America’s New Breed of Freedom Fighters: Law of Attraction Guide for Democrats, 3rd edition by Evelyn Roberts Brooks - HTML preview

7. QUICK LOOK AT THE ISSUES

"If you take most of the things that really matter,

they may be profound, but they are

fundamentally simple. You don't get tired of the sun,

and the sky, and fresh air, and water, and bread.

There is nothing complicated about them.

They are always there.

If they weren't, we would die.

You don't get tired of what you need."

Patricia Wentworth (from Through the Wall)

 

You are probably aware of what's at stake across so many fronts: education, the environment, immigration, religious freedom, fair wages, gender rights, health care and so many other important issues that benefit millions of citizens.

As CREDO action pointed out after the election results, "Donald Trump's bigoted attack on the diversity of our communities, including the bullying of immigrants and Muslim-Americans, was abhorrent during the election, and it will be disgraceful if he continues this behavior in the White House. His first staffing decisions show that he wants to build an administration that will use the power of the federal government to deliver on those threats. CREDO believes it is incumbent on all of us to stand up and defend those threatened by Trump."

Below is a recap of progressive issues that are at stake. My purpose in including the list is to draw attention to what We the People want to achieve, and to stimulate interest in supporting these important topics in our society. Please note that, for continuity, the brief description of each topic is taken from hillaryclinton.com/issues

At the end of this section, you'll find a few messages from organizations whose issues are under fire from Trump and his cronies, as well as a letter to Time magazine from a veteran who presents his point of view about Mr. Trump's agenda regarding military issues.

It must be galling to veterans and active military to realize they will have to salute a "Commander in Chief" who has zero foreign policy experience, zero military experience, and that same level of diplomatic understanding and expertise.

My father was a U.S. Army Colonel, former member of the OSS, decorated World War II veteran, and he would never have voted for Mr. Trump. No way, no how.

 

Economy & Taxes

An economy that works for everyone

We need to build an economy that works for everyone, not just those at the top.

A fair tax system

Making sure the wealthy, Wall Street, and corporations pay their fair share in taxes.

Wall Street reform

Wall Street must work for Main Street.

Workforce skills and job training

Every American should be able to learn the skills they need to compete and succeed.

Labor and workers' rights

When unions are strong, America is strong.

Fixing America's infrastructure

Strong infrastructure is critical to a strong economy.

Manufacturing

Strengthen manufacturing so we always "Make it in America."

Small business

We have to level the playing field for America's small businesses.

Technology and innovation

We can harness the power of technology and innovation to work for all Americans.

Rural communities

America's rural communities are the backbone of this country.

Campaign finance reform

Our democracy should work for everyone, not just the wealthy and well-connected.

Jobs and wages

We can make the boldest investment in good-paying jobs since World War II.

Paid family and medical leave

It's time to guarantee paid family and medical leave in America.

 

Terrorism

Combating terrorism and keeping the homeland safe: It's not enough to contain ISIS and the threat of terrorism—we have to defeat it.

 

Immigration

We need comprehensive immigration reform with a pathway to full and equal citizenship.

 

National Security

With policies that keep us strong and safe, America will lead the world in the 21st century.

 

Quality of Life

Social Security and Medicare

We must preserve, protect, and strengthen these lifelines.

Veterans, the armed forces, and their families America must fully commit to supporting veterans.

Poverty

No child should ever have to grow up in poverty.

Housing

We need housing policies that connect working families to opportunity.

National service

Do all the good you can.

Health

 

Health care

Universal, quality, affordable health care for everyone in America

An end to Alzheimer's disease

We can prevent, effectively treat, and make an Alzheimer's cure possible by 2025.

Mental health

We have to address the mental health crisis in America and end the stigma and shame associated with treatment.

Autism

Millions of Americans live with autism—and we've got to do more to support them and their families.

HIV and AIDS

We have reached a critical moment in our fight against HIV and AIDS.

Addiction and substance use

Through improved treatment, prevention, and training, we can end this quiet epidemic once and for all.

 

Criminal Justice Reform

Our criminal justice system is out of balance.

 

Gun Policy

We can—and must—end the epidemic of gun violence.

 

Military and Defense

We should maintain the best-trained, best-equipped, and strongest military the world has ever known.

Environment

Climate change

Taking on the threat of climate change and making America the world's clean energy superpower.

Protecting animals and wildlife

The way our society treats animals is a reflection of our humanity.

 

Human rights

Voting rights

We should be making it easier to vote, not harder.

Disability rights

We must continue to expand opportunities for Americans with disabilities.

LGBT rights and equality

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Americans deserve to live their lives free from discrimination.

Racial justice

America's long struggle with race is far from finished.

Campus sexual assault

It's not enough to condemn campus sexual assault. We need to end it.

Women's rights and opportunity

We need to break down barriers that hold women back.

