2046 A Satire by Christopher M Robinson - HTML preview

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2046

This booklet has been compiled from anonymous written diaries.

This prefaced the first of those:

I am writing this anonymously as I fear I will be hunted down and executed for blasphemy, heresy or treason or all three.

It is approaching 14th June (or Adventus), the anniversary of the day of the coming, and the self-declared "Divine Emperor of the Known Universe" is to be glorified on the hundredth anniversary of the coming.

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Background.

No-one dare speak the name of the “divine emperor” in case it is taken as an insult, though he displays it everywhere, particularly on gold plated buildings, but he is known as “The Maga.” Some say the name is actually an acronym meaning, “Munificent Agent of God’s Action,” but it is a status superior to a king. Didn’t the Bible mention the Magi that attended Jesus’s birth? Isn’t Magi the plural of Maga? Some of the old heretical Bibles translated it as kings as they didn’t have a better word.

The one true Bible is, of course, the Golden Bible after the heretical, fake stories and stories inserted by previous crooked leaders, were redacted from the earlier translations that had been approved by bad men. They had all been destroyed in the fires in the Great Purge of heretical writings.

God had spoken directly to the Maga telling him which scriptures were right and which were wrong, to clarify His word for the masses as only The Maga had previously had been clever enough to interpret them. He says it was like Belshazza’s Feast where God had a “moving finger” write on the walls but nobody understood it which is why this time he chose someone the people would understand.

When he was addressing a crowd, which was “one of the bigliest crowds ever,” God had given a sign that he was the chosen one, by wounding him publicly and then letting it miraculously heal almost immediately to leave no visible trace.

Regarding health, one of his appointed disciples forbade the use of medicines for mere mortals as it is the Lord who determines

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who lives or dies and, as the newly edited version of The Beatitudes says: “Blessed are the strong for they shall inherit the wealth.” Of course, The Maga is allowed to have exoskeletons, medicines and transplants if required taken from the Amalekites, which has been taken to mean anyone who is against The Maga, according to the words of Samuel (“a very goodly man”) who said: "Now go and attack the Amalekites and totally destroy all that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put them to death."

On the subject of law and order, The Maga’s own protectorate army, ICE (“Imperial Crown Escort”) was once criticised for hounding people out of the country who shouldn’t be there, following God’s word in Deuteronomy: “God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drive out many nations. The Lord your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them. You must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy."

Deportation is no longer practised now that execution has superseded it by diktat. They are usually brought to justice by an ICE machine gun.

Regarding education, one of the other beatitudes says: “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for knowledge for my chosen one knows all and will impart it.” By which we are led to believe He means the Golden Bible which includes the ten commandments which underpin all our laws and which every school has to have pinned up in the classroom alongside the picture of The Maga entitled “The Chosen One” which was gifted to him by a lesser dictator shortly after The Maga was elevated to

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his exulted position after some infidel had dared insult him with an inferior offering:

Behold I am your God and my chosen one has written my rules for you to follow:

 You shall worship no-one other than God and his chosen one.

 You shall not make idols to worship except of the chosen one.

 You shall not besmirch the name of the chosen one.

 Remember the day of his birth for it is special.

 Honour the father of your country: the chosen one.

 You shall not kill good people.

 You shall not commit adultery with an ugly woman.

 You shall not steal but take whatever you are entitled to.

 You shall not tell lies about your neighbour to help him.

 You shall not covet your neighbour’s goods if they’re not as

good as yours.

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Planning and Preparations

The Maga insists that absolutely everything will be the absolute “bestest” it ever could be. The greatest parade ever in the history of the world as no-one ever came close to being revered as he is.

Starting at the Pentagon, ICE will lead the parade by marching along the entire 10 mile route to providing a display of their mighty firepower including nuclear weapons although, since he is a “man of peace” who has stopped all wars worldwide, these are mainly symbolic.

The most popular music bands will follow carried on large mobile stages playing suitable music, particularly favourites like YMCA which will stop at The Apron to entertain the crowds.

