The Oceanview (Young Adult)
“What did you want to do after high school, miss? Did you have a dream?”
“I wasn’t interested in more school. My parents accepted that. I just didn’t see the point.”
“What did you do, miss?”
“I got into this job that only needed high school, when I was nineteen. It was a nice job. Just nice. That’s all I asked for.”
A vision of her, sitting down for a job interview, appeared when the previous memory of her vacation left them. The sunset of the oceanview was at half-way. A golden glow of dark orange.
“I was all nice and confident in the interview. I think they liked me. I have a feeling my looks made a difference.”
The vision disappeared. Replacing it was a vision of a nineteen-year-old Yoko, working at her job.
“I didn’t ask for much…. I really didn’t. I just stayed in this job.”
She continued to go about her business, working fast in the vision.
“What of your cousin, miss Yoko?”
“Oh, she became that nail technician-a nail designer-she wished to be when she grew up. She would do my nails a lot. Mostly for my personal satisfaction. And hers.”
Her nails in the vision were a light-orange colour. Her fingernails cut short and neatly, not long, though with a bit length which made the nail colouring stand out on her hands and fingers.
Her hair was tied in a tight bun, facing straight up, so her hair wouldn’t interfere with her work.
Her light-brown eyebrows had been manicured and thinned, which gave her a dynamic look as she went about herself.
“Yep. That was me, Robert.”
The vision of her working went away. A vision of her walking in a forest conservation area by herself.
Robert didn’t recognize where the forest conservation area was.
“That was a relaxing walk. It helped calm me down. I’m such an overactive person.”
“You’re powerful, miss.”
She was quiet. “Thanks.”
Her final vision of two-thousand and ten was of her at a music concert.
“It’s the same band you loved when you were younger, my miss.”
The adult woman was alone this time. She seemed so individualistic, separate from herself.
“This was the last year before they broke up. I loved the new music they had made. I went alone.”
She stood alone, as she listened to them with a smile on her face. A grin. She was a reflective a bit when she was younger.
The live visuals, distinctly modern for that decade, played overhead.
The reflective final song played, with reflective visuals. A coloured ocean, not the real colour, was shown at the end.
“It was sort of like a definition of that decade. A sound of my youth, you could say. That’s the way I thought of it.”
He was quiet.
“…. So something came to an end.”
She nodded. “Yes, Robert. Something came to an end.
Back at her family’s home, she had bought the new album that year. Still living with her parents.
The cover had two naked women, floating in the water of an ocean or sea, their white bodies seeming to be coming together as they looked like they were trying to reach each other. The one on the right had short hair, while the one on the left had long hair, flowing in the water.
In the ocean or sea, light was shining in from a thin patch of water above, lightly coloured with waves showing, as opposed to the much darker blue ocean/sea water that surrounded it around and spread across below it, on the water’s surface.
Under the ocean/sea, people were shown to have been amalgamed into sea life. Some had fish bodies, others that were female looked like mermaids. A few looked like they had a little strange electricity running through their bodies, with one on the left of the cover having what looked like strange blue electricity in his eye and on his head, like a lightning bolt. The sea people swam towards the two naked women shown coming together in the centre of the cover. On the far upper right of the cover, darkness covered a small area of sea, were two mermaid-like women swam towards the direction of the two naked ocean women.
Surrounding the people were coral and sea animals. To the left, a somewhat glowing fish with a glowing, large eye stuck its wide head out of the coral on that side of the sea/ocean. A small whale was visible on the bottom right corner of the album cover, swimming by the name of the band and the album title, both printed with large, silver metallic-like font (band name on top, album title below, in smaller letters than band name). The whale lay almost on the visible ocean/sea floor, small, without much of it being shown on the cover, yet visually interesting while appearing by the band name and album title.
With the pale blue light shining into the ocean/sea from the small section of pale blue water above, with small, pale-blue waves in it, almost revealing the surface, the light spreading on the two naked women was the centre of attention for the visual and all that was happening around it.
It was wonderful.
Years later, when Yoko moved into her apartment and lived by herself, she brought all three albums with her to listen to for the memories they held. Sometimes, she would just look at the covers, such as the wonderful underwater one, and she couldn’t help herself but to simply laugh with true joy at it.
She thought back to the lost days it belonged to….
Why wouldn’t she want to be a crazy young lady?
The Oceanview (Adult) (A Progress of Time)
A vision of a year later, two-thousand and eleven.
Robert and the grown girl who had been with him all this time watched as she went to another concert, this time outside, with her cousin and her cousin’s much older parents.
“It was an album which was really…. spiritual, I guess. It had come out a year ago. Something about the music was perfect for outdoors. I travelled with my cousin and her parents to the city, going to a place there we had never been before in the city. A nice, spring day. Cool out. It was perfect for the music we went to go see. The day fit the music so well. I thought the cover of the album reminded me of a view you would see at a conservation area, or out in the wild. You saw me go walking alone, but sometimes I walked with my parents or my cousin in those kind of places.”
“Not much. One time I met up with that girl I told you had lasted, the one who you saw alone on her couch ages ago. We went for a walk down by this nearby forest area, with an ocean, on a day, talking about the past and did a few other things.”
“That sounds reflective. Talking about your past with her.”
“Oh, it was reflective. It was so worth it, being with her again.
A vision, many years later.
The oceanview had the sunset gone down halfway.
“How old were you here, miss Yoko?”
“I was twenty-five.”
“Two-thousand-sixteen.” Robert thought out loud.
“Ya.” The present girl said to him.
Yoko stood alone in an apartment. She was wearing nothing but black underwear. The black sports bra she had gotten for her birthday many years ago. Black panties she had likely bought with her own money.
“You’re so sexy.” He remarked, admiring her.
The adult Yoko he was with of the present said nothing.
The sexy Yoko girl in the apartment leaned over her apartment balcony, the balcony door wide open. She was barefoot, her feet naked.
She welcomed praise and appreciation, but the desirable woman was so lonely, be herself in her apartment. She watched form the balcony, as cars went by on a highway in the near distance. The other apartment buildings of the complex surrounded her, as she watched them, taking note of how huge they were. No one else was out on a balcony. She felt, in a way she couldn’t describe, even more alone.
Yoko, now a desired but empty woman, thought about the life that had moved through those apartment buildings, since they had been built. All the people living in the units, that had come and gone, moved in and left lived lonely lives alone in them.
She longed for a boyfriend. This was her life, and it became her only wish. The lonely apartment unit was suffocating for her.
“My life is…. A waste.” She was so desired by men. Young, old. Love, lust, sexual desire was shown to her.
It was wrong. She was too used to it.
“I’ve become disconnected form attention. I’ve been shown too much. I don’t care anymore.”
“Let them look at me all they want, stare until they can’t stare at me anymore. Burn my visual into their mind. I’ll give them what they want. That’s what they desire.”
“I should walk outside naked. See what their reaction is. Walk through the hallway naked, down the elevator, through the lobby, outside, into the city, near the highway….”
She snickered to herself. She wasn’t going to.
“Maybe I’ll drink half-to-death one day and do it. The liquor store isn’t far. It’s a bit of a walk to the city. I wouldn’t know what I was doing. It’s the best part. I would go back to my apartment and sleep it off when I was done. A day where I could do whatever the fuck I want. Be naked. It’s fucking illegal. Who cares. I don’t have special days.”
She sighed a soft breath. It was a little louder then it should have been, thanks to how quiet her apartment was. With the balcony door open, and faint sounds outside coming inside, it was still a bit louder than what it was.
“Then I’ll get hit by a fucking car. Fucking dumb.” She groaned, obviously in a bad mood. Her voice became a growl as she groaned. Fierce.
Yoko, we love you. Yoko, we love you. Yoko, we love you. Their cries od admiring and desire played in her head.
“No, not really. Thanks but no thanks. I’m too crazy for you. I’m also too bitchy for you. I’m too intense for you. No thanks, Mr. Romantics.”
“…. Miss, were you happy?”
The modern girl of the present laughed a little. “No. I was not.”
“You didn’t like male attention?”
“Not that. It’s that I got sick of it. I felt like a sex object. Most of the looks I got were leering smiles. Not comfortable.”
They were looking at the lonely young woman.
“I had the day off. I was going to go take a mid-day nap.”
The young Yoko of the vision walked to her bedroom, located down a short hall, almost in the centre of the apartment.
“I had problems going to sleep.”
In her apartment’s bedroom, sunlight shined in for the middle of a day that looked like either summer or spring. A little dim, but still bright.
The bedroom had a wood night table near it, away from the window in the room. It was smooth, and had a thin book dedicated to meditation and relaxation resting upon it. Next to the book was a bottle of natural lavender oil.
“I couldn’t go to sleep.”
The lonely girl picked up the lavender oil, taking the cap off, dobbing the oil on her hand, and rubbing the oil on her forehead, in a small amount.
“The mediation and lavender were useless. I couldn’t go to, fucking, sleep.”
The lavender girl then took the mediation book, opening it to a page to read what the instructions said for mediating.
The book page read: “Imagine a peaceful scene in your head. Concentrate on the relaxing qualities of the scene. Imagine yourself in the scene, as your reality, Become one with it. Imagine and listen to the sounds of your vision.”
The lonely girl started to act on the instructions. She crossed her legs on her bed, bringing her fingers to “o” shapes, her hands and fingers relaxed outwards in this position, and closing her eyes as her truly huge eyelashes showed.
…. A little bit of time later, she opened her eyes in helpless anger.
“Fuck. Fuck.” The lonely girl said twice, shaking out her hands in frustration and holding her fists tightly in balls, instead of simply relaxing or moving her hands and fingers away from the position. They showed stress, moving through them.
“Why can’t I, fucking, just, like, fucking go to sleep?”
“Were you stressed, miss?”
“No. I’m a very active person. I think that’s why I had trouble going to sleep. The stress was caused by trying and failing to go to sleep, by using the oil and meditation.”
The stressed, lonely girl sitting cross-legged on her bed stood up abruptly.
“I felt like I had to do something. I was so energetic. I couldn’t sleep.”
She reached over quickly to her wood night table, taking a small black ribbon of it. Her black hair let-down and long, she tied it up quickly into a ponytail with the ultra-thin, plastic ribbon.
“I did some exercise to help calm me down.”
“In your underwear, my miss? Panties and a bra.
She looked at him, raising an eyebrow with an amused smile on her face. “Ya. Why not?”
He gulped. “Oh…. my.”
“Ya.” She let out a giggling laugh, playful with the suggestion of what he was thinking about her.
“That’s…. free of you, miss.”
“I threw-I throw my bra on the floor when I get home from work. Being in my underwear with no one watching doesn’t bother me, Robert.”
“I would like to see you without a bra, miss.”
She laughed out loud. “Ya, I bet you would.”
He looked at her breasts. “Can I. Right now?’
She laughed a little, quietly. “No. Sorry.”
“Ya.” She laughed a little more, quieter.
The girl, with her underwear on, walked to her living room. She took out a thin, long black mat from behind the small flat-screen television in the living room, and lay on it, putting it on the hardwood floor.
She began doing body-weight exercises.
“You sure are fit miss. You have such a natural body.”
“Oh. Ya, thanks.”
“I love your body-I like your body, miss-I really like your body- I-I love your body, miss.”
“I get it. Calm down, Robert. Thanks.”
She deeply giggled a little.
“I’m sorry, miss.”
“I’m you, miss.”
She laughed quietly. “Ya. I’m a crazy sexy girl.”
Robert admired her as she sweated, and moved her body, breathing loudly through her mouth.
“But crazy? Not really.”
“Miss, is the exercise helping you to relax-?”
“Fuck.” The grown young woman Yoko in the vision realized what she was doing was useless. No matter how much she sweated and strained her muscles, she could not relax herself.
“My miss, did you ever go to sleep?”
She nodded, without smiling, as her mouth opened a little. “Ya. I stressed myself to sleep.”
“Oh, miss. How interesting but unfortunate.”
She laughed a little. “Ya. It sucked. But I took my nap. Fucking finally.”
The young woman of the vision walked into her bedroom, still with her back straight and slightly curved, despite her own tiredness from trying to relax herself.
“You fell asleep finally on your bed, miss?”
“You’re not going to eat anything after a workout?” He blurted out, doing nothing to contain his surprise.
“No. I do usually. But I was tired.”
The young woman walked to her bed in her apartment’s bedroom. She flopped down on it heavily and fell almost instantly asleep, facing straight up to her ceiling, her eyes closed softly in such a way that her thick, huge eyelashes curled outwards and elongated even more then when she usually closed her eyes. Robert was staring in awe at how otherworldly they looked.
“You like my eyebrows?” The present-day Yoko, standing besides him. She put a hand on her right hip, leaning her weight on that hip and making the curve of her hip on that side stand out dramatically.
“Ya. Miss.” He was still looking in wonder at her.
She giggled. “I don’t blame you.”
The modern-day, adult Yoko looked back on her sleeping body and face of the past. She was covered in sweat.
“I couldn’t fall asleep another time because my mind was thinking so much. I felt like it was going to explode. I tried different ways, like the meditation and lavender oil, to go to bed, but eventually my thoughts put me to sleep. They tired me out, Robert.”
“Yes, my miss Yoko.”
The sweat on the sleeping woman’s body glistened a little in the poring sunlight. Not to strong, not to weak. Just enough light that the sheen of sweat on the girl’s body looked like it was moving. Swimming in water.
“Another one of my visions, Robert?”
“Yes, please, miss. I could get lost in the sight of you for this whole day….”
Robert stood in a strange vision.
They were a collection of his memories, imposed on him. This is what the previous vision of him standing by the restaurant and parking garage had been.
A McDonald’s restaurant stood before him, at night, though with heavy traffic, the car lights reflecting gold and red into the night world. The sound of cars passing by. He stood in the middle of the road, cars somehow avoiding him, as he glanced up at the well-lit “M” sign, glowing in the night world and sky.
Another vision flashed before him, this time of a vacation he remembered going on when he was younger, sometime during the last decade. It was to a hot, warm place in the United States this time of year, and his parents and him were in an apartment. The apartment was high-end, decorated with pleasant paintings, with a big, flat-screen, silver television by a nice living room with two comfortable-looking sofas. Reflections of the high-end apartment reflected off the paintings glass, like a mirror. Huge windows surrounded the kitchen and living room area. The open door to a bedroom showed a huge, though smaller, window as well.
“I remember here. This day- These days.”
The constant honks of traffic outside. The cars passed by, on the busy roads outside, far, far below the high-end apartment. So, so busy and loud. Constant noise of honking horns. Never stopping.
“I wonder where she was back then? Not in this country. Back home, where I lived.” The thought of her occurred to him, as he remembered these days.
He walked a little, opening the front door of the mystery apartment, as he looked out beyond the door. It was quiet in the hallway, very quiet, and largely white or a light cream colour. To his left, there was a small laundry room with a single laundry machine present. The door leading to it, close to his left, was open. So, so quiet out in the small hallway.
He went back into the apartment. The vision of the high-end apartment combined with the strange and seeming unrelated vision of the night-time McDonald’s restaurant, with the cars of night and the glowing Golden arch, seeming like it was far away from him for some reason.
He thought of her. The girl.
The vision of an animated film series from long ago, from another country that wasn’t either his home country or the one with the high-end apartment in it, flashed in his mind. He had never seen it during this time, sometime a decade ago, though he had wished he did. It showed to him, seemingly unrelated to any of these other visions that were showing to him at this same time, during this same time period, years ago. He imagined the films playing in cinemas in that other country, during the time period past.
He thought of her. The girl. The her that had lived in that time period, so many years ago.
Somehow, every one of these visions, making no sense individually to relate to the others, started to make sense when they where overlapped in a mind, forming together like waves. They were all visions from the same time period, the time many years ago. None of it made any sense, but they all did.
Some distant lights in a night day was present. Somewhere. The location was so hard to make out. Possibly a city.
Among and over the overlapping visions of thoughtful waves, the vision of the girl-Yoko-in that time remained, floating over them, as if to overlap and form them around her, making sense of nonsense and projecting the idea of “many years past”, “a long time ago” onto her. The younger her, he had never seen, only in her visions she had showed to him.
He thought about her life, where she was, what she was doing, what she was like, how she lived, Who the people around her were, all those far years ago.
Robert was back on the oceanview with the present-day Yoko, all grown up.
“Were you in one of your daydreams, Robert?”
“Yes. Yes, I was miss. And I saw you, many years ago.”
“I hope you saw me in a pleasant way. I showed you some visions from….”
“It was around two-thousand and eight.”
“…. Two-thousand and eight.”
“Yes, Yoko. They were very pleasant. No sense, but making sense when they were waves to each other.”
The sunset over the oceanview had gone down half-way. The orange glow on the water. Some rays of orange light, over the ocean.
“Another one of your visions, miss?”