 

Education

K-12 education

Strong public education is the key to preparing our children for the future.

Early childhood education

Every child deserves the chance to live up to his or her God-given potential.

Making college debt-free and taking on student debt Hillary will make debt-free college available to everyone and take on student loan debt.

"We encourage you to make peace with everyone

 

who opposes you and with everyone whom you oppose,

not only because you cannot insist on their yielding

to your perspective but because their opposing perspective

is of tremendous benefit to you.

You see, because of your exposure to what you perceive as their wrong or bad or unwanted behavior or perspective—

you have given birth to an improved situation.

And just as they helped the problem side of the equation

to come into focus, they helped the solution side

of the equation to come into focus, also;

and that solution waits for you in your Vortex of Creation."

Abraham-Hicks

 

A Message from CREDO

November 10, 2016

"It's happened. A candidate who ran on a platform of hatred, racism and misogyny was just elected president of the United States.

"While a Trump presidency will attack and assault every progressive value – from defending the environment to reining in corporate greed, from defending civil rights and the social safety net at home to promoting peace and human rights abroad, it's important never to forget that his agenda and rhetoric put some people more than others at very real and very terrifying risk.

"At CREDO, we are horrified by yesterday's results, and we're gearing up to stop the fascist who is about to become president and the Republican extremists who enabled and endorsed his racism, xenophobia and hate. But first, and most importantly, we want to make it clear that we stand in solidarity with the people who have the biggest stake in this fight.

"No matter what, we will always stand shoulder-to-shoulder with every community Trump has attacked, threatened and marginalized in his campaign of hate. We will not be silent, and we will not back down."

 

A Message from Defenders of Wildlife

November 9, 2016

"The election is over. We know the outcome. And now, more than ever we have to pull together to protect the wildlife we all love.

"At Defenders of Wildlife, we will continue to do what we do best. We will double down and honor our mission of conserving wildlife and wild places. Your support – and your engagement – is now more important than ever. It is essential that we work together to be the voice for the animals that cannot speak for themselves.

"Today, we renew our passion and intensity to speak out for nature.

"Wildlife is depending on us – and we will not let them down. Our children and grandchildren are depending on us to ensure a healthy planet for their future – and we will not let them down….

"We can do this. And we will do this together."

 

A Message from Greenpeace

November 2016

"Fear may have won this election, but hope, action and perseverance can overcome… Together, we are stronger than Donald Trump will ever be."

"Averting climate catastrophe has just become harder, but not impossible. President-elect Donald Trump may be the world's most infamous and powerful climate menace but we will not give up. We will work even harder and invite more and more people to join this powerful movement. The stakes for current and future generations are too high and time is too short.

"We will not allow a Trump administration to distract the world or rob it of the growing momentum towards a clean energy revolution and all of the benefits that brings for the climate, public health, jobs and global security.

"The renewable energy transformation is unstoppable. China, India and others are racing to be the global clean energy superpowers, and the US, as Donald Trump will learn, does not want to be left behind.

"People around the world will intensify their work with the many climate champions in the US: senators, members of Congress, governors, mayors, CEOs, citizens and in the Republican Party. Greenpeace will continue to work with the millions of people around the world who believe a greener, safer, more peaceful and just world is possible."

 

A Message from MoveOn

December 2016

"We're all going to be needed — to be powerful enough to stop a Trump presidency and GOP-held Congress from tearing our country apart."

 

A Message from The Nature Conservancy

December 2016

"Protecting nature, for people today and future generations. The mission of The Nature Conservancy is to conserve the lands and waters on which all life depends. Our vision is a world where the diversity of life thrives, and people act to conserve nature for its own sake and its ability to fulfill our needs and enrich our lives."

 

A Message from NRDC [Natural Resources Defense Council]

December 2016

"We already know what Donald Trump has planned for our environment come January. He has told us.

"He intends to withdraw America from the landmark Paris climate accord … approve the disastrous Keystone XL tar sands pipeline … throw open our public lands and coastal waters to rampant oil development … kill President Obama's Clean Power Plan … scale back support for wind and solar … weaken fuel economy standards for cars and trucks … and unleash big polluters from strong environmental regulations.

"The consequences are truly unthinkable. …

"Never forget: NRDC has a long and storied history of taking on the toughest, uphill battles – and prevailing."

 

A Message from Planned Parenthood

December 2016

"It's going to be a challenge of epic proportions. And it's going to be up to us – those who consider reproductive rights precious….

"The way ahead is fraught with danger, as powerful forces align to eliminate a woman's right to make her own choices and to reduce access to quality reproductive health care….

"It's painfully ironic that, in Planned Parenthood's 100 Years Strong anniversary year, we are facing opposition that would feel familiar to our founder, Margaret Sanger, who campaigned for the rights of women to have access to contraception and was jailed for her outspoken beliefs!"

