**
The sub-conscious mind is a stupid audience; applauding even the quirkiest of performances by our ‘conscious mind’, at the chaotic arena of life; especially in love. People, as ‘theatre’ of all joys and pains need to be wary of the ‘spectator-frenzy’, coaxing you to write ‘scandalous-scripts’ of life-dramas. Guard against passion, especially, when you are in love’s compassion.
**
It is a tragic but true reality – seven out of eight business ventures fail. Success has never been a rule in the long history of all ventures of humanity. Had it been, the world we have today would look drastically different. The good part however is, people have always learnt from their mistakes and evolved towards the goal of winning and success.
In love however, it seems, the real success rate is even worse, especially in the long run. Moreover, the worst part of love is – people are so unwilling to assess and analyze what led to the failure and are almost too finicky about learning from their mistakes – more inclined to shift the blame on others.
That is probably why; love remains the most unsuccessful venture of humanity.
Is it profanity and calamitous to relate ‘love’ with a ‘venture’ in economic terms? No doubt, it sounds very unpleasant but the fact remains that everyone looks for ‘success’ in love and anything, which is defined in terms of ‘success and failure’ or ‘hit and flop’, for its utility and fruition, needs to be accepted as ‘venture’! Especially, when, the success and failure is defined more in terms of cultural-benchmarks.
Let us make this all very simple. You buy petrol and fill the tank of your car. Do you expect that this petrol would run your car smoothly? Yes, we all do. However, your car does not start, or may be it does run but gives you a poor mileage and troubled driving. Do you blame petrol for it?
The simple fact is – the energy, which fuels a venture is largely neutral. It is the brilliance and efficacy of the system or mechanism, which uses this fuel energy, is decisive in the success of the entire venture.
Love only fuels our lives and it is so crucial for the start of the journey, the car – our lives, takes us on. However, whether we succeed or fail depends largely on the efficacy and brilliance of the car, an individual, not on the fuel. Of course, the fuel too shall trouble the car, if it has adulteration or in any other ways, fuel quality is dubious. The energy must always remain pure and pious. The sad part is, only we adulterate this pure and naturally available energy fuel of love!
Love is not a venture and it cannot fail or succeed. It is the catalyst in the venture. However, love fuels the mechanism of an individual and the fact remains that even if this fuel is pure and in its best form, the success of the process, it energizes shall depend on the individual’s quality and preparedness.
That is why, it is truly crucial, like in a business venture that we all first assess and analyze whether we are fully ready for venturing into a ‘process’ or ‘journey’, using the precious and pure energy fuel of love. All business needs complex pre-launch preparations and risk-analyses of multidimensional factors before they are finally launched in the troubled ocean called market.
Love, however is usually launched without any preparations. There is a clichéd that love is not made to happen, rather it happens. This somehow justifies the non-preparedness in love. However, when the associated troubles happen in love, we never repeat the clichéd that it happened and not made to happen. We always say, he or she made it all happen to me. Or, this or that set of things made it happen.
There is also this preposterous presumption that everyone born, automatically qualifies for two things – love and death! This hypothesis is the basic cause of most failures in love as well as death. Like love, we all need to be in ultimate and absolute ‘readiness’ to accept death, when it comes. However, very few greats actually prepare and are ready for the inevitability of death. Similar is the fate of we all in love. The inevitability of love accosts us and we are never prepared for it, let alone the state of readiness!
When something starts with a hypothesis that ‘what we want is what we should automatically get’, then the script for the failure is readied. Nothing qualifies for automatic qualification as a birthright in modern contemporary cultural milieu of humanity. A child born was once considered to have a birthright over his or her mother’s milk, as it is still in animal world. However, in modern world, governments all over the globe spend millions on advertising to appeal to all mothers that they should breastfeed their newborn. Why!