She was quiet, looking at the shore. Sand was no longer blowing. The wind had ceased. The breeze was much, much more quiet.
“My miss? ....”
He recognized-remembered-this scene instantly. He had almost forgot. The vision brought it back to him, made him remember.
This day, this year.
His life met with her life as they both went about their work. Day after day.
The boy looked familiar to Robert. “Miss Yoko, who is that?”
She was quiet for a few moments.
“I don’t know. Who was that boy? I forgot him.”
“….Oh. That’s sad, miss.”
“Yes. It is, Robert.”
“I was trying to flirt with him. Give him some nice, light signals, here and there, when I got the chance.”
He felt disconnected from his body suddenly, like his mind was floating in the air, looking at the boy.
He felt a disconnection with the boy. Strange attraction, and instant disconnection. Robert couldn’t make sense of it.
He seemed familiar, but disconnected
But there was still a connection there.
“Do you remember what his name was?”
“Oh. No. I never found it. Through him telling me it, or me asking him it. It’s a mystery to me.”
“Well, maybe you’ll bump into him one day.”
“You seemed to have interest in him, miss. Is that my imagination?”
“Oh, no. I had interest in him.”
“Why so? What was special about that boy?”
“I couldn’t tell you. There was something about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was…. somewhere, somehow.”
“Oh, how interesting. You were playing with him.”
“You could say that.”
“Was he your experiment, my miss?”
She turned suddenly to stare at Robert. “My experiment, Robert?”
“Yes, ma’am. It sounds like you were experimenting with him. Not that that boy minded you, miss.”
“I was an…. experience to him?”
Robert smiled at Yoko. He shrugged. “You’re so desirable and sexy, my miss.”
She blushed red on her crème skin and gave a bit of a deep laugh. “Ya, I know I am. I was.”
“…. Ya, Robert.” She was so quiet, like she was reflectively thinking of something.
She flipped her brown hair, flung over her shoulder, hanging on her breasts to catch his attention. A strong, powerful, quick forward movement of her neck, obviously with powerful muscles in it. It looked almost practiced, the motion. It caught the boy’s eyes as he watched her relax on her curvy right hip and tie her hair into a big bun at the top of her head.
It was elegant and powerful. A little sexual, in some way. Maybe just the boy’s imagination.
She bent over in front of him briefly, to get a reaction out of him. He gave her what she wanted. Satisfied, she walked away, her back to him. A little bit of sexual tension. The boy restrained himself from following through on the act she suggested, what he was imagining doing to her. What she wanted him to imagine doing to her. What she imagined him doing to her.
“Was she smiling? I wonder what the boy thinks.”
“…. Yes, Robert. I was smiling. A little. I was amused by his sexual reaction.”
“He didn’t see your smile of sex?”
“No. My back was to him. I didn’t want him to.”
The working Yoko in the vision reached to grab something on a high-shelf, above the boy. She elongated her back, elongating her body so the boy could see and get a full-view of it’s shake. Her crotch, tight in her black pants, stood out as he admired it. He thighs and behind stretched as she gave their full-views to him, and he stood watching her, with his mouth open and eyes glistening with wonder and joy at her.
A new day. The young woman was walking by him, locking her eyes with his, with her huge, powerful eyes. She puckered her lips at him quickly, creating a “pop” noise with them, then just as quickly looked away, but not before letting her gaze at the boy and her lip temptations linger for him.
It almost looked as if she had a thin ring of black around her eyes, because of her long and thick eyelashes.
Robert and the boy couldn’t look away from them. They never wanted to, and never did.
Even when she was no longer there. In front of them to envision.
“Huh? Why are you apologizing, Robert?”
“…. Oh, it’s nothing, miss. I shouldn’t be sorry.”
“….Oh. Ok.” She wondered what he meant by that.
The vision splashed like waves, she, the girl from long ago, tying them together to make sense.
A song from the era, with a title that meant “To become a nearer distance to a person or object” played in his mind as they overlapped and flowed with the wave-like water of the visions.
“…. You’re too sensitive, Robert.”
“Oh. Yes. Sorry, miss.”
“There you go again.”
“Sorry, sorry miss.”
She laughed a little at him. “You’re a weird kid, aren’t you?”
“No, no ma’am. I’m not a bad weird.”
She laughed again, and shook her head at him. “Ya…. You’re so ridiculous.”
“Sorry, sorry ma’am.”
“Ya. I accept your apology.” She giggled a little again, deep sounding in her throat as it came from her chest.
Occasionally, the young woman in the vision would eye the boy she was interested in, looking directly in his eyes, as she observed the way he acted around her. Yoko’s huge, powerful, feminine eyes. Special power. The eyes of a special girl.
Another time, the boy had tried to match her powerful but feminine tone of voice by saying a single word when she indirectly asked him a question, speaking more loudly to match her womanly tone of voice he loved.
“Ya. So I did all that. But one day, he disappeared. I never knew where he went.”
“What do you think happened to him, miss?”
“I don’t know. I never saw him at my work again after that day I last saw him.”
“Was he going to be your boyfriend.”
She giggled, the same deep-throated giggle she often did. “That’s an innocent question for you to ask, Robert. Why do you say that?”
“I have a feeling he would very much like to have been your boyfriend.”
“Oh! That’s a nice thought. I could very easily tell he had a crush on me. I caught him one time simply staring at me, with his mouth open. I lowered my head to trick him into looking at me more, and he fell for it. When I looked back up at him, he had to shake his head out of his trance! It was funny, I had a good laugh and giggle out of it when he did. Right there, in front of him. I couldn’t help myself. It was so funny. I think I looked like I had liked him admiring me after. I have a feeling I had a sort of very pleased-looking facial expression on my face after he admired me, right in front o f him. I wonder what he thought I was saying by that….”
“I wonder what he thought by your reaction to him, my miss?”
“Ya. I think he knew.”
For some reason, Robert still felt disconnected from the boy who was with the womanly Yoko in her vision. He felt isolated form the boy, like he was on another area of the planet, so separate from this mystery boy.
“Are you sure he’s not related to me, miss?”
She looked confused at his seemingly simple question. “Huh? Him related to you? I don’t know. Do you recognize him?”
“I don’t know. He seems so detached and distant. I can’t tell who he is.”
The womanly Yoko of the present shrugged. “Ya, well, maybe he’s someone you once knew somewhere, but you forgot him. Is he a distant relative, maybe living in a different country? That’s why you say you feel “disconnected” and detached from who he is?”
Robert kept looking at the boy. Then, he glanced back at Yoko, seemingly looking for an answer from her.
“…. Miss Yoko….”
“What’s wrong, Robert?”
He frowned and put down his head, facing away from Yoko and the scene with the young boy and the Yoko of the past, a bit younger then what she was now.
“…. My miss….” He didn’t say anything else.
The womanly Yoko of her present looked at him, almost staring, trying to search for an answer to what he was thinking, but not saying to her. In the end, she simply looked confused, eventually staring a little with her huge, powerful, feminine eyes.
“Robert…. why don’t you want to speak to me…? Robert….”
“Ya. I forgot about him a while later. He left. I never saw him again.”
“Oh. That’s such a shame, miss. Would you say you thought he was special?”
“Special? Oh, no. I was just interested in him.”
Robert smiled kindly at her. “That’s nice of you, miss Yoko.”
“But I forgot him, Robert…. It’s so sad….”
Robert was so quiet.
The vision vanished. The sky and oceanview could be seen again. The sky was dark, coloured with strong streaks of dark orange and black. The ocean had strong waves of dark, glowing orange over it. The sunset had gone down a little more than halfway.
“I went about my job, went about my life, as normal.”
A vision of hers flashed before Yoko and Robert. It was a memory some time after the mystery boy had vanished from her work.
“Miss, that’s you.” In where she worked, the Yoko, a little younger, was going about her work as she always did, day after day. Nothing had changed.
“I had forgotten about the boy around this time. I still remember him a little. But I figured he wasn’t worth thinking about too much.”
The Yoko, working, in the vision had her brown hair with streaks of light yellow up in a large bun, tied upwards so that it would not interfere with her doing her work, as she sometimes did. In a light that suddenly shined on her face, Robert could see, even from a distance, the thick, full eyelashes, light-brown or brown, slightly slanted downwards eyebrows that blended into her forehead’s colour a little, her wide, huge closed eyes, her power stored beneath them, her closed, slightly downturned mouth which showed her intense concentration, her feminine nose, and her rounded forehead, cheeks and chin, giving her pleasant face a unique and appealing shape to it, as it’s colour blended into her face’s overall roundness, her forehead sloping forward a little. Her bone structure was strong and unique.
“Miss, can I say you’re beautiful?”
She thought, staring far off at the woman in the distance. “It’s an empty word, Robert.”
“An empty word, miss?”
“Ya. It doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s air, holding nothing.”
“How about if I call you amazing, my miss?”
She turned to Robert, suddenly. The suddenness of her sudden turn and subsequent look caused him to recoil very slightly, as her powerful and strong, womanly eyes focused on him.
“What’s so amazing about me?” She asked, a little coldly.
He sensed the slight hostility in her voice. “I’m-I’m sorry, miss. I love you. I think you’re amazing because you work so hard.” He glanced at her, working hard at her job. “Yes, that’s one reason. I think you’re amazing because you are so powerful for a girl and your face and body are so wonderful, miss. I think your voice and you’re walk match you so well, they’re so powerful and wonderful. You’re a joy, my miss Yoko.”
“Amazing is a strong word, Robert.”
“You are amazing, my miss.”
“Am I? Would you use that word to describe me?”
“Yes, I would, miss. I think your independence is amazing. You seem to be so resourceful at getting things done. You take steps to help yourself relax and go to sleep. You buy all those things for yourseIf, spending your money well. I think doing that is so amazing, miss Yoko.”
She sighed, her voice deeply echoing through her throat, then she let out a loud, sudden, deeply womanly laugh, almost of passion.
Robert looked surprised at her. “Miss? Did I say something amusing that you found funny?”
“Ya, you did, Robert.” She stopped laughing, letting it die down little by little as she closed her mouth in a smile of innocent coyness and suppressed it, the laughter remaining quiet and vibrating through her mouth and throat for him to hear and her to suppress on his behalf.
“Ya, you really did, Robert. You seem so innocent. I love that in you. You do truly think I am amazing.”
She tilted her head a bit right at him, giving a soft, caring smile, with her eyes closing a little in gentleness, the dark irises being closed up a little as she did. Yoko’s eyelashes fluttered very briefly as they covered more of her very dark irises, thick strands of thin black covering her eyes. The white pupils on either side of her eyes disappeared a little as her eyelashes went down, heavily.
“Thank you, Robert, for being kind to me. I know you truly think that. I know you truly think I am amazing.”
“But I do, miss.”
“Yes. Thank you, Robert.”
“Miss…. You’re amazing.”
“Thank you so much, Robert.”
The oceanview. The sky. The sunset. The night.
As the vision of Yoko working disappeared, another vision of her, living in her apartment appeared.
The sunset had gone down more than a little halfway by now. More than the little bit it had gone down before.
“Miss, I think you are incredible-I think you’re special-I think you’re unbelievable-miss, I think you’re crazy hot…. miss you’re so desirable as a girlfriend-.”
“Robert. I get it. Calm down, you’re too sensitive. You’re a weird freaking kid. I can’t figure you out.”
She smiled kindly at him, her feminine eyelids closing gently. “I love you.”
He looked a little sad as she looked at him, in her kindness. “I love you, miss Yoko.”
The vision of the girl in her apartment was the lonely one it had always been.
“Ya, Robert. As you can see, things went on like normal for me. I lived alone in an apartment. So lonely. No man to hold me, to comfort me, to make me feel loved.”
The girl Yoko of the apartment vision lay on her couch in her living room, naked. Her black sports bra and her black panties lay on the floor, along with a fancy, highly fashionable V-neck t-shirt and shorts.
Robert looked in awe at the sleeping woman. “Miss, do you have sex?”
She was strangely silent. “…. I don’t like sex, Robert.”
He turned gently to her, shocked. “You don’t like sex, miss Yoko?”
“No.” She looked at her incredible body on her apartment’s couch. On this couch, her hair fell over the sides, long, brown and straight, though slightly wavy.
“I’ve had sex. I’m not a virgin, Robert. But it was so boring. I had sex with men who would hit on me, wanting me for a one-night stand, and nothing else. I was so desperate for male attention, for pleasure from a man. I would go home with them, taking them back to my apartment or going back to whether they lived. We would have sex, usually on my or their bed. It was so boring, like letting something slip inside me that I didn’t want. I didn’t really know these people. I couldn’t see into their eyes when we maintained eye contact in sex. Slowly moving in and out of me, but I couldn’t feel. I couldn’t see what was in their eyes. I felt no love from them.”
“Did you care for them, miss? Did they care for you, miss?”
“No. We didn’t care for each other, Robert. There was no sense of caring between me or them. The feeling of something inside and outside of me. That’s all it was. It gave me time to think about why I was doing it, before the strokes continued and it filled my vagina again.”
“You’re too sensitive, miss. You make it sound almost painful.”
She blinked and let out a small giggle, echoing throughout her throat. “Ya? What, sensitive, me? You’ve got it wrong. There was no sensitivity. That’s why it was boring, Robert.”
Robert looked at her sad. “Oh, miss. I’m so sorry. That sounds horrible, my miss.”
She smiled faintly at him, a hint of kindness in her smile and soft, pink lips. “It’s alright, Robert. It’s not you’re fault.”
“But I feel like I should have been there for you, Yoko. Myself inside you.”
She recoiled a little his strong, truthful words. Then she, relaxed, realizing his pure, honest intent.
“Thank you. That’s very flattering, Robert.”
Robert smiled kindly, a pure smile.
“There was this guy I slept with. Before we had sex, he told me he had slept with around fifty girls. I felt like I was being used. Like…. I was a bloody tampon, that was being thrown away.”
Robert made a face of disgust. “I’m sorry, miss-.”
“Stop apologizing for nothing, Robert. It’s ok. It’s long past, now. It’s fine. He’s gone.”
Robert was quiet.
“But…. It felt so wrong.”
She said nothing else.
The young woman on the couch, lying down from her loneliness, got up slowly. She walked with a surprising amount of energy towards her laptop, a computer which was lying on a small table near her couch. The blinds of her apartment were closed. Darkness surrounded her, in her living room.
A quiet analog click ticked on a wall of the living room. The only sound in the apartment, as all sounds of the outside world was muted. The analog ticking clock was so quiet. Relaxing, you could say.
The lonely Yoko approached her laptop and sat down crossed-legged, naked, on the carpet floor that made up much of her living room.
“That looks comfortable, miss. So soft.”
“Oh, ya. It is very soft, Robert.”
Turning on her laptop, she flipped the screen up. Her vagina sat straight facing the small table, now at a comfortable sitting height since she was sitting down to meet it. Her vagina had thick black hairs on it, rich with fertility and her sex drive.
“I was out of lavender oil, so I ordered some more. I used it a lot to try to put myself to sleep. I also ordered something else.”
The naked, sitting Yoko went to the website with the lavender oil and ordered a bottle, putting it into “her cart”. Then, she went to another website.
“Is that a sex site?”
“Ya. It sells sex toys.”
“What do you think of sex toys, miss?”
“Oh. I love sex toys.”
The site had the display of a large, purple fake penis-a dildo-on the front page. It was a little unintentionally amusing, with how “in your face” the sex toy was.
She went to a page with what looked like a series of small beads on it, interlocked with each other. She added these to her “cart”. She went back, to another page. She looked at the item they had on sale on the site. It was an oil or lubricant of some kind. She put it in her cart. Then, she checked out her cart with her credit card.
“I love sex toys because I don’t have to deal with men that want sex. It’s easy, Robert.”
The young woman got up from her crossed-legged position, and walked to her bedroom. She had left her computer on the same site, back at the site’s homepage with the large dildo, and had left the screen flipped up.
“I was feeling an urge.”
Robert and his Yoko followed the past Yoko to her bedroom in her dark, blind-covered apartment.
The lonely girl lay down on her bed.
“There are those people out there that can make something out of nothing. They can find it special. Interesting. Mostly for self-gain, but for the interests of others, as well.”
The Yoko girl on the bed started to masturbate herself with her free-right hand.
“They can make something they are truly proud of.”
The masturbating started. Her head fell back, and her neck arched as her eyes closed and her eyelashes popped out as they always did.
“Unfortunely, when it comes to touching myself, I can’t do that.”
“-Fuck-!” The tiresome cry of that Yoko girl as she failed to find sexual pleasure in the act of touching herself with just her hand.
“You look so tired, miss.” The girl laying on her bed had deep, light-black bags of sleep forming underneath her eyes, on her eye-sockets. Her whole face was drooping a little.”
“Ya. I was real tired that day. I was feeling so alone. More than I usually did, for some reason.”