 

A Message from a Veteran (former Marine)

Donald Trump Undermines Everything Veterans Have Fought For by Dan McCready at Time.com July 26, 2016

"We fought for the safety of our country, but Trump would make us less safe. He has no foreign policy experience. By his actions and his words, he has shown himself to be self-serving and impulsive. A man who says: 'I know more about ISIS than the generals do… believe me,' despite not spending a day in the service of his country, should not have the power to order one American into harm's way, let alone launch a nuclear weapon.

"We fought for democracy, but Trump promotes tyrants. He has praised Vladimir Putin. He suggested our NATO allies might be on their own if Russia attacks them. He minimized Saddam Hussein's throwing 'a little gas' (i.e., chemical weapons) on victims that included women and children.

"We fought for the man or woman serving alongside us regardless of their background, but Trump turns our fellow citizens against each other. He speaks the language of fear. Among 'second and third generation' Muslims in the United States, he falsely said: 'there's no real assimilation.' He has not just derided Muslims, but also immigrants, African Americans, and women. He even denigrated the service of a patriot and former prisoner of war, Senator John McCain."

"It takes a very strong mind to neutralize a prophecy of evil.

The student should declare, 'Every false prophecy

shall come to naught; every plan my Father

in heaven has not planned, shall be dissolved

and dissipated, the divine idea now comes to pass.'

However, if any good message has ever been given one,

of coming happiness, or wealth,

harbor and expect it, and it will manifest sooner or later,

through the law of expectancy.

Man's will should be used to back the universal will.

'I will that the will of God be done.'

It is God's will to give every man every righteous desire

of his heart, and man's will should be used

to hold the perfect vision, without wavering."

Florence Scovel Shinn

PART TWO: INSIDE THE MIND OF A NARCISSIST

"If you hate and resent a situation, you have fastened it to yourself,

for you attract what you fear or dislike….

History will repeat itself until you think you are cursed

with misfortune and injustice. There is only one way

to neutralize it. Be absolutely undisturbed by the injustice,

and send goodwill to all concerned.

Affirm: My goodwill is a strong Tower around me.

I now change all enemies into friends.

All inharmony into harmony.

All injustice into justice."

Florence Scovel Shinn

 

My Experience with Narcissists

First off, I want to be sure you know I'm not a psychiatrist and I haven't done any special research for this section of the book. You won't find footnotes and a bibliography at the end. Unfortunately, I didn't need to look up information about narcissism because I experienced the shock waves of it firsthand, year after year, while I remain trapped in a series of abusive relationships with narcissistic men. I felt helpless to change what was going on, and embarrassed to have anyone find out. After all, who would willingly stay with an emotionally abusive narcissist?

Most of my life, I lived in total people-pleaser mode as if someone had activated a switch and I was a robot with one setting: placating mode. If someone was angry, I did my best to smooth things over, minimize the potential damage, and head off their imminent eruption.

"Keep the peace" was my daily mantra for far too long, until finally the price of that peace became too high, and I sought a better way to live, a freer way to enjoy my life and bring my gifts to the world.

My experience with narcissists is one of the reasons I am writing this book: to show other people-pleasers and amiable people that it is possible to stand up, to speak up, to fight back and not bow down to anyone's rage out of fear of retaliation.

Following are my observations after many years of interacting at a close level with narcissists. You may recognize someone you know, and you will surely recognize Donald Trump, who is an extreme narcissist.

Please note that I've avoided the awkward use of he/she throughout, but I'm not implying that only men can be narcissists.

 

What Is a Narcissist?

Like any topic related to the human personality, narcissism can be complex. The person may display different levels of narcissistic behavior under different conditions, and some people may never go to extremes with their narcissism.

I believe the more moderate, controlled level of narcissism occurs when the person's family and friends buckle under and give him all the attention he demands, so he never has to display his full capabilities of cruelty to get his way. He doesn't have to make them understand how serious he is about being the only important person in the room, because they already grant him that privilege.

Deep within, so well-hidden that it might not be obvious, a narcissist has a tremendous lack of self-confidence and self-respect. It is that void which prompts the narcissistic behavior in the first place.

The classic narcissist looks outward for approval, praise and adulation in order to feel better about himself. His insecurities are so deep that he cannot bear to look within, and the concept of self-reflection is abhorrent. He doesn't dare look inside because he knows what he will find: nothing.

The emotional immaturity of a narcissist is one of the first things one might notice. At times you may observe these three "ages" or "life stages" in a broad way, as noticed in a spoiled child who has never been given limits or held to even a small level of accountability:

1. The tantrums of a 2-year-old,

2. The cockiness of a 10-year-old,

3. The arrogance of a 16-year-old.

In my experience, the true narcissist never matures beyond the level of a spoiled teenager whose attitude is: Whatever. I'm in charge and nobody dares take me down.