This metaphor of love like a business venture helps understand the intricacies of the mechanism of success or failure in love. Suppose, I have a marvelous product and after lots of research and value-addition into it, I launched it in the market. The trial had showed great response from sample customers, still my venture failed. There could be many reasons for my failure. May be, because my initial capital was small, I did not spend enough on reaching the information about my product to target customers. May be, my pricing was nasty. May be, the brand association of my product was not in sync with the larger utility perception of the customers. Or may be, everything else was right but the market sentiments were not conducive for new product. There is plethora of reasons and possibilities, which can make a business go awry.
The fact remains that success is never a function of singular entity. I may be good, but it does not always translate me and my efforts into success. There shall always remain in force multidimensional and probabilistic factors in the milieu, which shall be far more decisive for success. I cannot anyway discount them. My preparedness for success always has to count for all these factors and my success would depend on how skillfully I manage all the odds to breathe enough to have my imprint in the vast and tumultuous ocean of humanity.
One thing always has to be understood and accepted. If I create something, which has immense utility and fruition for me and some people around me, I shall have an instinctive tendency to give and share it with the entire world. There is then no success or failure involved in it. I shall offer it to anyone. If he or she takes it, it makes me happy. If they do not, or rather dislike it, I have no reason to be sad and put off. It is because, I am too happy with my own attainment of utility and even if it could not prove the same for others, it does not change my own sense of utility.
However, if I share it with an expectation that as this thing has proved of great utility for me, others must also accept it in the same sentiment and in return, they should thank, praise or pay me back, then I am exposing me to the travails of business venture.
Love is such a beautifully precious positioning of consciousness. We all must find and remain perpetually in the consciousness of absolute love and compassion. This pure and precious energy of love has loads of personal and subjective utility. It has immense utility and fruition for almost all, but in individual capacity. Love always has much larger utility and fruition for yourself and your own wellness; than it has in the domain of societal exchanges.
However, we all are social beings and this love we instinctively need to share with all, especially with someone very ‘special and exclusive’. This lands love in the domain of ‘market’, from the easy domain of personal to mutual; exposing it to personalized and subjective perceptions of utility and fruition of others. Some may like it, some may dump it and we find ourselves happy and hurt at the same time.
Moreover, the one ‘special and exclusive’ person, with whom, we wish to share the personal utility of love, happens to be at the center of one major and decisive ‘desire’ and ‘need’. We wish this person to be and remain in ‘exclusive’ and ‘subjective’ domain of our ‘particular’ shade of love. This itself lands love in precarious domains of society, culture and economic benchmarks, which love must also fulfill. The energy fuel of love is put in the car of marital-life or in bonded-pair necessities. The onus shifts on the car, not the fuel of love.
That is why; when love comes out of the happy domain of personal positioning of individual consciousness, it becomes a product for ‘trade’ and then, all the dimensions and probabilities of ‘market’ become applicable to it. We need to accept this dualism of love – something as a consciousness positioning and other as a socially exchangeable emotion of subjective utilities.
This dualism of love is so mystically beautiful, yet very intricately multidimensional and we need to understand, accept and master the mechanisms and processes of this mystical dualism to be successful in love. Once we accept that love, as life energy is instinctive, natural and intuitive in us since our birth. However, the operations this energy makes us perform in the stage of this world, is a very sincere and persevered skill, which we all need to nurture and nourish.
Someone said it very beautifully – there is a huge but mystical distinction between ‘hunger’ and ‘appetite’. Hunger is instinctive and natural to all of us. It is our life energy. However, we all live in civilized and cultured societies, where hunger has to run under a mechanism and process, benchmarked by societies and governments in its sense of mutuality. That is why, it has to take the shape and form of ‘appetite’.
Moreover, appetite is not only a cultural need, but also a larger utility of consciousness of body-mind positioning. Appetite is a beautiful metaphor of the very precious ‘poise’ of consciousness, as it makes us learn and value the artistry of patience and self-control. Appetite is a situation of peaceful and patient expectation of food to come your way. It is a beautiful emotion and feeling like being in a state of joy and ecstasy, expecting your lover to come in your arms and kiss you softly. You feel the ‘hunger’; it energizes your mystical joys of expectations of the inevitability of ‘joyful union’ with your lover, the center of your ‘desires’. This appetite itself is joyous and exhilarating.