In addition to every great nation on Earth, every one of the fifty states is to produce a tribute as an act and a float in the parade.

There will be a golden statue unveiled. It will be the tallest statue in the world at 200 feet (61 metres, but The Maga says Feet are God’s measurements), taller than the Statue of Unity to that of Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel in India, (that loser only tried to unite India) and taller than the Washington Memorial (who only united the first States) which was moved to replace the building known as 1601 Independence Avenue that had been home to the defunct United States Department of Agriculture, closed down as an unnecessary expense, years before.

The statue will be covered with real gold, at least one inch thick all, over but probably just gold leaf, although The Maga declares the whole statue will be solid gold. It will stand in place

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of the Jefferson Pier Stone to align perfectly with the US meridian though just a few metres to the north in the middle of Constitution Avenue which, like Pennsylvania Avenue, was closed for traffic through The President’s Park which is now beautiful concrete of The Apron for taxiing Air Force One and Two and the private Maga planes that use the beautiful 2 mile long concrete Maga Avenue from the Lincoln Memorial to the Ulysses S Grant Memorial as their runway. Plebs can still use Donald Trump International Airport, that used to be called after the loser Ronald Reagan, but The Maga wants to reclassify that as purely military with the Hoi Polloi using Dulles. The statue will sit in the middle of the apron (marked X on the map). The masses will be able to see it from Maga Avenue which is usually open to the public except when needed for airport duties.

Maga Avenue has replaced the useless “reflecting pools and areas of grass whilst the memorials to those previous lesser presidents, Lincoln and Grant have been removed to provide an uninterrupted stretch of beautiful concrete. According to The Maga, those two may have helped unite The States but he has united the world! He also claims to have won all world wars so the memorial to the Second World War has also been removed, though not entirely as it now resides in Constitution Gardens alongside its original position.

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Banks of seating have been erected twelve rows high along both sides of the entire length of Maga Avenue.

The floats will assemble in Arlington Cemetery and though the parade officially starts from The Pentagon where ICE will already have assembled, they will join at the Potomac Park Roundabout at the west end of the Arlington Memorial bridge which they will cross to proceed directly up Maga Avenue for the first time. In front of The Capitol the route goes south along Centre Leg Freeway and West along Dwight D Eisenhower SW Freeway and 14th Street Bridge to restart the circuit again.

There will be some shuffling of floats using parallel roads to ensure the most appropriate floats are in prime position when the parade returns to Maga Avenue where it finishes stretched out along its length with some assembled on The Apron and the lesser “people’s floats” along Constitution Avenue and Independence Avenue providing three parallel lines of parade as far as The White House. Official figures state there will be over 300 floats, apart from the military parade and bands, comprising floats of all nations, all states and over a hundred “people’s floats” selected from the thousands who applied to participate.

It is due to start at 9:00 a.m, with the unveiling of the gold statue, and will finish at 5:00pm with the official proclamation of the renaming of Washington as Trumpton which would be

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accompanied by the biggest ever flypast display of his and visiting air force planes followed by an hour long firework and drone show.

The official planning had taken a couple of years. During that time, many others had been making plans of their own to celebrate the big day as I discovered in some other secret diaries.

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The Big Day

The big day arrived. Adventus itself. The stands along Maga Avenue were full. Crowds having been bussed in from all over the states with the promise of free seats. (Actually they were only free if you showed proof you were a born-again Maga-Christian with a gold card earned with credits from previous Maga purchases.) Hundreds of foreign dignitaries filled the sets erected alongside Maga Avenue directly opposite the White House where they’d get a good view of the unveiling.

All The Maga’s closest and most trusted associates were seated in stands in the Apron on either side, and facing the statue. The Maga himself was on a golden throne raised on a high dais facing the statue with the White House forming a perfect backdrop for the foreign dignitaries and the television cameras feeding the giant screens that dotted the crowds.