We've seen those teens in the news for despicable crimes. How many others indulge in bullying, gang rape, vandalism and more, without being held accountable?

And as they grow up, their unchecked actions get even worse.

They are smirking now, post-election 2016, those other narcissists, the ones who were warned by teachers and parents that they would never get anywhere in life without a change of behavior.

 

Traits of a Narcissist

It may seem that the narcissist is coming out on top, but there will come a day of reckoning. In my many years of experience with narcissistic men, I recognized the irony that the narcissist believes that he practices the Golden Rule as his motivating principle. He apparently cannot see the disconnect between his actual behavior and the high ideal he has convinced himself he adheres to.

"The law of laws is to do unto others

as you would be done by;

for whatever you send out comes back

and what you do to others will be done to you."

Florence Scovel Shinn

If you feel confused about whether someone you know might be a narcissist, I believe this is the "litmus test": a narcissist looks out for his own interests no matter how many others are hurt, and when called to task will always have a scapegoat handy.

Angry All the Time

The narcissist has a deep inner sense of rage at the world for not giving him the love he desperately needs to fill that void within. He loves to have the upper hand in every relationship and feels satisfaction when others leap nervously at the crack of his whip.

A narcissist can be an ordinary salesman, an unemployed widget maker, the head of a big corporation, or a perpetual student evading the need to get a job. The underlying anger is always present but can be readily masked with a lot of jolliness and camaraderie that fool people he's such a great guy and so cool to hang out with.

 

Bullying Braggart

In general, narcissists are the bullies of our society. They are confident the rules don't apply to them, and they don't care who they hurt in their climb to what they consider the top.

Narcissists do not express compassion, empathy, or kindness, unless there is a self-serving reason to fake it.

The bully bullies to cover up his insecurities. He stomps around like an emperor to disguise his secret lack of self-respect.

He frequently acts and sounds like a furious two-year-old who has just been told he must share his toys, or some other limit to the un-reined freedom he feels entitled to.

If you want to be in his circle, you'll have to play by his rules, and his rules alone.

He gets a visible thrill from lambasting people from another culture, ethnicity or background than his own. His family, employees, and people who recognize his behavior for the sickness that it is, learn to observe his mood and stand back as he winds up to trash somebody. Each time he gets away with this behavior, he feels more entitled to step up his game.

Coward

Bullies are cowards, and they surround themselves with other bullies so that they can feel important and powerful. Their hate-based tactics are to dominate and control with threats of injury both physical and emotional.

When we learn to stand up to bullies, we take back our power.

 

Cruel despot

"A man may smile and smile,

and be a villain."

William Shakespeare

A narcissist is easily recognized by his treatment of those he sees as inferior to him. When it's "safe" to do so, he'll belittle and mock them, or worse.

If he is in a position to hold the purse strings, he will be very stingy with wages as often as possible but reward his cronies with massive salaries that keep them loyal to him—he needs people in power who are willing to turn a blind eye to his cruelties and his contemptible treatment of others.

He delights in saying things to humiliate people he considers inferior to him. He's careful when choosing a target because it must be someone he's confident will not rear up and fight back.

He can turn this mode of attack versus charm on and off like a light switch.

At first, when you learn about narcissism or think you might be dealing with a narcissist, you think he's just in anger-mode all the time and can't control it. You may even feel sorry for the poor guy that he's got such a bad temper.

But when you step back a bit, and start watching for the pattern, you'll notice he can indeed pick the time and place when he erupts.

If he is ready to blow off steam and you aren't doing anything in particular that he can point to as the reason for a rage, he'll simply grasp the trivial or invent something. And if you don't know you are dealing with a narcissist, you'll go on the defensive and try to figure out why on earth he'd be so upset about your offering him a sandwich for lunch, for example, only to have him rage that you are trying to poison him with leftovers.

Playing the master of the house allows the narcissist to see himself as a wonderful person, and it provides inner proof whenever a little voice within may dare to scold him for being cruel.

 

Devious

A narcissist is focused on having his needs met no matter what it takes to make that happen. He has to surround himself with glamour, with signs of importance so that others will be fooled about his power. The saying "The end justifies the means" was probably coined by a long-dead narcissist.

For a narcissist, life is all about doing what needs to be done to survive inside the daily hell of the narcissistic mind where self-contempt rules and must be hidden from view.

 

Easily Bored

The narcissist cannot abide being alone, so he always finds someone who is willing to do anything to try to appease that anger and not inadvertently set off his rage. A power-hungry narcissist is never satisfied, no matter how many doormats he amasses to wipe his feet on.

He hates to be alone because he might have to confront that emptiness inside, so he surrounds himself with noise, people, TV, music (not soothing classical, but anything that has a loud beat to keep his adrenaline jumped up).