The dualism of hunger and appetite need to be understood and mastered. The dualism of energy and mechanism has to be mastered. The dualism of mechanism and process need to be mastered. This dualism is within body-mind mechanism, in the society and culture, in the material aspects of love’s energy, in the larger political and economic environment within which society and culture evolves and creates its benchmarks of right and wrong.
This cosmic dualism need to be understood and mastered to be successful in love. This artistry of mastery of mechanisms and processes of dualism of the energy of love is not something we are born with. We are born just with this energy fuel of love and absolute intimacy.
We shall talk about all possible aspects of this dualism of love here, so that we become the ‘masters of the mechanism’ and processes of love and not the ‘puppet of mechanisms’. The venture of love and absolute intimacy is a huge possession and attainments of our lives and we just cannot take it casually. We need loads of preparedness to arrive at the stage of readiness. We all are born and we cannot help it. We shall all reach love and death; we cannot help it either. However, we can surely ensure that when love and death happens, we are sincerely ready for it, welcoming it with beautifully assuring smile and satisfaction.
Most importantly, like all good ventures, the success affects not only individual, but the society at large. Being successful in love is also our cherished societal duty. Every successful love venture adds loads of wellness in the society and milieu around us. We all have to put in our share of wellness into this collectivity, where our future generations shall breathe.
**
Love Wisdom – 2
The art is in evolving to such a receptive consciousness, which is aligned to enjoyment and fruition in both ways – expecting and planning the randomizations for ‘specific’ joys as well as designing joys in ‘generic’ randomizations. Love lands you in a consciousness, which relishes the joys of this rainbowish dualism best.
**
The first and foremost dualism about love, which is very deep-rooted in our consciousnesses, is its acceptance as something mystical, at the cost of sustained refusal to see the more objective and elaborately realistic aspects. Most of us are happy refusing the growingly available practical facts by behavioral science as well as pure science on the mechanism and process of love.
The majority idea is – love is ideally acceptable with its three elements of Mystery, Magic and Marvel. Most of us feel, if love is made to be understood with objective technicalities of science, the three ‘M’s’ of love withers away. The three ‘M’s’ land most of us in inexplicable troubles and pains of love, still, we do not wish to understand the mechanism in its objective and scientific terms, which can put us in good stead, vis-à-vis all the love troubles.
The dualism is in the mysticism, magic and marvel of love. This mysticism of love is what most lovers get attracted to initially. This suits the consciousness of love. This marvel of love gives the young men and women huge kicks of life. Young minds get huge thrills in journeying amidst the mist of mysticism of love as precariousness of the enterprise always has its own joy. Similar is the human desire, when it comes to religion and spiritualism. Mysticism is preferred state here too. However, this mysticism further confuses those in love and faith and this confusion in turn leads to calamitous patterns of behaviors and actions in love. The resultant pain and chaos is cyclic.
Sciences may not be in a position right now to tell us in perfect details as why and how, what happens in love. However, there are huge research-backed substantiations explaining lot many aspects of the purely physical and bio-chemical mechanisms and processes of love, as human mind handles them. This surely takes away lots of mysticism, magic and marvel out of the age-old notion of love and archetypal imagery of love in society. However, it is hugely helpful in clearing the mist of confusion and chaos around the very core idea of love.
It is a humble suggestion that objective knowledge about something never ever takes away the subjective joys. It rather enhances them. We all know it very well that an actor on the movie screen is just portraying and professing a role or character still, we cry with them and get emotionally one with the fictitious character. The knowledge, that the actor is actually not dead and it is only the character he portrayed is dead in the movie, does not anyway reduce our emotional joy and satisfaction of movie viewing. The knowledge surely enhances our joys and nullifies the pain, as we know, at the end of day everything is back to real.