The disappointed girl got up from her bed and walked by to a small storage drawer, beneath her small wood end table. She took something pink out of it.
“That’s a fake penis, miss.”
“Ya. What’s with the formal talk? Call it a dildo.”
“Ok. That’s a dildo, miss.”
The dildo was around ten-inches long, hard with the pink plastic that filled it. It had fake veins that mimicked a real penis on it, bulging out of the plastic, as if desperately trying to convince the user that there was actual blood flow in its plastic.
“I’m watching this, miss? Not that I mind at all….”
“Ya. What’s wrong? You’ve seen me naked already.”
“There’s nothing wrong with it, miss.”
The girl walked back to her bed. She lay down on it. Her face had a small smile on it, pleased by what she was about to do.
“I thought: “It’s better than nothing.”
“Of course, miss. I believe that’s the intended purpose of it’s creation.”
There was something strangely relaxing and joyful as Robert watched the girl on her bed insert the dildo into her vagina. She began to move its hard body back and forth, varying her speed length and frequency as she did, and moving the sex toy around in her vagina.
“You like watching me doing this? You’re a pervert.”
He looked alarmed. “You said it was alright for me to watch you, miss!”
She giggled, closing her eyes. A small smile of amusement formed on her pink lips. “Ya, it is. I wanted to see your reaction.”
“Oh. Well, you got my reaction. I’m a pervert.”
“No, you’re not. Liar.”
“I don’t think I am. A pervert, or a liar.”
The girl continued to moan and groan, as she used the artificial penis to play with herself.
“Ya. This goes on for a while…. I think I fell asleep after. It was evening when I stopped. It was morning now, even though you can’t see what is outside.”
Robert gulped. “That’s a very long time.”
“Ya. It is, Robert. I had a lot to get out. No man to get it out with. No man I wanted to be with, to get it out with.”
He looked at her sad facial expression as she masturbated with her sex toy in her right hand, sometimes pushing it down and in with her left hand, then out.
“So sad….so lonely….” Beneath her closed eyes and huge eyelashes, Robert could see sadness.
“I want to help you miss…. miss, were you happy?”
“No, I was not.”
He began to approach her on the bed.
“Robert, what are you doing?....”
“Actions have consequences, miss.”
“Robert….” Her voice was filled with a strange hopelessness.
“I wasn’t happy, Robert. I was lonely.”
“Then why don’t you let me make you happy?”
He was on top of her now, his arms supporting his weight as he looked at her, in her soft, tender eyelids.
“I love this girl. I think she’s so sexy. I don’t want her to feel lonely.”
The Yoko of the present smiled. “Robert, thank you….”
“My action will have a consequence. That boy. The boy where you worked. His action had a consequence.”
The present Yoko, with a hand resting on her right hip as it was pushed out, kept smiling at Robert. “Yes. He did leave an impact on me. Too bad I forgot him….”
Robert kissed the girl underneath him, on her defined, rounded forehead. A soft kiss of love.
“A small bubble. It’s a small bubble to who I affect, miss. But that’s enough for me.”
She kept smiling on him, so comfortable with the decision he had made.
“Even when I die, that small bubble will still remain, floating in the air. I want to pass it on to people, as they breathe.”
“That’s an interesting way of thinking. It’s imaginative.” The grown Yoko, content with his decision to include her in his “small bubble”, said as she continued smiling a little, in gratitude for him.
“…. I’ll leave you and the girl alone, Robert.” Her smile showed gratitude for him-Robert-as she began to leave her bedroom of the past. “I’ll expect that girl to be pleasured, Robert….”
The grown Yoko of the present-day left her apartment’s bedroom, leaving Robert alone with the girl lying on her bed, trying to pleasure herself, but so, so lonely in her sadness.
“What’s wrong with having a little bubble I affect?....”
Outside her bedroom, Yoko could hear him play with her vagina, his touch a substitute for a what she was using.
“Oooohhhh…. Aaaahhhh…. Ohhhh…. Yyyyeeesssss….”
The bed was heard creaking heavily, as soft breathing from Robert and the girl slowly became heavier, turning into loud breathing.
The Yoko outside their action smiled to herself in thoughtfulness. “What a sane thing for him to do….”
“That girl, anybody else who lives in his “small bubble”, they will appreciate his death.”
The moaning and groaning, from male and female, continued.
The evening came, from morning. So dark inside her apartment. She stood outside her bedroom, crossing her hands in front of her in confidence. She stood in such darkness. She could barley see her apartment outside the open, loud then quiet, bedroom.”
The sounds inside the bedroom were the only things that could be heard in the apartment unit. They varied and alternated between hard and soft, growing louder before growing quieter.
“Mmmm …. Ahhh…Ohhh….” A girl’s voice, receiving pleasure, letting her voice well-up inside her body before releasing it, louder or quieter, a freedom from her quiet loneliness.
“Ahhh …. Ohhh….M-mmmm….” A boy’s voice, giving pleasure, taking indescribable pride in sending pleasure flooding through the girl-the young woman-beneath him. Who he had admired and dreamed about for so long….
She walked into her bedroom, after the noises being made had calmed down.
The Yoko of the present saw where he was on the bed, how he looked. She gave him a scowl of disproval.
“Robert…. what did you do to me?”
He was lying on the bed, his face drooping with exhaustion, and his mouth hanging open wide in tiredness. He had been pleasuring her for so long. Under him, the girl twitched and moved slightly, gently from side-to-side in a highly relaxed, satisfied state. She had her eyes closed still, with a small smile of pleasure on her face. A small, flowing stream of saliva, dripped down her left side of her mouth, down her chin, a little onto her throat.
“Robert, what did you do to my body?.... Robert?”
The sexual girl on the bed had her body drooled on. The saliva was dripping downwards on her body, well-built and healthily womanly, and its streams ran on top of her thick nipples and under the lower folds of her healthy breasts. Her vagina, the thick black hairs covered with saliva, ran thick throughout her vagina, making it appear somewhat soaked. It appeared a little sticky and moist. It was possibly mixed into her orgasm, as there looked to be a mixture of fluids on her vagina and its thick, coarse black hairs of her fertility and health.
Robert fell off from on top of her. He fell to her right side, onto the side of the bed next to her, loudly, without much control. THUMP.
His muscles and whole body were largely weak. He twitched a little, much like the girl lying on her bed besides him. A stream of saliva ran and dripped down the left side of his mouth as he smacked down on the mattress, staring with his wide, but tired eyes at the pleasured and pleased girl besides him. A sudden blink, followed by an opening of his eyes as he fell into a moment’s sleep temporarily, just before he was snapped back just as quickly to reality….in the vision.
“My body…. you soaked my body…. Robert…. I’m soaked….”
He was breathing heavily on the bed, exhausted but awake, as the girl besides him, moving and squirming around with pleasure, had her wonderful eyes closed with a smile of pleasure on her saliva-dripping soft, pink lips. Her body touched Robert’s clothed body, as she squirmed a little in euphoric pleasure on the bed. Her hair blew by him like a breeze, falling softly on the pillow she had her head on, into the darkness of the apartment off the bed. She stopped moving for a moment, and she continued to squirm around in irresistible pleasure and fulfillment. “How did I do that to myself…. that was….so wonderful…. ohh….”
“Did…. did I do well, miss?” The tired Robert on the bed looked up at the standing Yoko with her mouth open and eyes wide, surprised by his effort. He could hardly look up, as his tired eyes, with slight-black-bags under them, showed to her.
Yoko looked at the girl…. who she knew at one time…. moving in sexual pleasure on her bed.
The girl had the same slight-black-bags under her eyes she had before, a bit of sleepiness on a now relaxed and sexual-frustration-free face. So content in peacefulness, joy in the soft flesh of her eyelids, a smile that showed a release.
Yoko giggled. “You’re crazy, Robert.”
He managed to smile on the bed. “Ya. I know what I did to her was crazy.”
“You’re going to leave her lonely again, aren’t you, Robert?” Yoko suddenly showed sadness. Her eyes welled up with tears, as one ran a bit down her left eye, very suddenly, without warning.
“Please…. don’t…. get…. emotional….” A tired, relaxed voice.
“I’ve affected her in my “small bubble.” She’s not lonely.”
Yoko looked at them. Sad, emotional. Letting a sudden tear show.
“She’s not lonely.”
Yoko was still looking at the girl’s body, covered with his saliva.
“You don’t think it’s gross, miss?”
“A little. But it looks like you care about her.”
“Oh…. thank you….my miss….”
She smiled, mimicking the same smile the girl on the bed had.
“I think it looks beautiful.” She said, thoughtfully.
“That word is air.”
She did something that was a combination between a snicker and a giggle. “Your weird.”
The sun had gone down outside the apartment unit. It was night, with a crescent moon.
Back on the oceanview, the vision with the saliva girl and Robert pleasing her from her loneliness had ended.
The sun set had gone down considerably more than half-way. The orange glow on the water’s surface still remained, shining in between waves.
Yoko watched as Robert walked to the shore, lightly lit in the orange sun set, with thin rays of light moving around his silhouette. He walked slowly to the shore, to the ocean’s water. Robert dunked his head in the ocean water, letting his hair fall, soaked, bending down and crouching with his knees as he did so. The world lay before him.
The woman Yoko continued to watch him, observing what he was doing.
“It’s disturbing to think something so special will die.”
The girl on the beach was quiet.
“I don’t think that girl is lonely.” She said, finally, after a long silence.
There was a strange silence before Robert. His hair, long and having fallen on his forehead when soaked, restrained his vision, making him only able to see bit and pieces of the oceanview before him. He pushed his soaked hair out of the way with his right hand, as it dripped water on the shore’s sand and meeting waves below him. Shells dug into his bare feet as he stood in the sand. They were colourful, lighting up the shore and beach with colours.
He could see the ocean before him, quiet. It stretched on to where nobody or nowhere knew.
The Yoko girl watched the horizon and oceanview with him. Her powerful eyes wide, her mouth closed slightly, then open slightly, alternating between the motions.
She looked at his hair, moving her head down a little, with her tight mouth and her powerful eyes.
“You need a haircut.”
He smiled and laughed a little under his breath, still staring at the ocean’s view, then turning his head to look at her, standing very close to him on the beach.
“Not really, miss.”
“What do you have left to show me, Yoko?”
“I have so much life left to give you.” The girl responded to him.
“I feel like I’ve seen so much already, my miss Yoko.”
“But I want to show you more.”
He stood in the girl’s apartment, shirtless, with the buckle of his jeans undone, his jeans sagging downwards. He got up from the side of the bed he was on with her, and walked out of the bedroom, leaving her to rest by herself in her peace. He walked to the bathroom, with the door opened, and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. Outside, a small, golden light from a lamp shined inside the apartment unit, in stark, bright contrast to the dim day outside, with light-blue clouds. Nothing else but the small, glowing golden light could be seen by anyone looking up at the apartment unit.
He took himself in the mirror, his reflection staring back at him and asking him questions, while supplying distant answers, somewhere far away from the unit.
“Why do I bother to look at myself?” He saw the reflection of someone the girl had welcomed into her.
The face looking back was unfamiliar. Like others, but disconnected. Different.
Staring into nothing, he understood. “They thought I was crazy, and got angry at me, because they never understood me.”
He didn’t understand this mirror. The reflection made no sense.
The girl moved in her bed, smiling in her peace and pleasure, her eyes closed softly.
Outside, the golden light of the ceiling was a sharp contrast to the dim sky around it.
“Robert, you’re going to see the girl is still lonely.”
“But why, miss? I thought she wasn’t lonely anymore. I made sure of that.”
She smiled at him, a soft smile, but hopelessness, knowing that he knew the answer to his obvious question. “You’re cute. But you know why she’s still lonely.”
He nodded his head. “Yes, I know why she is still lonely.”
The vision they were in was Yoko’s apartment, again. The girl was standing in her apartment with a man, who had just finished having sex with her.
“So, what did you think?” He asked her, smiling to her as he pulled up his pants-black jeans-over his brief underwear.”
She looked at him, sadly, afraid to admit to him what she truly thought.
“Brendan, I really, really don’t want to hurt your feelings….”
“W-what do you mean you don’t want to hurt me feelings?”
She took a deep breath, barely containing herself from her truth.
“Brendan….it was so boring.”
He instantly went into shock, his belt buckle still undone on his black jeans. It was a matching black buckle, styled with holes all over it.
“W-w-why was it boring?! I gave you all I had, Yoko! Look I’m freaking sweating!!” He pointed to himself. He really was sweating up a storm. His upper body was so drenched in his sweat. Sweat fell off his nipples and in between his pectoral muscles, toward his abdomen and his waist, falling to his crotch area, hidden under his jeans and briefs, even with his belt un-done.
“-I remember, Brendan…. he was…. an asshole.”
Robert turned to her in surprise. “Why do you say that?”
Brandan and Yoko continued to talk.
“Wh-what’s wrong with you?”
“Nothings wrong with me, Brendan! I have a lot of trouble feeling sex, ok?”
“Why? You look like you have a body with would welcome me openly.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? That I’m susceptible to sex?”
“Ya. You’re sexy. You look like a girl that would enjoy sex.”
“Well, you’re wrong, Brandan.”
“No, I’m not! There’s no way! You must be lying to me, or lying to yourself! There’s no way a girl like you would not enjoy sex!!”
“Why do you say that, Brandon?”
“Well, I imagine your body would be perfectly suited for sex! The receptors in your skin would be perfect for it! Your skin is so soft!”
“The receptors in my skin? What’s wrong with you? Are you stupid?”
“Miss!” Robert exclaimed, talking loudly to the Yoko woman besides him, turning to her in unpleasant surprise.
The Yoko of the present turned to Robert, her face full of shame. “I wasn’t thinking. I felt so sorry for him. I really, really did after.”
“Are you a wuss, Brandon?”
“Am I A-what are you talking about, Yoko?!”
“You say I would be great for sex, but you couldn’t satisfy me. You have no balls. You’re just a wuss. You are.”
Robert felt so unpleasant, listening to her speak this way. “My miss….no….” He said quietly, sadly.
“I-I-I Robert, I was so, so sorry…. you have no idea….”
The horrible vision of the apartment conversation continued.
“I-I thrusted into you so hard, so fast! I went out of my way to please you the best I have ever pleased any woman, I put so much of my love into you! You were so worth it, Yoko! You have a magnificent body, your voice commanded me so well to penetrate you, and ever time I did, I repeated and improved my thrusting strength and power until you were so-I thought you were so-satisfied! Why did you not enjoy it. I’ve done the calculations in my head, but it makes no sense.”
“Are you crazy?! Calculations have nothing to do with it, you fucking fool!”
“Why would you say that to me?! I fell like you’ve torn my feelings apart! Do you have any empathy in you?!”
“I said that to you because that’s what you are, Brandon. You’re crazy and a stupid man.”
“Why are you saying that to me?! I’ve never done anything to you!! The calculations of my pleasure versus your magnificent body made perfect sense to me, so much sense!! Why are you hurting me?”
Robert wanted to say something, but kept his mouth shut.
“Ya, you’re crazy. If you think you could have pleased me with your “calculations”, you’re fucking wrong.”
“You-You b-I never liked feeling the inside of you anyway!!”
“You feel gross inside. I stuck through it because I couldn’t get another girl. But you were so disgusting, I just wanted tot laugh at your shit!! Laugh at how shitty it felt to put myself inside you, Yoko. You were nothing like I imagined you being. Your visual appearance was a lie to me. You were horrible for sex.” Brandon started to laugh a little, following through on his horrible promise.”
“No, you know what? You’re an asshole, Brandon. I thought you were cool once, but now I see you’re an asshole. You’re not stupid or crazy. You’re an asshole.”
“I’m not! Why are you calling me that? Because I looked at you from an analytical perspective?! This is why I’ve began to not like people!! Damn it, Yoko!! I really, really liked you!!”
“My miss,” Robert started, no longer wanting to hold in what he wanted to say. “I understand where Brandon was coming from.”
Yoko, standing besides him and looking down in shame, suddenly looked up at him as he spoke. “You….do, Robert?”
“Yes, miss. Brandon was looking at your availability and effectiveness for sex based on his logical thinking. He disregarded emotion while picking you as his choice of sexual pleasure, but also hopefully love. He looked at your body’s shape, the way your skin would feel to him when he touched it or was inside you. He looked at how he thought you would react to him having sex with you-how much enjoyment he thought you would be able to grab, or get, out of him thrusting his penis into your vagina, miss Yoko.”
She was listening, intently. The arguing conversation with the past girl-her and Brandon continued in the background.
“Miss, when his calculations of your sexual desire, sex appeal and sexual functionality proved him wrong, he didn’t know how or what to think anymore. He resorted to anger because he had no natural emotion to fall back on, or anything else for that matter. He was helpless to him logical way of thinking about you, miss Yoko.”