He adores being the life of the party, the center of attention, and can usually charm his way into any circle as long as people are willing to let him be the star. The narcissist seeks out entertainment and conversations and a crowd. He needs all that chatter and activity so that he is never forced to endure solitude, something he inherently dreads and fears.

The narcissist cultivates a circle of friends and admirers who can be relied on to dismiss any sign of temper and overlook any lapse. With this crowd, he can be at ease and dazzle everyone with his cleverness, since he can count on them to look at him with starry eyes and no criticism.

 

Easily Offended

If you've ever had a conversation with someone who blew up at you over a mild comment you had made, and you found yourself scrambling to try to explain that's not what you said (and believe me, it was probably something innocent and minor), then you've had an encounter with a narcissist.

A narcissist perceives insults and put-downs at every corner. Odd that he deals them out so much to others and yet can never seem to notice that what he does to hurt others is the same thing he imagines others are doing to him. That "quirk" is an integral part of the narcissistic character.

 

Entitled

The classic narcissist is puffed up with his own self-importance and deep sense of entitlement. His ego is over-inflated in order to hide the terrified little boy inside who has never been able to feel or give love, and is seeking something, anything, that will make him feel better about himself. Feeling superior to others helps him feel better for a little while.

A narcissist feels fully entitled to get what he wants when he wants it, if not sooner.

He feels entitled to take what he wants, without any protest from others. Students of history may think at once about feudal lords and the behavior they insisted was theirs by right. Sexual harassment is the arena of the narcissist, who feels he can do no wrong.

He feels entitled to keep others waiting. Feels entitled to take off his shoe and slam it on the conference table to make his point.

Every narcissist, no matter how poor or rich, successful or not in his own neck of the woods, finds a platform where it is safe enough for him to rant without boundaries. It may be behind closed doors with his family. It might be in the back room of a business he owns or manages.

 

Hair-Trigger Temper

The overweening need for supremacy over others means a narcissist lashes out with fury at any obstruction (perceived or real). He covers up his own deep-seated insecurities by quickly shifting the focus away from himself and out at others, such as with a wild accusation that will make the other person feel off-balance and defensive and take the heat off the narcissist.

He's easily goaded into blowing up.

He erupts in a rage when he perceives an insult. He frequently acts and sounds like a furious two-year-old who has just been told it is time to take a nap, or some other limit to the un-reined freedom he feels entitled to. He hates to share the sandbox.

He cannot tolerate being made to look foolish. He has no motivation to change his habit of blowing up for no reason at all, because in that moment of rage, he feels an inner sense of release. It is the closest he gets to what the rest of us call inner peace or serenity. For a little while, all the tension that has been building tighter and tighter suddenly uncoils in a huge wave of relief.

And then the coiling up process begins again, until he finds any excuse at all to blow up yet again. And so, the cycle continues, uninterrupted.

 

Hates Looking Foolish He cannot tolerate anyone mocking or teasing if the subject is a sensitive one. To him, that is disrespectful, and he'll likely blow up in your face and make sure you feel his displeasure at your ill-advised treatment of him.

If you get too close to a deeply sensitive area with your teasing jokes, he'll slash back and cut you to ribbons, far out of proportion to the joke you made, such as a comment about his latest outfit or something that he perceives as a moral judgment against him.

He hates to be laughed at or made to look foolish. He has an internal "offense gauge" that is set to super-sensitive so that he'll go from mellow to yell-out in a split second if he suspects someone is being disrespectful.

In fact, although he is extremely sarcastic and cruel to others, if the tables are turned, he reacts as if deeply wounded by the mildest of teasing.

 

It's Personal

For the narcissist, everything is personal. The daily ups and downs of life that the rest of us take in our stride are seen as personal affronts by a narcissist: How dare that driver cut me off! How dare this road have a pothole! How dare that server keep me waiting!

The overall attitude is as if they are constantly thinking, "Don't they realize who I am?"

A narcissist once assured me that he could go as fast as he wanted on the freeway because any cop who saw the expensive car he was driving would realize he must be someone important, and wouldn't stop him. He wasn't kidding. We were on the freeway at the time, going 90 mph in broad daylight.

The narcissist is frequently exhausting to be around because it's all about him, all the time, and he truly hates to share the spotlight.

His odious behavior is sometimes startling because it is so outrageous it seems impossible anyone could seriously walk around acting like that … and get away with it.

Jealous

 

He's quick to react to perceived slights or to the hint that someone is encroaching on his territory, hence is swift leap to jealousy in the most innocent of situations. Randomly accuses spouse or girlfriend of cheating on him despite any lack of evidence. This serves two purposes: keep her off-balance and nervous about him, demonstrates his power to keep her under his thumb as she pleads with him to stop even thinking she would ever cheat on him.