The dualism of love is actually the root cause of why such a beautifully powerful and beneficial facility called love becomes a cause of pain and trouble. When we do not understand the mechanism of something very clearly, mysticism is bound to creep in and it shall unleash the destructive energy of confusion. We need to understand the mechanism of love in scientifically explained terms to enhance the joy of love.
The mechanism of mind, explained in terms of detailed neurochemical and neuroelectrical processes in pure scientific traditions may not be suitable for all of us. Therefore, what we shall talk about here is just an outline and simplified description of the mechanism.
What we are attempting to bring out from our discussion is the ‘dualism’ inherent in the mechanism and processes of love, as human mind handles it. We also need to accept that it is not something which science is telling us now. Thousands of years back, great minds of spiritualism and philosophy have told similar facts about consciousness, the cardinal position of love in it and the dualism, which consciousness faces about the emotional positioning of love.
Human mind is where all mysticisms emanate and end. The multilayered mechanisms of mind is one huge mystery, humanity has been attempting to unravel since thousands of years. The spiritualism and philosophy have given its own interpretation. Science has taken over and presented great facts about mind mechanism, its structure and functions and this has led humanity to understand lot many things about consciousness.
Human brain is the central mechanism for ensuring the survival and excellence of human body and it has to be accepted that the conscious and subconscious mind accepts and expresses almost everything in terms of its primary and pivotal role of ensuring a mechanism for survival and excellence. This interpretation of human mind looks so demeaning as we all are inclined to accept ourselves as something big and a lofty and special creation of God. Accepting ourselves as an entity, with base idea of survival is revolting.
That is why, science says, “the idea of a self, in objecting terms is often pitted against the ‘self’ itself, which we have been used to accepting subjectively since thousands of years.”
However, as we have talked about it earlier, the mechanism, as we are, may not be easy for us to accept but it is very helpful in enhancing our joy and satisfaction. Just for knowing the mechanism, we need to accept that human mind ensures this survival and excellence through a continuous and complicated maintenance of a process called homeostasis – better understandable as ‘poise’. All wisdoms, old or new, since thousands of years, have talked about the importance of this idea called ‘poise’, explained in terms of philosophy and spiritualism. Science unravels its physiological, bio-chemical and psychosomatic aspects.
In lower organisms, the homeostasis or poise is only physiological and biological but as human mechanism is very complex, human mind has to perform a complex and multidimensional homeostasis. In humans, the poise also has to be bio-sociological, psychological, emotional, spiritual as well as volitional. We are talking about this all because, love has to do specifically with this homeostasis thing and the trouble it creates also emanates from this.
There are sufficient scientific researches to establish that when people are in true love and absolute intimacy, their overall homeostasis is in great shape and this reflects in their healthy state of mind and body as well as behavior-action. The reverse has also been established as researches show, when people are in instable and unsettled love elements, their body gets affected and they land in serious body-mind dysfunction and even death.
Science has also established that most of the behavior-action of humans is instinctive and intuitive. Even the learned behavior, the nurture part, in time becomes part of instinctive behavior and nature. The simple idea is, almost everything, which our conscious and subconscious mind accepts and expresses, has to be in consonance and conformity with the larger homeostasis, which is essential for survival and excellence.
The conscious as well as the subconscious minds operates in a way, which is mystical for most of us as most operations and processes are intangible and we are mostly oblivious of it. That is also why, love, which is a very potent, cardinal and critical element of behavioral and emotional expression of our consciousness, remains in the mist of mysticism, magic and marvel.
However, we all can now understand the mechanism of this mysticism of love consciousness and come out of the veil of mysticism, standing tall on the ground of practical and tangible realism. This we can do by understanding how essentially our larger consciousness is an intangible expression of homeostasis process and how love is the strongest and most authoritative voice of this consciousness; seeking perpetuity of ‘poise’ – the larger homeostasis.
The process of making of consciousness, which stays with us lifelong, starts even when we are in mother’s womb. The sense of ‘self’ or to say, the question as ‘who I am’, starts to take shape when in womb, a child gets the feel of sounds and vibrations around. The unconscious mind of child starts accepting these elements of his immediate milieu as part of its homeostasis requirements. Science admits; a newborn child is designed to be born as a genius. It readies itself for the environment outside the womb by imbibing the signals it receives inside the womb. That is why; modern couples start the education of their kids well in the womb itself.
