The Pain of Pain (August 2025)

I must've dozed off again.

She's relaxed and sleeping now. The morphine drip is finally working. That was horrible!

How could I have said such a thing?

“I'm a scientist, so I can fully understand that the doctor has a lot to consider when he decides how much morphine your mother should be getting.”

What a callous son of a—

Just half an hour ago, Jessi was screaming in pain, begging for something to stop it. I was running down the hall to the nurse's desk screaming, “Morphine! She needs morphine, NOW!”

That wasn't very dignified of YOU, Professor!

The sight of someone you love in excruciating pain—their body clenched like a tight fist—that will recalibrate your feelings in a heartbeat. To hell with logical fortitude.

I didn't care about protocols, I just wanted the goddamn morphine drip and I wanted it IMMEDIATELY. "I'll be there in a minute" wasn't going to cut it.

I've seen my wife in pain before. I was in the delivery room when both of our children were born. The doctor actually asked if she had pain insensitivity. I said, "No, but if you hurt her, she'll hit you." The nurse laughed.

But this, this cancer pain . . . . No, I wish she were insensitive to pain. Thank God the kids haven't seen their mother suffer this bad. Losing—

That’ll be hard enough . . . for all of us.

God Almighty! Did I really say that? No wonder we’re no longer invited to Sam’s cottage. Jesus! I wouldn't either. Ass!

Takes a deep, deep breath.