Wildly jealous of other men's attentions even though paradoxically very proud and possessive of her input ice because an attractive mate makes others envy him., he sees wife and children as possessions in the same class as his car, home, and other material goods, he sees any sign of discontent as betrayal and will punish the offender.

 

Jekyll-Hyde Personality

His impulse control is minimal. When provoked, that Mr. Nice Guy demeanor (Dr. Jekyll) twists into the snarling Mr. Hyde whose verbal abuse is legendary.

Usually, presenting an amiable face to the public is important to the narcissist so he can be treated like a great guy and admired for how jovial and easygoing he is. Ironic, when often that same man is a like a demon to those closest to him. In fact, there's an old term to describe the narcissist: Street angel, home devil.

At a glance, victims of a narcissist's behavior may think they triggered what he did and said, and they walk on eggshells trying not to "set him off," however, he doesn't need anything special to indulge his appetite for raging.

If you don't cooperate by providing him with a topic, he'll invent one. And after he's raged, he feels a sense of peace inside.

Rarely will a narcissist apologize for his nasty behavior. Instead, he simply acts like nothing happened. For him, it is business as usual, and woe betide the hapless family member or witness who speaks up and tries to bring up his rant for discussion and behavioral modification.

If he's got his family well-trained not to leave him, the narcissist can indulge his temper at any time he pleases behind closed doors and feel safe that his secret remains hidden from friends and colleagues who might not think so highly of him if they found out.

He is frantic for adulation and may be seen charming strangers with jokes and anecdotes so he can fool himself that he is well-loved by all who meet him. This tactic is called "earning narcissistic supply" because he has to keep that supply of compliments ready at hand to not feel so unlovable and unloved.

He'll often be extremely generous with showy gifts, and basks in the praise others give him for being such a caring husband or boss.

He may be the gentleman bully who only reveals the steel beneath the velvet glove when alone with his family, or at the other end of the spectrum, someone who is so deep into narcissism that he doesn't care what others think and will rage freely in public, feeling fully entitled to be as cruel and heartless as he pleases.

The narcissist can be affable and expansive—even jovial—when he's feeling sated with power, as if he has an internal fuel gauge which alerts him when he's got enough in reserve to put down his whip and play at being the benevolent master for a while… until the glow of his narcissistic supply begins dwindling, and the cycle continues.

 

Lack of Empathy

If you want to be in his circle, you'll have to play by his rules, and his rules alone. Get used to having your needs ignored. The narcissist has a complete inability to see life from the perspective of anyone else. It is always all about him, all the time.

A narcissist sees the pain that others are experiencing and is indifferent to it. Unlike a true goal achiever – someone who has a big dream for success and finds ways of being of service to others – the narcissist wants to be king of the mountain without having to go through the steps others take. They want to reach the top to be admired. A narcissist doesn't care how many people he steps on to get ahead. The narcissist schemes to make money no matter what it does to the people are making his income possible.

 

Liar

The narcissist feels no compunction to tell the truth or to honor agreements unless it is convenient to do so and/or is for his benefit. He always looks out for his own interests first and foremost.

A narcissist can look you right in the eye without blinking and tell a bold-faced lie.

He's glib. No hesitation, no shifting eyes, no glancing away. In that moment, he believes what he is saying. He cannot see the contradictions between truth and his own words.

From his viewpoint, he wasn't telling a lie, he was simply telling his version of what life ought to be. And if that takes recasting the entire scenario to fit his illusion, so be it. He'll never admit to being a liar, even if his pants catch fire from the habit.

It's deeply engrained in his mindset that he doesn't have to follow convention, so lies don't even count.

The narcissist believes his own lies. He has to, or else he would implode with self-disgust.

 

No Sense of Inner Value

The narcissist must feel very lonely inside. He clearly has no sense of self-worth, of spirituality and contentment. If he did, he could never treat others with the contempt that he does.

His view is generally materialistic in nature.

He takes pride in being a good parent or employer when it comes to bestowing material gifts or things that others will admire and envy. No matter what his income level might be, a narcissist's measuring stick for love is frequently based on materialism.

He feels loved if people took time to select a gift that cost more than they could afford. He feels he is a loving parent or spouse when he can say: "I paid for their food and clothing and housing, I paid for their schooling, I paid for …"

 

Outspoken

The narcissist has no filter on his mouth. No control over what comes out. If something pops into his mind, he says it.

He must always have the upper hand and talks over others who are saying something he doesn't want to hear. He'll often make "speed it up" gestures when others talk. Along with this comes the habit of interrupting other speakers because he doesn't it like it that the attention is on them, and a total disregard for manners.

If confronted by an egregious error or lapse in judgment, he'll put a spin on it and claim he was joking, and the fault lies with others for not being able to tell when he was "just kidding."