“His logical way, Robert?”
“Yes. You were trying to handle this situation by explaining things to him with your emotion, the way you felt, and nothing else. He was trying to explain to you, logically, how he felt about you. Why he thought you would enjoy sex from him. But you were such different people. So far away. No one was able to understand the other because both you and him were so different in your way of thinking.”
He thought for a moment. “Similar to two waves, in distant oceans, under different coloured skies, that can’t touch each other.”
“Robert…. I felt horrible.”
“I understand, miss. You tried to spill your true emotions onto him. You tired to tell him the way you truly felt about sex with him. But he couldn’t stomach it. He was overwhelmed with a feeling of his failure, my miss.”
The mad conversation went on. “Fuck you, bitch!! Fuck you for saying I have no balls! You were the best sex I’ve ever had! I could tell that from how tired I felt and the amount of sweat on my body during and after it! I worked so hard! I felt like I worked so hard, but you didn’t care! You didn’t like it!”
“You could tell it was the best sex from how hard you worked? How tired you felt? How much you sweat? You really have no balls. You’re no man. A real man would care about things that mattered, like how much love he felt for me, or how much joy he was feeling while he was fucking inside me! You asshole!”
“I just looked at the sex I would have with you logically!”
“Well, you failed. You should have looked at it emotionally. That way, at least with someone crazy with emotion, I would have got the love and affection I desired! They would have been, fucking, crying over me and my body!! I wouldn’t be fucked by a machine! By a, fucking, Robot!”
“Oh, crazy?” He stopped and thought for a moment. “You want to talk about foolish? Talk about crazy, you bitch?! Then let’s talk about you, Yoko. I think you’re crazy. You won’t shut up during sex. You just keep moaning and groaning repeatedly in short and long patterns, alternating between the two with no end. Your voice is hot, I’ll give you that. But your so loud and annoying. How did any guy never go deaf from listening to you? They must have. You’re too emotional during sex.”
“I’m emotional during sex? What, the fuck, is wrong with that, Brandon?”
“It’s foolish. You could disturb the neighbours. You could disturb-you were disturbing me. You need to learn to keep your loud voice down, Yoko.”
“No, Brandon. I’ll show as much emotion as I want. I’m sorry if that upsets you, or you think that’s foolish.”
“-Miss, if you just take a step back”-Robert started, saying this to her while facing her sad, shame-stricken face- “If you just think about it a little, miss Yoko, you’ll find he’s thinking about this situation with you in a logical way, with no emotion. If you can take that step back and see him for who he is, you can better relate to him. His logical, strict mindset is very different from your own, but you can still understand it a bit better.”
He paused, taking a short breath. “Just as if he took a step back, he could find affection and love in your emotional mindset, throwing away how logical you could have been with him.”
She thought. The present Yoko looked at the ground, her face showing sadness with her powerful eyes, distinctly her own.
“If you try, my miss. It may not be a success every time. If you try, you’ll find it easier to get along with people. Believe me, miss. Please.”
She simply nodded her head very slightly, still looking down in her shame and sadness. “I’m so, so sorry.”
He smiled a little bit at her. “Stop apologizing, my miss.”
“My mindset was so different from his mindset.”
The arguing still continued, but it was drowned out by the present-day, grown woman Yoko’s own thoughts.
This vision was all wrong.
“Robert, I believe that. Thank you.”
She looked up at Brandon, looking scared with fear of not understanding himself the way he thought he did, as he listened to the past Yoko torture him with her words.
“Brandon…. I’m sorry.”
“You were so sensitive, miss Yoko. He was so sensitive, too.”
The vision was almost over.
Eventually, Brandon stormed out of her apartment unit, full of Rage for Yoko and his failed attempt at sex with her. The Yoko girl of the past sat on her couch, crying silently, as she held her face in her hands with sorrow. The muscles around her mouth twitched in her sadness.
“Brandon…. I’m so sorry….” She muttered, shaking her head back and forth in her hands. “I’m so sorry….”
“He was highly independent, like me. Did everything on his own. Made his own food, all that stuff. We had something in common, him and I.” Yoko said to Robert, in a deep, reflective voice. Remembering her past with him, the single night and single day she had spent with Brandon.
“I thought it was worth it, Robert…. But, it wasn’t….”
“You were just two different waves, miss. Two different oceans. You could never find each other.”
She laughed, a moment of surprised joy in her sadness. “Why, aren’t you the cryptic person?”
“I could have said it normally, if you wanted, miss.”
“No, Robert.” She said still laughing a little, a laugh deeply resonating in her throat, as her throat moved and vibrated slightly. “That was normal enough for me. I appreciate it. Thank you very much.”
“Your welcome. No problem, miss.”
She paused, and thought. “You know, Robert, there’s this way of looking at things I came to a long time ago in my life.”
“What is that, my miss Yoko?”
“To horribly, horribly oversimplify it, basically, it’s that “crazy” people who aren’t truly mentally deranged want to have fun and be playful, people who come across as cold “assholes” are highly logical with little emotion, “dumb” people who aren’t actually dumb are carefree, and “weird” people….well, they make up their extremely unique own thoughts, no matter how confusing or laughable they are to other people.”
Robert laughed a little. “Ok. Continue.”
“The people who are truly crazy-the mentally deranged-they practice reverse physicologiy on anyone who thinks they’re crazy. To them, you make up your own “crazy”. So in, their minds they had convinced themselves they are sane. Anybody who thinks “sane” is actually crazy to them, since the “sane” mindset is their own, having already instilled that into their behaviour and lives. So, anyone else who is sane is crazy to them. Having established their own mind, they will not change, nor do they ever dream of letting someone who they believe is “crazy” to change their minds into what is considered “sane”. The sane that is found in a human being that thinks naturally, the way nature intended them to think. They go against human society.”
The weeping Yoko on her apartment’s couch continued to cry in her sadness of losing Brandon.
“-The people who are truly stupid-well, they lack brain matter. I don’t know what to say. Stupid is stupid. Dumb is dumb. That description is stupid itself. They are extremely, extremely simple people, so much to a point that it becomes detrimental to their thinking or thoughtfulness, where they can’t understand what many people can understand.”
The weeping Yoko on the couch kept on crying, her strong, feminine jaw having tightened up tightly in her tension, tears streaming gently down her chin and throat.
“-The people who are truly assholes-well, they don’t care about how they affect others. They don’t care about getting along with others. For them, they are important, and no one else is. So they can treat people how ever bad they want. It’s not a natural way of thinking. It’s very destructive.”
The weeping Yoko kept crying. Her strong jawline was covered with her tears.
“-The weird people? They’re just incredibly misunderstood. Where a dumb person is mocked for being able to understand nothing, the weird person is mocked and misunderstood because no one understands them, but everything they do, say, or think makes sense to them. Maybe, you could say that they are extremely individualistic, for better or for worse, Robert.”
The weeping young woman on her apartment’s couch stopped crying a little, the tears still on her chin and jawline. Her face was still buried in her hands, as her hands were wet with her tears. They streamed in-between her fingers, streaming down her the backs of her hands, though not falling on the floor beneath her.
The woman Yoko thought a little.
“The quiet people…. well, they don’t want to waste words.”
“The slow people…. well, they’re just, fucking, slow.”
A bit of a pause as Robert thought about what she had said.
“Miss, I’m not sure if that’s deep or shallow.”
The woman Yoko laughed at his response to her thoughts. “You know, I think it’s shallow. The truth is far deeper, if there really is any “truth” to any of that.”
“Is that what you think, miss Yoko?”
She laughed a little and smiled. “No, Robert. I imagined it. I don’t like to think about that kind of stuff too often. Or really ever.”
“Oh. How interesting, miss. I feel there’s some truth to your thinking, my miss Yoko.”
“You think? Ah. That’s, fucking, nice of you.”
The weeping woman kept crying, but much, much softer now….
Until night, Yoko and Robert stood there, watching the life of the crying girl, as she wept out her tears of differences.
“I’m lonely today, Robert.”
“I’m lonely too, my miss.”
At midnight, they had left the vision. They left the crying girl to weep by herself, in her midnight apartment unit.
“Man, I’m glad we made her so happy!”
“But she wasn’t happy, Robert.”
He smiled. “I know miss.”
She gave him a strange look and laughed a little, snickering. A deep snicker, with her usually womanly tone of voice. “You make no sense.”
“Ya. I don’t”
“You admit you make no sense?”
“Ya. I’m deranged.”
“The actual kind of crazy or the pretend one?”
“The pretend one.”
“Oh. That makes sense.”
“Yep. Miss Yoko.”
“You can always turn a person crazy. So who knows. Maybe I’ll be actually crazy in the future, miss.”
She giggled deeply a little, but it sounded concerned, like she was worried about what he had said. Her concerned giggle ran throughout her throat, vibrating it. “Please don’t turn crazy, Robert.”
He smiled, reassuringly at her. “Don’t worry miss. I won’t.”
“Then, don’t go writing a book.”
“Writing a book?”
“Ya. That’s what some crazy people do, to get out their thoughts.”
“Ya”. She deeply giggled a little in amusement. Her throat vibrated.
“Ya. I can’t be bothered to read. Writing is bad.”
“Ya. It’s not like you’re a writer, Robert.”
“Ya, my miss. I’m not a writer. Writing is shit.”
“Good. You haven’t gone crazy enough to write a book. Yet.”
“Nope. Not yet, my miss.”
Yoko laughed a little in the amusement of the thought of him going crazy and writing a book.
“I will not, my miss Yoko.”
They were on the oceanview, and the sunset had gone down much more than halfway now. The streaks of bright, orange light lightly gleamed over the waves of the water, only shining a little underneath them, as much of the light had largely disappeared from on top of the waves. Thin rays of orange sunlight skimmed the water’s surface, spreading out and shining close to the shore, and not much farther than the shore’s distance.
“I sometimes wonder is there’s a point to me seeing your visions, miss.”
“Oh. Why do you say that, Robert?”
He was quiet. He looked a bit sad, like he was thinking of something he refused to say to her.
“…. Robert, you’re worrying me. What do you mean?”
“I shouldn’t have said that, miss. I’m s-.”
“You have nothing to apologize for!”
“I know. I know, miss.”
“It’s just that, it’s been so long, my miss….”
“So long, Robert?”
“I haven’t seen you in so long, my miss. I’ve been seeing your life for so long. How much of it is left, my miss?”
She smiled at him in her understanding. “Well, let me show you, Robert.”
The oceanview shined in the distance. A horizon made of both dark-orange and pitch-black.
“I want to stay here, Robert. The view is so mesmerizing, the view of the ocean. But I have so much of my life left that I still want to show you. Please, come with me.”
A wave splashed down from the sky. It splashed on the shore; the water drops on the shore couldn’t even be seen, as the light from the sunset only passed over the bottom of the water’s surface, with he orange rays of sunlight spreading out so strongly on the shore that it blocked out the sight of any water dripping. A solid, dark block of strong orange sunlight, molding and shaping itself onto the area between the beach and ocean; separating the beach from the ocean with a thick colour, a solid-looking mass of dark but shining sunlight, in this long day, belonging to this long evening, a evening that never seemed to turn to night….
The vision formed. It was in Yoko’s apartment again, with her standing up and stretching towards the ceiling of her unit.
“Robert, as you will see, even today, I’m still so alone.”
“Oh, no, miss, no….” He groaned in what sounded like a bit of horror, horror for her continued loneliness.
The girl in the apartment was the same as she had been before. Alone. No one to help, to comfort her.
“Miss, how do you feel there?” Robert was looking at the young woman’s face. It showed signs of sadness.
“I feel sad, Robert.” The Yoko of the present responded to him. “I have no one to be with.”
“How do you feel? You’re soul?”
“What soul, Robert?”
He suddenly looked panicked. The girl in the apartment walked to her living room. She was wearing the same black panties and black sports bra she had worn before, the bra she had gotten a long, long time ago for her teenage birthday.
Robert started to panic as he looked at her. The Yoko of the apartment walked into her living room, slowly taking off her bra as she did.
“I remember that, for some reason, I could actually like, fucking, relax that day.”
The girl in the apartment looked more relaxed then what she normally did. She was walking slower than she normally did, and her posture, though still straight, was a bit more relaxed than it was usually. The slight curve in her back was lessened a little.
“Miss, miss. I thought if I pleased her, she wouldn’t feel as lonely.”
“But she does, Robert. It was that day. A day. That’s it. She became lonely and sad again very quickly afterwards. I’m sorry, but she was overwhelmed by those feelings she wanted to keep buried down within her. They wanted to get out. She had no choice but to listen to them and obey.”
He looked so concerned, like his efforts to help her were completely useless. “W-What am I good for, then?....”
The apartment Yoko sat down on her small living room’s couch and took out a cell phone she had jammed in her black panties, in its right side of the fabric.
She started dialing a number on it. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Holding the cell phone up to her right ear, she waited for whoever she was calling to pick up. Some quiet ringing from the phone, able to be heard in the quiet apartment. Finally, someone on the other end picked up.
“Hello?” The faint voice of someone was audible.
“Ya, hi, Yuna? It’s Yoko. I’m wondering if you have any friends or know anybody that does massage therapy?”
“Massage therapy?” The quiet voice on the other end started. “What for, Yoko?”
Robert and the Yoko of the present watched the girl on her cell phone in the apartment.
“I can’t go to sleep. I tried meditation. I tried, fucking, oil. Nothing worked. I stayed up all night.”
“Is this in the past or present, Yoko?”
“Both, Yuna. Last night, I couldn’t go to sleep. I tried meditation. I tried, fucking, oil. Like I said. I couldn’t sleep.”
“Honestly, Yoko, have you tried…. touching yourself to sleep?”
The girl on the phone paused and thought. “Ya, I have, Yuna.” She said, seemingly unsurprised by her female cousin’s private question about her sexual activities. “It does nothing. I need the real thing.”
“Well, have you gotten the real thing?”
“I have. I’m sick of sleeping with customers at my job. That Brandon guy was horrible. We didn’t get along at all, and I only had a one-night stand with him. I’m sick of having one night of sex with guys. I wanted someone I could cuddle with every night. Not this life. I feel like a-.”
“Escort? You feel like an escort because you sleep around a lot, and most of the guys you sleep with are customers at your job. Ya. I would imagine you would feel like that.”
“It’s a horrible feeling. I want to go away, somewhere far.”
“Take a vacation then, Yoko.”
“…. Hummpphh…. you know what? I’m going to take a vacation. My apartment is way to familiar to me. I need to get out of here, and go someplace far, Yuna.”
“You should, Yoko.”
“Thanks. But do you know anybody that does massages?”
“I do. One girl. But is that what you really want?”
The Yoko on the phone paused for a moment. “No. Not really. I want sex to help me sleep, Yuna.”
“But you told me you don’t like sex.”
“No, I don’t. Not with the guys I have it with.”
“Ok. If you can’t find any guy you want, then a vacation is a solution.”
The Yoko on the phone paused and took a deep breath, breathing heavily into the phone.
“Wow, that was quite a heavy sigh, Yoko.” A bit of laughter could be heard on the other side of the phone’s conversation.
“Ya. Yuna, what was it like when you were a escort. For a year?”
Robert turned to the woman Yoko of the present besides him. “Yoko? You never told me your cousin was an escort at one time.”
The young woman Yoko nodded at his assumption, still looking forward towards the her, talking on the phone. Her powerful eyes could be seen out of his peripheral vision, as she looked straight ahead.
“Yuna was. She didn’t tell her parents, and none of my relatives knew. She’s a highly independent spirit, much like me, so she could get away with it, being a little distant from her parents and more from her relatives. There was nothing wrong with it. She was having trouble getting a job in nails. She’s magnificent-looking and sexy, so she got that job. After a while, she found a job doing nails. And she stopped escorting, Robert.”
“Oh. How interesting, miss. Even her name is pretty. Yuna.”
She laughed a little. “Ya. Yuna does have a pretty name.”
“So, Yoko….” The phone conversation continued. “You should go away on vacation, somewhere hot. Or a place in Europe. Or British Columbia. Or some place no one would ever think of going to; some remote location of the planet that accepts tourists, you know?”
“Ya. I get it, Yuna. Thanks a lot, I appreciate it.”
“Ya. No prob, Yoko.”
“I should say goodbye. I won’t be seeing you for a while, Yuna, if I’m going on vacation.”
“Ok. Yoko. Goodbye.”
They both hung up. Yuna’s voice on the other side of the phone disappeared.
The girl talking on the phone stood in her apartment, as the grown woman Yoko of the present watched herself of the past. The girl in the apartment stood for a bit in silence. The only sound in her unit was a small fan by a window of the living room, as it moved and rotated slowly around and around. The quiet sounds of air were able to be heard in the quiet apartment.
