At the time I
start writing today’s rambling, I’ve just come back from
a 33-minute walk. There’s something about fresh air that calms
my nerves when I’m angry.
And
from there, we transition perfectly into why I’m writing this:
I’m angry. Why am I angry? Because my mother stormed into my
room and cursed me into the ninth circle of Hell, as per her
semi-regular impulses. I wouldn’t necessarily be this angry had
she been calm for once, but no. It always
has to start with her swinging the door open, suddenly mad for next
to no reason.
I don’t
have nearly as much of a problem with the verbal message she
conveyed. It’s something we’ve discussed ever so briefly
before, even by my own initiative: the possibility of me moving out.
In
all honesty, though, I do
have ever so slight a problem with her presenting the suggestion now,
of all times. You see, if I were to move out this summer, I wouldn’t
be able to carry out a plan I’ve been formulating for a few
months now. That plan regards a new computer.
I’ll
be happy enough using my current computer for a while longer, but
only a
while, not several years. It’s been starting to show its age,
most notably with struggling to run the latest games. And there is
one game I want to be able to play as soon as possible. There is one
game I’ve been eagerly waiting for almost the past decade.
There is one game I refuse to postpone laying my hands on any longer
than is absolutely necessary.
If
I were to move out this summer, all of my “hard-earned”
money - and I mean all
of it - would go to living expenses. I wouldn’t be able to save
a single cent towards the new computer. That’s due to three
parties that fuck over desperate students: the government, landlords
and employers.
The government
provides insufficient funds to students for them to get by. Landlords
take all of said funds and call it “rent”. Employers...
Well, it’d be unfair to say that they all refuse to employ
students, because some of them don’t. But the truth is
employers keep giving me the metaphorical middle finger, and I have
no idea why. Is it because I don’t stand out enough? Is it
because I always find myself unable to tell them why I would be the
perfect employee?
I sent summer
job applications to eight different places. Two of them have
responded so far, but alas, their responses weren’t too fun to
read. “We apologize, but you were not chosen for this job.”
Why? Why wasn’t I chosen? Give me reasons, goddammit!
That’s
where the fault lies with the employers. I can’t possibly
improve as a job seeker if I don’t even get any explanation as
to why my application was rejected.
Best to stop
before I get even angrier.
Anyway, that’s
why I have a problem with my mother presenting the suggestion now, of
all times. I’d be okay with it if my current computer was
powerful enough to run the newest games, but as it stands, I’m
not entirely okay with it. I’ve been contemplating getting a
new computer long enough, and I’d hate to have to postpone that
plan even further due to a shortage of funds.