He can talk for hours about nothing, and he loves to cut people off to further his own agenda, to call the other person names, and to ruin the punchline of a joke and get the spotlight back onto himself, where, in his opinion, it belongs all the time.

 

Paradoxical Beliefs

The narcissist can hold seemingly incompatible ideas at the same time. This results in the many inconsistencies seen in his behavior.

He can label someone else as a danger and threat, turn around and behave in a way that matches those definitions, and yet label his own behavior as benevolent and necessary.

This type of thinking is like the despot who demands that the citizens must tighten their belts and sacrifice for the good of their country, while he feasts in his private banquet hall.

 

Racist

No matter what the color of his skin is, the narcissist has an inner belief that he is superior to anyone who is of a different race. His contempt for the race as a whole may be expressed in snide comments to a stranger, a loudly told racist joke in a public place while surrounded by his safety net of people he can count on to laugh or at least not call him to task, or a muttered insult at the television when someone of the despised race appears.

Paradoxically, that same person may have an employee, house cleaner, mechanic, or handyman who is of that despised race but provides a necessary service—to that individual, he'll be full of praise about their work when others are around to witness his joviality. He may give large tips or spontaneous gifts, and then bask in their genuine affection for him as the benevolent lord of the manor, whether it is a yuppie mansion or a tract home.

 

Self-Absorbed

Narcissism goes far beyond vanity, beyond an inferiority complex, beyond temper tantrums and into the realm of mindboggling self-absorption.

The narcissist has no empathy—no ability within that cold heart to look at others with compassion and reach out to offer assistance.

Any offer of help will always be self-serving.

The narcissist looks at life from the perspective of personal gain. He is ruthless in getting his way all the time, even over trivial matters ("Who took the garage clicker!") that you would think wouldn't be important to get in such a rage about.

His view of life is "Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee"—although he feels undeserving deep inside, on the outside he grabs as much as he can as if that proves he must be special.

He is always looking for an angle to come out on top of everyone else.

Every situation and relationship is about control. It must be an "I win/you lose" outcome. It's never about win/win or working together for a common good.

His ego is so distorted that he cannot see any advantage to being the sort of person about whom a kindergarten teacher would say "plays well with others."

He makes it clear when he's unhappy with your choice of a TV show, movie, restaurant, and any other activity – – it becomes easier to not have to go through all that rigmarole just to go out and have what you thought would be a pleasant evening. So, you cave in time and again until it is so automatic that you do it without conscious thought, and in fact circumvent the whole issue by only suggesting activities he has already marked with his seal of approval. You cater to the narcissist, and he wins on a regular basis. This inadvertently feeds his sick behavior so that it grows stronger and deeper roots.

Think twice before asking him to compromise, because to a narcissist that is the greatest insult. "My way or the highway" is the attitude most often demonstrated, unless he's already dismissed the importance to him of the issue you want to compromise on. If so, he'll "let" you win as if tossing you a crumb and pretending he doesn't care or doesn't have time to deal with your whining.

Be wary, however, because the value of that crumb will suddenly go up when he wants you to compromise—he'll expect you to give him 100 times the value of that concession he grudgingly agreed to earlier.

 

Skewed Perception of Himself The narcissist is proud of his excesses. He often has a keen interest in being well-groomed at all times and well-dressed so that no one can find fault with his appearance.

If he is of modest means, the narcissist will not care what the rest of the family must sacrifice for his clothing budget to be indulged. And yet, he will turn on them in a fury if he feels the way they are dressed is an embarrassment to him. He sees himself in a distorted mirror that tells him he is the greatest in the land and no one can compare.

He creates messes and leaves them for others to clean up.

As a child, cleaning his messes might have been the task of an overworked or exasperated parent who kept hoping things would change. As an adult, the messes have grown much larger and more threatening to the welfare of others, but he still looks to others to clean up the mess and keep him out of trouble.

 

Toxic Behavior

When you witness a narcissist in action, you may stare, your mouth agape, wondering how he gets away with what he does.

His attitude is: I can do and say whatever I want (everyone else be damned), rinse, repeat.

When you are involved with a narcissist, the fog of denial seeps over you on a regular basis because he's so good at stonewalling you and simply pretending that he never said what you know he said, and that he never did what you know he did.

 

Unmasked

A narcissist craves adulation. He lives with the secret terror that someone will discover he is a total fake. The narcissist is driven from within to pass himself off as a success and prevent the annihilation of being unmasked. That is why the outward trappings become so important—the narcissist may pay a lot of attention to his appearance, clothes, hair, jewelry and status symbols, even if he can only afford the knock-offs.

Although narcissism is not just a case of being a little conceited, the vanity that is under the surface drives a lot of resentment toward others he fears may be or have more than he does.