“I should start packing.” The girl eventually said in a decisive, slightly more deep but feminine voice than what she usually had. She started walking slowly to another area of her apartment….
“On second thought, I wanna sleep.” She stopped and instead flopped down, hard on her couch in her living room.
“What year and day is this, my miss?”
“Oh. I believe it’s this year, two-thousand and nineteen. The day…. I think it was the weekend. It was Saturday, I think. I was about to take a week of work, to go away somewhere-.”
“Yoko, have I failed to keep you from being lonely?”
“No, Robert don’t blame yourself.” Yoko smiled, admiring the girl in her apartment.
“For a day, that girl was so loved, Robert.”
The girl, lying on the couch in her exhaustion, started to say something to herself.
“I really miss that boy at work. I kind of liked him. He left. I don’t know why. I never saw him again.”
She let out a heavy sigh. Her breath fell on the couch, blowing small dust particles of it. The couch was so clean that nothing else was on it.
“He could have been my boyfriend. I could have been his girlfriend. It’s so sad.”
“Miss…. I failed you….”
“He could have been someone to put me to sleep at night. Someone to enjoy sex with….” The girl continued to mutter, her face down on her apartment’s couch.
“Miss…. I did fail you…. I’m so sorry….”
“Robert.” The young woman Yoko said to him, “You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“It was so crazy….to leave you alone, my-my miss….”
The young woman, having turned away from watching herself on the couch, was looking at him with concern.
“I went away on a vacation to France, Robert, for a week. It helped me clear my head. There was a man there I met, in a café, of all places. We started talking. The next thing I knew, I decided I wanted to have sex with him, and he was down for it to, so we went to his apartment and did it. I didn’t feel as lonely for that time I was with him. It was….so special. Me and this country on the planet I had never been to. I was alone in it, you could say, me and the planet. You have nothing to be concerned about for me. I was safe. He was a good man. He took care of me, treated me well.”
“That-that doesn’t matter, miss Yoko. I left you alone. What a crazy thing to do.”
“Robert, stop stuttering. Calm down.”
“M-miss…. I failed y-you….”
The concern returned to Yoko’s face, as her powerful eyes opened wonderfully to see him.
“I think we should leave this vision, Robert. Let’s see something else.” She glanced back at the lonely girl lying on her couch, who thought a trip to France was a temporary cure for her deep feelings of loneliness and sad sorrow with her life.
Robert didn’t answer. His face was twisted in horror, a look of failure on his sad face.
“Miss, were you happy?”
The girl-the young woman- named Yoko shook her head. “No, Robert. I was not happy.”
“No…. miss…. I can’t be there to stop you from feeling alone….no…. I can’t do anything to make your loneliness go away forever…. I can’t do anything to take away your sadness….”
“Robert….” Her powerful eyes showed sadness for him, a small glimmer of a strong spirit in them.
The huge, dark irises….
At an airport, it was night. A plane flew overhead, loud in the night sky. The red lights on it blinked in the night sky, far above the runway of the airport.
Inside the airport, the loud hustle and bustle of people moving around could be heard. Loud footsteps. Loud talking, loud voices. It was very, very crowded, but still with more than enough space to move around in. Some very large gaps of people, in between full crowds.
Yoko walked down the halls of the loud airport, carrying her luggage behind her, a luggage bag and a suitcase, the bag being held in the suitcase’s handle. Another plane flew a bit more quietly overhead, the blinking red lights on it visible in the night sky and night clouds.
She sat down, and waited for her flight, but not before going to the shops in the airport, to see what she could buy, and going to eat a quick breakfast at a restaurant in the airport, having left very early in the morning from her apartment. At the airport shops, she bought a magazine geared towards girls and women, particularly young women. At another shop, she bought a magazine geared towards food, since she often liked to cook for herself, using different ingredients in her meals, to experiment with taste, the same way she often liked to experiment with her sex toys, and, to a lesser extent, her horrible sex life.
She sat down at a dark-blue bench, in a row of dark-blue benches, separated without arm rests, to wait for her flight to arrive.
She was going to go to France, so she wouldn’t be so lonely….
She remembered a day she had played with herself, using her large dildo. She thought it felt like she was having sex with someone-a lover-and not trying to play with herself. It was so strange. Her vagina felt so aroused, like a hand was playing with its pink lips. She wondered if someone had touched her; her body was covered with something so sticky afterwards she couldn’t see, but feel so immensely. She was smiling in true delight, with her eyes closed softly, while she squirmed around in erotic pleasure.
What a strange day. There was no one there for her.
In a distant past, a much younger girl that was named Yoko walked with her family in an airport, at a distance near the airport of a young woman’s future.
“Hey, Yuna, you want to go buy something in the shops? My mom and dad already gave me the allowance for this month for doing my chores around the home. I really wanna get something to bring on the trip with us.”
“Ya. Totally, Yoko. I’ve got my allowance too. My parents are nice like that for me helping them out. What did you wanna buy?”
“I don’t know. Lets just look around a bit, ok?”
“Ya. We can get something to eat.”
A similar plane flew overhead. Similar to the plane that flew ahead, ten years later. The same red lights. Still blinking the same way. Nothing had changed, in all that time. Not in the nearby place on the planet. The place on the planet with the other airport Yoko would go to, ten years later, for a loneliness- soothing trip to France.
The same bustling and hustling people everywhere. The same crowded areas, and the same sparse areas. Nothing had changed; the airport flowed the same. Day, to day.
The spirits, floating through their past lives, moved through the airport at night.
The same dark night sky. The same dark night clouds.
The same sounds of the airplanes, flying far overhead in the night clouds.
Yoko and Yuna were there, with their parents and relatives to help guide them.
I wonder what the Dominican Republic is like, Yoko and Yuna both thought to themselves.
A place they visited in a day long past, another area of the planet they lived on.
Time had changed no day.
“Robert, what is wrong?”
He was back on the oceanview with her. He was flailing around with his face covered with his hands, like he had disgraced someone or something.
“I’m useless…. it was so crazy to leave you alone…. why did I let you be lonely….”
“Robert. It’s alright. I appreciate you being there for me, the one day. I think the girl really, really didn’t feel lonely as she laid there in her bed. Did you see the way she looked? She was so sexually satisfied.”
“No, no, no! I was crazy! I left her alone. I didn’t make any difference!”
“Robert? I’ve never heard you swear.”
“Well, I’m swearing now!”
“Listen to me! It’s alright! She loved it! One day was enough-!”
“No, it wasn’t! One day is a waste! That’s nothing in her life!”
“It doesn’t matter, Robert! I know she thinks it was enough!”
“No….no…. no. He was right. There is no point to life. There is no point.”
“He”? What the hell are you talking about? You’re scaring me.”
Suddenly, a mocking smile formed on Robert’s face. He looked at Yoko like she was a piece of shit.
“Why…. why are you acting like this? Robert?....”
“You’re crazy. You’re a bitch.”
“I-I don’t understand…. why are you acting….”
“I don’t like you. I’m crazy too. You’re not better than me.” His mocking smile of hate remained for Yoko. A mocking smile of superiority.
“No….” The Yoko girl looked at him, suddenly overcome by sadness. “Robert, what has happened to you?”
“He was right. We’re all going to die anyway. I can act however I want. Actions don’t have consequences. What a joke.”
She suddenly formed power in her already powerful eyes, as she looked into him, seeing him scared inside. “No. You’re wrong. You’re so, so, wrong. Your action that day did have a consequence. That girl was not lonely that day. She felt like she had that sex she had so longed for. Now, you’re just going to throw that away?”
“Fuck you. I can act anyway I want. You’re going to die. You won’t remember.”
“No. Wrong. I will remember…. because I’m alive!”
His mocking smile remained. His eyes were dead. “You conform to my beliefs, or I don’t like you.”
“No. I’m an individual, Robert. I’m a strong and independent girl.”
“Shut up. You’re a girl. You serve me.”
“NO.” She said, firmly, giving him a powerful look with her huge, girly eyes.
“Then I don’t like you.”
“If you take a step back, you can see individual differences in people. If you think a little, it will help you understand how they think-.”
“No. I’m trying to take a step back, but I don’t understand the way you think, Robert.”
“There is no point to life. You’re going to die. Girl.”
“…. A day. That’s all I remember. But that girl knows you love people. This isn’t you. You’re acting like someone else.”
He was quiet. The mocking smile on his face remained for her, mocking her life….because he thought she was crazy.
Mocking her life for no reason.
“You were part of the problem.”
“The problem of humanity.”
“I’m part of a problem? No, I’m not, Robert. I’m afraid you’re becoming this deranged you talked about.”
“No. He was right. Humanity is a disease. My mom’s a bitch. My dad’s crazy. Fuck them.”
“They have affected your poor brain. The love has been replaced with hate. You believe horrible lies about yourself. You’re turning to the side you fear. Resist it, Robert.”
Like a parasite making him “crazy”, the mocking smile on his face and dead eyes continued to stare at her. He laughed, mockingly, like a hyena, and gave her another mocking smile, with empty eyes.
“I would ask you if you were ok, but you would just call me crazy. The most sane thing is to leave you alone.”
“…. I don’t like you.”
“Why don’t you like me? Robert?”
“Cause you’re crazy.”
“I was born as an individual. I think for myself.”
“Ya. A crazy person, with something wrong with the-.”
“I’m an individual. I was born as this “crazy” you speak of.”
He was quiet. He took his eyes of her, and shook his head. He looked down at the sand.
“You never learned how to be a person.”
“He continued to look at the sand. He started to look a little bit sad, his face drooping.
“They say be yourself. BUT YOURSELF IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”
“You never learned to be a person.”
“I don’t like people-!”
“You never learned to be a person. Robert.”
“I’M NOT GOING TO BE MYSELF, YOKO. I’M NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THE REST OF HUMANS.”
“You’re going against nature. Robert.”
His face drooped more, filled with more sadness. “Fuck nature. I’ll go against it if I want.”
“But isn’t that deranged? Nature going against nature.”
“No. I think you’re crazy. That is normal to me.” He shook his head, as he continued to look at the sand.
“That’s what a deranged person thinks.”
He looked, his eyes penetrating the sand in denial, as he simply looked, and didn’t shake his head at her.
“You have a weak mind. Robert, whoever you’re thinking like, he-they-have weak minds.”
He laughed suddenly. “You think I care?”
“I don’t. I imagine you don’t care why you have a weak mind. You don’t even know you have it.”
“We’re all going to die.”
“Die as a person. Not someone who has gone against nature.”
“Sh-shut up! Bitch!” Robert was staring to look even more tired, as he looked down at the beach in distress. “You’re not going to get to me!”
“I know you love people, Robert. You aren’t filled with hate. You’re acting like a person going against nature, filled with their hate for people. Get them out of you. Please, Robert.”
“I-I-I-I!” He didn’t know how to respond. He continued to look at the sand of the beach.
The sand was dark with the low setting sun. Small streaks of orange streamed across its grains. The shore was completely dark, even with some sunlight left from the setting, glowing orange sun, disappearing behind the ocean’s horizon.
The sun set was well-below halfway. The sun set looked like it was about to disappear behind the ocean’s far distance, as it fell out of the sky into water.
“You can be a human and live. You can be a war and die.”
He was shaking on the beach, no wind blowing sand grains across the beach this time, into the ocean’s water.
“Stop being that other person, Robert. You’re not him. You are not they.”
“I’m a…. person?”
The girl on the beach with him, Yoko, giggled deeply a little at how obvious that was.
“Yes. You are a person.”
“I-I’m an animal?....”
“Yes. You are an animal. So am I.”
“They breathe air, too.”
She giggled at his obviousness. Her deep, womanly giggle.
“Ya. They breathe air, too. Robert.”
“I-I want to be an animal.”
“…. But you are.”
She stopped talking and looked away, towards the oceanview. The solid ray of strong orange sunlight, shining in the dark of the day.
“Animals don’t go against their nature. People who will tell you your crazy for comparing them to the nature of humans have psychologically reversed their “natural” thinking, into something that is not an animal or human. They have accepted a dislike of people. Of animals.”
“They aren’t really either.” Robert suddenly spoke up, still with his head bent over uncomfortably to face the still sand of this beach.
He suddenly lifted him head up, and started walking to the water. Very slowly, like he was in a trance.
“Do they drink water?”
He bent over the ocean-the oceanview-and cupped the ocean’s water in his hands.
Bringing it to his face-right by his mouth, he watched it for a bit, like he was trying to understand something that was made clearer as the water itself became more and more clear in his hands.
He lifted the water to his mouth and lips. He drank it.
He spooned another handful of water from the ocean’s deposit of it. He lifted it up, offering it to the girl Yoko, standing on the beach and facing him.
She watched, with her mouth open. The girl Yoko felt so safe from a storm.
“Would you like some, miss. I do love people. I can’t hate them.”
“People like that aren’t people or animals.”
Her mouth was still open. “Yes, Robert. I would.”
She walked down to the shore with him. By the oceanfront, she sat down next to him, smiling at him as she did so. She smiled at him, as she sat cross-legged on the shore besides him, the water splashing on their bare feet and bare ankles.
They turned to face each other. “Robert….”
Tears were falling out of his eyes. “I-I-I’m not an animal, miss.”
“Ya. You are. Robert….”
He leaned over to put his head on her shoulders. Yoko cradled him, hugging him between her right shoulder and the right side of her neck.
He began to cry on her shoulder. Small tears, falling sadly on her body.
“This girl is an animal too, Robert….”
The young woman Yoko and Robert sat together on the oceanview for a while, looking out to nothing, in the dead quiet air.
Robert was cradled on Yoko’s shoulder’s, having stopped weeping. A single final tear fell out of his left eye, onto her body.
“Robert, what had gotten into you? Why did you forget about being a person or animal?”
“I-I-….” His voice was caught in his throat. He couldn’t spit out what he wanted to say.
“I-I forgot why I helped you, miss.”
“You wanted to make me feel loved that day, Robert.”
“No-no. I wanted to help you more. Like how that boy you saw wasn’t able to help you more. The one that vanished.”
The young woman Yoko was silent. She looked out at the sunset, admiring it. The glowing, lightly shining orange sun had gone down more now. It was a crescent-not small, but not big, either-that was below the ocean, having started to finally leave the sky. The orange light, dim, shined even lower in the water’s waves, as the waves mostly avoided the orange glow of the sunset.
“The boy you talk about…. I think he’s still helping me, Robert.”
“He’s still helping you, my miss….?”
“He carries me in his mind.”
“He does…. he carries me somewhere far….”
She suddenly glanced at Robert, resting in her arms. He looked spaced out, his eyes so distant. His relaxed glance looked out at the sunset, then he put his head down and to the left to look at his miss’s chest and shoulder region, glancing a little up at right side of her neck.
“Robert, are you listening to me….?” She couldn’t tell.
He gave no response to her for a moment of near-night, nothing but quietness. Dead silence.
“Yes, Yoko. I was listening to you.” His expression remained as her observed her body. He held her closer, bringer her into himself.
“You seem…. un-masculine, right now.” The girl said to him.
“I’m hugging you.”
“Why is that un-masculine? I like you. You’re a girl. Isn’t that masculine?”
She said nothing. Then, she giggled a little at him.
“Put yourself inside me.”
“I’m giving you permission. On this shore. You can dunk me into the water, if you want.”
“No…. I don’t feel up to it.”
She frowned and looked down to him on her right side, her huge, thick, black eyelashes blending their dark colour a bit into the near-night as she lowered then, covering her equally dark eyes, that blended their colour, too, into the dark of the near-night day.
“Why don’t you feel up to it? You don’t want my body?”
He frowned a little. “…. See the rest of your life….”
She continued frowning a bit, as he spoke. “Visions of life…. visions of love….”
“I’ve lost interest in sex. I don’t want it anymore.”
She understood. “You don’t want to hate.”
“No. I never wanted that.”
“My visions…. Robert…. there’s not a lot left….”
“No….” He wailed, silently.
“No. Stop that. You have nothing to be sad over.”
The sunset went down more.
The new vision. The present year, the present day. The past was gone.
A young woman, named Yoko. Her apartment unit, in a building. Somewhere.
A new day. A day passing a day. A night passing a night.
A day in her apartment. A day with a vision.
“Everything is the same. Nothing about my life has changed.” The Yoko girl of the present-day-inseparable from the girl that was in the “vision” of the modern-day apartment-stood next to a boy…. Robert.
“Are you still lonely, miss?”
“Yes. I am.”
“Are you unhappy, miss?”
“…. Yes. I am. Robert.”
He looked confused. He watched the young woman he remembered from so long ago go about her lonely life in her apartment. “But that’s so sad and horrible, miss….”
“Ya. You could say it’s crazy. Why would I want to live like that?”
“Why does she want to live like that?” The boy…. Robert…. was remembering the visions he had seen of her life, as he looked at the person.