In fact, many of the crowd had been here all night having gathered the day before to take advantage of the funfairs, sideshows and entertainments provided throughout Potomac park, dining in the massive food marquees and claiming their free can of diet Coke and free McDonald’s burger. Of course it was only one that was free, after that, special souvenir cans and the “Souvenir MacBurgers” were being sold at considerably inflated prices.

Although the crowds were extensive, the general mood was rather sombre. It was suggested they were there because there was a rumour that ICE patrols would be seeking out anyone who wasn’t doing their patriotic duty in honouring the chosen one.

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At precisely 9:00 am, a solitary drone firework rocket appeared in the sky and lit a giant cauldron on the roof of the White House with what appeared to be a lightning bolt unaccompanied by a clap of thunder. Then a deep voice boomed from above, via speaker drones, saying, “This is my Chosen One, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." This was followed by a fanfare played on golden trumpets by the Trump-eteers standing within the porticos of the White House and resounding through the hundreds of loudspeakers and TV screens and the veil that had covered the statue fell away to reveal his eminence in all his gilded splendour.

Then came the sound of “Hail to the Chief” played by the small military band leading a column of a thousand ICE troops dressed all in black and wearing black balaclavas and carrying sub-machine guns. (Ironically, the anthem originated as a Scottish piece of music to announce the arrival of a chieftain at an island in a Scottish Loch.) They were a ragged bunch, not exactly marching, as they were definitively not military, though it would be difficult not to walk in step with that anthem.

Next came the cavalcade of military hardware. The Maga is a man of peace using the motto "Pax per Fortitudinem" or “peace through strength.” He had had it ‘Latinised’ to look better and to adorn the $Trump tribute tokens and replacing the words, “Seal of the President of the United States” which he also had altered to replace the original eagle with an image of himself holding the “E Pluribus Unum” banner victoriously between his two raised fists.

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Most people knew the massive nuclear missile trundling through was nothing more than a replica of what had previously threatened world peace. Whether most of the real nuclear weapons still existed or whether they had just been left to rot in their hidden silos, no-one seemed to know. The other vehicles were mainly heavily armoured ICE transportation vehicles, protected against any possible attacks from insurgents, though since imposition of the death penalty for any such acts, such incidences were extremely rare proving The Maga had established “peace through strength.”

The next floats were sponsored by Coca Cola and McDonalds with the drink manufacturer’s famous big red truck and a small fleet of remote controlled mobile advertising boards for the hamburger sandwich makers whilst vending robots moved through the crowds.

The floats of other nations arrived each adorned with various themes. There were too many to remember or comment on them all but there were a few that particularly caught my attention.

Instead of a conventional float representing Great Britain, there were six half-scale replica ancient fire-engines in two rows of three driven by firemen wearing large name-tags: Hugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, and Grub. They were led by a man waking in front of them dressed in an ancient fire chief’s outfit, calling himself Captain Flack, according to the notes in the official programme. Apparently this was a tribute to the forthcoming proclamation of the renaming of the capital city but I guess you had to be British to understand that. (According to the programme, Trumpton was a 1970’s children’s TV series in the

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UK but the British always had a sense of humour.) The small fire engines frequently sprayed fountains of water from their hoses, illuminated with beams of red, white and blue lights. I guess they couldn’t do it continuously because they hadn’t the capacity to carry a lot of water and it would make the ground slippery and the crowds wet.

The French float bearing the legend “liberté égalité fraternité,” carried a replica of the Statue of Liberty, the original of which, bearing the motto, “La Liberté éclairant le monde” (Liberty enlightening the World) they had gifted to the United States 160 years ago. The tabula ansata in her left hand is inscribed JULY IV MDCCLXXVI (July 4, 1776, in Roman numerals).

The Russian float also carried a replica of a statue they had gifted 87 years ago of a man beating a sword into a ploughshare. It bore the biblical quotation, “They shall beat their swords into ploughshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more." It was also heavily adorned with Hammer and sickle motifs. Ironically the hammer and sickle were not to represent Isaiah’s words but the industrial and agricultural workers under the previous communist regime.