From the day first, the human child is instinctively loaded with one facility, which helps him or her evolve his or her ‘self’ – the subjective consciousness. This facility is instinctive inquisitiveness – the insatiable inclination to know. This desire also seems to be a beautiful expression of the homeostasis mechanism of body-mind consciousness. The mind can maintain poise only when it incessantly updates information about the surrounding environment and makes prompt decisions about the utility of these information for maintaining homeostasis.
It is here the trouble seems to start for humanity. The need to know exposes the mind to loads of multiplicity of information in the larger environment. As subconscious mind of the child starts to accept and adopt most of them as ‘essential’ for his homeostasis, he or she becomes unconsciously predisposed to these information and they become part of his or her larger consciousness, which science refers to as love/belief system.
Even before a child grows up to become an adult, he or she already accepts thousands of beliefs. However, most of these beliefs are based on his or her personal and subjective interpretations of experiences, inferences, assumptions, probabilities, deductions, inductions, and loads of oversimplifications, which the subconscious mind is expert at making. Most of these beliefs are very much part of the subconscious mind and continue to present themselves as potent referrals for conscious mind even years after. We all have heard people saying, an adult’s love is very much a reflection of what he or she got in childhood. We all know, a love-deficit childhood engenders an adult with troubled love life.
All these beliefs, which a child acquires, form part of the ‘self’, the subjective consciousness, about which we always keep asking question as ‘who I am’. Our subconscious mind starts building an image of ‘self’ and this process expresses itself in mystically intangible ways. We unconsciously start extending the limits of our ‘self-image’ in things and beliefs around us. It starts with we identifying with our body first, then with our mind, our family, friends, neighbors, teachers, partners, the special someone and later with our career, assets, ethnicity, nationality, gender etc. As we grow in life, we identify more with ideas and issues. All these are expression of our ‘self’, the consciousness.
We adopt them in our minds and guard them very ferociously as if they were part of our ‘self’. We fight over our people and beliefs like we fight for our dear life and well-being. It is because, they are part of our self and anything against them threatens our homeostasis, making us react fiercely. This is mystical. We may think, we are fighting for the cause of our dear ones or dear beliefs but essentially, we are fighting for our own survival, which is expressed in terms of homeostasis.
We all know, how people feel so strongly about their family, loved ones, ethnicity and nationality. People go to the extent of sacrificing their lives for the dear cause of family and even nation. It is very simple to understand why people do not think twice, giving up their lives for lovers and even something as vague as loss of their favorite football club. People commit suicide even when their favorite pop star falls from stairs and hurts him or her seriously. This is no joke. These incidents somehow are very intense and as some people accept it as something seriously threatening their ‘self – their very homeostasis wellness, they feel, their very survival is threatened. The reaction can be very disproportionate and precarious. They often are in love!
We all need to understand and accept it with a non-judgmental and objective mind that usually, when we are in love; we are in the ‘mystical middle’ of a very intense and powerful dualism. True love is one beautiful and everlasting ‘poise’ of person and personality. However, in our pop culture, we all can see how love is one huge ‘psychosis’. The trouble is, both poise and psychosis can be simultaneously present and active in one single person, at any given time.
A person seeks to be in love to internalize this ‘poise’ to the core of his or her personality. However, the same person is battling against the psychosis on the periphery of his or her personality as the culture and society we live in, exposes him or her to loads of conflicts and competitiveness. This dualism often expresses itself in chaotic love emotions.
When we love someone, he or she becomes an essential and ingrained part of our ‘self-image’ and systemic wellness homeostasis. We start taking him or her for granted as part of ‘me’ and ‘mine’. That is why; when there is trouble in love, or a situation, where it seems the love-situation is unsettled, we feel hugely threatened. We unconsciously feel that our very survival and core wellness is threatened. In this unsettled situation, the very person, who was the ‘receiver’ of all our love- largesse, poses as the one, who is a threat to our wellness.