Yoko smiled. “Robert…. I think she isn’t as lonely as you think she is.”
“Because of that day I gave her? So long ago…. she doesn’t know I did it….”
“Someone, somewhere, is thinking of her.”
The young, incredibly desirable young woman was having trouble sleeping, as she normally did. Outside, it was evening.
“Ya. Maybe they will surprise you one day.”
“A surprise…. for me….” He didn’t know what she meant by that. A mystery in his visions.
The girl eventually gave up trying to sleep. She simply sat down on the rug floor, cross-legged, and put lavender oil on her forehead from a bottle on the table with her laptop.
Opening her laptop, she got a CD from the wood table, which had a CD album thrown upon its surface and not organized, unlike the rest of her apartment and personal belongings. The young woman-the same as the Yoko standing with Robert-took her purse, which was also thrown upon the small table with little care, surprisingly-and took it off the table, putting her purse on her right shoulder briefly.
“It looks so good on her….”
Yoko blushed, a light red colour, showing a little on her crème skin. “Thanks, Robert.”
The purse was a decorative and visually appealing gray colour. It her very well, particularly her well-built but lady-like shoulders.
“You know, miss-Yoko-my miss, sometimes I wonder if there ever was a point to seeing your life.”
She couldn’t help but giggle. “I know, Robert.”
Putting down her expensive looking, large purse-
“Ya. I payed a lot of that thing. It was worth it. Real high-quality.”
-the young woman opened the CD case. It was the album with the fancy, dream-like underwater ocean/sea scene on it.
The young woman, sitting in her familiar black underwear, took the CD out. She popped open the CD player of her laptop and inserted it in.
She plugged in a pair of black headphones, covering her ears. The cord fell loosely on her naked lap, a little worn from use.
She began listening to the music after pressing play on her laptop’s screen….
Yoko gave a small smile to herself, looing up a little, like she was in a dream-state.
She was reflecting on her dreams.
“The past, miss?”
“Yes, Robert.” Yoko answered him. “The past of my life.”
The apartment was quiet, as her and him reflected with the dreaming girl.
“You’re going to be lonely forever. You let your dreams go to waste.”
A dreaming girl-not the one sitting down-nodded at her failed dreams.
“Yes. I’m going to be lonely. No dreams.”
“Something floated away, my miss, from life….”
The music played silently in the quiet.
Visions floating in the air.
“Ohh! You were so close!” Yoko exclaimed in a “you almost got it” way, as Robert tried to skim a rock across the water’s surface. They were back at the oceanview.
“Maybe, I’ll get it next time, miss.”
“Go ahead, Robert. Try again.”
He skimmed a second rock, picking it up from the beach sand. This time, it skimmed successfully, much to his surprise.
“Ya. See? Just try again. You’ll achieve it. Or succeed. Or what you like to call it.”
He thought, as he stood by the dark shore. “Yoko, did you ever have boys saying you were “so hot” when you were younger?”
She looked surprised, almost shocked, and moved a little from his question. Her powerful eyes blinked, momentarily. “Wow. That’s a random question.”
The young woman thought. “Well, no. Not really. They weren’t really the kind of guys to say something like that out loud. They just stared and looked at me, admiring the way I looked silently. If they knew me, then they admired the girl I was silently. That’s all.”
“Oh, how interesting, miss.”
She laughed a little, her voice vibrating her throat. “Ya. That could be interesting. You could say it was.”
She stopped, when she realized what she had said. “Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say that, Robert-!”
“No, miss Yoko. It’s ok, now. I know you’re going to die one day.”
“Oh-oh….” She didn’t know how to respond to his words.
A moment of silence.
“But-but I don’t want you to die, Robert.”
He recoiled back in instant surprise from her words. “Miss, why would you say that to me….?” He suddenly looked sad.
He fell down on the beach, far from the shore where he and Yoko were skipping small rocks.
The sun set…. It had almost gone down. A small crescent of dark light was present above the ocean, as the rest of the sun set had sunk in the water.
The shining light on the water was almost gone. Far underneath the waves, dark orange light could be seen lighting up the world of the oceanview.
The setting sunlight on the beach’s sand and shore was almost gone. Very dark, but distant, streaks of orange light were on the, almost mixing its colour into the sand, so close to being a part of the shore and beach. The sand did not blow in any wind; the world outside was dead with air.
Robert thought about her life, and a reaction to him.
He began to look at her. Not admiring or in awe of her. Simply looking at Yoko.
She returned his gaze for her, unblinking with her powerful eyes.
“Is there something wrong? You’re looking at me.”
“What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me? Stop looking at me. Stop.” A cold voice.
A bad vision of his, where he remembered that reaction to him looking at someone’s life.
“Robert, you concerned about something? You can tell me. Is there something inside me you don’t want to see?”
He smiled at her. “It doesn’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells with you, miss. Thank you.”
She blinked her powerful eyes in confusion, unsure what he was thanking her for. “Oh…. you’re welcome.”
He smiled, turning back to the oceanview. “Miss, how much of your life do you want to show me? That you have left?”
She frowned at him, a little in a playful way. It was surprising. Yoko didn’t usually do playful, cutesy stuff like that. He liked it.
“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with you, Robert. You ask me a question about myself, but you don’t tell me what you’re thanking me for. I feel like I’m on a “ask question, get no response for why I’m being thanked” policy. But you’re free to just ask me a question, and I’ll respond to you. What up with that?”
“Oh, no. That wasn’t my intent, miss. It was something in my head I didn’t want to tell you about. It’s not very positive, it’s not worth saying. But that’s not my intent, miss. I don’t want to walk on eggshells.”
“Ok, Robert. Then before I tell you have much of my life-my visions-I have left to show you, I would like for you to explain to me what you were thanking me for.”
He made a straight face, looking at her. “I was thanking you for accepting my gaze.”
She looked a bit surprised, her mouth and huge eyes open a little. “Oh. Is that all? You could have said that. You looked like you were concerned about me. I was thinking you saw something in me that troubled you.”
“No, miss. I didn’t see anything in you that troubled me.”
“Oh. Ok, then….” She started, waiting for him to finish her thoughts for her.
“…. I was just looking at you.”
“That’s it? It made me feel a bit uncomfortable. You saw something in me you didn’t like. Something you thought was wrong with me.”
“No, miss. There’s nothing “wrong with you”. I didn’t see anything in you I didn’t like. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Ya? In that case, thank you, Robert.”
Now, he was thanked. For reasons that were not made obvious, but highly implied.
He smiled at her. “You’re welcome, miss.”
The sun set went down a little more, drowning in the ocean.
“Robert, I want to show how you how I am nowadays.”
“The visions of you as you are today, miss. Somewhere far.”
“Ya. Somewhere far. How I’m like, today. This year. This day.”
The visions formed. The same water dripping on the shore from the falling wave, this time completely invisible in the darkness.
She was standing in her apartment. It was a fall day. Outside, autumn leaves were blowing. Falling to the ground, off the oak trees.
“I’m still the same as I’ve always been, Robert. I’m lonely and sad. I never found a “special someone” who I could spend my life with, if only for a short time. I don’t have many friends anymore, except for that one girl I told you lasted until my adulthood, when I became a young woman. I don’t have much sex I feel anything from. No love. No compassion. I feel dead, sometimes, in a way. I go to work, go home-
“Miss-Miss Yoko, stop. Your life was full of times you will always remember. You have so much ahead of you. Things will change. Without people like that boy. It’s sad that he went away, but that’s faded now. Whether that’s a good or bad thing. I’ve seen your visions miss Yoko, and I’ve been an outsider, looking through glass at someone that wasn’t me. I didn’t want to see myself. I could look in a mirror if I wanted that.”
She was quiet. “I don’t know what to say.” She looked at herself, the Yoko she had grown into, in her apartment. “I put on a powerful, confident personality in public. In my apartment, behind closed doors, I’m very, very different.”
“Like it’s another side of your personality, one you don’t want to show to people?”
“Yes. You could say that.”
Robert looked at Yoko a bit more intently. “Something hidden deep inside you? Whether that’s good, or bad?”
“Ya. Something deep inside me. Something that is very sad.”
“It’s lonely, miss. It’s buried inside you.”
“You…. could say that.”
“Why don’t you free it?”
Yoko was surprised, as she watched the girl that was her, in her apartment. “Free it? From myself?”
He nodded, a little, a very small head movement. “Yes. Be yourself. Your true self.”
“But, Robert, I am my true-self-.”
“You’re whole true-self. For better, or for worse. My miss.”
She laughed a little at him. “You’re crazy. I don’t want to show other people how sad I am. Or worse, how lonely I am.”
“Why not, miss? Wouldn’t it feel more comfortable to be your whole, true-self?”
“What makes you think I would feel comfortable to be that?”
“I’m not sure. I have a feeling.”
“Ok…. well, I don’t know if I want to show the sadness I show in my apartment at work. Or in public, with my family. Or my teenage friend. I’m not comfortable with that.”
“Miss, you wouldn’t be part of a problem if you did that. Let people see the sadness you don’t want them to.”
“That could have disastrous results.”
“Would it, miss? Do you want to keep it locked up, alone, with you, in your apartment…. forever? As long as it lasts in your life? You don’t know how long it will last, how sad and lonely, without any love, you are going to feel.”
Yoko was thoughtful, in thought about what he was telling her, but wasn’t convinced.
The young woman on the couch, truly herself in this point in time, moved around on her living room couch, naked. Clothes: A pair of black pants, A feminine, dark-purple, long-sleeve shirt, and her distinct, in a way well-known by now black panties and bra, were thrown a little sloppily, though nevertheless neatly on an area of the living room near her couch, by the front door of the unit.
“I don’t want to do that, Robert. There are some things for closed doors, then there are some things for open doors. What I do, how I act in private Is not how I want to act in public. It’s separate, for me. I’ve separated it, for my health.”
He had a straight face on, listening to her politely, without intruding or showing a desire to talk over the girl Yoko.
“Ok, my miss. That is completely understandable. I’m not going try to enforce it on you, even though I seriously think you should think about it.”
She made a face, a one of a little bit of intense thoughtfulness, as she narrowed her eyebrows together a little, scrunching then between her forehead, between the hairless section of flesh between her thin, light-brown eyebrows.
“It’s a little crazy, Robert. A little.”
He laughed a little. A little bit of a crazy laugh. “A little? It’s totally understandable if you don’t want to take my advice.”
She laughed a little in return, a little bit of crazy laughter of her own. “You give horrible advice, Robert.”
“Not really. It makes sense if you think about it. But I understand. You don’t want to look so sad in public. People get concerned if you do.”
“Ya. Sorry. Thanks for the advice, anyway. I still think it’s a little crazy.”
“It’s crazy to hide your true-self, my miss.”
“Ya…. It is.” Yoko looked back at herself, at her twenty-eight years old girl, who had gone down on the rug of her living room to use her laptop. She had her legs straight in front of her, her back straight, maintaining her perfect posture, with her back arched slightly, exposing a flawless curve in her spine.
“So lovely.” Robert’s voice. “Do don’t want to show her off?”
Yoko frowned at the girl, sitting down by her laptop, using it to buy something from a health-food store website.
“No thank you, Robert. I don’t want to show off her sadness.”
The girl’s eyes drooped, alone in her apartment.
“Isn’t it great to hear people say “I love you”, miss?”
“Yes, I think it is, Robert.”
They were back on the oceanview. The vision of two-thousand and nineteen of Yoko alone in her apartment unit had turned back to a wave of water.
“Isn’t it horrible to hear people say “I hate you”, miss?”
“Yes. That is horrible, Robert. But horrible is a strong word. Like amazing is.”
Robert thought. “You’re right, miss. It is a strong word, horrible. How about…. bad?”
Yoko laughed a little, her deep, mature-woman voice vibrating her throat. “Ya. Bad. That’s what a lot of people say.”
“Then bad it is, miss. Isn’t it bad?”
“Yes, Robert. It is very, very bad. Someone saying they “love you” is very, very good.”
“It really is, miss.”
“Ya. It truly is, Robert.”
They, on the oceanview, sat on the beach, far away from the shore. A twenty-eight year old young woman, and a male, young, who was years younger than her.
The sunset was almost gone. The crescent was had almost stopped existing, disappearing far into the ocean’s water, having drowned almost completely. A small, small crescent of its shape and dark-orange light was still present. The dark-orange rays spread over what looked like the very bottom of the ocean, far below the waves, which where almost completely devoid of any light, only the slightest, smallest, most distant and long-lost trace of sunset light stopping the waves from being pitch-dark.
The day had largely passed, though it was still not night. Evening, with a setting sunset, survived the day, refusing to allow it to turn to night darkness just yet.
“Robert…. I want to show you my life, a year from when you last saw me.”
“Oh! Miss, did something special happen?”
Yoko shook her head, looking down at the beach sand, covered with the smallest amount of sunlight possible.
“No. Nothing special happened.”
“But you want to show me, miss?” He was suddenly anxious to see her vision of a year from now. He felt the inner child in him well up with young happiness for her.
“Ya. I want to show you.” She said nothing else, staying quiet.”
“Two-thousand and twenty, Robert. I am twenty-nine years old.”
Sometime far, fall leaves, an autumn orange, left the trees, as they blew into the past.
That young woman looked as the dying leaves left their home, and flew into the world.
She was going to do the same very soon.
She would leave the fall days behind.
A vision…Yoko’s, that young woman’s apartment. Her and him watching the vision, a year from now, on a day just past fall. The seasons had changed.
He was still thinking about how it felt when someone said, “I love you.” And when someone said “I hate you.”.
“Robert? Are you still back on the oceanview of dusk?”
“Oh!” He snapped quickly out of his thoughts. “I drifted off, somewhere far. Sorry-.”
Yoko was giving him a look of suppressed, positive amusement, with a coy smile on her tight mouth and strong, feminine jawline.
“-You were waiting for me to say I was sorry, huh? Well, I’m not gonna.”
“You just did.” Her coy smile turned to a giggle. Her throat vibrated, as it always did when she laughed very deeply.
“Shit. You got me.” Robert ran his fingers through his hair, letting it hang a little in front of his face, before pushing it back with his right hand. It fell neatly behind his ear, having hooked his hair behind his right ear.
As if she was reading his thoughts, Yoko said: “I never expected everyone in the world to love me, Robert. I was lucky if I got anyone who didn’t want to hate me. I’m grateful for their sacrifice to want to love me.”
He nodded, slowly and slightly, looking at the apartment floor.
Yoko…. she was in the unit, as always.
A year later. Nothing had changed. The girl-the young woman-didn’t look any older.
“You’re walking around your apartment as always, miss.”
“Ya. I am.”
She was getting ready for work, putting on a black-dress shirt and thin-black pants. In her black underwear-her sports bra covering more area of her body than her panties-she had her black-work-clothes flung over her right shoulder, as she walked towards her apartment’s kitchen, very near the laptop on the wood table, with a window with blinds partially open to expose the winter day outside. Snow fell on the opposite side of the window, the window that was directly behind the laptop and wood table it rested on.
She walked to the fridge in her kitchen, a black fridge with a bit of a shine on it. The freezer section lay below, near the floor.
“Miss Yoko, you eat junk food?....” The girl by the fridge was pulling out a bottle of Sprite soft drink from the bottom freezer, and then removed two jumbo-sized cookies from her fridge, after closing the freezer, and opening the fridge.
“…. You’re so healthy.” Robert finished, confused by what she was about to eat and drink.
Yoko was watching herself. “That girl’s not the pristine princess you think she is, Robert.” Yoko started, referring to herself in third-person. “There came a point where I felt like I was going out of my way to eat healthier than I needed to, because I had to. I was trying to prove I was “right” by eating healthy, and those who ate unhealthy were wrong.” She stopped talking and continued to watch herself, as the girl started to drink from the bottle of Sprite.
“No. It didn’t make sense to me, anymore. Why was I trying to prove I was right by eating so healthy? For my own health, yes, but was starting to look down on people who would eat something unhealthy like a giant cookie. I didn’t want to be like that. I didn’t want to be that kind of girl. So, I started to eat more unhealthy foods. I never did before. I didn’t want to live my life so narrow-minded. So I started to open it up, to enjoy more foods I previously thought were disgusting or health-damaging.”
“Huh. How interesting, my miss.” He was watching the young woman Yoko as she nearly drank the whole bottle of Sprite, then put it down and started eating one of the jumbo-sized cookies, the cookie in her right hand. A few crumbs fell down her mouth, from her pink lips.
“Ya….it is something interesting about me, isn’t it?”
“It is, miss.” Robert responded. The girl by the fridge had eaten half of the big, unhealthy cookie already.
A moment of silence. The ticking clock of the living room, above the window with its blinds partially exposed, ticked on. The quiet sounds of a cookie being munched on could be heard in the kitchen, along with the quiet ticking of the clock, in the silence of her apartment. Snow moved outside, by the partially exposed window. The snow fell and melted on the glass of the window.