The Chinese float had borrowed the Japanese beckoning cat (maneki-neko) remodelling it as a giant beckoning dog (maneki-inu) since The Maga was born in the Chinese year of the dog. It bore the legend, “protective of loved ones” which is supposedly the trait of those born in the year of the dog. It was unfortunate that the moulding of the beckoning paw appeared to some to look like it had a raised middle finger.

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In contrast, the Japanese float had two models: a scale model of the Genbaku Dome, the ruins of which remain symbolically in Hiroshima, and, at ten feet long, an actual size model of the “Little Boy” atomic bomb that was dropped in 1945. It had been adorned by symbols of the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament and along the side of the long float were the words of Emperor Hirohito: “Should we continue to fight … it would lead to the total extinction of human civilization.” The float had actually been used last year in the 100 year remembrance of the event that ended the second world war bringing peace through strength?

Each of the national floats had also paused briefly before the Apron to present symbolically their annual tithes, which had replaced tariffs twelve years ago, as tributes for ensuring world peace. Birthday Presents from the nations were also left on display.

The head of the parade by now had completed the circuit and was reaching the tail wit the floats about to take up positions along Constitution and independence Avenues.

Following the national floats and more advertising floats, came the floats of the various States of the USA in order of accession to the Union. To receive the tributes from his own home states, The Maga was borne by loyal henchmen carrying his throne to a dais immediately in front of the statue on the apron to receive their tributes in person.

Each state’s token present reflected what the state was best known for and, considering his predilection they were often presented by attractive young women.

I can’t remember all the states’ gifts but these are a few:

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Kentucky, presented a thoroughbred racehorse. Their float, number 15, drawn by horses, carried a giant barrel of bourbon.

The Illinois float, number 21, carried a bevy of bunny girls. Apparently Hugh Hefner’s Playboy empire had started in Chicago and had become famous worldwide with Bunny Clubs where girls dressed in black leotards and bunny ears entertained men. Playboy magazine had been associated with naked centrefolds. The other women adorning the float for The Maga’s delectation weren’t exactly nude but as good as. Hugh Heffner, whom The Maga had referred to as being a great man of his time, had moved to, and established, Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles but the California float, number 31, had focussed on California Girls dressed in bikinis with a Beach Boys’ song from 1965.

The float from Idaho, number 43, bore a number of nubile young women dressed as chickens, though with very few feathers. When it stopped to make a tribute. The young virgins (according to the programme’s description) descended and in turn made their way to the almighty one where in turn they proffered a lap dance, inviting their leader to stroke their bodies and even pluck a feather or two before laying an egg in his lap. Not a literal egg but resembling the ornate Fabergé ones which were then transferred to a silver salver placed beside the throne in preparation.

The last float was from Hawaii. The 50th state bore hula dancers who adorned The Maga with leis. As they wiggled their hips in front of him, the TV close-ups showed The Maga had thoroughly enjoyed these tributes.

As each of the states had presented their tributes, a giant illuminated flag had grown starting from the Union Flag of 1775

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that had shown a British Union Jack at the top left with the thirteen red and white stripes that remain representing the thirteen British governed colonies which had declared independence in 1776, the Union Jack being replaced with stars, the number of which grew as more states joined the union.

It was unfortunate the last star to light, as the Hula girls danced, exploded and the entire illuminated flag erupted in a shower of sparks that also knocked out much of the electrical systems the parade had relied upon.

The one chilling thing was the lack of any joyful responses from the crowds as if they would rather have been elsewhere.

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Conclusion

The last of the tributes having been received, the Trump-eteers sounded another fanfare whence a number of things happened simultaneously.

The US air force display team led the grand flypast of formations from all participating nations. Directly above Maga Avenue with deafening noise. Some dropped “bombs” along the way that exploded in the air releasing coloured bursts which hung in the air joined by fireworks erupting as the last jet exited.

