Polar Plexus

The pilot having had enough yelled 'Shut up!', and while the onion was only half-done, Professor Kozlov, who had been chewing each layer methodically as he expostulated on how eating an onion was analogous to scientific research, abruptly stopped—mid-chew, mid-sentence. No one requested an 18-month assignment to the Russian military based at Nagurskoye in the 191-island Franz Josef Archipelago (aka The Gulag). Who would? It was the High Arctic near the top of the world—extremely cold, dark, remote and endlessly boring, especially with a jabbering scientist who ate goddamned raw onions. And with ICBMs that could strike any city in America, was it really necessary anymore? Rumour had it that Putin never even visited the base. It had been a look-alike.