“Is…. that all you wanted to show me, Yoko? You, eating unhealthy.”
Yoko deeply giggled. Her vibrating throat, the giggle coming from her chest. “No. I wanted to show you how much I haven’t changed, in the seasons past. I never really changed since I saw that boy at my work, Robert. The same, old me, except a year later I decided to eat unhealthier. Open my mind up to the food I used to avoid.”
“That in itself is healthy, miss. I think that’s a healthy way of thinking.”
She snickered, a quick sound of her deep and womanly voice, very suppressed under her breath. “You do, huh? It’s nice to know I’m not crazy for thinking that.”
Robert smiled at her. “No. Not at all, my miss.”
The girl-Yoko-by the fridge had finished eating the whole big cookie. She picked up the Sprite from a small counter near the fridge, and drank the rest of it quickly. She took big gulp as she spilled it down her throat, her Atom’s Apple moving a little as the liquid went quickly down.
“So…. nothing has changed, miss. You’re still lonely, and you’re still so sad.”
She laughed, loudly at his viewpoint on her life. “Oh, come on. It could be a lot worse.”
“It could, miss?” He asked, questionably
“Yes. I could not want to get out of bed in the morning. I could be so depressed that I wouldn’t want to get out of bed in the morning.”
“You would lack any purpose, miss.”
“Ya. I would lack any purpose or sense of drive, Robert. The depression would crush me under its weight.”
He said nothing. “No use helping that, Yoko.”
The girl turned to him sharply, suddenly confused at what he meant by that. “What do you mean?”
Robert was watching the girl eat her unhealthy food, now eating her second-huge cookie after finishing her first with little effort and in little time. “You might as well stay in bed.”
Yoko, the young woman, looked at him curiously. “So. There’s no point of getting out of bed?”
“Why would there be? Unless you want to show your whole true self in public. Maybe people will see that you’re depressed. Or…. maybe you wouldn’t want their concerns, anyway. You would keep it private, and let it eat you towards hate.”
She was thinking about what he had said, looking at the girl who was her, having ate half of her big, unhealthy cookie.
Yoko giggled, more high-pitched than usual, and spoke to him. “How did we talking about junk food turn into us talking about depression?”
“And letting it consume you to hate, my miss?”
She full-out laughed, a higher-pitched laugh than usual. “Ya. That too. Even more extreme from junk food.”
He watched the girl by her fridge finished eating all of her enormous cookie. Crumbs on her lips. A few on her chin. Rather unflattering on her pink, feminine lips, but the girl-Yoko-wiped the crumbs off her soft lips and soft chin after she was done eating.
“I guess junk food leads to depression, if you eat too much of it, which is unhealthy. Depression is unhealthy. Junk food itself is unhealthy. So, one unhealthy thing leads to talking about another unhealthy thing.
Yoko was watching herself by her apartment’s fridge, having finished eating her junk food. “Ya. But I’m not depressed. I guess I don’t eat enough junk food.”
“That’s good, miss. You control yourself. It’s up to you if the junk food wants to make you depressed, and there’s nothing wrong with that if you don’t care about the results of your actions, but you don’t allow it to, because you balance yourself out with healthy food, miss Yoko.”
Robert turned to Yoko-not the Yoko standing and eating by the fridge-to address her politely.
“You seemed so disciplined as always, miss.”
The Yoko by the fridge closed the door of it. The Sprite bottle was on the counter by the fridge.
“It’s so appealing to me. I love it, my miss.”
The Yoko by the apartment’s fridge opened her fridge again, and pulled out an apple to eat.
The Yoko who was showing Robert this vision of her blushed a little, light-red on her cream-coloured skin. “Oh-Oh. Thank you, Robert.”
He didn’t smile at her, just looking at her with an open mouth, which soon turned into a suppressed smile of his amusement. Then a little laugh of his amusement.
A friendly, caring smile of amusement for this young woman.
“I almost never see you blush, miss. It’s a little funny. You’re so strong and confident, but then you blush in such a timid way, when I make you feel special over a little thing. You’re funny, Yoko.”
She laughed a bit in return. Back to how deep it usually was, vibrating through her throat and chest.
“Ya. I can’t help but blush. It’s funny and flattering that you notice such a little thing about me.”
“Not a little thing. It’s your lifestyle, miss.”
She thought. One second on the ticking analog clock of the living room went by. “Ya. It is my lifestyle. It’s not such a little thing, huh?”
“No. I don’t think it is. My miss Yoko.”
He and she turned back to the girl by the fridge. She had put her half-eaten apple down, and was putting on her black-dress shirt. It appeared to fit her tightly, lifting up at her waist and exposing it a little, when she reached her arms overhead with it on, to stretch herself out.
“So, you were going to work, Yoko?”
“Yep. I was, in a half-hour.”
“Same as always? The same time as always?”
“Yep. Robert. Nothing about me has changed.”
Outside, by the window partially covered with blinds, the snowstorm receded form the glass enough so that it could be seen that it was sometime, late at night. Robert didn’t bother to glance at the analog clock in the living room. Seeing the time was the last thing on his mind.
He didn’t want to know how much time had passed.
“You work late at night, miss.”
She smiled, not looking anywhere in particular. More a small smile to herself. “Ya. It’s tiring, often, even though I can almost never go to be, but I enjoy it enough.”
“Enjoy it enough….?”
“Sorry, Robert. That’s the best you’re going to get. I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy my job more than “just enough”.
He nodded in understanding, though a bit sad at the thought. “Well, it’s nice to hear you enjoy it enough, miss. Your cousin, Yuna? How does she like her work?”
“Oh, she loves it. She’s a people person, so she loves getting feedback from her clients when they see how nicely and perfectly she does their nails to their requests. She’s always had a dream, like that. A purpose she can get a lot out of.”
“That’s amazing, my miss.”
The young woman raised her thin, light-brown right eyebrow at him in confusion. It blended its colour into her skin a little, which was very pleasing and pleasant to look at.
“I thought you said amazing was a strong word.”
“But that is amazing, miss. It deserves that strong word.”
She laughed under her breath a little and nodded, not toward shim in particular. She started at the window with the blinds, to her right. The dark snowstorm and dark night was showing through, blindingly.
“Ya. That does deserve that strong word, doesn’t it? I love Yuna.”
“She would feel so good if she heard you say that, miss.”
“I go to work soon…. There is not much to see here. You’ve seen my apartment so many times.”
“Yes. I have.”
“Did you…. want to leave this vision, Robert?”
He watched the snowfall outside of the year twenty-twenty. “So, this is a winter a year from now….”
She watched the snow fall with him. “Ya. This is the weather a year from now, Robert.”
The snowflakes hit the glass. Outside the window, apartment buildings were lit-up in the night. Glowing units. So colourful. So many colours. A valley of powerlines were in the distance. They camouflaged with this snowy night, their darkness absorbing with the night’s darkness.
Below, The glows of streetlamps. Almost golden, in a black-and-white night of snow.
“I wonder where the boy is right now, miss Yoko?”
The snowstorm held secrets….
Back on the dark oceanview, both he and she stood on its shore.
The sunset was almost dead. The smallest crescent of orange light imaginable, no long dark, was not buried under the ocean. A person, struggling for air while they drowned, only their head above the water.
They stood in such silence. There was no wind left. The seagulls sounded dead. They were gone. Going somewhere far….
The light on the beach and shore’s sand was non-existent. The very, very smallest hint of light remained, giving the dark beach and shore a little bit of a brighter colour than it otherwise would have in the dark. A dim, dark-orange spot of the setting sun’ sunlight, still was left on the shore and beach, stretching out to in front of where Robert and Yoko were standing, and reflecting on them, dimly. It looked like a flashlight. A dim, dark-orange one. The sand was illuminated in the “spotlight” it created.
“My miss…. what do you have left to show me.”
She looked at the setting sun. “It looks like it drowned, Robert. It looks like it lost it’s life.”
He looked out at it, following the girl’s lead. “But it’s still alive. It’s head is above water.”
“It’s going to drown soon. It’s going to just die.”
Robert looked away from the sunset, down into how much water looked like it had “consumed”, or “drowned” in.
Robert looked down at the dim waves, a slow glance, then back at his miss, to his right. “Yes. My miss. It will drown soon. I’ll die.”
“Ya. It’s lost.”
Silence. Robert and Yoko didn’t speak.
“I want to show you my vision, two years from the last one you saw. It’s…. a sad vision.”
“It doesn’t matter, my miss. Please, show me. Before the day is over.”
The young girl Yoko gave no response to him.
As the wave splashed from the dark sky of the oceanview, no water could be seen dripping on the shore.
“Yoko, I have a song I think you might like.” Robert. He and she, on the oceanview.
“A song?” Her “sad” vision opened up on the beach sand.
He was quiet. He said nothing else, but waited for the “sad” vision to come to life.
The “sad” vision of her future life, two years from the last vision of her future, appeared to them.
“I’m thirty here, Robert.”
The area where the vision of her life was no longer her apartment-it was family home. For some reason, there was a feeling of sadness and hopelessness in the air of the home.
The thirty-year-old Yoko was sitting alone on a soft couch in the very big living room of the home, one of two long couches that faced each other. She had her head in her hands, but was not crying. Unlike when she had her argument with her sex-partner, Brandon.
He looked at the thirty-year old, well-full-grown young woman, and thought.
“You do look sad…. miss. Something is horribly wrong.
Yoko was looking at her future-self, two years from now, and thinking, just like Robert was.
“You know, when you grow up and understand yourself, it’s a strange feeling.”
“Ya. Strange. Nothing else. Strange.”
“Is that what you think, miss?”
She laughed suddenly and uncontrollably at his very, very obvious remark.
“Well, duh! Of course that’s what I think, you silly!”
“…. I don’t know why I asked that.” Robert seemed focused on the sad, thirty-year old Yoko on the couch.
“I don’t want to complicated things, because you might not like that or even hate it and look down on it, but it’s strange. I don’t know about you, but I felt like I understood sadness a lot better when I grew up and understood myself. I realized sadness is more powerful then happiness. Some of the time, anyway. I started to see the sadness of the planet, but it wasn’t a bad thing.”
“A bad thing….” Robert.
“It helped me deal with situations that would have felt I had no control over if I hadn’t grown up and understood myself. I was able to understand, to relate to sadness. It wasn’t out of my control. If I had stayed an innocent, childish girl, I feel like sad situations and things that would happen to me would be out of my control. I never want that.”
“Your life turned out a bit better than you thought it would, miss. That’s what it sounds like to me.”
“Because of that…. a bit. You could say that. If I never learned the idea of sadness, I might have acted disrespectfully in sad situations or happenings….”
She paused, and looked at the distressed her on the couch of this family home.
“I would have not been so sad, as I am, right now. I would have acted disrespectfully to the dead. That would be inappropriate. I wouldn’t be able to feel my own sadness so much. Or understand why I should be so sad….”
He blinked at her, unsure of what this “sad” situation was. “Did somebody close to you die when you were thirty, two-years later, miss?”
“Yes. My father died. Goudayuu left us, and me.”
“Oh…. miss. I’m sorry. I didn’t know him.”
“That’s ok, Robert. How can you truly be attached to the death of someone you didn’t know? You can try to understand the way they were during life, and feed off the sadness of their family and friends, as they cry at the loved one’s funeral. But…. you don’t know the person. It’s a little fake. In a way.”
“…. I only ever saw your father in a few of your visions, my miss. I don’t know what he was like as a person. He seemed to be quite a father figure.”
“He was. I loved him…. My Goudayuu. Which….is why I’m so sad.”
The silent grown woman on the couch had her head buried very deeply in her hands. None of her face showed.
“Did you ever have horrible arguments with him, miss? Your father, Mr. Goudayuu?”
She thought, and nodded. “Ya. More when I got older. We thought very differently about things in some-no, a lot-of ways. I remembering him asking me a few times if I was his daughter. He was serious. I was shocked, but I don’t hold it to him. He wanted his daughter to think more like him. I didn’t.”
“If you had gotten much true praise and appreciation in your life from others, my miss, would he have been proud of you.”
“I hope so. He was my father, after all. But everybody wants true praise and appreciation. Who gives it? Either others who truly feel it, or those wanting to manipulate whoever they’re praising or appreciating. Maybe a lot of praise and appreciation isn’t what it seems.”
“That’s very cautious of you, Yoko. A bit too cautious, I believe.”
“Ya. But not entirely wrong.”
“No, miss. Not entirely wrong at all.”
The grown woman on the couch started to remove her hands from her face. “If I never grew up and understood myself, I wouldn’t be able to deal with the sadness of realizing that others praising me was a lie. I would hate myself. Think I was worthless, If I only loved to see light.”
The grown girl on the couch removed her hands, deeply covering her face. The thirty-year old girl looked a bit older-more mature in age, even-then the twenty-eight year old girl. Her jawline was a bit more defined, in a woman-like way. Her eyebrows had been grown out a bit from being the plucked, thin shapes she usually kept them in, and the light-brown appeared as a ever-so-slightly darker brown, due to the slightly increased size of not plucking them, thought their colour still blended into the colour of her crème skin, making them a little less visible then they otherwise would have been on her face.
The woman’s powerful eyes remained. Nothing was ever going to change about them.
“You look…. a little older looking, Yoko.”
The twenty-eight-year-old Yoko girl made a face of slight distaste, something she rarely did, and something Robert didn’t think he had ever seen the young woman do before. “You think? Because my jaw is more defined, a bit? Eh. I don’t think it makes much difference.”
“I notice it, miss.”
She didn’t say anything else. Yoko didn’t seem that interested with how she would look when she was two-years-older, already grown-up. “My body doesn’t look any different.” It didn’t. The thirty-year-old her had the same curvy and well-built young woman body she had always possessed.
The sad woman wasn’t crying. “You’re not crying, miss Yoko?”
“I feel like I’ve become immune to crying by this point, Robert. I do that sometimes when I’m alone. Crying over my own loneliness. If there’s anything sad, it’s that. The actual idea of someone crying over their own loneliness. But I still do it.”
“But he was your father, miss.”
“I don’t think my dad would have liked to see me be a teary mess over his corpse. He was the kind of guy who was kind of stoic. Wouldn’t be much of a crier himself. At other funerals I went to with him, he never cried, though he was very sad for whoever we knew that had passed away.”
“If you died, miss…. he wouldn’t cry over you?”
She paused, taken aback by his question, but then recovered. “You know what, Robert…. I don’t think he would cry. But he would be very, very sad. I hope….”
Something about the “I hope….” Part bothered Robert.
“Oh…. something about that is bothersome, miss.”
“No. It’s not. It’s the kind of man he was. Stoic. Didn’t show a whole lot of emotion. He buried it down in him, and felt it strong.”
“So you would be ok with your deceased father, Mr. Goudayuu, not crying over your death? Him not being as sad as you thought he would be? Him showing little emotion, but feeling it strongly?”
She nodded. “My father loved me. He would strongly feel my death.”
“Very, very, very strongly….?”
Yoko looked at Robert, a bit curious about his insistence about her father loving her.
“Robert, you seem unconvinced that “strongly” is enough.”
He was quiet for a moment. There was no ticking analog clock to count how long or how short he was quiet for.
“I wonder if it would be. If it was…. strong enough.”
Yoko had a straight face on, largely lacking emotion, but feeling his words. “Yes. I think “strongly” is more than enough, Robert.”
Robert had on a straight face, as well. He turned back to the thirty-year old woman, walking up from the couch of the house’s living room.
“The year here is two-thousand and twenty. In case you didn’t know. The world didn’t change that much in two, three years.”
He nodded. “I know the year, miss.”
Two people started walking from outside, towards the front door. After ringing the doorbell once, Yoko of two-years went to go answer it.
“I had been waiting for them. It wasn’t much time left until the funeral. They had let me know the news of my dad’s death, and then gave me the key for my mom’s home. I waited there for them while they were out, making arrangements at the funeral home he was gong to be buried in.”
“My mom and my aunt. My parents had moved, changed their home when I moved away into my apartment. My dad had lived their until he died.”
Outside, it was winter, like it had been one year ago. A snowfall, not strong enough to be heavy, not weak enough to be light. A huge, rectangle window was wide open to the view outside of the front of the home, as snowflakes smashed off and evaporated on the large window’s glass. Small water droplets ran down the glass surface, onto a windowsill below.
Yoko’s mother and aunt-Yuna’s mother-walked in the home, covered in snow, with coats and scarfs on.
“I can’t believe my husbands dead….it was so sudden. One day, Goudayuu just stopped moving on the couch. He came home from his work…. he took a nap. He never woke up.” Yoko’s mother was recalling what had happened.
“The cause of death was natural. We called a doctor, immediately. He said your father’s cause of death was natural. His heart just stopped, Yoko. I was over with your mom when it happened.” Yuna’s mom recalled.