Another thunderclap and bolt of lightning struck the giant statue which cracked open. The outer golden coating fell away revealing a large caricature of an overweight orange faced man with unruly hair.

The large display screens which had gone blank when the Union Flag had exploded, suddenly came to life showing a close-up of a clearly enraged Maga who clutched at his chest and tumbled forward to the ground as he apparently succumbed to a violent heart attack.

And the crowd cheered.

…

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What really happened?

I don’t have any definitive answers, and it seems nobody really cares, but some of the diaries I found did provide some possible clues.

Notes found regarding the planning stages of many of the floats show some may have been thinking of some sort of rebel attack on the powerful dictator. Whether these were all separate terrorist suggested activities or whether there may have been some communication between groups, I haven’t been able to ascertain.

The national floats.

The main considerations regarding any kind of action from international contributions were with regard to possible retaliatory action starting an international war if any plotting was suspected. On the practical side, with so many floats passing in such a short time, there would only be about a 30 second window as each float passed the viewpoint opposite the Apron. At the same time, no innocent spectator should be harmed.

The British float:

Apparently there had been a discussion about whether some sort of nerve agent could be added to one of the water jets from the small fire engines directed specifically at the man but there had been concern about it hitting or affecting others and it would have had to have been very diluted so it wasn’t immediately obvious.

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I didn’t find any serious suggestions in notes from other nations’ float planning committees but they would have been harder to locate.

Floats from the various States.

Some of these had managed to be granted a longer time with The Maga as they showed their loyalty to the union.

Those planning the Kentucky tribute apparently thought of poisoning the bourbon gift but that was immediately discounted. Firstly The Maga supposedly didn’t drink alcohol and even assuming he did drink a tribute, perhaps a “non-alcoholic” bourbon beverage they could conjure up, there was no guarantee it wouldn’t be tasted by others and any residue would be detectable.

The floats where he was accosted by pretty girls managed to gain more time and actual physical contact with The Maga and from notes I have seen, they may have been planning some kind of action.

One suggestion had been that the Bunny girls on the Illinois float could wiggle their bunny tails, suitably dosed with some powder, perhaps containing a neurological agent, in The Maga’s face.

The Fabergé style eggs presented by the Idaho chicks could be disguised hand grenades or some kind of sprung loaded container emitting some sort of nerve poison.

The Lei garlands presented by the Hawaiian hula girls could have been scented with some nerve agent.

There seems to be a common theme of perhaps numerous attempts of adding small amounts of a nerve agent little by little to

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have some cumulative effect? It could also be that the aerial bombs may have added to that?

There is another theory that whatever caused the electrical “problem” that took out the electrics for a short, critical period, may also have in some way have interfered with the electronic implants that were keeping The Maga alive, notably his pacemaker, his brain stimulator and his exoskeleton. This may have been achievable via a remote controlled blocking device embedded in a gift, like, for instance, a Fabergé egg. If it coincided with a weakened neurological system from sufficient accumulation of inspired powdered agents, and excited or enraged by the crumbling statue, it could have caused his fall and subsequent fatal heart attack.

Questions remained but they didn’t stop everyone enjoying the celebrations of 270 years of independence 3 weeks later.

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Notes

Apologies if I may have offended anyone, though that may be a consequence of satire, and I don’t want to trouble any religious sensitivities by misquoted biblical quotations.

Although I have written for specific reasons a lot during my career, 27 years as a teacher and advisor and subsequently an equal time researching acid reflux, I have only recently started experimenting with fictional works.

Other works I have authored that are still available:

Fiction:

Temporter (science fiction)

Coming soon: Trans-temporter, Tele-Temporter (books 2 and 3 of the Temporter trilogy)

Non-Fiction:

Down With Acid encyclopaedia (about acid reflux, is possible complications and the management thereof) DWA lite (a précis of the most important parts of Down With Acid) Apaga tu ardor (Spanish translation of Down With Acid)

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