The Roadside Psalmist by Pastor Vinod sk - HTML preview

Chapter 2: Regret and Reflection

When the rush became quiet, as the rush of the day slowed to a hum. Samuel sat under the dim light of the streetlamp, his guitar resting on his lap. He had just finished his usual songs, offering his gift of music to the passersby. The usual comfort of his guitar had faded for the moment, replaced by a deep weariness in his bones. With a soft sigh, he leaned back against the cold concrete wall, wrapping his worn coat tighter around himself as the chill of the evening settled in.

The city had become his home, but some nights, like tonight, the loneliness pressed in. He closed his eyes, letting the quiet envelop him as he drifted off to sleep right there, under the flickering light. When he sleep, for Samuel, was never just sleep. It was a journey into the past.

Samuel’s thoughts weren’t peaceful that night. They were filled with images of a time long ago, when he was a different man. He was back in his old house, the place where his family had once lived. Once he had everything, wife, children, home, money, job everything a home filled with life, laughter, and love… until pride had entered. In his image, he saw himself walking through the front door of the house, full of self-importance, a man consumed with the idea of being successful, of proving his worth. He was busy, always striving, always thinking about what people would say about him. He worked long hours, putting his career and his image before everything else. His wife, Emily, would try to talk to him about the children, about how they needed him, but Samuel was always too busy.

“I’m doing this for us, for our future,” he would tell her dismissively,

brushing off her concerns with the same arrogance he carried every day. He couldn’t see

how the long hours, the coldness in his words, and the absence of his presence were slowly tearing at the fabric of his family.

Emily, a woman with a kind heart and endless patience, tried to balance it all—caring for the kids, keeping the home together, and supporting Samuel in his ambitions. But with every passing year, Samuel became more distant. His pride shielded him from seeing the cracks that had formed in his marriage and his relationship with his children, Noah and Emma. Samuel had been proud, too proud. He wanted more out of life: more success, more recognition, more excitement. He had convinced himself that his family didn’t understand his ambitions, that they were holding him back. When he met another woman—Margret through his work, he saw her as an escape. Margaret was vibrant, exciting, and free-spirited, everything Samuel thought he wanted. He told himself it wasn’t wrong; he deserved to be happy, didn’t he?

One evening, after another argument with Emily about his late nights and distant behaviour, Samuel packed a bag. His pride wouldn’t let him admit he was wrong, wouldn’t let him see the damage he was about to cause. He left the house without looking back, ignoring the sound of Emily’s sobs and the cries of his children.

He moved in with Margaret, telling himself it was for the best. At first, life with her seemed like the freedom he had always wanted. But it didn’t take long for the cracks to show. The excitement faded, and Margaret’s true nature began to surface. She was selfish, demanding, and cared little for Samuel’s well-being. Still, he stayed, too ashamed to admit his mistake and too stubborn to go back.

Samuel’s life with Margaret spiralled out of control. She spent recklessly, draining his finances, and introduced him to a lifestyle of excess. He began drinking heavily to numb the guilt that gnawed at him, and his health started to decline. Over time, the strain of their toxic relationship became unbearable. One day, Margaret left, taking what little money Samuel had left and leaving him with nothing but his regret.

By the time he realized the full extent of his mistakes, it was too late. His career was ruined, his body weakened by years of neglect and poor choices, and his family was gone. He had burned every bridge, and there was no one left to turn to. After Margaret’s departure, Samuel’s life hit rock bottom. He fell gravely ill, a combination of years of poor health, untreated sickness, and sheer exhaustion. He tried to get help but found himself turned away. The people who once admired him for his confidence and charm now looked at him with pity or disdain.

With no money, no home, and no strength, Samuel ended up on the streets. He became a beggar, reduced to living day by day, relying on the kindness of strangers for scraps of food and spare change. His once-proud hands, which had played music to adoring audiences and embraced his children, now held out for charity.

Now, as an old man, Samuel often thought about the life he had left behind. He remembered Emily’s smile, the warmth of his children’s hugs, and the sound of their laughter. He thought of the nights he spent with Margaret and how hollow they had been compared to the love he had abandoned.

Samuel regretted it all—leaving his family, chasing empty dreams, and letting his pride destroy everything good in his life. He wondered if Emily had ever forgiven him, if Noah and Emma had grown up to be happy despite his absence. Sometimes, he dreamed of seeing them again, but the thought of facing their anger or disappointment kept him from trying. One night, under the streetlamp, Samuel whispered a prayer, after hearing of Jesus Christ and of His love, He prayed like this , “Lord Jesus, I don’t know if You can forgive a man like me. I’ve made so many mistakes, hurt so many people. I abandoned my family, and I let my pride ruin my life. Forgive my sins, wash all sins away, as Jesus paid the price of my forgiveness, by your precious blood. I thank you for your eternal love. As he finished, Samuel took a deep breath, the cool night air filling his lungs. He felt the weight of his regrets pressing down on him, but he also felt a flicker of something else—hope. He felt as a changed man, with a fresh peaceful heart. (That was His life’s turning point). Then Samuel woke up from the visionary thoughts of the past. Samuel leaned back against the wall, his guitar beside him, and stared up at the stars. His mind wandered back to his family, to the love he had lost. “Emily,” he whispered into the night, “I’m sorry. I was a fool.” His voice cracked, and tears slipped down his weathered cheeks.

The joy at now is from God he received still stayed and that stimulates the joy, the Joy of salvation that he received by believing in Jesus.