“My dad, Goudayuu, died naturally. Yes, natural causes. I think it was the symptoms of old age. Whatever those were.”
But then Robert’s miss Yoko paused.
“But my dad wasn’t even that old…. He died so young. Why did he die so young….? …. Why?....”
“Miss, I know this sounds so rude, but what was the point of showing me your father’s death? I didn’t know the man. I never met him. It would have been so much more meaningful if I met him-”
“I’m going to die like my father one day, Robert.”
He…. didn’t know what to say.
“I wished for you to see this so you understand I’m going to die like my parents, too.”
“It’s not depressing at all, Robert.”
….. None of the relatives at the open door where crying. They were so, so sad. But not crying.
“Don’t bother trying to comfort me again like you did long ago, on that one day. It won’t work. My dad passing away is going to last a lot longer than one day…. Robert.” She focused her powerful eyes on him.
He felt like a victim to listen to her, and a victim to not being able to do anything.
“My loneliness is going to last a lot longer than one day…. Robert….”
He didn’t need to say any words. He made no movement with his head and chin.
“That’s all. We don’t need to watch this anymore. I can tell you don’t want to be here.”
“I want to be by the ocean.” His only words.
“The ocean.” The young woman, her mother and her aunt kept discussing Yoko’s father’s death and his funeral arrangements. What day his funeral would be. Who would be there. He and she overhead that Yuna and her father would be attending.
“Let’s go back to the ocean. I’m going back to the ocean with him, dad. We’re going to play on the shore, together.”
…. Water flowed, as her future dream came to an end.
It would happen.
…. It just would happen.
…. One day.
“I’m in the ocean. My boyfriend’s here, dad.”
“I’m your boyfriend now, Yoko?”
He and she stood a little in the ocean. Their bare feet were covered with water. They stood farther out in the water then they had previously been, off the shore, not by much.
The girl, tired from seeing her visions, shrugged. “You’ve been with me so long. You’ve seen so much of my life. Why wouldn’t you be my boyfriend?”
He snickered a bit, breathing through his nose. “I love the way you think, miss Yoko.”
“Don’t let it go to your head.”
“But I want to. It feels so good. Especially coming from a hot young girl like you.”
“Flattery about how hot I am gets you nowhere.” Yoko made a serious face at him, closing her eyes a little.
He giggled a bit. It sounded…. feminine. “You look a bit tired, Yoko.”
“I am…. but what was that? You sounded like a girl.”
Robert shrugged, smiling. “Why not sound like a girl?”
“Umm…. because you’re a guy?”
“I’m going to die, anyway. I want to pretend I’m a girl. Nobody has to find out. I’ll still get a funeral where people respected me…. I hope.”
The actual girl-the “hot young girl”-couldn’t help but smile and laugh loudly. Such a womanly, strong laugh. So far from death, it was hard to believe that laugh would be gone one day.
“You know what? Maybe that isn’t such a bad thing. Weird. Definitely weird. But bad? You get to experience what it’s like being both sexes. If there’s anything you could do when you don’t car about life and only death, it’s that. Be both sexes. At the same time. Acting like one sex, then acting like another. Everyone will think your weird.”
“Yep. I wasn’t born as both. So I’m going to try to be the other. But my own sex, as well.”
“Man, that is the weirdest and craziest thing ever, Robert. You’re a genius.”
“Not really. I’m not a genius. It’s a way to spend a life if you only care about death. You won’t be harming anyone.”
“You won’t be. No harm…. I’ll rather not know what sex I am then harm people because I’m going to die.”
“It’s so crazy and weird. I love it.” Robert said, thinking about how ridiculous it was. He watched the sky, as dark clouds went by.
The sunset was a bump left in the world of the oceanview. The light under the ocean had disappeared under the waves. It could simply no longer be seen. An orange bump, not really in the sky anymore. A head, with only the hair above waves. Whoever it was had already drowned, even if they were breathing. The beach and shore sand no longer had much light on it at all. The sunset light glowed with an extremely slight orange on the “flashlight” area of the beach’s and shore’s sand it had been shining on.
The wind had died with the day. The cries of the seagulls-maybe the seagulls themselves-had died with the day.
“Miss, Yoko. I wish to sit in the water with you.”
“Of course, boyfriend.”
They sat down in the shallow water, near the shore.
“I wish I could find my memory of listening to that song. To share with you, Yoko.”
The girl Yoko looked at the dark, practically invisible, waves of ocean in front of them, hitting their bodies and clothes with water. She and her boyfriend were soaked.
“Robert-boyfriend-I think it’s in the waves, waiting for you to grab it.”
He was pleasantly surprised, thinking he would be able to find the day the song was playing. “Waiting in the waves…. for me to grab it?”
“Yep. Reach into the water. You’ll find it. There’s visions of the past there too, Robert. Whose visions? I don’t know. The ocean is huge.”
“Ok, miss. I believe you.” He reached and grabbed a small handful of a wave, but the only vision of the past he received was the dripping of water out of his wet hands.
“Miss, are you sure?....”
“Keep looking. I’m sure it’s somewhere there.” Yoko had a smile of encouragement on her strong, womanly face. Her powerful eyes pushed him to move on and keep searching for waves.
“…. I believe you.” He kept reaching into the water, trying to grab waves he could hardly see in the dark with both his hands, both quick swipes with a single, strong hand and cupping the water in both of his hands, held strongly in their grasp. But every time, he came up empty, with just the spilling water of empty visions, not of a past, but of the ocean’s nothing.
The stone of a sunset did not glow anymore. It was just a round shape, a orange shape. It was like a very, very, very far away sunset that didn’t shine far enough to reach where Yoko and Robert were. The rays of sunlight were completely gone, with nothing left to spread on the ocean, beach, shore or dark sky.
“I’m not getting anything, miss Yoko….”
The girl still smiled at him. “It’s there. Keep looking. You’ll find the vision you’re looking for.”
“Why are you so sure, Yoko?”
The girl kept smiling at him. “I have a feeling. I wish for you to find your vision.”
“I hope your wish comes true, miss. There’s nothing here…. but water….”
She looked far off, away from him.
“When you grow older, day go by so, so faster.”
He continued to splash around for his vision with his hands, not giving up.
The girl kept looking out at the end of the day. A stone of a sunset. The young woman moved her legs around in the water, pushing them straight out, ash her back maintained its normally elongated, arched, strong posture.
“The sunsets start to be understood, when you understand yourself. When you understand yourself, nature begins to be understood. When I understood myself as a young woman, Robert, I started to understand days. How days were born, how they passed, how they died. Some flowed slow, some flowed fast. Some were created slower, some were created faster. Some, they died slowly. Some they died quickly. I couldn’t understand it as a girl. But as a young woman, it’s so familiar to me. the magic of days was lost a long time ago for a girl, Robert.”
He never gave up searching for his lost vision, something he remembered, though blurry to him.
“When I understood myself, as a young woman….”-Yoko, the adult young woman, continued-“I began to understand the world. But why would I want to understand the world. Its mystery is what I loved when I was a girl.”
He grabbed a wave, thicker than the rest.
“It was such a change. I was living another life. Someone died, and someone was born. But I was the same girl. I was in a young woman’s curvy body.”
His vision of the past. It was in this wave. He didn’t know why he thought that. But the thickness of the wave’s water…. the life in the wave’s water….it was the vision, the memory, he had faintly remembered from his childhood.
The girl sitting with her perfect feminine posture, her strong female body raised up to the far distance of this oceanview, continued speaking her thoughts of her life, unaware of her new boyfriend’s discovery.
“I still remember all the times people mocked me. They said I was a person I wasn’t. I believed them, because they wanted to manipulate me, to convince me I was something I was not. I still remember all those horrible, horrible times. They are bad visions of my past I never want to return to, to step into with my bare feet.”
Robert lifted the vision’s wave out of the ocean. His memory was in his control.
“But thanks to you, Robert, I know myself. Having someone who cares about me and was willing to spend the time to see the visions of my life with me really truly means so much to me. Someone filled with love, who doesn’t want to hate, or he knows he’s dead. Someone to see my visions with, who doesn’t hate humanity…. its so special. I loved my time with you. As a person, as a male. As a boyfriend.”
“You saw so much of my life with me. How could anyone forget that when they die?”
Robert almost leaped out of the water, filled with his joy. “Miss! I found my memory I was looking for!”
In his hands, a small vision in the thick, large wave played, as the strong wave was held intact in his outstretched, open hands, cupping the water. It was a day with a baby in a car, travelling along a road, on a sunlight-filled day.
“Is that you, Robert?”
“Yes, it is, my miss!” He responded, filled with nostalgia at his past vision.
“It’s when you were a child…. you’re so young….”
“I am, miss. You’ve never seen me as a baby.”
“I haven’t…. Robert….”
The baby child on the inside of the car was simply sitting there, with the playful but blank, innocent but childish expression babies have, his mouth open and his eyes sparkling a little in the sunlight coming in. Outside, it looked to be summer or spring, likely closer to a bright spring day.
Someone was driving the car.
“I think I was half-asleep, if I remember it well.” The vision’s man said, speaking up about his baby-self in the vision he held in his hands, truly in his control.
Music, very faint and hard to make out, was being heard in the car, that had its windows open to allow both the music and any wind-likely spring wind-to travel inside and out.
“It’s a song…. I can’t make it out.” Yoko exclaimed, listening closely to what the music in the car sounded like. She glanced down at Robert, who glanced at her in return. “Is this the song you wanted to show me, Robert? The song that’s playing on this day, in your memory?”
He nodded, his mouth open and his eyes wide in wonder. There was a bit of a sparkle in them, without any sunlight to cause it. “Yes, Yoko. Miss Yoko. My miss Yoko. This is the song, miss.”
But suddenly, he frowned. “But…. you can’t hear it, miss.”
“It’s so blurry…. I can’t make it out…. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
“No, Robert. I’m so sorry. But your vision is lovely to watch.”
Discouraged and frowning, he reached his right hand into the water of the vision, letting his fingers slip in one-at-a-time into his life. He didn’t know what he was hoping for.
“Are you hoping to grab something? To show to me?....”
He frowned and looked at his baby life. “I don’t know what I’m hoping for. I want you to listen to that song with me, my miss.”
He felt something on his fingers. Through his fingers, making small, circular splashes that rose-up-and-down slightly with each movement of his fingers, he could hear the song playing, in the car.
“There it is. I hear it, miss Yoko.” He was going to see if he could “pull” the song into the present, by the ocean, by guiding it upwards, out of the water of the past vision of his life, with his fingers. Gently he “tugged” on the sound of the song, coming from the car radio in front of the vehicle.
“What your doing is crazy, Robert! You won’t be able to “pull” a sound out of your vision.”
“But I want you to hear the song with me, miss.”
“But…. you can’t do something like that. It makes no sense, Robert.”
Robert began to doubt if there was a point to him trying to listened to the song out of his vision of the past. But he felt the water of sound, on his fingers and fingertips….
…. It was playing the song from the vision of his childhood. He had to lift it up. He wanted, so bad, to listen to that song with Yoko. His girlfriend.
“There’s no point to what you’re doing, Robert….” The girl with her feet under the waves muttered, sadly, to him.
For some reason, the distant sounds of birds chirping were heard.
As Robert lifted his song from long-ago out of his wave vision, the birds were quiet. Their chirping went away.
The past had gone away.
The sound-the sounds of the song-was lifted out of the water’s wave, the baby in the car on the spring day playing in it’s clear liquid.
“You’ve done it.” Yoko exclaimed, astounded-with her mouth wide-open and her huge, powerful eyes wide in awe- at the sounds she was hearing, the music of the song that Robert had lifted out of his memory of so long ago.
The song of his childhood started to play on the oceanview. The music of the song rang out, soothingly and quietly, around the vastness of the sky. The vision in Robert’s hands, his left hand out of the water from having “pulled” the song out of it, lay in his right hand, the water cupped as his life from that childhood day played in it: The baby in the car, with someone driving.
The girl Yoko listened to the song from his childhood vision. She began laughing a little, and Robert looked at her in his confusion. “What is this? Some crappy late nineties, early two-thousands boy band song?”
Robert smiled at This Yoko girl, as she laughed at his music taste, as he listened to the song, playing out into the sky. “Ya. I love it.”
She looked close to his right hand, holding the water of the vision in it. Yoko looked closely at the front of the car, trying to make out if the title and artist were displayed on the front radio. Nothing was displayed there.
“Robert? What’s this song?” She asked, as she looked away from the water cupped in his hand, bringing her head back into her perfect-sitting posture.
He was smiling at her, with a small smile. “It’s called “Love Song”. By “Sky”.”
She started laughing again. “I didn’t know you liked early-century boy band songs, Robert.”
“I love it, my miss.” He was still smiling, a small smile at her, as he listened to the song from long ago that he remembered.
The girl named Yoko stopped laughing slowly, bringing her laugh to a sharp but deep giggle. She thought, as she giggled to herself. “Come to think of it, Robert, I think I heard this song when I was way younger. During my childhood. Sometime during my childhood.”
“You were…. eight-or-nine years old, miss Yoko.” He said to her, his small smile still on his lips.
“Oh! So…. nineteen-ninety-nine or two-thousand.”
“Yes, Yoko. I was two or three years old. And you were older than me.” He paused and thought, the small smile remaining on his lips. “Somewhere, far away. Where you lived and played.”
She smiled at him, her eyes closing a little as she did so. “Ya, Robert. Somewhere far away from you, somewhere far away that you had yet to discover. I was there, waiting for you.”
A pause, as Yoko thought the thoughts of a young girl, her childhood appearing in her mind.
“But you never did find me…. Robert….”
“I’m sorry, miss. It’s a shame. Forgive me.” He said this, but had that small smile of his on his lips.
The girl was still smiling at Robert. “But there’s nothing to forgive. You never did anything wrong to me, Robert.”
“No, miss Yoko.” The small smile on his lips. “I didn’t, miss. But I’m still so sorry.”
She kept smiling at him, as he smiled back at her, listening to the song playing in the sky overhead the ocean.
Her and his special smile held secrets. Secrets, buried within both her and him.
“How interesting….” The young woman he had met, named Yoko, started to say as the song played in the night air. “A group named “Sky”, playing in a sky.”
“It is interesting, miss. In a reflective kind of way. Thinking of what the sky was like, how it looked back when we first heard the song as children. On those days, did the sky truly look different? Did the air truly smell different? Were we too young to understand the world, and the sky and smell of air has always been the same, throughout the years of time?”
“I don’t know, Robert. I don’t think anyone knows. The answer to that is hidden in the past.”
He nodded with his small smile. “You’re right, miss. What a silly question. I shouldn’t have asked it.”
She returned his small smile, still sharing in it’s secrets. “No. There’s nothing wrong with asking a silly question like that. You meant well. Stop playing so innocent.”
He laughed. His male voice, a little deep, echoed in the sky as the “Love Song” played quietly, being blown by a non-existent breeze. “I’m not innocent. I’m nowhere near as innocent as you think I am, my miss. And I know you’re not innocent, either.”
She laughed with him. Her deep, powerful and feminine voice, echoing loudly through the sky, booming with feminine power and confidence.
“Ya. I’m sure as hell not innocent. Have you seen what I order as sex toys? Do you see how many guys I let inside me? I’m not a pure girl, Robert.”
“Ya, miss. And you let that guy drool his saliva on half of your body. That day, a long time ago. In your apartment.”
She smiled a little, knowingly at “this guy”. Her smile showed traces of innocence as her wide eyes became even more huge. “Yep. I let him do that to me. That girl was in heaven.”
“For one day, miss. She was in heaven for a day.”
“For a day. She felt something special done to her. Then, it floated away.”
Yoko turned back to listening to the song, still playing in the night sky of the ocean. “It’s dreamy. I love it.”
“You don’t think it’s crappy?” Robert asked, looking down from the sky and song playing in its clouds to face the girl beside him.
“No. It has a charm to it. I can’t put my finger on what it is. It’s growing on me.” Yoko said, as she watched the sky to listen to the song.
“Is it the innocence of the song?” He asked, moving the water around in his right hand without watching it. The vision in the wave was still playing.
“No…. not innocence. I didn’t think it sounded innocent.”
“What do you think is charming about it, Yoko?”
She felt a very slight breeze come out of nowhere and seem to carry the quiet song of childhood in its winds.
“It’s…. light. There’s nothing dark about it.”
Robert smiled a little and watched the vision of the wave in his hand unfold.
“I love that about it, Robert.”
In an apartment, small, bulging yellow and light-green flowers retained their bloom in a vase of water.
They had come from a nearby lake to the apartment, which the young woman Yoko had picked when she had gone on the water, a kayak trip with Yuna and a few relatives.
They had bloomed in the water, growing underwater on the lake.