Outpatient - A Story of Horror and Madness by Clifford Beck - HTML preview

Chapter 6

The fall semester began, and Bowdoin College sprang to life with activity. Nancy was unable to visit Catherine due to her teaching schedule but called two or three times a week to make sure things were okay. Meanwhile, Catherine and Ivan were getting along famously. He made it a habit of curling up on her pillow at night and sleeping near her head and as he got larger, he moved down to her hip. His presence seemed to help Catherine relax but did nothing to keep her nightmares at bay. She continued to go to weekly sessions with Dr. Beach, but told him Catherine's new feline friend and believed that Ivan would be very therapeutic for her, hoping that this just might keep her from relapsing.

Winter in the Carrabassett Valley arrived early and struck with a vengeance second only to the anger of the gods. Catherine listened to the weather and traffic reports often on her radio. After all, she was living out in the middle of nowhere. And regardless of the kind of day she might be having, Ivan was always nearby, bringing her a degree of comfort she hadn"t known since before her father died. Due to her illness, Catherine had begun to experience the winter blues and started sleeping late into the morning. But mading his wishes known that it was time for breakfast, Ivan would paw at her face and cry loudly. When this came to the attention of Dr. Beach, he raised her dose of Lexapro. She had been on this antidepressant since her treatment at AMHI and the doctor adjusted it to help her combat what he referred to as „Seasonal Affective Disorder". Catherine would continue on this new dose indefinitely.

It was during the winter break that Nancy finally was able to visit after the roads had been cleared of what the first nor'easter left behind. She stayed for about a week, partly to get away from the stress of work, but mostly to see how Catherine was doing. She hoped that Ivan's presence was having a positive impact on Catherine's mood as well as her of mind. Before the week was out, Nancy was convinced that Catherine was keeping her head well above water. She was even fairly convinced that Ivan's presence was having a positive effect, in that Catherine seemed more herself. But, Nancy still didn't know about Catherine's nightmares and Catherine would continue to hide this from her, fearing that Nancy might become concerned for her sanity.

Nancy left at week's end to return for the spring semester, feeling confident that Catherine's life may be taking on a positive direction. Winter has finally passed and spring began with a few showers and small storms, but mostly a lot of rain. In Maine, spring was commonly referred to as „mud season" and near the mountains, the spring runoff made things that much worse. It flooded roads, created sinkholes in the highway, and in general made the lives of everyone in the valley miserable. But through mud, flooding, and patience, summer finally arrived. But, even after all this time, living in her new house for about a year as well as Ivan"s comforting presence, her nightmares, which only continued, became more intense. And to make matters worse, she began to feel as if she was being watched. It wasn't something that she found to be especially stressful, just a twinge that quietly gnawed away at her. She tried to blow it off as the result of living in such an isolated area, and that maybe it was the silence of the woods playing tricks on her. However, it was enough to occasionally frighten her when it occurred suddenly and only served to reinforce her deep fears of returning to AMHI.

At this point, she decided, once again, that she needed a distraction – something she could involve herself in as completely as possible. She went outside to clear her head and upon looking at the grandness of the Bigelow Range, she was struck with the idea of taking up hiking. It should have been obvious to her, but her thinking had become muddied by the nightly torments she"d been experiencing. Catherine thought back to her one and only hike, for which she was entirely unprepared, but this time things would be different. She knew that Nancy had been hiking for years and thought it might be best to learn from someone with experience. Walking quickly back to the cabin, she excitedly called Nancy, but would never mention the nightmares or the strange feelings she was having. She didn"t want Nancy to worry about her and wanted to give her the impression that things were finally settling down.

When Catherine expressed an interest in hiking, Nancy saw it not only as something of a breakthrough for her but also the chance to acquire a hiking buddy. They got together almost every weekend, going over Nancy's hiking books and topographical maps. Nancy gave her a crash course in the equipment she'd need and tips on first aid, survival, and wilderness skills. Catherine soaked it up like a sponge and looked forward to their first hike with great anticipation. They set their sights on the first week of October, at the peak of autumn. This would be a perfect first hike for Catherine, as the temperature wouldn't be warm enough to induce heat stroke nor cool enough to worry about hypothermia. She chose Little Bigelow as their first hike. After ending up in the hospital last summer, she felt compelled to conquer it. Nancy arrived early on a Saturday morning with water bottles, a guidebook, and some energy bars, as well as the usual equipment she carried when she went hiking. The weather was perfect for a day hike and Catherine was well-prepared. The sky was a deep, beautiful blue and the temperature was about seventy-two degrees. As Catherine was still an inexperienced hiker, Nancy made sure to keep the pace light, and they started out on the trail near Stratton Pond, just outside Catherine's doorstep. After about two miles, Little Bigelow came rising into view. It stood as the first of a rocky row of peaks against a cloudless sky of royal blue. The colors of autumn lit up like a wildfire as far as the eye could see. Another twenty minutes went by before they started the climb up its rocky slope, stopping every once in a while for rest and water. The hike up the slope was difficult, but Catherine had been doing a lot of jogging and stuck to the training program that the two of them had put together. Finally, they got to the top. The view was magnificent, with fall colors flowing like an ocean down into the valley and the remaining peaks of the Bigelow range vaulting high above their heads. For Nancy, this was a short hike. She was used to much more difficult places like the knife edge at Katahdin and Mount Washington. But for Catherine, this was a conquest, not simply a victory over a relatively small mountain peak, but an achievement that seemed to overshadow a life filled with mental anguish and pain. She stood on the very top of the rocky summit with arms outstretched, yelling in celebration as though challenging the gods themselves. After another thirty minutes, they started back down the mountain. It took far less time to get back, but Catherine also discovered new muscles that she rarely used until now.