We all have experienced and witnessed this situation all around us when a lover kills his or her beloved and also kills himself or herself. Why? This dualism plays the villain. The dualism of the subconscious mind makes us do all unimaginable things. The simple reason is – when your love is threatened, your unconscious mind quickly attempts to identify the ‘enemy’, who threatened your survival instincts. As your beloved himself or herself is someone, who jolted your love-wellness, the unconscious mind identifies him or her as enemy. The war is then declared against this ‘enemy’.
The dualism is playing its mystical marvels to us. The special someone, the beloved, whom we love so much that we cannot think of living a moment without him or her, becomes our enemy number one. Depending on how we all have been culturally trained to treat our enemies, we start executing our battle-tactics against him or her. Those, who are well groomed, trained by parents and family to be accommodative and compassionate with even the enemies, shall never opt for violent and overtly physical battle-plans. However, they can be sadistic about them. Those, who have a culture of violence, can go to any limit as it is said, “Everything is fair in love and war”.
Global data shows that intimate partner violence is hugely on rise. Failed love and intimacy has become the chief pain-inflictor in our pop culture. The easiest expression of the desire to inflict pain on intimate partners is ‘promiscuity’ and ‘character assassination’. Sadism, aggression and behavioral hostility are sure signs of a troubled and unsettled wellness homeostasis of the person. This person shall be hugely intense and passionate in love. However, be sure, when things are on the low, such a person can be calamitous and extreme with expressions of his or her desire to secure his or her wellness.
As we said earlier, researches have confirmed that when a person’s dear ideas or people are in trouble, his or her bio-sociological, psychological, emotional and volitional homeostasis is disturbed and this leads him or her to dysfunctional health and even death. The perception of threat to their homeostasis is very subjective, varying hugely.
That is why, we all need to understand and accept; love needs huge preparedness. We all are given enough time for the preparations. When I am perfectly settled and in absolute ‘poise’ of my overall wellness homeostasis, then only I am ‘ready’ for assimilation and integration of love. Moreover, the special someone, I love, has to be in this ‘poise’ too. Then only the magic works!
A young father has his little daughter growing fast in a very big city of United States of America, where pop culture has taken the teenagers in perfect grip. The mother is very concerned and even tense. She worries for her teenage daughter and asks her husband, what to do to avoid any ‘accidents’. Nothing new! However, what the father of this teenage girl said to his wife is interesting. He said, “I am trying to figure out, what my daughter can do, which I cannot forgive. I love her and I think, the sky of my affection and compassion for her shall always remain much larger than her arms can stretch for possible wrongs.”
True love has to be like that. Love, in all its manifestations and expressions has to be like that. Love liberates, never suffocates. The ‘compassion’ of forgiveness shall always remain larger than the ‘accidents’ of ‘passion’, when you are in true love and absolute intimacy.
The father, in the above story, is in perfect ‘poise’ of his wellness homeostasis. His wellness is not threatened by his subjective ‘self-image’ of right and wrong. It is his poise, which is so beautifully and magnanimously reflected in his behavior and action. It is only natural that this father is a sure hero for the girl and this girl shall grow to be one ‘poised’ person.
From the day we are born, we are muffled by love, in one form or other. Our preparedness starts from that day. Initially, it is the responsibility of parents and family but later, we ourselves have to learn and unlearn our ways towards this ‘poise’ of our larger wellness homeostasis. If we have this poise, love shall be one huge theatre of song and dance within. And, when we choose to extend this wellness poise to someone special, we need to be sure, he or she is in the same ‘poise’.
Love, as an idea, deeply associated with the entity of homeostasis, is hugely beautiful and highly useful. Love is a mystical expression of the ‘sense of larger wellness’, which is a cardinal and potent condition for homeostasis.
What mind receives and expresses are through neurochemical and neuroelectrical processes. However, these processes are intangible and our cons