The narcissist has been a stock character in plays and films time out of mind. He's easy to spot—look for the one strutting like a peacock in full display. And watch for the one who is charming until thwarted, at which time his wrath explodes on the hapless folks in his orbit. In a romantic comedy, he'll be the guy we hope our sweet heroine will jilt at the altar because she has come to her senses and realizes what a jerk he really is.

 

Trump's Extreme Narcissism

 

Trump's television celebrity made it "safe" for him to explode at will, and get admired for how nasty he could be as he crushed people under his heel.

It's never a good idea when dealing with the narcissistic personality disorder to let the person go on a rampage. It may appease him momentarily as he gets the inrush of feeling powerful, but soon the emptiness returns and he craves more and more attention, more and more power.

The country, indeed the world, needs to get better informed about what it's like to have a narcissist in charge.

A narcissist is determined to get what he wants when he wants it, and you'd better not thwart him.

The narcissist is 100% positive that the rules do not apply to him, because he's special. Rules are made for lesser people, not for his highness. Any parent who has raised a toddler will notice the similarity between a toddler's tantrums and those of a narcissist; however, of course, the narcissist in a position of power can do far more damage than a two-year-old kicking his heels in the air and screaming to relieve his frustration when things don't go his way.

Like an overgrown toddler, furious with contempt and outrage for anyone who stands in his way, the adult narcissist spends a lot of energy on punishing those he sees as enemies. The child yells out "I hate you!" to his parents. The adult narcissist takes stronger measures than just a few words of contempt. He is superior to everyone and demands the adulation that goes with that superiority.

Our popular culture praises, applauds, aids and abets the narcissists in many ways with our lopsided love of celebrities.

But with a narcissist, that moment will not be something to examine and grow from –instead, it would be seen as the slug under the rock, something ugly and unwanted to stomp on and push away because the feeling of unworthiness is not congruent with his inflated ego.

Everything going on around him is a perceived threat to the narcissist. He walks through life on alert, ready to pounce on an idle comment that someone makes which he feels was an insult. Seeing a homeless man will evoke terror that it might happen to him, so he has to do what he can to push away those uncomfortable feelings inside, such as yelling out to the man, "Get a job!"

An extreme narcissist wreaks havoc in the lives of everyone around him and yet seemingly feels little or no remorse. His sense of entitlement (pumped up by the groveling praise from minions) assures him that the rules don't pertain to him.

In his mind he's far above the ordinary man who must bow and kowtow to the demands of society and family. He sees empathy as weakness.

The out-of-control extreme narcissist is the one who has left those closed doors behind and feels entitled to act how he pleases, wherever he wants. He rages in public, at the drop of a hat.

He is confident he can get away with this outrageous behavior because he's been applauded for his abusive comments. He knows he can do as he pleases and say whatever pops into his head without losing the support of loyalists who overlook his excesses of anger and overweening pride.

Trump: A man who brags that he doesn't pay income tax because he "doesn't have to" and yet complains bitterly that he is inconvenienced by taxpayer-funded roads that need repair.

Trump: His team members decried his snide comments about groping women— and yet stood by him anyway. We used to call that being a "hypocrite" but apparently now it's just considered by the Republican party to be "business as usual."

Trump in response to a comment about his total inexperience with foreign policies and as an international diplomat: "I've been places!"

This seemingly paradoxical phenomenon is actually part of the web that a narcissist casts, where people join up in alliance with him for their own gain and simply turn a blind eye to his faults and lack of experience as if he's got a bad tic that he shouldn't be blamed for.

Trump and his team capitalized on his reality TV fame and managed to pull off enough entertainment for enough people to be fooled that "celebrity" must equate "ability."

He is the least qualified candidate ever put before the American voters, and yet…he was given the presidency. Historians will interpret this to the best of their ability—and I wish them luck in identifying the lack of awareness in a voting public that couldn't see the difference between electing a progressive thinker with many years of experience in diplomacy and Constitutional law, and someone who rants and raves when his least whim is thwarted.

It's important to understand just who your foe is and what principles they represent. We label people "paranoid" if they walk around flinching at shadows, because we can see their thinking has become dis-eased and they see threats everywhere, even when the enemy is truly the mind within.

An extreme narcissist sees only his own needs and glory.

Trump has made it abundantly clear that the frightened little boy inside would delight in forcing the world to its knees and then crown himself emperor.

If you ask a narcissist to do something that he doesn't want to do—because he's afraid it will weaken his position or diminish the esteem people hold him in— he simply digs in his heels and finds one excuse after another no matter how implausible.

The key to working with a narcissist is to find ways to show him how this new plan you are suggesting will actually benefit him in some way. He has to see that he will be admired if he agrees to it.

When dealing with a tyrant you have to be aware of his ego-driven motives, and work with those needs instead of trying to push against him or make him see reason.

Attempts to show a narcissist why his thinking is "wrong" will simply result in his taking an even firmer stance and gathering in the forces he needs to support his position.