Essay Series 4.4: Women’s and men’s mental health suffers under society’s sexist myths.

The stereotypes of the selfless, nurturing woman and the emotionally detached, stoic man deny human nature. Humans are social, interdependent, and have emotional needs. Everyone suffers under these myths.

Girls and Women

Traditionally feminine women are supposed to be less powerful than men and inferior to them financially and physically. Traditional femininity also means women need to work to look young and desirable and to be fashionable. This focus on appearance can heighten women’s insecurities.²⁸²

Girls and women learn to put their men and children first even if it hurts. Women are supposed to be the givers and men the receivers. If women are the ones giving, they are likely to settle for less than what they need from their romantic partners. Women who don’t do this are thought to be sad, lonely, cold, and selfish.²⁸³

Boys and Men

Boys and men are dependent on emotional connections. Yet, their peers tease or bully them if they show emotions. Men can also be ridiculed when their women partners are equal in status to them.²⁸⁴

Society sees men’s anger as being expected and tolerable. So, many violent men feel they have a right to act that way. Another problem is that men experience sexual desire for women within a culture that encourages them to dislike and disapprove of women. Society adopts men’s views as the dominant point of view. So, in many aspects of life, including work, pornography, relationships, and family life, men’s views are the norm.²⁸⁵

Emotional Suffocation that Women and Men Experience

Women’s selflessness and men’s stoicism have consequences. Girls and women are more likely than men to have anxiety, depression, or eating disorders. Depression is at least twice as likely among women. Men are more likely to have substance abuse and antisocial personality disorder. Among the consequences of emotional restrictions are social isolation and suicide.^286,287

Social Isolation

Social isolation (lack of social contact with others) is a major predictor of poor health and mental health, dementia, and death. Social isolation varies over the life course with men and women having varying degrees of isolation, depending upon marital status and caregiving responsibilities, among other factors.²⁸⁸

Boys and men are more socially isolated early in life than girls and women.²⁸⁹ For example, 84 percent of teenage boys say they have at least one friend they can lean on for emotional support, compared to 95 percent of girls who say they do.²⁹⁰ More than 60 percent of young men are single compared to about 30 percent of young women.²⁹¹

Girls and women remain less isolated than boys or men from ages 12 to 50. However, women become more isolated around age 55, and this grows over time. This is particularly true of older women who still have partners; likely due to caregiving responsibilities for spouses.²⁹²

Suicide

Mental health has been worsening for young people in recent years and the ways in which girls and boys suffer differ. Twenty-three percent of girls have mental, emotional, behavioral, or developmental problems. Girls are more likely than boys to have anxiety and depression. Among boys age 3 to 17, 28 percent have mental, emotional, behavioral, or developmental problems. Researchers say that since boys still face the expectation to be stoic, their struggles more often show up in their behavior.²⁹³ A Pew Research Center survey found that about two-thirds of teenagers say boys are the most disruptive in class.²⁹⁴

Overall, suicide is more prevalent among men than women, and has increased among young people. In 2023, the suicide rate for girls and young women was five per 100,000, up from three in 1968. The rates are far greater for young men. In 2023, the suicide rate for boys and young men ages 15 to 24 was 21 per 100,000, up from 11 in 1968, according to an analysis of Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) data by the American Institute for Boys and Men.²⁹⁵ Men’s suicide rates increase with age and are highest among those age 71 or older. Among women, the highest suicide rates are in the 36-50 age range. Suicide rates peak in middle age for women and old age for men.²⁹⁶

Reflections

The pressures on girls and boys to conform to gender stereotypes are immense. Girls feel they need to focus on being attractive and care for others ahead of themselves. And boys need to be stoic at all costs and not seek help when they are experiencing emotional problems. These patterns carry over into adulthood, as I found in some of my romantic relationships.

My marriage suffered from sexist myths. My ex-husband and I both assumed I would take the lead in the domestic sphere, and he would be the one who was ultimately responsible for our family’s financial security. These roles didn’t work out. I had to remain employed full-time for health insurance purposes, and I didn’t feel comfortable without the ability to be financially independent in case of a family emergency. The pressures of raising two children with us being employed full-time outside of the home helped fracture our relationship.

There has been a dramatic increase in the rhetoric surrounding a move back to the supposedly traditional roles that women and men had in marriage. These traditions largely applied to middle and upper-income classes in the late 1800s and post-World War II. Well-off women could afford to focus on domestic tasks, while men faced outward and financed this supposed utopia that stifled so many women and men.

How have traditional feminine and masculine roles affected your or your loved ones’ mental health?