Most relapse prevention advice sounds like:

• avoid triggers
• stay strong
• remember why you quit
• keep a diary
• go for a walk

It’s not bad advice, but for many, it simply doesn’t work, and may have been tried before without success.

Relapse doesn’t happen when you’re calm and rational. It can feel as though you are flooded, overwhelmed and these moments are the ones that require careful planning to manage.

This chapter gives you exactly that.

20.1 The 3 relapse states

Most relapses come from one of these:

1: Overwhelmed: Stress, pressure, fatigue, too much life.

2: Underwhelmed: Boredom, emptiness, restlessness, no reward.

3. Unprocessed emotion: Anger, grief, shame, loneliness, fear. Your job isn’t to eliminate these states. Your job is to respond differently when they hit.

20.2 The relapse chain (catch it early)

Relapse rarely starts with a drink. It starts with:

• poor sleep
• skipping meals
• avoiding support
• building resentment
• staying indoors too long
• isolation
• too much screen time
• fantasising about alcohol
• “just browsing” shops or pubs mentally
• not speaking up about how you feel

Catch it early, and you prevent the act of drinking.

20.3 The Next 60 Minutes Plan (use this every time)

What follows is the lifesaving plan that can safeguard those who use it.

When cravings hit, do this:

Step 1: Stop and name it

• “I’m triggered.”
• “I’m craving.”
• “I’m in danger.”

Step 2: Reduce access

• Leave the place you’re in.
• Don’t sit beside alcohol.
• Don’t keep negotiating.

Step 3: Change state (fast)

• shower
• walk
• cold water
• eat something
• drink water
• tidy something
• go outside
• music
• breathing
• anything that interrupts the loop.

Step 4: Connect

• Message or phone someone.
• Even one sentence:
• “I’m struggling tonight. Talk me down.”

Step 5: Delay the decision

• Say: “Not for 30 minutes.”
• You’re not deciding forever.
• You’re buying time.

Step 6: If you drink anyway, do damage control immediately

• This is vital. Don’t disappear into shame.

Do this instead:

• stop the binge early
• hydrate
• eat
• sleep
• contact someone
• restart tomorrow without drama

The biggest danger isn’t the slip. It’s the spiral.

Common Question

“Why do I relapse when things are going well?”

Because the brain gets overconfident. It says:

• “You’re fine now.”
• “You’ve proved you can stop.”
• “You deserve a reward.”
• “It won’t be like before.”

This is one of the most common relapse patterns. Progress creates the illusion of safety. The rule is simple: Don’t test the addiction. Build the recovery.

WHAT TO DO NEXT

Don’t think about forever. Focus on the next 60 minutes.

Shrink the timeframe:

• Eat, move, hydrate, reset

If urges hit:

• Tool 2: Cravings & Urges

If anxiety spikes:

• Tool 3 + Appendix A

Stay connected:

• Appendix D → meetings, support, call someone, sponsor

Most relapses happen in short windows, not grand decisions. Get through the hour in front of you. Then do it again.