scripted, of course, though last week someone did try to drown her in a vat of nacho cheese.

The park's founder, Carl "Walt" McSnort, insists it's all part of the immersive experience. "We wanted to capture the raw emotional chaos of a toddler's tantrum in line for Space Mountain, but with more sock-based existentialism."

Local police have stopped responding to calls from the park. "It's just Thursday," said Officer Linda, sipping her Slurpee. "Last week, I saw a man dressed as Goofy duel a mime over a parking spot. I'm not paid enough for that."

Meanwhile, guests keep coming. Some for the adrenaline. Some for the churros. Most just want to see if Susie Sockpuppet survives another week.

After years of enduring popcorn assaults, cheese dunking threats, and being screamed at by improv actors with questionable hygiene, Susie Sockpuppet snapped. It happened during the Thursday night siege, right as Carl "Walt" McSnort tried to replace her with a sentient oven mitt named Napheesia.